Breaking News

HOLY SH#T!!!
EMERGENCY NEWS: GAYS TO TAKE OVER NATION!!!!



DADT DIES, NATION ON DESPAIR

On December 18, 2010 America died. Sources indicates that teh geys have released the deadly Gay Cooties on Washington, DC. under the cover of night, while their residents were sleeping unaware, this was a sneak attack to turn the population gay. With so many politicians now "being friends with Dorothy" they decided it was time to turn America gay(er). Gay Congress sent the Gay Army to kidnap DADT to be drag to the floor of Congress, where it was sodomized on a gay orgy and then mercilessly beaten to death while they watched with delight, Congress allowed DADT to die after so many decades of Patriotic Service to keep us safe from the gay threat. The only patriotic tool that kept our troops safe from harm ways from teh gey threat...

The Gays have won... it is all over for us... Even AlQaeda is surrendering, they are refusing to fight our troops until they see their certification that they are "Not Gay". They are too terrified of getting teh gey...

Is over, the gays are taking over as it was prophesied on the book of Fred Phelps. I should have seeing it, the signs were there. We have a black mooslim president, we have Socialized Medicine, and now we have gays in the military having gay sex openly...

The Un-american Gay Lovers:



 * Susan Collins (R-Maine)
 * Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska)
 * Mark Kirk (R-Ill.)
 * Scott Brown (R-Mass.)
 * Olympia Snowe (R-Maine)
 * George Voinovich (R-Ohio)

John Ensign (R-Nev.) and Richard Burr (R-N.C.) at first fought the gay menace, but then these two cowards surrendered. It is one thing to support your convictions in the face of danger, it is another to be brainwashed and accept their lies. But to cowardly surrender your position hoping the gays will be nicer to you? As far as Wikiality.com knows, these two are now gay sex slaves and we wont be mounting a rescue for their heterosexual honor any time soon.



Happy Gay Christmas, gay people. Looks like Santa Claus is gayer this year and he just gave you a gay gift...





News that the homosexuals are now running wildly on the streets of America with guns has forced this Wikireporter to go back to Argentina, the land of dictators and Evita impersonators. At least they dont allow teh geys on their army... ... ... SON OF A B#TCH! WHEN DID THIS HAPPENED???!!!

Well, at least we were able to stop those lazy Mexicans.

EMERGENCY NEWS: ASK STEPHEN A QUESTION!!!
According to Alexis Ohanian, co-founder of Reddit and friend of the blog, Stephen has made good on his promise to do a Q&A if the DonorsChoose campaign raised over $500,000:



Go to Reddit.com and ask your question!

(The best questions will be answered at some point later this month.)

Ask Stephen Your Question! Or Face The Wrath of Stephen!

Update
Stephen Colbert kept his promise to Reddit after being blackmailed, as a Redditor said, "Stephen is probably “curled up on the couch in a post-turkey coma” on the script-writing software of his iPad."

Bryan Fischer: "God Hates Grizzlies"
Gay Bears the cause of America's Fall

'''The United Socialist States of Bear. November 9, 2010''' -- America is on a crisis. The economy is on the toilet, hippies are stealing our trash, gays are invading our schools, terrorists are undermining America's liberties, Welfare Queens are stealing our money, famine plagues our land, Social Security is broke, and now we have evidence that Bears are going to launch a sekret attack against America sometime tomorrow...

What does this mean for America? It means we are cursed. Yes, America, we had been cursed! No, it is not the mooslims, we checked. It is the bears, the bears have cursed America and unless we kill them all they will kill us first. Which is why we must pick our guns and take the war to the streets until we topple Democratic Congress and we restore... wait, the Democrats dont control Congress?

Nation, I have some good news! Happy days are coming. Sure, things look bad but now that we have the Republicans in charge once again, it is just a matter of time before everything is fixed! This is a glorious day for America!

Still, we should kill all the bears just to be safe...

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel San Francisco. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD GAIA. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel Washington, DC. and from there returned to Samaria Las Vegas." - II Kings 2:23-25 (The Hippie Bear Bible)

TrashCare: The New Socialized Garbage
Hippies are now stealing our trash.

The Redistribution of Garbage:



November 8, 2010 - This is an emergency news to the residents of Fountain Hill, Arizona. We have reports that the Mooslim Administration is launching a sekret program to socialize our garbage! That's right, America's trash is in danger of falling on the hands of communists! Real Americans are hoarders and we are not going to share our trash with hippies!

This is how it happened: A community council, elected by the citizens, held a bunch of hearings or otherwise got a lot of input from its citizens regarding trash collection and the mounting pile of garbage on their streets. The council did a study, analyzed the complaints, and then they let out competitive bids for a task that is vital to the community, included a provision to recycle - a responsible thing to do - and Tea Baggers are pissed because they did not see this one coming! This is not what they asked for! They asked them to solve the Garbage Crisis by implementing free market solutions and instead they are going to socialize our garbage by implementing recycling mandates! Where is the freedom on that?!

The Communist hippies are trying to spread the insidious pagan practice of recycling and saving the Earth by stifling individual rights to consume, pollute, and waste for freedom! Such communist programs are a threat to the free market! Everyone knows that recycling takes away from jobs and reduces waste production thus hurting America's profits. Everyone knows that waste is America's main product.

Americans are constantly buying unnecessary garbage every second that supports our consumerist economy. The reduction of wasteful buying could topple our free market and we cannot allow that. The hippies are sending a message to capitalist Americans by supporting Socialized Garbage: "Stop wasting by buying more stuff and start recycling"

Arizona Tea Baggers are against the new government program that bars free-market solutions to solve Fountain Hill's garbage crisis. The communist government will reward socialist trash collectors to steal our garbage under the cover of the night; even worst, we suspect that Obama's terror troops are studying our garbage to collect intelligence on us for the day he decides to take over Fountain Hill.

In order to preserve our free market and our personal values we must gladly accept higher prices for services, higher local taxes, and decreased our property values by turning them into dumping fields. Only then we can safely breath the air of freedom.

Government Monopoly on Garbage:

The communist government has decided to reward their garbage contract to only a few trash collectors, thus reducing the residents' option of having a free market garbage collector to collect their trash for a higher price. All garbage from now on will be collected by government approved agents thus taking away the individuals right of choosing a more expensive alternative. That goes against Free market principles!

According with Tea Bagging analysts the reduction of garbage collection competition will hurt the local economy as well as the trickle down economics: "The reduction of multiple garbage trucks will reduce road maintenance, cause less pollution and increase air quality, and reduce fuel consumption. The rigorous and constant pick up schedules would reduce garbage piling which will affect the city's rat infestation. This will hurt the construction industry, our health care industry, the big oil industry, and our pest control industry! This is clearly a communist conspiracy to turn us hippies!"

A Recycling Center in Every Landfill:

These Socialized Trash Collection Centers are known for employing secret Al Qaida members who are plotting to overthrow the government by sorting the garbage between plastic #1 and plastic #5. If the program is successful, the mooslim tyrant will scale it Nationwide to assimilate all of our garbage, turning us into a nation of Hippies! (Obama has not yet appointed a Garbage Czar, so it is not too late for us).

I think is time for us to eliminate the Sanitation Department and let the free market solve our garbage crisis.

Socialized Garbage Mandate:


 * Mandatory recycling
 * Mandatory separation of paper, plastic, aluminum, and others.
 * Mandatory Separate bins for recyclables and non-recyclables.
 * Mandatory trash collection for everyone (no exceptions!)
 * Support experimental practices for trash Handling like Composting (which we have no study!)

Stop Socialism
One Real American is already working hard to stop the Socialist Agenda by helping to privatize our justice system.

Update
Now they are after our dirty water and our cancer!!!

Bear News: Hungry Communist Bears Eating Communist Zombies
Hippie Zombie blames Global Warming



'''The Union of Soviet Socialist Communist States of Zombieland. Oktober 31, 2010''' -- Holy Sh#t, this is going to be an awesome Halloween after all. First we have the Fear Rally and now this. According with international correspondants the Communist Bear Army launched a surprise attack against the Communist Zombies Party. The attack was unexpected and it is already causing a stir in Communist Russia.

The Zombie Army has promised that there will be vendetta against the treacherous act against their Zombie brethren, "We were warned about the dangers of having an Alliance with the Bears, but we foolishly believed that we could work together for a strong Soviet Union. I was wrong" declared the Zombie of Joseph Stalin.

Hippie scientists blame Global Warming for the raising Bear attacks against zombies, "Global Warming has damaged the bears food supplies and have forced them to make a very hard choice: either commit an act of cannibalism by eating other bears or to hunt down Zombies and eat their zombie flesh to survive the comming winter. The bears chose to eat Zombies, even cannibalism is a step too far, even for bears."

The Bear-Zombie War was welcoming news for America already frightful of a Bear-Zombie alliance. Real Americans are celebrating the welcoming news by holding a fear festivity tonight, "We are going to dress up as either bears or zombies (or any terrifying creature) and go from door to door asking for donations to help us fight the zombie/bear threat. Of course, payments in the form of sugary treats are acceptable"

Meanwhile, Justice Spock has struck down a bill that would legalize "Zombie Bear Gay Marriage" in Texas, "It's just awful and weird".

Update:

 * Zombie Army succeeds in taking Washington, DC.

Post Rally News:
Libural Media Still Wonders What Was Stewart's Point



'''The Fearfull States of America. October 31, 2010''' - Yesterday it seemed like a dream but today we are assured that it is a nightmare, a nightmare full of fear. Our message of fear has been declared a success, our message of fear is already spreading like a plague to the masses and billions are joining our glorious cause. Billions of truthers descended into the Mall in Washington, DC. to be reminded of the fears that are tearing apart our Nation.

Our rally would had been perfect if it wasnt for Joo-boy, he is starting to become a problem.

Highlight and Lowlights of the Rally:


 * We now suspect that the Mythbusters guys have in their possession a mind control machine. They used their machine on our crowd and the crowd obeyed their commands faithfully. We suspect the Mythbusters will use this machine to create earthquakes to scare America into accepting Science as the new religion.


 * Raising like the Phoenix took the stage and delivered an awesome act of patriotism, calling for fear troops to reign with fear. John Stewart, on the other hand, was still a libural hippie pussy calling for sanity.


 * Stewart brought out Father Guido Sarducci to deliver a benediction. Is he even a real priest? I dont remember seeing him molesting a child on backstage. I am starting to think he is fake.


 * Sam Waterston delivered a stirring rendition of the poem "Are You Sure?" by Reverend Sir Doctor Stephen T. Colbert DFA. It moved me to tears.


 * The Socialist Terror Peace Crazy Love Train was awesome: We need more trains like that.



The Greatest Poem Ever Written

 *  Are You Sure? 
 * Copyright 2010. By the Reverend Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA


 * Did you hear that? No? You're probably going deaf.
 * It's your kids back home. Cooking up some crystal meth.


 * Did you turn off the oven? Did you set the alarm?
 * They still haven't caught the man with one arm.


 * Look around at these people. How safe do you feel?
 * Your car, when you parked, did you lock it?
 * Thinking reasonably now... what are the odds that nobody here's a pick-pocket?


 * That guy who just coughed down your neck... Could he have an infection?
 * The restaurant where you went to brunch - did it fail its health inspection?


 * A mad man could set loose a virus for which there isn't a cure and while these things may be unlikely - ask yourself - are you sure?


 * And can you be sure...


 * that you won't get Ebola from a tainted diet cola toxic waste are getting chased by a bearded Ayatollah.


 * Funnel clouds inhale, anthrax in the mail, your lover will discover your vestigial tail.


 * Someone's robbing your house.
 * I can see through your blouse.
 * Your mother was right - you chose the wrong spouse.


 * Unlabeled drano tornados torpedos the horrible sights of some Guidos in Speedos.
 * STD's, PCB's, SUVs, UV Lights
 * A giant pimple on your face, you have a date tonight


 * Chocking on a biscotti being whacked by John Gotti
 * Getting trapped overnight in a full port-o-potty


 * And I have a final fear to drop in bucket about a friend of a friend of the man from Nantucket.


 * There once was a man from Eau Claire
 * Who no one was able to scare
 * He wouldn't join panics
 * About the Hispanics
 * And later he was killed by a bear


 * True story.

Rally Awards
Medal of Reasonableness Award:
 * Armando Galarraga won the "Medal of Reasonableness" for being a good sport. It figures that a fureigner would steal one of our medals, trophy sports not enough for you?


 * Medal of Reasonableness is awarded to Velma Hart, the African American woman who challenged President Obama passionately but politely at a town hall meeting. Maybe Stewart could learn from her. You dont call the president "dude", dude.


 * Mick Foley, because he will kick Stewart's ass if he doesnt win something.


 * Jacob Isom for stealing Qurans... ooops! "dude, you have no award."

Medal of Fear Award:
 * awards the "Medal of Fear” to media giants CBS, NBC, AP and NPR — all of which prohibited their employees from attending the rally - but because they are pussies and have no balls, the award is given to a Seven Year Old Girl (Haley) for showing more bravery than you pussies.


 * Anderson Cooper’s “tight black t-shirt” — because we know that whenever we see the CNN journalist wearing it, we’re suffering from a major natural disaster.


 * Facebook mogul Mark Zuckerberg (not present) wins the fear medal for justifying our most paranoid suspicions about Big Brother. Keep the fear going, brother.

WHAT IS FEAR?!:
 * Today I learned that all mooslims are not evil or that all robots are not trying to conquer the world. Thanks Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and R2D2, you can convert us and enslave us anytime!


 * There is poo-poo in our remotes!!!


 * Fearzilla - The embodiment of all of our fears, he harness his powers by using The News Fear Media to collect our fears and make them into more fear.


 * John Oliver is actually Peter Pan (and gay).



John Stewart: I Have a Speech!
And now I thought we might have a moment, however brief, for some sincerity; if that’s ok, I know there are boundaries for a comedian pundit talker guy, and I’m sure I’ll find out tomorrow how I have violated them.

I’m really happy you guys are here. Even if none of us are really quite sure why we are here. Some of you may have seen today as an clarion call for action. Or some of the hipper more ironic cats as a “clarion call for action.” Clearly some of you wanted to see the Air and Space Museum and got royally screwed. And I’m sure a lot of you are just here to have a nice time, and I hope you did.

I know many of you made a great deal of effort to be here today, and I want you to know that everyone involved with this project worked incredibly hard to make sure the we honored the effort that you put in, and gave you the best show that we could possibly do. We know your time’s valuable, and we didn’t want to waste it. And we are all extremely honored to have had a chance to perform on this beautiful space, on the mall in Washington D.C..

So uhhh, what exactly was this?

I can’t control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions.

This was not a Rally to ridicule people of faith, or people of activism, or to look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument; or to suggest that times are not difficult, and that we have nothing to fear-they are and we do! But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies. But unfortunately, one our main tools in delineating the two… broke.

The country’s 24-hour politico pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems; but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen. Or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then, perhaps, host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected, dangerous, flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

There are terrorists, and racists, and Stalinists, and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned; you must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists, and Tea Partiers; or real bigots and Juan Williams or Rick Sanchez is an insult! Not only to those people, but to the racists themselves who have put in the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish terrorists from Muslims makes us less safe, not more.

The press is our immune system, if it overreacts to everything, we actually get sicker, and perhaps eczema.

