Glenn Beck


 * "AWWWWW YEAH, YA SICK TWISTED FREAK!"
 * &mdash;Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck, is an American reporter who has his own show on CNN. For an entire hour, Glenn explains why he is right, and you are wrong, about everything. Glenn also enjoys shooting endangered species, in much the same way Dick Cheney enjoys shooting quails and hunting buddies.

HAPPY FEET GATE
Happy Feet was a movie to promote Al Gore's doomsday agenda. In the winter of 2006, Beck began airing repeated warnings of the moment's propaganda found embedded within this child's animated motion picture. America's children were simply too retarded to understand the deep meaning behind this seemingly feel-good nazi footage, thus Beck summoned the support of his non-biased listeners.

It wasn't long before Gore's penguin cult were running rampant through the streets of New York performing blood orgies and other hippie stuff like increasing the minimum way. Glenn Beck discovered a significant amount of slime in the sewers of New York which synthetically reproduced and feed on the endless talks of global warming and climate change. Beck retroactively summoned all 1980's jazzercisers to defend America and it's freedom.

The two forces soon confronted one another and engaged in a pussy-footed melee. Lead by Beck, they soon commenced the best choreographed over-taking of an evil clan in the history of Beck's blatant alcoholism

Like most of Beck's alcoholic delusions, the jazzercisers didn't actually kill the clan but simply flutter kicked and stomped until the penguins were spooked off and ran into the hills. To this day, the penguins are thought to be taking refugee wherever the hell Gore hid after those 2000 elections.

What He Knows
According to Glenn, the following will happen in the near-future:


 * The end of the world
 * World War III
 * Iran will invade Poland.
 * Geraldo Rivera will get hit by a train
 * John Kerry will transform into a fire-truck and call himself Optimus Prime
 * Canada will steal all of America's taffy
 * Glenn Beck will rule the world
 * Poland will invade China. Of course America will be the final winner.
 * Knows Muslims (some of his friends are Muslims, and he has been inside mosques)

Trivia

 * Took about a year to hate 9/11 victims