Gumby

Gumby is a friend of the bears, and therefore the root of all evil.

In the early 90's Gumby produced and starred in his own children's television program, which was intended to convince the children of Real Americans to ally with the rampaging, godless killing machines.

However, Stephen Colbert headed up a "coalition of freedom" to vanquish Gumby and his ruthless allies to the abyss that some call Canada. During his exile in Canada, Gumby and his faithful steed created the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the bear-loving fiendish organization responsible for organizing all North American bears in their fight against all that is good and holy.

Gumby (and bears) make The Baby Jesus shed tears.