And yet with that being said, I feel good; strangely calmly good. Because the image of Americans that is reflected back to us by our political and media process is false. It is us through a fun house mirror. And not the good kind that makes you look slim in the waist and maybe taller. But the kind where you have a giant forehead, and an ass shaped like a month old pumpkin, and one eye ball.

So why would we work together. Why would you reach across the aisle to a pumpkin-assed forehead eyeball monster? If the picture of us were true, of course our inability to solve problems would actually be quite sane and reasonable. Why would you work with Marxists actively subverting our Constitution? Or racists and homophobes who see no one else’s humanity but their own?

We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is, on the brink of catastrophe, torn by polarizing hate, and how its a shame how we can’t work together to get things done.

But the truth is, we do. We work together to get things done every damn day! The only place we don't is here [points to the US Capitol], or on cable TV. But Americans don't live here [the US Capitol] or on Cable TV. Where we live our values and principles form the foundation that sustains us while we get things done, not the barriers that prevent us from getting things done. Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats, Republicans, liberals or conservatives. Americans live their lives more as people that are just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often something that they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things everyday that are only made possible through the little reasonable compromises we all make.

Look, look on the screen, [Referencing a screen playing footage of cars slowly inching through traffic, Stewart used the image of the highway as metaphor for how Americans make those compromises, ceding the road when necessary and recognizing that everyone is headed toward a similar goal], this is where we are, this is who we are, these cars. That’s a school teacher that probably thinks his taxes are too high, he’s going to work. There’s another car, a woman with two small kids, really can’t think about anything else right now. There’s another car, swinging, I don’t even know if you can see it. The lady’s in the NRA and loves Oprah. There’s another car, an investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah. Another car is a Latino carpenter, another car, a fundamentalist vacuum salesman, atheist obstetrician, Mormon JZ fan. But this is us! Every one of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear. Often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers. And yet these millions of cars somehow find a way to squeeze one-by-one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river. Carved by people, by the way, who I’m sure had their differences.

And they do it. Concession by concession. You go, then I’ll go, you go, then I’ll go, you go, then I’ll go. Oh my god! Is that an NRA sticker on your car!? Is that an Obama sticker on your car!? Ah-well, that’s okay, you go, then I’ll go. And sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute, but that individual is rare, and he is scorned, and not hired as an analyst. Because we know, instinctively as a people, that if we are to get through the darkness, and back into the light, we have to work together. And the truth is, there will always be darkness, and sometimes the light at the end of a tunnel isn’t the promise land; sometimes it's just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.

If you want to know why I am here, and what I want from you. I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be, and has always been, in the eye of the beholder. And to see you here today, and the kind of people that you are, has restored mine.

Thank you!

-Jon Stewart 10/30/2010 at The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

After Rally Orgy


Jon Stewart not satisfied with ruin his rally, he decided to hold a press conference, an attempt to convince the media that his rally was a success. Too late, joo boy.

Fox News is already declaring Jon's rally a total failure, while our Fear rally is being praised for being the best rally ever.



New recruits are already volunteering to our cause and many are already wearing terror costumes to help us facilitate to spread our fear message from New York to Kalifornia.

We have been informed than an army of Zombies will help us take over this November election. I am sure Stewart is fuming with jealousy of our success.

Dont let the libural media fool you, many are already criticizing our fear movement but it is all lies. They are just jealous! We are a billion strong and you cant stop us now!

Dont forget, dont let the liburals hijack our election, and remember beware of the McRib.

Redaction:
Early estimates indicated that the rally crowd was around One Billion people. John Claimed it was actually Ten Million. According with reliable sources the correct estimate is Six Billion. We apologize for our mistake.

Rally Signs:

 * 100 signs for every occasion

Charges of Sexism
''Women were underrepresented with respect to the entertainment guests at the rally - Where were the woman guests? Where were the woman comedians? Where were the woman awarded medals? Where were the woman on stage? Restoring sanity starts with restoring equality between the sexes. Sexism is insane! The rally was a very male-dominated organized event. It appeared that women made a strong showing at the rally, but were totally not included in the event itself. Charges of sexism have been brought against Jon Stewart before for actions taken on his TV show, The Daily Show. Charges of sexism should be brought against the rally'' -- by a Fearful female Real American (or maybe a Feminazi).

Now we can add charges of sexism against John Stewart. Fear not fearful citizen, we shall rectify this issue by arresting all comedians and have them sent to Guantanamo Bay for treason and sexism, but mostly treason.

Fox and Friends: John Stewart Sucks
Fox & Friends declared John's rally an utter failure, not only that but there is evidence that John Stewart was preaching violence to the crowd and spewing anti-american rhetorics.

NoFactZone Coverage of The Rally

 * Less Facts and more Fear

John Stewart: I Have a Speech!
And now I thought we might have a moment, however brief, for some sincerity; if that’s ok, I know there are boundaries for a comedian pundit talker guy, and I’m sure I’ll find out tomorrow how I have violated them.

I’m really happy you guys are here. Even if none of us are really quite sure why we are here. Some of you may have seen today as an clarion call for action. Or some of the hipper more ironic cats as a “clarion call for action.” Clearly some of you wanted to see the Air and Space Museum and got royally screwed. And I’m sure a lot of you are just here to have a nice time, and I hope you did.

I know many of you made a great deal of effort to be here today, and I want you to know that everyone involved with this project worked incredibly hard to make sure the we honored the effort that you put in, and gave you the best show that we could possibly do. We know your time’s valuable, and we didn’t want to waste it. And we are all extremely honored to have had a chance to perform on this beautiful space, on the mall in Washington D.C..

So uhhh, what exactly was this?

I can’t control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions.

This was not a Rally to ridicule people of faith, or people of activism, or to look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument; or to suggest that times are not difficult, and that we have nothing to fear-they are and we do! But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies. But unfortunately, one our main tools in delineating the two… broke.

The country’s 24-hour politico pundit perpetual panic conflictinator did not cause our problems; but its existence makes solving them that much harder. The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen. Or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then, perhaps, host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected, dangerous, flaming ant epidemic. If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.

There are terrorists, and racists, and Stalinists, and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned; you must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists, and Tea Partiers; or real bigots and Juan Williams or Rick Sanchez is an insult! Not only to those people, but to the racists themselves who have put in the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish terrorists from Muslims makes us less safe, not more.

The press is our immune system, if it overreacts to everything, we actually get sicker, and perhaps eczema.

And yet with that being said, I feel good; strangely calmly good. Because the image of Americans that is reflected back to us by our political and media process is false. It is us through a fun house mirror. And not the good kind that makes you look slim in the waist and maybe taller. But the kind where you have a giant forehead, and an ass shaped like a month old pumpkin, and one eye ball.

So why would we work together. Why would you reach across the aisle to a pumpkin-assed forehead eyeball monster? If the picture of us were true, of course our inability to solve problems would actually be quite sane and reasonable. Why would you work with Marxists actively subverting our Constitution? Or racists and homophobes who see no one else’s humanity but their own?

We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is, on the brink of catastrophe, torn by polarizing hate, and how its a shame how we can’t work together to get things done.

But the truth is, we do. We work together to get things done every damn day! The only place we don't is here [points to the US Capitol], or on cable TV. But Americans don't live here [the US Capitol] or on Cable TV. Where we live our values and principles form the foundation that sustains us while we get things done, not the barriers that prevent us from getting things done. Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats, Republicans, liberals or conservatives. Americans live their lives more as people that are just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often something that they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things everyday that are only made possible through the little reasonable compromises we all make.

Look, look on the screen, [Referencing a screen playing footage of cars slowly inching through traffic, Stewart used the image of the highway as metaphor for how Americans make those compromises, ceding the road when necessary and recognizing that everyone is headed toward a similar goal], this is where we are, this is who we are, these cars. That’s a school teacher that probably thinks his taxes are too high, he’s going to work. There’s another car, a woman with two small kids, really can’t think about anything else right now. There’s another car, swinging, I don’t even know if you can see it. The lady’s in the NRA and loves Oprah. There’s another car, an investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah. Another car is a Latino carpenter, another car, a fundamentalist vacuum salesman, atheist obstetrician, Mormon JZ fan. But this is us! Every one of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear. Often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers. And yet these millions of cars somehow find a way to squeeze one-by-one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river. Carved by people, by the way, who I’m sure had their differences.

And they do it. Concession by concession. You go, then I’ll go, you go, then I’ll go, you go, then I’ll go. Oh my god! Is that an NRA sticker on your car!? Is that an Obama sticker on your car!? Ah-well, that’s okay, you go, then I’ll go. And sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute, but that individual is rare, and he is scorned, and not hired as an analyst. Because we know, instinctively as a people, that if we are to get through the darkness, and back into the light, we have to work together. And the truth is, there will always be darkness, and sometimes the light at the end of a tunnel isn’t the promise land; sometimes it's just New Jersey. But we do it anyway, together.

If you want to know why I am here, and what I want from you. I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be, and has always been, in the eye of the beholder. And to see you here today, and the kind of people that you are, has restored mine.

Thank you!

-Jon Stewart 10/30/2010 at The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

Rally Info
October 30, 2010

THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE!!!!!


 * Rally Livestream
 * Rally Discussion
 * Rally Updates!
 * There is an app for that!
 * Other info
 * more signs
 * CNN coverage of rally
 * NYT Rally of Fear
 * The British Fear our Rally!
 * gay liburals view of the rally

Pre-Rally News:
Treason troops and Fear troops to clash on rally

thumb|340px|right| a message of fear

'''The Orgasmic States of Fear Treason. October 29, 2010''' - Nation, I dont know about you but I am going insane (take that Sanity)! I cannot sleep for I Fear I will miss the rally event. Which is why I am drinking a 100 litters worth of coffee. Some of you will say, but that is a lot of coffee, what about the health risks? Stop talking like a liberal, if I want to drink gallons of coffee it is my right and my choice, this is America and I am free to do whatever I want to my body! No matter the consequences.

Besides so far nothing strange has happened to me and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine and I feel just fine!

So before the rally event gets started, I would like to remind you: do not litter too much, beware of tigers, and be careful at the rally. We have evidence that the liberals are going to try to hijack our rally.

I knew John Stewart will ruin everything.

So remember: Dont Be﻿ Doucheeeey

Is Official: We Have a Rally!!!
Union Bosses to Kidnap Real Americans and Bus them to John's Rally



'''The United States of Colbertica. October 27, 2010''' - Nation, I have some excellent news! Not only has the permit for the rally been approved, but now we have the sekret schedule of this awesome rally.

For more info about the schedule, see here

Now I have been told that the liberal Media is unsure on how to handle the media coverage of our rally. Some are even scared that they will offend Real Americans if they look biased (arent they always). They dont want to repeat the same mistake on NPRgate. As much as I hate the liberal media elite, I have here a sekret memo that has been leaked on how to behave on this coverage. Just to be nice you can read it:

Code of Behavior
For the Libural Media's Eye(s) Only




 * 1) You may attend the rallies in a non-participatory fashion.
 * 2) However, because the rallies are comic truthi events, you may not laugh.
 * 3) The act of not laughing, though, can be just as politically loaded as the act of laughing. Therefore, staffers are advised to politely chuckle, in a non-genuine manner, after each joke truthi-message.
 * 4) To avoid any perception of bias, please make sure to chuckle at all jokes truthi-messages, whether or not you find them funny. As journalists, we must make sure to not allow our personal views of “humorous” or “non-humorous” to affect our public demeanor.
 * 5) Likewise, it could be devastating to our impartial reputation if our staffers were seen laughing at something that was not intended as a joke, thereby appearing to mock the entire event. If we are lucky, the comedians truthers will have a drummer on hand whose rim-shots may be used as a cue for when to politely chuckle.
 * 6) If no non-verbal cues for laughter are available, please observe audience members around you. If they are laughing, imitate their laughter with a non-genuine polite chuckle. If they are not laughing, remain stone-faced. Whatever you do, do not apply your own personal cognitive skills to determining the humorousness of any particular clip. Such an approach exposes us to charges of bias.
 * 7) On the other hand, a situation could arise where partisan foes of the Comedy Central hosts The Colbert Report Host laugh at them in a derisive manner unrelated to the timing of their on-stage jokes truthiness. In this case, your failure to join in the mockery could potentially be interpreted as a sign that you disagree with the derision—an equally distasteful indication of bias. Please follow the above guidelines and also chuckle politely, but not genuinely, at any instances of counter-comedy.
 * 8) In our experience, public appearances by comedy Patriotic figures also draw audiences whose members frequently make jokes truthi-messages amongst themselves. These attempts at humor truthiness might not necessarily fit into the rational example of protesters versus counter-protesters outlined in the guidelines above. However, you could nonetheless indicate a great deal about your personal biases via your decision as to whether or not you laugh along when the person next to you riffs about, say, marginal tax rates gay-mooslim-bear-terrorist marriage. Please make sure to follow the above guidelines and respond via polite, non-genuine, mild guffaws to the jibes of amateur comics truthiness-tellers in the audience.
 * 9) We’re also aware that the large crowds expected at the rallies could produce a cacophonous din, one in which you are unable to discern which jokes truthiness are being made by audience members, counter-protestors, or the day’s main attractions—and, worse still, where observers may think you are laughing at an anti-Republican joke truthi-message when you are actually laughing at an anti-Democrat joke . To protect our cherished reputation against such a danger, I have arranged for each of you to be issued a pair of earplugs. Should the event grow too raucous, please insert these earplugs immediately. Once you have inserted the earplugs, please chuckle politely, and non-genuinely, every 74 seconds, to maintain the appearance of non-biased and appropriate responses to the event.
 * 10) You are free to laugh heartily and genuinely at any jokes that target the terrorists. (or bears, or teh geys, or teh hippies, or anything that makes fun of American haters).

I will recommend the liberal media to go in disguise when attending this event, not to hide your liberal agenda but to hide your hideous form. There is going to be children on this event and the last thing they need is to be scared for life.

A Message from Me
Now a stern message to John Stewart. I am disappoint, we already talked about this and cheating wont be allowed.

John Stewart is cheating, he is using liberal stormtroopers to kidnap Real Americans and force them to join him on his Sanity Rally at gunpoint! Jon, Stephen already talked about this. If you are going to use Union Bosses to muscle people to attend the rally then it is fair for Stephen Colbert to use his feartroopers to bus our people not with guns but with bears (dont worry, is going to be Conan O'Brien in a bear costume, we checked.)

Now a sterner message to Haters and Not-It-Getters:

"GO F#CK YOURSELVES"

If you dont like rallies you are not invited. Well, you are actually invited but you dont have to come. It is not mandatory... or is it?



Update
The mooslim tyrant was at The Daily Show, do we need any more evidence that John Stewart is working for mooslims?

Indecision 2010: The Apocalypse Edition
9 out of 10 Tea Baggers Agree: Reading is for Losers.

'''The Republican States of Tea Bagging. October 19, 2010''' -- The United States of America will soon return back to its former glory. The 2010 elections are getting close, many Real Americans have already voted early to help the Republican Party The Tea Bag Party Real Americans to take back our Country, myself included (it was easy, just select some random names in the ballot and presto, I win something!)

Let us review how are the races doing so far:

Sharron Angle: I am Now Asian
Sharron Angle has just recently changed her race from white to Asian so she could better understand the plight of the Latino Community. This is an attempt on the part of the GOP to win the Latino Vote by showing Asian lookalike Latinos that we are them.

