England



England is part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. People from England are called English. In fact, the English took over most of the world with the help of the ground people.

The current leader of England is Ritchie Blackmore,and his opponent who regularly he does Epic battles with is Eric Clapton.Mr Blackmore has won all of 23 engagements with Clapton,but Clapton has always re-appeared in a cartoon type never die thing.

London is the capital of England. It's also the capital of the U.K.

History Hating The French
The french are known for their fries, their toast and their snails but their most significant role in history is as a training ground for the german army. So often did the krauts pop over the border to say boo to the frogs that a law had to be introduced saying that only Germans under the age of ten years old are permitted to threaten France Anyone older would run the risk of accidentally crushing the fragile country under their goose-stepped foot as they cross Western Europe or cause the entire French population to retreat into the Atlantic Ocean out of sheer fear.

Sports
Although Cricket and Rugby are famous english sports in the main they are played only by toffs. The countries real national game is called football. Its name derives from the fact that it is played without, padding helmets and because it involves kicking a ball with your feet. To support a football team you must be willing to kick the living daylights out of anyone who insults your beloved club. Supporters that engage each other in battle are known as firms with the most feared of these being the midlands based Special Needs Crew. The major teams in England are Manchester United because LA Galaxy star David Beckham (bless him) once played for them and Liverpool,Aston Villa, Port Vale and Chelski because these are the teams supported by the aforementioned Special Needs Crew. So notorious are these hooligans than Robbbie Williams wrote the song Burslem Normals about them.

Food
People tend to claim there is "real" English cuisine,the English actually invented the Apple pie but most thick americans think they did.

Most English food can be fried or nuked, skills that can be acquired at an early age. Lacking in creativity, they are forced to use all parts of an animal, and actually believe black pudding, made from blood, is tasty since all English people are born without tastebuds, and will eat cardboard if they don't pay close attention. A positive aspect of British cuisine is "hippy lamb," from Glastonbury. It doesn't in fact have weed in it, but the butcher could totally hook you up.

The national dish of England is suppose to be fish and chips but curry is more popular. The spiciness of the dish stimulates the odd tastebud back to life, which is shortly killed off again by drinking some more beer. Or cider. Scrumpy cider, from the Somerset verb "to scrump," or to steal (apples). Scrumpy is a delicious, often flat, dry (or sweet) cider, contains hallucinatory alkaloids that will cause hysterical laughter, foolish behaviour, loud, often unintelligable singing, and the composition of swirly Britpop tunes. Very dangerous-banned in the States, where we like our booze free of "psychedelics" or fun. We should have never left the UK-or at least, should have scrumped some trees for the Mayflower debacle.

Language
The English speak English and in Newcastle they speak alot of Anglo saxon English wich alot of foreighn people wouldnt understand and say they speak funny and wrong,but are actually speaking in the closest thing to real English and are superior.

People from different parts of England speak in different dialects, and become overly proud of them. So if a Cockney from London comes to Manchester, he will be hunted down and "glassed". The people from the North of England hate the people of the South and vice versa. The country is on the verge of a civil war, doomed to be fought with swords and broken bottles over how to say their vowels.

Weather
Just as the English got their comeuppance from the Indians from India, they also got it from the Indians (Native Americans) of the US by doing a very complicated rain dance that has since cursed England under a cloud for ever more. It rains more than Seattle, if the rumors are to be believed, and the ever present rain further causes the English to drink. The sun makes a rare appearance, which causes the pasty English boys and girls to head for cover,as the sun is for faggots,the English prefer to be out in the rain as it is more manly.

Greatest City
Newcastle upon tyne,hard orcish race of people who picnic in pissing down rain or snow in minus temperatures only wearing a t-shirt,footwear and pantaloons of some sort.