Fire

Fire is a a close relative to the bear, with both being godless and hateful creatures. And, even though they are both mindless killing zombie humanoids fire and bears are mortal enemies. That is why fire feels so hot when you touch it, because it is  always pissed off, (due to an enlarged medula oblingota) when in reality fire is only a chilly 45.1 degrees fareighnheight. Aside from bears fire has another enemy, its brother, ice. Ice is very hot and although it may feel hard it is actually a gas with an erection, giving it the not soft feel. They will forever be locked in battle with one another, and the epic battle, scientists say, will be the cause of the extinction of the human race. In conlusion, that is why my dog eats his own fecal matter.