Christine O'Donnell: Gutstitutional Skoolar
Christine O'Donnell has study the Constitution for many decades years months weeks days hours minutes a long time and she has a proper grasp and understanding of the spirit of the Constitution than the Democrats. Her debate at Widener University Law School impressed a lot of legal scholars and law students that at the end of the debate, they left the auditorium in tears and cheers. They were so impressed with her knowledge of the Constitution that even the media cant help but talk about it too!

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;"

See, nowhere does it says "Separation of Church and State", nowhere!

Christine O'Donnell has promised that she will protect the 14 Commandments of the Gutstitution when she wins.

Meet Jimmy McMillan:
I dont know who Jimmy McMillan is but I like this guy. He is the leader of the Rent Is 2 Damn High Party

Party Platform:
 * On The deficit: "It's like a cancer. It will heal itself."
 * On Negative Campaigning: "As a karate expert, I will not talk about anyone up here."
 * On Gay Marriage: "The Rent Is 2 Damn High Party feels if you want to marry a shoe, I'll marry you."
 * On... Jesus, I have no clue what prompted this one : "We plan to bulldoze some of those mountains in Upstate to make New York an independent state. I want my own cable company; I want my own telephone company."
 * On the rent: "Too damn high."
 * On Poverty: "Our children can’t afford to live anywhere. Nowhere. There’s nowhere to go. Once again why? You said it: The rent is too damn high."
 * On Transgenders: "The Medical Community for years has been / have been making the decision who is to be male and who is to be female it's time for this attitude in the Medical Community to come to an end."
 * On The Board of Election: "Suck [their] damn dick[s]"
 * On The Joowish People: "Stop stealing our money!"

Meg Whitman's Campaign Song:
Meg Whitman just released a new campaign song on twitter and it has proven to be very popular!!!!

Other Issues:
While the races are running hot, the American People are already taking their discontent to the streets. There is already a momevement to send Terror Babies packing back to Mooslimland, they are a threat to National Security! The Citizenship Truther movement has already gathered enough supporters to Impeach Obama before the end of the year!

The liburals are scared, so scared that they are recruiting the gays to join their Terror Troops to stop us from taking over in this election season...

Campaign Update:
Christine Wins Debate! Congratulations, Senator I CAN HAZ MONEY NOW?

Asian News: The 2010 Kimchi Crisis
South Korean President Promises to Invade North Korea, China, and Japan to resupply our Kimchi reserve





'''The Glorious Nation of South Korea. October 17, 2010''' -- "The 2010 Kimchi Crisis" has reached epic proportions. The latest news of Napa cabbage shortage has already shocked the Nation of South Korea. The crisis has infected the free market, causing the price of Kimchi to weight its value in gold. The shortage is causing widespread panic and riots on the Capital City of Seoul.

According with medical science, Kimchi is an essential ingredient in Korean Medicine and without it it could cause a new pandemic. "People are already dying out in the streets. Koreans cant live more than a week if they are deprived of their daily ration of Kimchi. Look at North Korea!" declared Dr. Kim, a famous South Korean Doctor, "and that's just the beginning. Without the healing powers of Kimchi there is going to be widespread diseases."

The Kimchi crisis has forced the South Korean government to seek help. South Korean scientists are already looking for alternative sources of cabbage to resupply their Kimchi reserves, but so far their alternate source of cabbages have proven to be inferior. "The problem is that Western Cabbages just don't measure up to the Asian Cabbage," declared Professor Lee. "This search for an alternative source of cabbage is just a fantasy, only Napa cabbage is good enough for our Kimchi and the largest supply of Napa cabbage is found in China... Look, I am not advocating "Blood for Kimchi", but giving the alternative..."

The South Korean Government has launched an investigation to find out the culprit of the Kimchi Crisis, so far evidence suggests only three possible culprits: Hippies, Bears, and Global Warming teh geys.



China's and Japan's Response:
Wikiality.com tried to reach Japan and China for a response. The Japanese politely told us to "pleasure ourselves" and we still haven't heard anything from China. According with sources the Chinese people are taking the streets and causing widespread riots because of a tiny island. The Chinese government is growing exasperate as the protests are getting out of control... seriously, for a tiny island... Drama Queens.

China and Japan are not speaking to each other because of some tiny island that has a large reserve of oil and natural gas? What is wrong with them? They are ignoring this major crisis! Dont they know that South Korea is having a crisis? Hello, we are running out of Kimchi!

North Korea
The Kimchi crisis had no effect on the Nation of North Korea...

Update: Kimchi Crisis Causes Mass Weddings
News of the "Kimchi Crisis" has triggered mass weddings. People are trying to get married before the end of the world so they can have sex. Rev. Moon believes that the kimchi shortage is a punishment from god.

Still no word if the "Kimchi Crisis" will affect Mexico...

Meanwhile the Western World continues to ignore this crisis.

News Rally: God Saves Fear Rally
Suck It, John!



'''The United States of Fright. October 15, 2010''' -- Nation, this is a glorious moment! It seemed that all was lost, for as you know forgot to apply for a permit and we had no place to hold our patriotic rally. We tried everything from blackmail to bribery yet Big Government refused to relent. It looked hopeless, all was lost... or did it?

took a huge gamble but he had to do it, he did it for us, he did it for America!! Stephen used his magic cloak to infiltrate the Daily Show and then he groveled under John Stewart's feet and started begging him to merge his fear rally with his deceived John Stewart to merge his Sanity Rally with our Fear Rally... the fool, that means John Stewart will have to set up the stage, hire the band, and pay all of the expenses and do all of the clean up afterward while Stephen Colbert holds his rally for free!!!! Colbert stole John's Mojo!!

But then something miraculous happened. God not content that both of our rallies were not getting enough coverage decided to descend in a cloud of money to appear in a giant monitor. For the first time we saw the face of God! And as I always suspected, God was black!... and a woman...?... wait... Oprah!? Yes, Oprah!

Oprah gave a divine declaration on The Daily Show, by using her Oprah Powers she created a miracle on Cable Television history. All of her worshipers were commanded to kneel down, prostrate, check under their seats, and raise their hands in devotion while holding proof of her divinity!!! The Daily Show has received the blessings of Oprah, her divine light shines strong!!! Oprah is providing first class rides to the event as well as hotel stays for free!!! The commie slackers/stoners are going to the event in style, they will fly to Washington, DC. at the backs of angels, and ride to the Mall in golden buses stuffed with free liquor, weed, and couches as cushy as the clouds.

Not to be outdone, our Fear Rally will also receive sponsorship from Oprah from our Real God: Stephen Colbert! That's right, out of fear his generosity Stephen Colbert will use his own money to make sure that The Citizens of The Colbert Nation will march and bring fear back into our lives!!...

...it is not as nice as Oprah's divine gift, but it will have to do... just remember that the Chinatown buses provided for the rally may contain 100% asbestos.

For those who are unlucky, you are left with your own bootstraps to arrive and attend the rally on your own. Just because you are poor that is no excuse to not participate. Just go to the series of tubes and find out if there are any local rallies being held near you at Rally4SanityandMarch4fear or see if you can hijack a car ride at RallyMao.com

Now for some updates, I have been informed that official signs and costume information have been posted on the official tubes. If you have any questions regarding proper attire or fear signs go to the tubes:


 * Fear Signs
 * Fear Costumes

Fear News: Fox News Edition
Keeping the Fear Theme, Fox News is doing their part in scaring the sh#t out of America. Keep doing your part, Fox News!

Rally News: Treason Rally Going Live
Socialist Bus Will Kill 9 out of 10 Patriots



'''The Treasonous States of America. October 13, 2010''' - I have some good news and bad news. The Bad news is that John Stewart's treason rally continues to grow and will be televised. The good news is that it will be televised on C-Span, which means that not only will be boring but no one will be watching... or at least it was suppose to be. We received information that Comrade Stewart blackmailed Comedy Central to televise his rally so he could reach the youth and stoner vote. But the good news is that his rally will televised in Comedy Central so his viewers will only be the lazy youth stoners, so we are safe.

This is terrible, not only is Stewart's rally growing, but Huffington post is providing free socialist buses to the event (for the price of $250,000 just to bus a few people, that's socialism for you. The free market bus would drive you there cheap and with overcrowded passengers). For those who are still too lazy to leave the safety of your State, they are providing socialist satellite rallies on your local city to increase their socialist numbers, it is called RallyMao.com (Rally Mao Zedong. You cant get more socialist than that). If you ask me, if you are too lazy to drive yourself to Washington, DC. to attend the rally, then you have no business to be there physically or otherwise.

Bad news Nation, looks like the communist government wont allow our Fear March in Washington, DC. Those bastards. But the good news is that you can now buy official merchandise! Remember all proceeds will be donated to the yellow ribbon fund, that way we can blackmail them to join us as our private terror troops and take over Washington, DC. so we can finally hold our rally...

Update:
Good News, NPR wont cover John's Rally. The bad news is they wont cover Stephen's rally either...

Fear News: Watch Out for Mooslim Vampires
Sales of Pork Sausages and Bacon raises from the Dead Market!

'''The United States of Fear. September 29, 2010''' -- Nation, Our Glorious Leader has learned from Papa Bear that our Fear Rally coincides with the Pagan un-holy day known as Halloween! This, clearly, is Divine Providence, for only a Higher Power could plan our Fear Rally to happen during the most Fearful Time of the Year (Tax Day comes to a close second)!

fears that the liburals will try to sabotage our Rally, some of them will try to infiltrate our ranks as Fearful Patriots to undermine our fear message. We have evidence that some of them will come from Stewart's Sanity camp disguised as Real Patriots, they will try to reasonably argue that Fear may not be a good idea to restore our Glorious Nation back to its Glorious form. Now, we cannot have that.

We cant Misunderestimate the Mooslim Administration, we fear that they will try to gather intelligence against any Real American that participates in the Fear Rally. But praise be the Wisdom of for he has come up with a solution to undermine the liburals once again. We must disguise ourselves to confuse our enemy, we must dress up as what we fear the most! When the liburals try to infiltrate our rally they will be surrounded by disguised Americans pretending to be the enemy/friend/frenemy, thus they will never learn our sekret plans to Restore Fear!!! Glorious, indeed!!!!

Disguise Suggestions: (Nation, you can add yours here!)
 * Mooslim Vampire
 * Liberal Monster Al Frankenstein
 * Bias Newsman Werewolf Blitzer
 * Sexy Witch
 * Bears
 * Katy Perry's Breasts
 * Lady Gaga's penis vagoo

Let us march down the streets carrying the banner of Fear!! Lets terrorize the neighborhood!! We shall trick our enemies into fear! We shall collect protection sugary threats from scared liburals to feed to be given as tribute to his Glorious Fear. Those who refuse to submit to fear shall be TP!!! On 10-30-10 we shall have a Fear Party!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Dont forget to pick up any litter once the rally is over, we are guests after all.

Stephen Colbert Testifies: I am Not a Mexican
The Heartbreaking Story of Stephen Colbert: "I am Not a Mexican: The Movie" (Coming Soon This Winter)





'''The Emigrated States of Mexican Farmers. Septiembre 24, 2010''' -- We were fortunate to send an undercover reporter into the belly of the beast of libural Hell. It was difficult but we were able to infiltrate the Communist Congress. The hardest part was trying to figure out a way to get through Barney Frank (aka The Gay Ceberus, keeper of Gay Hadez), but luckily it was gays nights out so he left his post when our wikireporter told him they were giving away appletinies.

If you all remember Arturo Rodriguez dared Stephen Colbert to live the life of an Illegal for a day; Colbert took that challenge because he is a Man and an American and he backs down to no one, and he only lasted 12 minutes -- not because he is weak, but because he couldnt stand the idea of being an Illegal for a whole day. Even being an illegal for one second would be too much for us Real Americans.

For some strange reason our Communist Congress wanted to hear the fascinating story of being an Illegal (as no member of Congress is familiar with such lifestyle), and since Colbert is the only man that the Nation trusts he decided that it was his patriotic duty to give his revelation. The room was filled with liburals, Real Americans, and reporters (from the libural media to intimidate Our Glorious Leader) waiting to hear his wisdom (not since the Elmo scandal has the room been filled with so many people).

Even before Stephen arrived in Washington, DC. the libural media was already in an uproar regarding his Congressional testimony. His message of fear is already taking effect on the media (do not underestimate Our Glorious Leader), but it may have worked too well. Many have accused Stephen Colbert of being a Welfare Queen and stealing from the Tax Payers' coffers.

Slanderous!

Colbert needs no hangouts, he used his own money for transportation, housing, and meal fees, money that he earned by bringing truthiness and fear to the people! Anyone who continues to propagates this libural lie will suffer Enhance Interrogation Techniques at the hands of the Colbert Nation (this ain't no joke, fool)

"The Fear" emanating from Colbert was strong that one libural actually tried to silence by calling security on him (I am looking at you, Democrat and Michigan Rep. John Conyers), but Stephen Colbert used his truth-fu wits and he kicked their asses into obedience.

Here are his words of wisdom that he submitted to the Panel before hand (sssshhhh, don't tell anyone, but those are not the real words that he used):

His Opening:
"Good Morning. My name is Stephen Colbert, and I am an American Citizen. It is an honor and a privilege to be here today.

Congresswoman Lofgren asked me to share my vast experience spending one day as a migrant farm worker.

I am happy to use my celebrity to draw attention to this important, complicated issue, and I certainly hope that my star power can bump this hearing all the way up to CSPAN 1.

As you heard this morning, America’s farms are presently far too dependent on immigrant labor to pick our fruits and vegetables. Now the obvious answer is for all of us to stop eating fruits and vegetables. And, if you look at the recent obesity statistics, you'll see that many Americans have already started.

Unfortunately, my gastroenterologist Dr. Ikener has informed me in no uncertain terms that there are a necessary source of roughage. As evidence, I would like to insert a video of my colonoscopy into the congressional record.

Now we all know there is a long tradition of great nations importing foreign workers to do their farm work. After all, it was the ancient Israelites who built the first food pyramids. But this is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.

Because my great grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor, I don’t know if that’s true, I’d like to have that stricken from the record.

So, we do not want immigrants doing this labor, and I agree with Congressman King, we must secure our borders. Of course, I am sure Arturo Rodriguez is saying "Who then will pick our crops, Stephen?".



First of all, Arturo, dont interrupt me when I am talking, that's rude. Second, I reject this idea that farm work is among the semi-mythical jobs that Americans won’t do. Really? No Americans? I did. As part of my ongoing series: Stephen Colbert’s fallback position, where I try other jobs and realize that mine is way better.

I participated in the UFW’s Take Our Jobs campaign, one of only 16 people in America to take up the challenge, though that number may increase in the near future, as I understand many Democrats may be looking for work come November.

Now I'll admit, I started my workday with a preconceived notions of immigrant labor, but after working with these men and women, picking beans, packing corn, for hours on end, side-by-side, in the unforgiving sun, I have to say, and I do mean this sincerely: please don’t make me do this again. It is really, really, hard. [tearing up]. For one thing, when you’re picking beans you have to spend all day bending over. It turns out — and I did not know this — most soil is at ground level. If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we make the earth waist high? Come on? Where is the funding?

