Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader is the Gail Parker or Ross Perot of the filthy, filthy liberals. Nader is such a commie pinko that he is green - as in leader of the Green Party. In 2000, he lead the Green Party to an amazing 2% of the general vote! It is obvious this man must be stopped, unless his candidacy siphons votes away from the Democrats, in which case he should be supported whole-heartedly.

As a consumer advocate and shill for Satan, he gained fame for writing a book, Unsafe at Any Speed, against the Corvair, a car manufactured by Chevy that required owners to read the owners' manual. But no one did, so the car caused many fatal accidents all across America. Who needs seatbelts or gas tanks that don't easily explode anyways? Belts just prevent one from being thrown clear of really cool-looking exploding gasoline fireballs.

As a result, Ralph sued everyone, until someone said "uncle." Which few did, but everyone remembered him as a champion for Republican causes like "small government" and "personal responsibility".

Topics Ralph Has Yet To Weigh In On

 * the liberation of Iraq
 * the coming liberation of Iran
 * the PATRIOT Act
 * global warming
 * voting rights
 * NSA domestic warrantless wiretaps
 * torture

Fun Facts

 * Stephen likes Ralph because he splits the liberal vote, unlike Gail Parker who split the Republican vote
 * Stephen's grandmother actually died from not having a seatbelt.
 * Expectations are very high for Mr. Nader's success this, his third time, running for America's decider, you go Ralph, everyone knows you will win this time!
 * is considered the King of Timing as he never appears on TV unless an election is really close or if campaigns start to make sense