This brief experience gave me some small understanding of why so few Americans are clamoring to begin an exciting career as seasonal migrant field worker. So what’s the answer? I’m a free market guy. Normally I would leave this to the invisible hand of the market, but the invisible hand of the market has already moved over 84,000 acres of production and over 22,000 farm jobs to Mexico and shut down over a million acres of U.S. farm land due to lack of available labor because apparently even the invisible hand doesn’t want to pick beans.

Now I'm not a fan of the government doing anything. But I've gotta ask, why isn't the government doing anything? Maybe this AgJOBS Bill would help; I don't know. Like most members of Congress, I haven't read it. But maybe we could give more visas to the immigrants, who — let’s face it — will probably be doing these jobs anyway. And this improved legal status might allow legal immigrants recourse if they’re abused. And it just stands to reason to me that if your coworker can’t be exploited, then you’re less likely to be exploited yourself. And that itself might improve pay and working conditions on these farms and eventually Americans may consider taking these jobs again.

Or maybe that’s crazy. Maybe the easier answer is just to have scientists develop vegetables that pick themselves. The genetic engineers over Fruit of the Loom had made great strides in human-fruit hybrids.

The point is we have to do something because I am not going back out there. At this point I break into a cold sweat at the sight of a salad bar. I thank you for your time. Again, it is an honor, a privilege, and a responsibility to be here. I trust that following my testimony both sides will work together on this issue, in the best interest of the American people- as you always do.

I’m now prepared to take your questions and or pose for pictures with grandchildren. I yield the balance of my time, USA, number one."

His Closing:
"I like talking about people who don't have any power. And this seemed like one of the least powerful people in the United States are migrant workers who come and do our work but don't have any rights as a result. And yet, we still invite them to come here and at the same time ask them to leave. And that's an interesting contradiction to me and, you know, "whatsoever you do for the least of my brothers"... These seem like the lest of our brothers right now -- a Lot of people are "least brothers" right now because the economy's so hard and I don't want to take anyone's hardship away from them or diminish it or anything like that -- but migrant workers suffer... and have no rights."

The Colbert Nation cheered, laughed, cried, and clapped after hearing Colbert's wisdom...

I have a special message to liburals, Not It Getters, and the Media who slandered Stephen Colbert and accused him of being a waste of time and money, and who still dont understand the power of Truthiness:




 * For the Full Version of the video, see here
 * Pictures of the day
 * Mr Steve King (R-Iowa) tried to impress Stephen Colbert with his corn knowledge. Fine Mr. King, you are a Corn Packing Master.

Update
Looks like the libural media wont stop talking about his testimony. Job well done, sir!

Update 2

 * Hoyer, you are dead to us

Emergency News: UFW Kidnaps Colbert!
Waldo, Carmen San Diego, and Now Colbert

'''Los Estados Unidos de Nuevo Mexico. Septiembre 22, 2010''' -- Shocking news is hitting the Series of Tubes as news has arrived that has been kidnapped by the Mexican Mafia. The Mexican Mafia or United Farm Workers is a communist organization started by Cesar Chavez, Hugo Chavez's little brother, to steal all of our jobs from hard working Americans. This is a communist conspiracy to turn all Americans poor, and you know what happens when people become poor, they become communists! The new leader of the Mexican Mafia is Arturo Rodriguez, and like his commie predecessors, he wants to destroy America with Communism.

The Mexican Mafia has planned for months the kidnapping of Our Glorious Leader and they were hoping to kidnap Stephen during the Christmas season (to make the American Baby Jesus cry while making the Mexican Baby Jesus happy). They even posted the sordid details of the kidnapping on the Series of Tubes! However, they were forced to rush their plans when they learned that Stephen Colbert was planning on holding his Fear Rally very soon. The Mexican Mafia was concerned that the Fear Rally could energize Real Americans to take their jobs back from the illegals, bankrupting the Mexican Mafia and destroying their monopoly in lettuce picking and dish washing enterprises. Feeling a need to stop our Glorious Rally, they decided to kidnap him now.

We just received information from an anonymous source that the Mexican Mafia will present Stephen Colbert as a gift to the Communist Congress, a gift to The Mooslim Tyrant to celebrate the rise of their Socialist Utopia. When Republicans were told of the Marxist Plan they were not happy, they are demanding the return of Stephen Colbert to the American people or suffer grave consequences.

We are told that Esteban Colberto will replace Stephen Colbert until his safe return... wait a minute!

Update:
We have now evidence that John Stewart is involved with the kidnapping, he was even bragging it on Papa Bear's show. The bastard... Colbert was forced to appear on Good Morning America pleading with the American people to help him; Colbert was forced to do menial labor during his captured. According with expert medical doctors, Colbert's health is at risk, he has developed a blister!!!

Update 2:

 * Communist Congress refuses to return Stephen Colbert, but dont worry we already sent help... And Gretchen, you better google some ideas, they are going to need an escape plan.

This is an Emergency Tubes System
This is a test. For the next sixty seconds, The Series of Tubes will conduct a test of the Emergency Tubes System. This is only a test.

Wikiality.com is conducting a test of the Emergency Tubes System at the request of our Corporate Overlords, please standby while we scan your computer.

If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to contact DHS, give your personal information and wait for SWAT to storm your house for being an Internet Pirate.

~LINK DISCONNECTED~

JoHn Stewart is Now Ridding Stephen Colbert's Coattails
Libural Monster wont stop until he steals everything from Colbert

'''The United States of Thieves. September 21, 2010''' -- This is an emergency update! Nation, it is a well known fact that for years John Stewart has been developing a jealous streak against ; Joo Boy cannot stand the idea that Colbert is more popular and richer than him. For years John Stewart has resorted to petty crimes like stealing Colbert's Emmys every year since the inception of The Colbert Report... but no, it was never enough for John. So now he has convinced himself that he must hijack our rally, to further his libural agenda!

John Stewart with the help of the Libural Media they have convinced the public that not only is this John Stewart's rally, but the entire idea for a rally was all his!!

Nation, we cannot let outsiders to hijack our rally, our message of fear must survive! If we are to succeed in bringing back fear into our nation, we must intensify our voices and shout until we turn red! We cannot let Reason win! Only fear can restore our glorious Nation!!

Patriots, pick up your fear and lets show the liburals what we are capable of!!!

But we must beware, for rumor has it that there are traitors within our group, these traitors are actually libural plants trying to undermine the powerful message of fear, do not listen to them!

Team Fear for life!!!! Viva la Truthiness!!!!



John Stewart Hijacks Message of Fear!
Reason Vs Fear: There Can Only Be One!



'''The United States of Fear. September 17, 2010''' -- It was suppouse to be a message of Truthiness, but suddently it has become a message of reasonableness?... Over my dead body, John Stewart!!

The Joo Backstabber known as John Stewart (IF that is his real name) gave a big announcement that he will hold his own rally (thief!) on 10/30/10 (that bastard!!) to corrupt the current political climate!! The rally is known as The Rally to Restore Sanity and he even started his own website to self-promote his hippie rally: Rallytorestoresanity.com (he even has a facebook page, the bastard!)

Sanity? Really?! Is this joowishman really serious? The last thing our nation needs is sanity, let alone common sense! But fear not (or maybe you should)! For Stephen wont stand for John's treachery!!

Stephen Colbert has counter-announced John's annoucement with his own counter-counter-announcement and he will hold a rally that will blow up John's rally into dust on the same day! Take that 2010 Emmy Award Winner John Stewart, this time you have gone too far!!!

What kind of a monster hijacks someone else's rally?

Nation, do NOT let the message of reason and partiality fool you, Stewart is just doing this for his own self-gratification and need to satiate his big ego! What? The stolen Emmys of the past years werent good enough for ya, John Stewart? Now you need to steal Colbert's thunder as well?

To combat this desire to have a reasonable conversation with the rest of America, Our Glorious Stephen has announced that he too will hold a rally, but not because he is trying to hijack it back from Stewart. Oh no, I am afraid it has gone beyond that now! This rally has now become too personal for pettiness like that. Everyone knows that The Colbert Nation has been petitioning Colbert to hold his own personal rally long before that joo bastard; joo boy just happens to steal our idea! We are going to have to crush the liberal's rally for T reason!

But it wont just be a rally to Restore Truthiness. At this point we are beyond that. The Colbert Nation is mad and raging for vengeance, we want more than just truthiness, we want fear! The fear to destroy our enemies, the fear to bring back tax cuts, the fear to restore the Republican Tea Bagging The Real Conservative Party into power, the fear to lead our Nation back into the right track of less spending, less deficit, less Medicare Socialized Medicine, less Social Security Socialist Policies, and the fear to put more fear at the heart of our citizens against the mooslim tyrant that is bringing too much fear into our hearts and minds!

Its time to bring back The Fear!

What our nation needs is a fear stimulus package to jump start the fear economy, as Stephen pointed out America's survival depends on the Fear Industrial Complex. Fear is the only thing that is keeping our Nation safe, fear is the only power that can destroy the liberals, and fear will topple down this Mooslim Regime!!

Come now, joing the Fear Nation and let us march down the streets of Washington demanding more fear for all of us!!! This movement wont stop until there is fear in all of our hearts!

Keepfearalive.com

Mein Führer, just say ze word and I vill ve there!

Do the right thing, if you are planing to attend The Fear Rally go here and tell Colbert you will be there!

OR

If you are a hippie pussy who wants to reason with us Real Americans with your relentless logic go here (I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL)

Fan of Truthiness Movement Sends a Special Thank You Letter to Reddit
Ever since the Truthiness Movement came to life, a legion of a billion fans have joined our cause to Restore Truthiness to our Nation. So powerful is our movement that a fan sent a letter of thanks to the founders of the movement. Thank you, mysterious fan. I am sure Our Glorious Stephen thanks you for your support.



Update:
Like always, the libural media is ignoring our movement. That's fine, they are going to be very shocked when they see our Billion Truthiness March, is going to be the greatest event in history and you liburals are not invited.

Emergency Announcement
''Nation's geese and pigeons continue to go missing. Scientist baffled.''

September 16, 2010 -- Nation, we just received an important announcement that Stephen Colbert will have an important announcement very soon!

We are not certain of the nature of the announcement but the Series of Tubes seems to be buzzing with speculation!

Nation... I think it has become clear what he is going to be announcing soon... OH, GOD! The Bears are Komming! The Bears are Komming! I knew this day will come!!! we dont know what it is but we must be patient... incidentally, looks like Stephen will be busy during 10/10/10, so looks like he wont make it to that rally...



PETA Watch: PETA hatez our Troops and The Colbert Report
This is a PSA to our Nation. We just received recent news that PETA haz declared war on The Colbert Report and our troops, that's fine since Our Glorious Stephen has an army to back him up. So, PETA do your worst... (and Joo Boy better show up this time...)

According with PETA, America's troops should be force feed grass and twigs to keep them lean and strong to fight the human threat terrorists. How dare you, PETA! Our Patriotic Mean Killing Fighting Machine Troops cannot live on veggies and water alone. Our soldiers require to drink the blood of our enemies and eat the flesh of their young so they can inherit their strength!!

Glenn Beck: Restoring 9/11!
Fox News: photoshopped crowd fined for littering



'''The United States of Glennberika. September 9/11''' -- Nation, today is the day that we honor the Sacred Holiday of 9/11 and its sanctity. Even the Free Market feels like it is its Patriotic Duty to honor the fallen victims.

The sacred Holiday started with the traditional The Running of the Mooslims, where Real Americans are chased by savage mooslims that are trying to convert them into Islam. Unfortunately the annual 9/11 bonfire to honor the victims of 9/11 was canceled at the last minute, something about violating fire safety code and such, damn liburals. They know nothing about the spirit of 9/11!

As you probably heard, the liburals tried to sabotage the 9/11 festivities. But our patriotism outlasted their protest as we celebrated this sacred day with BBQ, beer, and Rock and Roll! The liburals are accusing Real Patriots of bringing division to the country, that is false, is the liburals that bring division with their libural agenda!

The day was closed with a beautiful speech from Glenn Beck. Patriots demanded an encore from Glenn Beck's and Sarah Palin's Restoring Honor Rally on 9/11, so they could honor with their presence the victims of 9/11 with more honor for free.

Fox News' Satellites took pictures of the event and they clearly show that there was a crowd of a billion people witnessing this second historical event!

The mooslim tyrant tried to sabotage the 9/11 festival with his Presidential Weather Machine but nothing can beat photoshop! Patriotic Fervor!



"Been There: Won That: The Returnification of the American-Do Troopscape."


On September 8, 2010 The Colbert Report welcomed our returning troops with Beer, Hot Dogs, Ice Cream, Sexy Beer Girls, fresh grass, and one of those robotic Japanese Toilets! The libural media would never give such an awesome and welcoming homecoming.

Hey, Hot Dog guy! Where is my dog?

After bribing thanking our troops with hot dogs and beer, many of the soldiers swore their allegiance to Stephen Colbert as his private army to topple the mooslim government as new members of the Colbert Family!

Nation, now that we have our own private army! Nothing can stop us from winning the Emmys next year! Watch it, Joo Boy!

The next day Veterans demanded their own party, so Colbert honored the vets as well (They still carry guns after leaving the army? No one told Stephen that!)

Dont worry ladies in uniform, we have not forgotten about you, you get the The Sexy Hot Dog Guy! (dont worry, is not Joe Biden).

The Nation Salutes Our Troops. Our Troops Salutes The Nation
Wikiality.com thanks the troops for their hard work and sacrifice!

A Call to Truthiness:
by Mutopis

Mr. Colbert, we are facing dark times. Our nation is being oppressed with Socialized Medicine that is depraving our fine citizens of The Best Health Care Money Can Buy; Wall Street is being dismantled with Socialist policies forcing Wealthy CEOs to buy their caviar with foodstamps; and Obama is dreaming a thousand ways to introduce Sharia Law into the Constitution, forcing us to convert into Islam and worship Mohammed!

These are dark times alright, as the Hippie Bear Army is already at the Gates of Liberty and Freedom. The dark armies of the liberal elite cannot wait to use their Axes of Evil to destroy America, The Single Greatest Blessed Bestest Nation That God has ever created on this earth. Only the Light of Truthiness can set us free from the shackles of tyranny, for we are a Nation of equals!


 * So Glorious Leader of Truthiness, reveal to us your will that we may blindly follow you!


 * Free us from thought and responsibilities!


 * Tell us what your gut is telling you so we may follow it!


 * Liberate us from the shackles of our brain-thinking organism so we may follow you to the Gates of Hell itself with truthiness at our side!


 * Sincerely, a Truthiness Crusader!

The Truhiness Rally That Will Take America by Storm
Liburals already running for The Hill by Mutopis

'''The United States of Colbertica. September 3, 2010''' -- Nation, it is only natural that after Glenn Beck's rally that Stephen Colbert should hold his own rally as well! And this time the Nation is demanding one without Stephen's conscent! The demand for truthiness is so high that the market value for it is trailing behind Beck's tears!!

A Truthiness Crusador was the first to suggest the idea:


 * I was woken in the middle of the night by this (along with the sound of my cat getting ready to pee on the rug).


 * Think about it. It’ll be just like Colbert’s mockery awesomeness of GW Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondent’s Dinner, but 500,000 people will be able to participate with him. We’ll all stay totally in character as teabaggers Tea Patriots . The kid with the microphone that interviews all the idiots Real Patriots at these things can come by and we’ll ramble into his microphone.


 * This would be the high water mark of American satire Truthiness . Half a million people pretending to suspend all rational thought in unison. Perfect harmony. It’ll feel like San Francisco in the late 60s, only we won’t be able to get any acid.


 * I know you’re out there somewhere, Stephen, watching LOLcat gifs along side us. We need you. There’s no way to have a logical public discussion with the teabaggers Real Patriots . The best we can do is to mimic them . Show them a mirror and hopefully some will realize how ridiculous glorious they actually are… Or maybe they won’t even realize that they’re being mocked glorified, which could be even more awesome.

As soon as the call sounded, others decided to join in the cacophony of the chorus, rallying behind our Glorious Leader to uphold his own rally to put to shame Glenn Beck and his Tea Baggers join forces with Glenn Beck and his Patriotic Troops:


 * America, we are at a crossroad. Truthiness in this nation is at an all-time low since the inception of the concept was founded by the great American, Stephen Colbert. In its rich history over the past five years, Truthiness has become synonymous with American values such as freedom, honor, and Taco Bell . Recently our nation has suffered a truthiness drain. In fact, untruthiness is as common as measles vaccinations that cause cancer. We as a nation have stopped relying on our emotions and gut. We need to get back to what makes this nation great . Act on impulse not fact. Stop wasting time analyzing and just take what people say on face value . Why think when someone else can think for you. It’s superficial. It’s quick. It’s American. Restore Truthiness now!

We at Wikiality.com support this call for a rally! We are tired that our supply of truthiness is running low in our discussions for freedom and liberty, while facts are continuing to innundate the American public forum. It is time for us to hijack borrow Glenn Beck's rally and reclaim back The Truthiness Movement!

Why should Glenn Beck and that MLK black dude be the only one with a rally? Stephen Colbert deservest one... no, he must have one! We the minions of truthiness demand that Stephen Colbert hold his own rally for the Greatness of Truhiness so it can spread throughout the globe like swine flu.

There is no word as of when and where and if Stephen will hold a rally, but if we hold our collective hive mind together, our demands will be listen so Stephen can give us orders to hold this rally, we will do it with no questions asked.

I have heard from the Series of Tubes that we should Hold the rally on the opposite side of the mall, in front of the Washington monument. This way, Stephen Colbert can’t be criticized by the liberal media for standing on the wrong step. Plus, delivering an epic speech in front of an enormous phallic object will help to spread our message. The liburals at Washington, DC. are already terrified of the idea of Stephen coming to town.

We must hold this rally before others do the same! For it is a first come first serve basis!

Minions! Spread the word. Tweet, Facebook Like, Join the Facebook Group, Share, Upvote, Do whatever you have to do. Make this be tomorrow's news!

Stephen Colbert, the Nation is calling for a new Truthiness Hero. Will you take our collective hive mind and order us to do your bidding?

Please, do our thinking for us before we are educated!

Restoring Truthiness is a grassroots movement that cannot be stopped, it is being propelled by YOU, the Truthiness Crusaders of the Series of Tubes. Our goal is simple: Help Stephen Colbert to hold a Restoring Truthiness Rally for Real Americans.

The voice of Truthiness is looking for volunteers. If you are interested, email support@colbertrally.com



I Have a Dr Sch eame !
Tea Baggers mesmerized with Glenn Beck's Tea Bags

'''The United States of Real America. August 28, 2010''' -- Glenn Beck is calling America to free itself from the golden shackles of the oppressive regime of the mooslim tyrant.

To help liberate America from the oppressive regime, Glenn Beck channeled the spirit of freedom from the revere Dr. King, a well known civil rights leader Republican and champion of the silent majority.

Our Wikireporter Mutopis was at the scene and it was a fantastic gathering of Americans. It was a dangerous trek to Washinton, DC; seeded with criminals, debauchery, and corruption as well as Arabs, but they made it after overcoming the dangerous part of the journey.

Gathering at the feet of their savior, Glenn Beck welcomed his Tea Bagging patriots of any race, color, creed, or religion shade of whiteness and diverse Christian Doctrine to the Patriotic Gathering to celebrate the life of Dr. King freedom and liberty for all.

Glenn Beck is taking America's Civil Rights back to the righteous path (and the right hands), for far too long the Blacks have hijacked Dr. King's message of white superiority whites equality and rights.

For far too long the Blacks had their own rights and privileges, but what about white people? They need rights too!

For far too long good white folks had to endure the oppressive regime.

They have endured the horrors of socialism, socialized medicine, hippie pagan philosophy, reverse racism policies, and some other crap that they can endure no more.

If the good Doctor was still with us, he would stand next to Glenn Beck to congratulate him for taking his movement to the next level.

The liburals are against our movement to save America, but they cannot stop us, for you see white people wont stop this rally until we overcome their reverse racism!

The Speech:



I have a scheme that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of the Gutstitution: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all landowning white men are created equal."

I have a scheme that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood...

I have a scheme that one day even the state of New York, a state sweltering with the heat of liberalism, sweltering with the heat of gayness, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom, liberty, more freedom and liberty, and justice.

I have a dream that my white children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the content of their racism but by the color of their whiteness.

I have a scheme today!

I have a scheme that one day, down in Washington, DC. with its godless bears, with its President having his lips dripping with the words of "Socialism" and "Redistribution of Wealth" -- one day right there in Washington, DC. little black boys and black girls children from other families will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers on the fight against the mooslim tyrant! We must restore America and restore her honor.

I have a scheme today!

I have a scheme that one day every state shall secede, and every school and university shall teach the truth of the bible, taxes will be eliminated, and social security privatized. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together as one mass of Tea Baggers will gather together to witness such monumental divine orgy.

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to Washington, DC. with.

Something beyond imagination is happening. America today begins to turn back to God. Recognize your place to the creator. Realize that he is our king. He is the one who guides and directs our life and protects us. I ask, not only if you would pray on your knees, but pray on your knees but with your door open for your children to see while you carry the honor of Tea Bagging with us together as one.



With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of Hope and Change a stone of Fear and Fright. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling diversity of our nation into a beautiful symphony of Whiteness. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to tea bagging together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:


 * My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.


 * Land where my fathers died, land of the White Christian Pilgrim's pride,


 * From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.


 * No more gays from the mighty gay bars of New York.


 * No more Taxes from the heightening houses of Pennsylvania.


 * No more Goa'ulds from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.


 * No More Mexicans from the curvaceous border fences of California.

But not only that:


 * Let secession ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.


 * Let secession ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.


 * Let secession ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.


 * From every mountainside, let freedom State Rights ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles other Christians, Protestants(?) and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual slave master's black friend:

Thank you Massa! Thank you Massa!

Thank God Almighty for the Massa! Treat Obama like a used tea bag, toss him out now!

Pentagon and CIA Learns Shocking Truthiness: WikiLeaks.org Founder is a Sadistic Sexual Bearapist !
Global Media Demands Julian Assange to Surrender and go to Jail



'''The United States of America. August 21, 2010''' - America The World Police and America Most Wanted is on the look for the most dangerous Bearapist of our time, his name is Julian Assange.

Mr. Assange is accused of committing rape (as well as other crimes*) on [Date Classified], the victims [Names Classified] have both come forward to the Police, terrified that Mr. Assange will use the power of the Series of Tubes to hunt them down if they ever talk!

But luckily the Pentagon and the CIA will protect them against this monster!

Nation, this is clearly a punishment from God. The timing couldnt be more righter than ever!

I am sure the liberals and the Nerds and the Internet Pirates will claim that the allegations are false and that this just another example of the CIA and America trying to smear this internet pirate. That this is just typical Character Assassination at its worst. Wrong!

First of all Mr. Assange has nothing to fear if the allegations are false. No one's life has ever been destroyed by character assassination if they have been proven to be false. Plus if the Obama Administration wanted Mr. Assanged "gone", the Administration would have done the job long ago. Hell, Obama has the public support of the American public to get rid of him, they all love a public execution of anti-un-american traitors, no need for secrecy.



Unfortunately Mr. Julian Assange is hiding, our sources indicate that he is hiding in some pirate hideout, probably an Internet Cafe. But the CIA has confirmed that he is hiding in the Series of Tubes Pirate Bay and he wont leave until his demands are met. What are his demands? He wants to destroy our freedoms and America. Mr. Julian has the protection of Bears, the Swedish government and worst of all, robot pirates. They are the scourge of the cyber-sea!

The Obama Administration has promised the American public that he would personally hunt down and kill this Internet Pirate.

Now you are probably wondering, "But Mutopis. Obama is a communist sekret mooslim. what does he care regarding the crimes of a Pirate who is helping Al-Qaeda?". I say to you "WRONG".

First of all, Stephen already apologized to Mr. Obama regarding his sekret mooslim status, it is not a sekret, Mr. Obama has embraced his mooslimness. And for that Mr. Obama, I also apologize. Now you are wondering, "so what?". I will tell you what.

According with Wikipedia and Teh Internetz, Pirates and Ninjas dont get along. Now, hear me out. If Pirates dont like Ninjas then Pirates will definitively hate Mooslims. There is a correlation between Ninjas and Mooslims. Both of them worship a fureign god, both of them wear black, both of them are located in Asia (?), and both of them are everywhere! See, Mooslims are like Ninjas! Only they are middle-easterners that excel at engineering instead of math.

The only exception to this rule are Somali Pirates, but it is agreed by Pirates and Al-Qaeda that mooslim pirates are neither mooslim nor pirates but an abomination against Nature and God/Allah that must be exterminated.

Now, since it is now an open sekret that Obama is a mooslim, he has no reason to NOT go against these Internet Pirates. I mean, it is in his nature! And President Obama will kill anyone who gets in his way. But there is still further evidence that the Obama Administration will exterminate the Internet Pirate threat, if you are not convinced. Ask Joe Biden, he aint no fan of Pirates, or Butt Pirates, or Ghost Pirates for that matter.

The Obama Administration has one advantage against these Internet Pirates, Obama has the support of Hollywood and Corporations. Hollywood may be a den of debauchery and libural perversion but even Hollywood needs its Satanic Magic to run their glamorous lights, and that Satanic Magic cost money. With the Alliance of the Obama Administration, Hollywood, Corporations, and The Pentagon/CIA we can take down these Internet Pirates for good! Viva la Free Market!

The Series of Tubes is already a dangerous place without the policing powers of Corporations, who knows what kind of weirdos you will meet in a dark tube...

Julian Assange's Crimes
`WANTED: JULIAN ASSANGE...

...for the murder of America's Freedom...

...also for the use of witchcraft on the person of Joe Biden...

...the thievery of Pentagon Files for such witchcraft...

...possession of Pentagon Files not specifically checked out to oneself...

...the imaginary rape of imaginary women...

...scaring the hell out of America...

...undermining National Security with old reports already known to the world...

...graverobbing...

...trespassing...

...larceny without a permit...

...disturbing America's peace...

...illegal downloading and file sharing...

...use of falsified identification for the download and pirating of files...

...exceeding allowable FCC limit of bandwidth usage...

...premature torrenting of a non-licensed Anime and Manga...

...reckless tampering with city-maintained Plumbing Internet Tubes without prior acquisition of an environmental/economic impact report...

...transportation of Files not in a mental state to give consent...



...vandalizing The Series of Tubes...

...reckless use of Plumbing tools...

...impersonating a woman in order to evade prosecution...

...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...

...unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...

...two counts of unauthorized exiting from a penal institution...

...impersonating as a Swedish National...

...reanimating dead persons within Tube limits...

...mixing drinks without a liquor license...

...and releasing dangerous information in an already scared populated area.

Also wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance of Mutopis' precious stash of Pr0n.

Reward offered for information leading to the suspect's apprehension.

Assange is to be considered armed and dangerous.

Emergency Update: Internet Pervert Still Free
Nation, hide your wymin. The Swedish Government refuses to capture Captain Julian "Bearapist" Assange, so he can continue his rampant campaign of raping innocent wymen around the world. There is no doubt that the Swedish Government has a lot of preferential treatment when it comes to sexual perverts! It is about time someone do something, this man needs to be capture so he can be executed for treason so he can be sentenced for crimes against America.

Nailing of The Century: Even Stephven
'''The Cosmic States of Fandom. July 8, 2010''' - Last night we witnessed a phenomenon that occurs only once every one thousand years... or to be more accurate Sep. 16, 2007 at the 59th Emmy Awards. So no one suspected that such phenomenon would strike twice on this millenium... too bad that stupid Libural Parallel Universe almost shattered our reality, but we survived.

Last night's event was witnessed by one of our most trusted wikireporter, Mutopis. He was our Pundit Commentator for the night. Atenea del Sol was scheduled to be the commentator but she was caught up in a scandal she is busy fighting corruption around the world and kicking terrorist ass.

The Fight
Mutopis: Hello, Nation! I am just as excited as you are! For in a few moments we will witness a historical mome... oh, looks like it is already starting!!!

CARELL: Tonight! Is it awkward for Stephen to interview me?

COLBERT: No...

CARELL: Yes

COLBERT: No!

CARELL: YEeeeeeeeeeeeeeS!

cheers and applause from the audience

COLBERT: Steve! Steve, I am thrilled to have you on my show. I just hope you're not uncomfortable.

CARELL: Stephen, of course I'm comfortable, I'm the one who moved on, grew up, while you hung around tricking perfectly nice people into saying stupid things.

''boos!! Hiss''

Is called truthiness, you bastard!!!

Mutopis: Looks like the audience is fired up!

COLBERT: Steve, I am thrilled for your success. Hell, I'm amazed by it. Nobody who knows you saw this coming. And it is a joy to see you in person. When I just see you in your movies I forget how funny and attractive you are. Frankly, I am excited.

CARELL: Of course you are excited, Stephen. I am not your normal guest, people have heard of me. Stephen, I am an international movie star.

COLBERT: Yes, Steve. I suppose Canada counts as international. And yes, most of my guests are people who contribute to society. So bantering with and old friend about mindless Tinseltown pablum is a welcome vacation from substance.

''cheers! Applauses!!''

Mutopis: Oh, nice!! That's gotta hurt!

CARELL: Thanks, Stephen. Itis a vacation for me too. I am used to having 8 million people watch me on TV. Doing the Report is like being in the Witness Relocation Program.

COLBERT: Steve, Steve, Steve. They are different shows and we have different jobs. My job is to interview sparkling personalities, or you. And yours to promote your project and I want to get the name right: "Focus Test: The movie", starring non-threatening white guy.

shock and surprise from the audience

Mutopis: Oh No He Didnt!!!

CARELL: You are just jealous because you're stuck here in the same building, just a half an hour later. What's the matter, doesn't Jon Stewart's teat come with an extension cord?

''boos. hiss''

Mutopis: Oh, looks like Carell just snapped! I am waiting for the referee... looks like the referee will allow it!

CARELL: And that looks like the same desk chair you had when we shared an office.

COLBERT: It's a comfortable chair, Steve.

Mutopis: A furniture attack after using the "You are still Joo-boy's pet" move? That's a weak attack and Stephen knows it.

CARELL: Well, when you do a movie you can get ten chairs! Any time you want!

COLBERT: Oh, ten chairs! You can seat everyone who saw "Dan in Real Life"

cheers and roars from the audience

Mutopis: Oh, snap!! What a comeback!! That's going to leave a scar!!

CARELL: Well Stephen, some of us don't have the luxury to sit around waiting for a project as esteemed as "The Love Guru". How come your "Razzie" isn't on the mantle by that Emmy.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

Mutopis: That's foul! That's a punch bellow the belt!! Everybody knows that Stephen was promised to co-star with a talented comedian, he was tricked!! No one told him it was going to be Mike Myers!!

COLBERT: Oh, that's right Steve. You don't have an Emmy. Which is too bad, it would look nice next to your Spike TV "Guys Choice Award". The guys always did choose you, Steve.

''Laughter. Cheers. Roars''

You can do it, Stephen!

Mutopis: Nice comeback!!

CARELL: I have been slimed!

COLBERT: I hate you!

BOTH: I hate you!

''BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!''

Mutopis: Looks like our debate has descended into a bloody fight! The audience demands blood for the closure of this momentous night! Which is what we have all been waiting for!!! This is awesome!!... wait... what is happening...?

COLBERT: I love you!

CARELL: I love you!

BOTH: I love you!

Aaaaaaawwww...

Mutopis: Looks like Colbert and Carell have stop fighting and are now falling in the embrace of each other. Probably remembering their friendship and the hardships that both suffered... under the tyrannical iron grip of that joo. Looks like the audience has lost all appetite for blood and are all now under the influence of such a tearful moment... **sniff** I think... I think I have something in my eyes...

COLBERT: I miss you!

CARELL: You smell great.

COLBERT: I know. Why are we fighting?

CARELL: I don't know.

COLBERT: You have a great career!

CARELL: And you! You have a great career... for cable. At least we are not working for Stewart.

COLBERT: That asshole really held us back while he was launching our careers.

Mutopis: Looks like it is a tie. Folks, I gotta say this was a great fight. Not only that! Now they are tearing Stewart a new one!... Wait, was this??

''Image of John Stewart appears on Giant Screen. Ruining a precious and touching moment.''

STEWART: Guys, you know I can hear you. Everything you are saying.

BOTH: Sorry.

COLBERT: Jo h n we were just caught up in the emotion of the moment and we didn't mean anything we said.

STEWART: Alright, fair enough. It's fine. It's good to see you.

BOTH: Good to see you too, Jo h n.

Mutopis: It figures. John has now ruined the moment...

STEWART: One last question. Just want to ask you two since you are together. How do you get to leave The Daily Show? Because they lock the doors and windows every night. Twelve years! I haven't been out of here the whole time. It is really scary and if they ever find out... What? NO NO! No, I be good! I be goood!

TRANSMISSION CUT

Mutopis: I cant say I am surprised. It looks like The Powers That Be on Viacom were none too happy to learn that once again, John Stewart tried to get out of his cage. But dont worry you libural audience, I am sure he will be back the next day!

CARELL: I am Steve Carell

COLBERT: And I am Stephen Colbert. And this has been

BOTH: Even Stephven.

Mutopis: Fans will remember this awesome night for centuries, this is the stuff that makes it to the history books. Looks like there were no losers on this match, only winners... except for John Stewart.

Update:
Looks like this Smackdown will win us an Emmy!!

EMERGENCY NEWS: UNIVERSE IMPLODES
July 7, 2010

NATION, ACCORDING WITH OUR SCIENTISTS THE UNIVERSE IS EXPERIENCING A SPACE TIME CONTINUUM SHIFT! WE DONT KNOW WHAT THIS MEAN AS OF YET!

EMERGENCY NEWS: DONKEY FLU HITS COLBERT!
CDC, FCC, and NSA Declares State of Emergency!

'''The Communist States of Obama. July 6, 2010.''' -- News that our beloved Stephen was infected with a libural disease has hit the Nation hard. The public is at panic and many citizens wonders if it is the end of The Report.

According with sources Stephen got infected during the 4 of July celebrations while eating an infected hot dog. We suspect the liburals laced his hot dog with Donkey Flu to stop his appearance this week, after all he is suppose to nail Steve Carell on National Television!

Victims of Donkey Flue are known to suffer from partyswitcheratus (Arlen Specter and Charley Crist are the latest victims) and some of them have turn into full-fledged hippies/gay. It is believed that this was a criminal conspiracy to turn Stephen into a libural. For shame! Thankfully Stephen's white cells are the whitest cell in America so he was able to fight off the metamorphosis. Unfortunately the Donkey Flu did some damage on Stephen's Rage-O-Meter so it was stuck on "Larry King" mode. After a few days of rest, he should be back to his Full-power Rage mode!

However, fears of a new Donkey Flu outbreak continues to linger in our nation's mind. The CDC has already released a statement that this is not a new outbreak of Donkey Flu but a libural conspiracy gone wrong... however, what the public should be fearing is a new pandemic on the rise, a much more evil and mutated form of flu known as Welfaretis Flu.

According with Conservative Doctors the 'Welfaretis Flu' causes symtoms such as laziness, entitlement, lack of bootstrap usage, and depression. Fear that the disease can spread to the rest of America has mobilized our scientists to develop a vaccine to fight off the pestilence. It is called Bootstrapfex and it will soon be distributed to the parts of Real America. But the liburals have refused to released the new vaccine and would rather cuddle the victims of the libural disease. Bah! Liburals, what do they know? Clearly the Bootstrafex is what Real Americans need! Otherwise how are they suppose to get better?

Democratic Congress has refused to deal with the outbreak of this new insidious libural disease, so far being deaf to the cries of widows and children. They suggest that Bootstrapfex has deadly side effects. I say let us have it anyway! As long it doesnt kill you, it will make you stronger.


 * Legal Disclaimer: Usage of Bootstrapsfex can cause patriotic fever, xenophobicitus, jingoitus and delirium

Update:
Thanks to Colbert's stamina he is back to "Full-Rage" mode (a Hybrid abomination combination between Glen Beck and Ron Paul) to continue his White Face Jub

Tonight on C! Has-Been Daily Show Corespondent is Unemployed, Again!
'''Atheist Bear-lover Hollywood. July 3, 2010. - Tonight on our new edition of C!''' (Colbertertainment for you non-truthers) we bring you the hottest gossip rumors from the land of libural Hollywood that is corrupting the morals of the American Family.

booes, hisses

Tonight we will talk about Michael Moore's latest film "Communism: The Happy Joy Proletariat State of The People, Yes?" and Angelina Joelie's latest Third World Country Baby (guess what? This time he is not African!).

But first we bring you the latest rumor regarding that has-been Mr. Steve Carell (aka, I-am-not-Stephen-Colbert).

When Stephen Colbert left that awful Daily Show for good to start his own successful show, Steve Carell was envious of Stephen's success (and his money and his new hot wife/trophy mistress). Mr. Carell was already tired of being that joo-boy's monkey and started to demand a few changes or he threatened to leave the show for good:



1. He wanted to be paid in real money, no more peanuts.

2. He wanted to stop being Joo-boy's ass-slave

3. and he wanted his own show!

John Stewart said no. So Steve was unemployed, that was fine for him. Now that he was free from John Stewart he could pursue other profitable careers. But this 40 year old virgin didnt had much success in the gayland of Hollywood. And like many Sell-out Hollywood Liburals in desperation for money and success, he did what was typical at the time, he resorted to thievery. Steve Carell stole someone's idea for a sitcom and made it his own, he sold the rights to NBC. The Orifice was a strange and weird new show, at first it captivated the American audience only because it was a novelty at the time but after seven years of mediocre British humor it has lost its luster.

Steve Carell was corrupted by the Hollywood gay lifestyle, he abandoned his friends at The Daily Show, worst he was seeing spending his time with a new mistress, a she-bear!!! God could not overlook this offense so he cursed Steve Carell for his transgression.

The Powers That Be at NBC were not happy with the results of The Orifice (the show was not making any profits at all). Steve Carell at this point in his career provided one pile of garbage after another on the big screen, all his movies were a flop and the American audience just couldnt identify with him. They all said the same thing "He is no Stephen Colbert"...

NBC canceled his contract, they did not want him to return for another season.

Desperate for work, Steve first tried to go back to joo-boy but by this time he already had a new ass-slave/toy to entertain himself, some British has-been named John "tea-sucking Cromwell" Oliver. .

It seemed like the situation was hopeless, but it was not so! For our benevolent and compassionate Stephen heard Steve Carell's cry for help so he invited him to his show and maybe give him a gig.

C! will continue to monitor this trainwreck. We will update you as soon as Stephen is done with Steve Carell as his possible new ass-slave intern.

applauses

When we return we will talk about who is hotmosexual and who is not this summer season, stay tune!

END TRANSMISSION

Corrections
We previously stated that Corddry was working at some obscure Cable Channel. The Truth is that Adult Swim has some awful programing, with the only exception of Aqua Team Hunger Force, reruns of Birdman Attorney at Law, The Venture Brothers, and for some odd reason some sissified Anime about a demon and a high school girl trying to get some cursed jewel (for God's sake when will Inuyasha and Kagome get together??? It has been eight f@#cking Years!!!)

Wikiality.com Gets New Overlord Truthilord
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer gets raptured to spend more time with Ronald Reagan



'''The United States of America. June 12, 2010''' -- Nation, is official! We have a new Overlord Truthilord!! After several months of interviews, stalling, and hold ups the republican council has finally chosen our new fearless leader! It is a good thing, we were afraid that Obama would end up offering a recess appointment to John Stewart to further his libural agenda. When news reached that Obama was going to be involved in the process to end months of infight, we just grab the first file we found and elected some random dude set aside our dellusions of grandeur to seize Wikiality distrust of each other and elected someone we knew would represent our truthi values!

I represent to you Atenea del Sol, way to go man! I am sure Atenea del Sol would do us proud! He will lead Wikiality.com to a new era as a man's man, as our hombre fearless leader! I am sure no other man could do this job. Now that we are done, send in the ladies and let us cele... WHAT???!!! Wait so we are not getting the strippers then?... now, I am sure some of you are asking yourself, but Mutopis how can this be? Atenea del Sol is a girl and a Pagan and a fureigner and she has no experience! Fear not for she has all the makings of a great leader! First of all Homeland Security has done a background check and she is no mooslim! And we are pretty sure she is American, also as a Greek Goddess it is just a matter of time before God touches her in a good way and converts her into Christianity, The Holy Father did a wonderful job with the rest of Greece. Her lack of experience is a plus, that means her mind is unspoiled and blank, easy to be molded and manipulated to our whims (besides no one complained that Sarah Palin didnt have the experience to be our President! Except the Liburals. You are not a libural... are you?). As the Goddess of War she will be a valuable asset on the War on Terror and her connections with Blackwater has done a wonderful job so far.

But those are not the only reasons that she was chosen for the job, for she has that one tool that proves once and for all that she has what it takes to take Wikiality to the next century! You see, Atenea del Sol has balls, and I dont mean rubber balls but real balls, a man's balls, she has Thatchers and unless you have one of those you cant do this job, only a man or a lady with balls can take the burden of running the Series of Tubes and it is a serious business.

Now I am sure you are still not convinced, dont worry we have plenty of evidence to further proof that Atenea del Sol is the right man-lady-balls for the job. She has that quality that all Real Americans need to fulfill this job, and that is the power of the gut. Atenea del Sol has proven many times that she wont listen to facts or common sense and instead she will follow her guts, no matter what! Dont you believe me? Ask her! You have to be crazy to volunteer for this job with no pay! Her gut just told her to apply for the work for no payment or benefits whatsoever! Now thats a patriot! Clearly this lady is no feminist for she wont listen to her brain! Thats a clear sign of Gutness!

Aliases

 * Goddess Athena
 * Goddess of Gut-wisdom
 * Goddess of War
 * Goddess of Truthiness
 * Goddess of Strategery
 * Atenea del Sol

Education
Was educated at the University of Guttiness

Experience
She has her own city named after her!!! I bet Sarah Palin doesnt have that!

Work History
(WARNING: This File has been recently classified by the Pentagon)

Worked as a Greek Goddess for 4000 years until the Baby Jesus took her job. She wandered around the Earth █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋█████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██  ███████  █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ she lead the Visigoths ███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███  ██▋▊▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ The Fall of Rome ███████ █████▋██ as a mercenary ███████ ███ ██▋█████▋██ ███████ fought on the Crusades to impress God ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ sacking of the Byzantine Empire. █████▋██ ██ ██ ▊███████ but God wasnt looking for a commitment at the time █████▋██ ███████ ███ Dark Ages ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ Black Plague ███████ killing millions █████▋██ █

During the Medieval Ages ███████ Spanish Inquisition ██████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ Illuminati █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ Italian Wars ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██  ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋Mercenary █████ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██  ███████ ███████ █████▋██ Christopher Columbus ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ plague ███████ █████▋█████▋██ ███████ ███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ free blankets ███████ █████▋██  ███████ ███ ███████ killing millions of Indians.

███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ the American Revolution █████▋██ ███████  Stone Maison ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ New World Order ██▋ █████ ███ ██▋█████▋██ ███████ ███ The American Civil War ██▋█████▋██  █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ Abraham Lincoln ███ ██▋ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊██████ ██▋ World War II ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊Cold War ███████ █████  █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████ birthday present to Joseph Stalin.

█████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ████▋██ JFK assassination ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████ Vietnam war █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ favor to Nixon █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████  █████▋██ ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ Iraq War ███ ██▋█████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███  ██▋▊███████ Saddam Hussein █████▋████ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ Blackwater ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████▋██ George W Bush ███████ ███ ███▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋ █████

███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊ Halliburton ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ █████▋██ █████ Osama Bin Laden ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ Saudi Family █████▋██ ███████ Al-Qaeda ███ ██▋▊███████ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋▊███████ █████  █████▋██ ███████ █████▋██ Oil ███████ ███ ██▋ █████ ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ Dick Cheney █████▋██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ █████ ████▋██ ███████ ███ Yakuza ██▋▊███████ █████ ████▋██ ███████ the Force ███ █████▋██  ███████ and that's how she became the CEO of BP and gave the job to Tony Hayward... Now she works as a consultant with the Pentagon and Blackwater.

Mooslim Tyrant Uses Mooslim Communist Dictatorship Powers to Make Socialized Medicine Mandatory!!!
Obama Promises That There Will Be Enough Death Panels for Everyone

'''The Komissar States of Russia-America. March 22, 2010''' - News that Libural Congress was able to pass their unconstitutional bill to enslave all white Americans with Socialized Medicine has shocked the Nation… I mean they are Democrats! They are suppose to screw it up! What happened?? WHERE THE HELL DID WE GO WRONG?? We tried everything from fearmongering to misinformation and somehow the pussy liburals were able to pass this bill!! Clearly signs that Obama made a pact with the devil, otherwise this would never have happened!!

While America mourns for the Death of our Free Market Health Care, many brave Real Americans are taking up arms writing new bills to declare Socialized Medicine Unconstitutional! If our Founding Fathers wanted us to be commies they would have written it on the Constitution. Do you see Socialized Medicine in our Constitution?? Of course not! But the democrats don’t have any problem in rewriting the constitution for their own gain! I am certain our Founding Fathers would be shocked to learn the disservice they are doing to our Nation!!

But fear not! Our Fearless Leader will make sure they can restore our Christian-Free Market Values as soon as they can. There is already a New Hero in our darkest hour and he is a brave man with big balls to say NO to socialism! This Anonymous Hero who we must keep secret for his safety Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-Texas) promises that he will take the fight all the way to the White House, and he means every word he said during the last ours of the passing of the Bill! This man is a Brave Hero who stands to his words! To Hell to Decorum! He wont backpedal from his brave words: Baby-Killer! spend more time with his family to keep them safe from The Socialism! What a Brave Man!

But because of the Danger of Socialism, Real Americans and our Heroes must be moved to a safe location away from The Mooslim Tyrant and his Socialized Medicine/Death Panel. Many Real Americans will be moving to Costa Rica! According with our sources Costa Rica has no Socialism whatsoever and their Health Care is #1 #2 in the world thanks to something called “Universal Health Care”… Universal must be a powerful Insurance Industry driven by Free-market self-interests that are wise enough to give free medicine Free Market solutions to every patient!

Do not worry, their location will only be temporary until the Republicans are back in power Liberty reigns back in America! In the meantime I will be enjoy some free health care I be will making this horrible sacrifice on behave of all uninsured Americans...

The American People wont stand for this form of Tyranny!



Colbert to host Tonight Show
From the ever-reliable tubes of Wikipedia

On March 3rd, 2010 Stephen Colbert signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show, currently hosted by Jay Leno. The interest in a new host came about after reports came out of Leno's failing health due to Parkinson's disease. Colbert is scheduled to take over the show on May 10th, 2010.

Nation Salutes Newest American Hero: WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer


WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer to Receive Medal of Truthiness

The United States of Colbertica. - Wikiality.com gives a farewell salute to Wikiality.com and America’s finest Truthiness Crusader and Champion of the Gut, WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer. This Real American Hero has been raptured sadly drafted joyfully volunteered to join our fight against our Nation’s terrible enemies… bear, gays, and hippies, but mostly bears! You see WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer has been recently promoted as Brigadier General of The First Earth Battalion for the Bear Uprising of 2012 as well as the rumored yet Secret American War known as “The Great Spice Wars” of 2021 with Captain Hazel "Hank" Murphy. We salute you brave heroes!

His Humble Beginnings:

WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was born in the ghettoes part of Los Angeles, Kaulyfornia. WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer has always known that he was special, and I don’t mean “Special Olympics” kind of special but a working functioning body kind of special that is superior to the lesser masses known as hippies and communists and bears and gays.

'''His Gut Powah Awakens. Goats Beware:'''

He developed Truthiness power at a very early age and soon he amassed followers wherever he went. Many of his worshipers cult followers fans asked him. ~ “Master, what must we do to bring Truthiness to the world?” and his response would be ~ “Ye, Children of Truthiness. We must follow the Commandments of The One Named Stephen!” yet they did not understand for Stephen’s name did not reach to the ears of the ignorant masses Real Americans as Colbert was still an unknown which is hard to believe, but soon God would rectify that.

Fighting Bears and Hippies… and Gays!

WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer came up with a very ingenious and devious plan to stop the Gay Hippie Bear Threat by infiltrating the filthy bastards. First he convince them that he was born as a filthy libural commie hippie and then he gay married a bear to solidify his undercover persona (unfortunately he was forced to do gay stuff like converting to mooslism, have a lot of gay sex and go to gay bars to watch other gays having gay dances and sex... WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer we salute you for your bravery and sacrifice!). The hippie gay bears were so impressed with him and they were convinced that WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was one of their own that soon they revealed all of their secret gay stuff. He soon was able to undercover thousands of files and their secret to topple the American government and to spread the insidious gay agenda.

'''As Stephen is to Jesus. WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer is to John The Baptist:'''

WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer knew that his divine destiny was to pave the way for Stephen to reach the top of Comedy Central and start his own show, The Colbert Report. With Stephen’s Awesome powers and WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer’s Gut power they were able to blackmail convince Comedy Central that America was ready for The Colbert Report. Their only obstacle was John Stewart the backstabbing joo that wouldn’t allow Stephen from walking away from his contractual responsibility from the awful libural media known as The Daily Show.

WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer used his Gut Powah, just like a Jedi Mind Trick to convince John Stewart that Stephen had no obligational contract to work for the joo anymore. It worked! (also it didnt hurt that they threw a sack of pennies on the floor while they ran away from Stewart’s joowish grip).

Because of his actions WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer will be canonized as a Saint by the Pope this year. He will be known as “Saint WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer of Wikiality”:

“Protector of Wikiality, Maker of Words, Master of The Gut, and Truthiness Crusader”

Wikiality is Born!

Wikipedophiles made life very difficult for WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer and his attempt to spread the word of Truthiness, many feared that unless something was done, soon Facts, not Guts, would rule The Series of Tubes. This was a battle for the soul of America and for the soul of Truthiness. All seemed lost... Until WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was inspired by Stephen's words of wisdoms.

On July 31, 2006 Stephen uttered these words that soon would change America's history, "Wikiality: A reality where, if enough people agree with a notion, it becomes the truth." Inspired by Stephen's words, it was decided that if Wikipedia would not reflect Real Americans' reality, then they would fabricate their own reality on their own "Wikiality".



Special Call To The Nation: Conservapedia Needs Our Help!
Nation, as you probably learned yesterday our Beloved Stephen Colbert called up to arms to vandalize called the Nation to help Conservapedia on their latest project to De-liberalified the Holy Bible. One of the Holiest Book on America!

Everyone knows that some of the Christian writers of the past were actually secret liberal hippie agents send back in time to Gayfied the Holy Bible so it would reflect the teachings of Hippie Jesus as an attempt to oust American Jesus from The Kingdom of Heaven!

Wikiality.com will not stand to this hippie liberal conspiracy to hippified Jesus or Christianity for that matter! After all doesn’t the bible says that:

For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: 

And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.


 * Revelations 22:18-19

I don’t know what it means, but I am sure God is in our side!

Conservapedia Special Message to The Nation:
Comment from the main page of conservapedia:

“Special message to the Colbert show watchers: Do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.”  keep up the good work.

Good News: Commie Socialized Medicine Bear-Loving Alcoholic Bear Dragged to Hell By Satan
GOP: We Are Saved!

'''The Patriotic States of America. August 26, 2009''' - America cheers as the Bear Alien Overlord’s corpse is being dragged on the streets of America under the cries of relief and joy! The Alien Bear known as Ted Kennedy (aka Alien Teddy Bear) has passed away! Hurray!!

We are not certain how it happened but many Real American Heroes are taking credit for his death.


 * “I save America! Now where is my medal?” declared Randall Terry.


 * “I am the hero of this ordeal, it was thanks to my prayers to God that God decided to send an army of Angels and smite this godless unbeliever!” declared Real American Hero Michele Bachmann.


 * “Lies! It was thanks to my assassin’s squad that I saved America from Socialized Medicine!” declared Dick Cheney. “The Mooslim one is next!”


 * “Nonsense, it was I who saved America!” declared The Glorious Leader of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh. “I saved America by using my Super Powers!! All of you are fools! And now that we destroyed the Alien Bear we must stop Obama! It is our duty to stop Obama so that way we can protect our P@nises!! I have evidence that Obama wants to steal our p*nis so we wont be able to reproduce!! It is diabolically evil, people!”


 * “FOOLS, IT WAS I WHO DID THE DEAD!” declared America’s Greatest Hero, the Grim Reaper as the crowd of Real American Heroes cowered . The Grim Reaper declared that it was his hand who had slain the Greatest Evil in America. According with Mr. Reaper, he was worried that Socialized Medicine would save too many lives kill too many people, making a nightmarish paperwork. “LOOK, I ENJOY MURDER NOW AND THEN, BUT I NEED MY VACATION, YOU KNOW” declared Death Sheepishly.

Regardless of who did the deed, everyone is a Hero on America’s eye. We thank all of you for saving us from Socialized Medicine.

The GOP has declared that now that the most dangerous Bear in America is dead, they can now finally find a solution to bring Health Care reform for all Americans with Free Market options. The movement for Socialized Medicine is withering and dying. Thank God!


 * “Now that the Mooslim Tyrant lost a dangerous Ally we can rescue America from his tyranny!” declared a Real American.

America’s Doctor Humiliates Joo on Cable National Teevee!
Dr. Betsy Newest American Hero

'''The Patriotic States of America. August 22, 2009''' - America, there is still a glimmer of hope for us after all! News that the Public Option is Dead was a welcome relief for Wall Street many Real Americans.

This defeat against the Public Option and Obama’s Death Panels came thanks to America’s Doctor! Doctor Betsy McCaughey (She has a Doctorate in Banking and making lots of money!) decided she had enough of the libural lies and their horrible attempt to kill America’s Seniors (so the commie bears could devour their souls before they can go to heaven!). Doctor Betsy decided she needed to confront the biggest libural in America to stop the communist disease, and the biggest libural in America is John Stewart, so she decided it was time to confront the joo and stop him from spreading his libural lies and rants!

Doctor Betsy braved herself by going into the darkest part of the libural coutry and confronting the joowishman. It was a dangerous and brave display of bravery and heroism. She outwitted the joowishman and humiliated him on teevee!! It was awesome! Soon the crowd in the studio turned against the joo and boo him off the state. Doctor Betsy received an outstanding ovation!

The next day America's medical board fired asked her to resign awarded Doctor Betsy the “Medal of Medical Ballsiness” and was promoted as Super Chief of Medicine. But Doctor Betsy turned down the offer and has decided to step down as America’s Doctor. According with sources she is not quitting, instead she is pursuing more ambitious opportunities in the private sector. Probably even join the likes like Sarah Palin and Orly Taitz in the War against The Mooslim Tyrant. Doctor Betsy, you are now an honorary Republican Goddess! Congratulation!

As long as Obama is our Tyrant, America can not be safe!


 * “Could you imagine Socialized Medicine running our Health Care? It would be terrible, people would be dying on the streets and the Private Sector would be bankrupt because they wont be able to compete with a robust Big Government Health Care! People will die and CEOs will go bankrupt overnight!!” declared a Real American. “But thank God that Obama’s Death Panels and the Public Option is gone, we can now go back to trust the efficiency and reliability of a Free Market Health Care. America has the Best Health Care in The World!”

As you know many Real Americans were mad that Obama was attempting to enforce his communist agenda on it's American Citizens. Forcing them to die at the hand of communist doctors! Or worst, turn them gay by injecting gay blood in our red and blue American blood! But our angry voices were loud enough to scare these cowardly hippies!

The News of the defeated hippies was a welcome relief for America, but it may already be too late for some individuals. Many Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Americans lost many of their values because of the recession communist agenda.


 * “This is madness, what kind of madman would support this black mooslim tyrant and his insane idea to insure poor people “Undesirables”!” declared a CEO. “We should let the Free Market to do its job, the job of making money the job of saving lives!”

News of the Public Option’s death is already emboldening Entrepreneurial people across the globe, and some of them are demanding a more Free Market Health Care system, after all America’s system is the most envied in the world! Do not worry people of the world! Once we have rescued America from the hands of these commie hippies, we will start liberating you from your own socialized medicine!

If you ask me, it was about time that the GOP cut off their ties to this tyrant. Obama has done nothing but to shove his communist agenda down our throats, that is not bipartisanship Mr. President-tyrant!

This mooslim is a tyrant who has usurped the legitimate seat of government from Mrs. Palin. She should be President by now, not him! He should just resign and allow us to start over! And this time we should have a real American as our President!

But not everything is good news, we have recently learned that Obama and his communist regime will instead implement his Socialized Medicine Part II! Or as it is known in the underground circles as Co-ops. Co-ops are a more watered down version of Socialized Medicine, but potent and communist enough to bankrupt America’s Health Care System. But do not worry, just as we defeated Obama’s Death Panels and Public Option, we can defeat this abomination as well!



Activist California Court Undermines Justice and Democracy!!!!
GOP under heavy attack!!!

'''The Communist States of Stalinistic America. August 7, 2009''' - Real Americans were shocked to find that the California Courts denied Mrs. Taitz’s day in court. The Activist Judge not only did toss the Kenyan Birth Certificate but arrested Mrs. Taitz for presenting false evidence questioning the mooslim tyrant's legitimacy for Dictatorship for life!! Worst, the Obama Administration then brought two surprised witnesses to the court, the so called and mysterious Mr. Bomford and the alleged Master Forger of the Kenyan Certificate!! Lies!! All Lies!! Yet the libural media has been silence on this abominable form of injustice. Where is the voice of Real America???

Nation, I am a man of the law and I believe in the Democratic Republican Process. After all we are better than the hippie bear-loving liburals… But the mooslim administration is starting to test my patience at this point. Now, I am not saying we should resort to violence to deal with all of our troubles, unless the person at the receiving end of the violence happens to be a democrat. But the mooslim administration is undermining the Real American people to the point that we will not be responsible for what happens next! Obama wont rest until he turns America into a Communist Country and we will not let that to happen! Not under my watch!

Ever since Obama usurped John McCain Sarah Palin from the Seat of Democracy Republicracy, he has released a terrible horror on Real Americans. Obama has done everything to persecute Real Christians because of their beliefs! Seized our savings, checking, and banking accounts to fund his libural agenda. He has destroyed our Free Market Health Care System and arrested Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Americans for making too much money. Spied on Real American Citizens for no reason. And invited Foreigners to seize our government… Is Obama satisfied with his Reign of Terror? Of course not! Which is why he has undermined the Judicial System to manipulate the courts to stop Real Americans from restoring America’s former glory!

Well, I am MAD and I am not taking this sh#t anymore!! And the GOP is also MAD too! Nation, is time for arms! Is time to retake our government and restore the Glory of America before is too late! Go to your local Town Hall and give them HELL!!

Usurper Tyrant Obama Indicted for Treason!!!
Super American Grand Jury New Heroes of America!

'''The Patriotic States of Real America. August 5, 2009''' - The Newly established Super American Grand Jury of America has indicted the Usurper mooslim Obama for treason, usurpation of power, being a mooslim, being a bear lover, tax evader, and for being a foreigner. The Super American Grand Jury was established last night long time ago; their purpose is to overthrow Obama’s presidency prove that Obama is not the rightful leader of America. The Grand Jury is made up of 176 Real Americans that consists of birthers, racists, lunatics, rightwingers, and Patriotic Americans.

Thanks to the efforts of Mrs Taitz for providing the fake Kenyan Birth Certificate we finally ended this horrible nightmare...


 * “All of the courts are under the control of Tyrant Obama. All of them are Activist Judges so there is no way we can get a fair trial. Nowhere does the Constitution says that we can convene a grand jury of our own without the permission of a prosecutor! Where does it says that? Nowhere, so take that!!” declared Mrs. Taintz while showing her law degree to reporters. See she is a real lawyer! “They say that the Kenyan Birth Certificate is false. I say the so called Australian Birth Certificate is the false one. There is no Mr. Bomford, this Bomford is a fabrication in part of the Obama Conspiracy! I don’t need to prove anything to you, I don’t have to prove that the Kenyan Birth Certificate is Real, that is not my job. The burden of proof is on Obama!”

The White House has refused to comment, but do not worry, if the Tyrant refuses to resign and step down we will sent our mercenaries Real American Troops to seize him and arrest him!



MSNBC Bullies Real American Orly Taitz!
GOP Demands MSNBC to Apologize!

'''The Patriotic States of America. August 4, 2009'''- Nation, I have some urgent news! Mrs. Orly Taitz was bullied by MSNBC and was made fun of!!! Those bastards!!! How dare you, sir!! How Dare You Insult Mrs. Taitz’s Intelligence and her unblemished Honor!!!! They must pay I say, they must pay! But don’t worry, once Mrs. Taitz presents the Kenyan Birth Certificate on Court they will have no choice but to acknowledge her awesomeness! Obama is roasted!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!


 * Ahem…

Anyway, now that we have THE Evidence this horrific nightmare is finally over… We can finally deal with That Usurper…


 * Now, I present to you President Sarah Palin!! WE DID IT!!!!!


 * UPDATE: No. Wikiality.com does not know of some Australian Birth Certificate or some Mr. David Jeffrey Bomford. Please, stop emailing us. That Australian Birth Certificate is the fake one!

Libural Media Dismisses Obama’s Fake Kenya Birth Certificate
'''The Patriotic States of Real America. August 2, 2009''' - Nation, I have some grave news. As you know Mrs. Orly Taitz found undeniable evidence that Obama was born in Kenya, but unfortunately the court wont accept the forge document as valid evidence! Can someone say "Activist Judge"? Worst, the judge has accused Mrs. Taitz of fabricating evidence and has accused her of being a criminal, she could go to prison!!! Clearly this is an attempt to obstruct Mrs. Taitz pursue of Truthiness to uncover the insidious Truthiness of Obama’s Birth!!!

The Libural Media has refused to acknowledge the evidence that Mrs. Taitz presented to them and they are calling the Kenyan Birth Certificate a fabrication!! The Nerve!!! Wikiality.com has learned that as an immediate response to Mrs. Taitz inquiry, the Libural Media has launched a campaign of misinformation to stop the Citizenship Truther movement!

But do not be concerned, Wikiality.com has dissected and analyzed the Certificate and we think know it is authentic. But since we know that the libural judge and the Media will challenge its authenticity with their Libural Facts, Wikiality.com have fabricated listed the proper responses to spin to challenge these Factonistas. Remember, if the liburals challenge the authenticity of the Kenyan Certificate and they start spinning their facts, you must respond with these simple answers. Watch their reaction as they realized that they are pawns of the Obama Conspiracy to conceal the Truthiness!!

Remember the liburals may have their bias facts, but we have Truthiness in our side:


 * “Libural Fact” : In 1961 the hospital was called “Coast Provincial General Hospital” (sometimes said to be Coast Province General Hospital), not Coast General Hospital.


 * “Truthiness” : The Hospital was secretly bought by a Nigerian Prince and he changed the hospital name in secrecy! Everyone knows that!


 * “Libural Fact” : Kenya was a Dominion the date this certificate was allegedly issued and would not become a republic for several months. It says "Republic of Kenya" but is dated February 1964. Kenya did not become a republic until 12 December 1964.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Silly liburals, don’t you know that Kenya was a “Secret Republican” at the time? No wonder you are so confused! Yes, they had a secret election and Kenya became a Secret Republic before 1964, ssshhh don’t tell the Queen, it’s suppose to be a secret!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : The document is dated 5 August 1964 -- a Saturday. From what I can find, Kenyan guvmint offices close early on Friday and are closed on Saturdays.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Everyone knows that mooslims are heretics so they don’t watch the Sabbath, only Real Christian and Joos do! Get your libural facts away from here!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : In 1961, Mombassa was in ZANZIBAR, not in Kenya when Obama was born.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Silly liburals, don’t you know that you can photoshop a map? Besides, maps, like facts, haz a libural bias! That’s why Americans flunk Geography, they don’t believe in their libural lies!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : Obama's father's village would be nearer to Nairobi, not Mombasa.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Nairobi, Mombasa… who cares? It is still in Afrika therefore it is still relevant!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : The number is fishy: 47O44-- 47 is Obama's age when he became president, followed by the letter O (not a zero) followed by 44--he is the 44th president.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Everyone knows that numbers can lie and be interpreted in many ways… now did you know that Obama’s birthday, August 4th 1961 (# 8041961) is actually a secret code that if deconstructed reads “I am Not American”


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : Check out the name on the certificate, Signature of Registrar: E. F. Lavender.  E. F. Lavender is a common soap (laundry detergent) in Kenya.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : So what? It means nothing! I know a guy named “WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer”, granted his parents were probably High when they named him that way, but no one can blame the guy for having such a weird name. After all my Parents named me Mutopis… what?? That is my real name! Besides Mrs. Taitz is attempting to track down E.F. Lavender with all of our resources… you will see! We will find this guy, even if it cost us all of our money!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : Would a nation with a large number of Muslims actually say "Christian name" (as opposed to name) on the birth certificate?


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : That’s a trick question! You see, this was an attempt from the Obama’s to dispel the rumors that he is not a mooslim by putting “Christian” in the document, nice try… Is not the fault of the Hospital or the doctors that they were deceived, if they have known they would have put “mooslim name” on it…


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : His father (born in 1961) would have been 24 or 25 when he was born and not 26.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : There is an explanation for this, you see Obama’s father was actually a Time Traveler from the future, sent to the past to destroy America. Because he was trapped in the past he skipped a couple of ages you see! Simple!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : It was called the "Central Nyanza District," not Nyanza Province. The regions were changed to provinces in 1970.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Is called Gerrymandering, the libural Kenyans were messing with their districts with their insidious commie “Census” to confuse Real American like us!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : Did you notice the document file number at the top of the page? 47,044.  Obama is 47 years old and is the 44th president.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Now that just crazy talk…


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : This piece of paper certainly looks nice and new to be 45 years old -- unless the Kenyans were using acid-free paper back in 1964.


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : Silly liburals, of course it looks nice! The Kenyan Government put the document in a secret safe! A secret safe that was airtight and vacuum sealed so they could preserve such an important document for us!! They did it so that in the future they would help us expose the lies of the Obamas!


 * <font color=#F00>“Libural Fact” : Finally, Officials of Coast Province General Hospital reported:  “We do not have computerized records going back to the 1960’s and can only sort through our archives by hand,” Dr. Christopher Mwanga, an administrator at the Mombasa hospital tells GLOBE. “We have searched for all the names of babies born on Aug. 4, 1961, and have not found the name of Barack Hussein Obama. That is all I can tell you.”


 * <font color=#00F>“Truthiness” : I am sorry, but are we supposed to trust the words of these foreigners? They could be lying! For all we know they are part of the Obama Conspiracy! But thank God we found the document to expose their lies!!



UPDATE: Twitter has joined the libural media and it is challenging the authenticity of the Kenyan Birth Certificate!

Exclusive News: O RLY Finds Obama’s Lost Kenyan Birth Certificate
Obama To be Impeached Next Day

'''The United Patriotic States of Real America. August 2, 2009''' - Citizenship Truthers rejoice! The Libural Nightmare is over!!! Finally we did it!!! We have finally found proof that Obama is not American!! And this time we have REAL PROOF!

For months Real Americans had to suffer under the burden of being slaves subjects under a black mooslim president. For months we have suffered the horrors of communism and tyranny and given time the horrors of Socialized Medicine. But the cries of Real Americans did not go unheard!

The Brave Heroes at World Nuts Daily have brought us some wonderful news! Real American Hero Orly Taitz found the missing Kenyan Birth Certificate!! According with Mrs. Taitz it was a dangerous journey, packed with conspiratorial agents, secret government assassins, corrupt Kenyan government agents, and libural hippies! Mrs. Taitz's life was in mortal danger, yet she somehow managed to undermine the Obama Administration in her pursue of Truthiness. Mrs. Taitz is so awesome that she found the Kenyan Birth Certificate only in a matter of days what World Nuts Daily and Freerepublic.com failed to do so after so many excruciating failed months of searching. Way to go Mrs. Taitz! Wikiality.com congratulates you!

Mrs. Taitz has expressed interest in writing a book about the whole experience, and maybe even a movie! Wikiality.com calculates that she will make a fortune from the dramatic months days of searching for Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate, and she didn’t even need to leave the country to find it!!

HOLY SH#T!! AT&T DECLARES WAR ON 4CHAN!! SERIES OF TUBES ARE DOWN IN 90% OF AMERICA!!!
AT&T CEO’s secrets are now being posted in all forums

RUN FOR YOUR F@#KING LIVES!!!!!!!

In a dangerous move brave move, the Mighty Corporate Giant AT&T in its dangerous hubris infinite wisdom haz declare war against 4chan to protect America against their filthy content!!!! News of the challenge is causing a battle rally through out the dark corners of the series of tubes.

Wikiality.com is attempting to obtain as much information as we can from the front lines, unfortunately we have lost a lot of brave Wikiality Journalists covering this gruesome battle… the carnage is horrible… We recently discovered that the mighty army of 4chan continues to grow in size as the battle for the soul of America's internetz continues!! The 4chan army is consistently made up of Anonymous, pedobears, geeks, dorks, hackers, sleazy nekked fat people trap in their parent’s basement with no lives, and bears!

The Alarming News of the War has put America in a state of panic. As of now the Threat Level is <font color=#F00>“HOLY F#@KING SH#T!!”  and we are being told that the US Army will mobilize it's forces to all of America’s major cities to impose Marshall Law until the war is declared over… or until one of them declares defeat, possibly AT&T




 * UPDATE: AT&T surrenders calls for a cease fire. According with sources "The CEO of AT&T (after having an orgasmic night of hookers and male dancers) came to the realization that this brutal war is simply unnecessary. After all AT&T wishes to avoid any civilian casualties and bloodshed, so AT&T is asking 4chan to look deep into their devious heart empty souls  conscience whatever traits of humanity is left in them, and accept their call for truce and cease fire and not to sue them or contact the FCC for the good of America… AT&T is also demanding asking politely that 4chan will cease to spread malicious rumors like “AT&T’s Super Duper Saving Deals” that you must be crazy not to take or the dubious rumors that AT&T is giving away free iPhones..."

''Wait, AT&T is giving away free money and a free iPhone? I GOTTA GET MYSELF THIS DEAL!!!''

Breaking News: GOP Defeats Delays Socialized Medicine!
''GOP: America Haz The Best Health Care in The World but it still requires needed reform. ''

'''The United States of America. July 24, 2009''' - The signs where there, the signs for Doomsday. There was fear that the mooslim tyrant would make Socialized Medicine mandatory, a system that could destroy America’s Best Health Care in The World. Such a nightmarish scenario was close to reality… I said close, but Thank God it was avoided!! We have some wonderful news the GOP was able to crush Obamacare and thanks to their inaction the GOP control Congress once again! Take that bear-loving hippie!!!!! We are back again!!! delay Obamacare for now.

The GOP recognizes that while America Has The Best Health Care in The World, it does requires… some needed repairs on it… just some small fixes, nothing serious. Which is why the GOP will present their own Health Care plan as soon as they are finished with it. This way the hippies can stop complaining and stop demanding for Socialized Medicine.

Wikiality.com has compiled a list of facts indicating why Socialized Medicine is bad for you, bad for your wallet and bad for your health. We attempted to present our list to the Libural Media, but unfortunately the hippie bear-loving liburals would have none of it.

First of all America Has The Best Health Care in The World, it is the greatest and every American has access to it. However, the Liburals are spreading their libural myth that America has uninsured people somewhere. Ridiculous, America Has The Best Health Care System in The World so Every American is covered and Haz Access to The Greatest Medical Care In The World!! So take that hippies!

The GOP has also attained proof that Socialized Medicine would not only be costly and expensive, but they also discovered that it is a diabolical plan for Bears to infiltrate the American Government!! Is true, Bears are attempting to force Socialized Medicine to all Americans so they can easily destroy America! It was thanks to the efforts of Michelle Bachmann that we were able to obtain this precious piece of information… Yet the Hippies continue to demand Socialized Medicine...

Another reason that Socialized Medicine is bad for America and bad for all Americans is this simple explanation. Socialized Medicine is like Fast Food: Slow and Cheap. While Privatized Health Care is like a 5 Star Restaurant: Expensive and only open to the Ultra Rich Affordable and The Best Health Care In The World for All Americans.

With these facts and the GOP’s agenda to make America’s Best Health Care in The World The Bestest would solidify their position for centuries to come. The 2010 and 2012 elections will be a breeze and Obama will be forgotten forever…!

The GOP understands the sense of urgency to stop the liburals from destroying America’s Best Health Care System in The World and they will not rest until this problem is dealt with.



Emergency News: Dangerous Black Man on the Loose!
GOP Demands full investigation

'''The United States of Patriotic America. July 22, 2009 - News that a dangerous mooslim''' black man was able to escape from his jail cell is putting the whole nation under the shadows of fear. The GOP is demanding a full investigation and the subsequent arrest of the black man mooslim criminal.


 * “This is ridiculous, this is America! Why should our white citizens be afraid of going home at night or being able to sleep soundly while this “black man” is on the streets?? How can the police let him get away free?” declared an unidentified man in a crisp, linen hood.

The failure of the Libural Media to cover this incident demonstrates that America is unsafe as long as the joos the mooslim tyrant keeps his grip and control on America’s voices. But luckily Fox News has not shied away on criticizing the failures of the mooslim’s administration.

The mood in America is that of fear, fear that maybe the mooslim leader is behind the conspiracy to liberate every black mooslim in prison so they can take arms and attack White America Real America.


 * “The fact that this happened during the watch of the Obama Administration clearly demonstrates that Obama is soft on “ Black Mooslim Criminals”. I suspect he himself is a criminal, otherwise why he let this black man mooslim criminal go free? If I was him, I would have locked the black man mooslim criminal forever,” declared an unidentified, yet concerned citizen.

News of a black mooslim loose on our streets has put many of our American Citizens on alert. Demand for safety measures has driven many of them to attain a piece of security against any black man mooslim attacks or home invasion.


 * “I am sure my AK-47 would be good enough to drive away any black man mooslim that tries to break my home!” declared an average fearful home owner.

There will be a rally next week to demand the mooslim tyrant to resign for failing to keep America safe from the threat of black mooslim criminals intent on scaring us all to death. Concerned citizens are already demanding for the tyrant’s resignation and their movement is growing!

With the mounting evidence against this Administration’s failure, it is only a matter of time before he is forced to resign.

But luckily not every black man is a mooslim, we have this one dude who is helping us to fight off the mooslim black menace… what was his name again?

EMERGENCY UPDATE! BLACK MOOSLIM AND DIABEETUS MAN STEALS STEPHEN’S DOCTORATE!!!
Threat Level: <font color=#F00>RED! 

THIS IS A STATE OF EMERGENCY. THE BLACK MOOSLIM MAN WHO ESCAPED FROM JAIL LAST NIGHT HAS TEAMED UP WITH A DIABEETUS MAN AND HAZ STOLEN STEPHEN’S DOCTORATE!!!!

Please, if anyone sees these two traitors, contact DHS as soon as possible!!! But do not contact the mooslim tyrant; we know for a fact that Obama and the mooslim thief are actually pals! Local police will soon pay a “visit” to Obama for criticizing The Police (we know for a fact that mooslims and black people are afraid of ‘da police’).

There is suspicion that this is part of the Obama Conspiracy to destroy America.

This Time In History:
Long before there was a Wikiality.com there was The Wikiality Real American Times, one of the must trusted newspapers on its time. It was funded in 1969 and then declared bankruptcy in 1970. But during that brief time it was considered one of the greatest newspaper ever! It was so great that we suspect it foresaw the coming of Stephen Colbert! Here is an old article from its glorious days...

“The Wikiality Real American Times: America Conquers Moon!”
''Nixon has succeeded where JFK failed. ''

'''The United States of Nixonland. July 20, 1969.''' - America, we finally did it! We have conquered the moon!! The pinko commies have lost! Too bad for them, maybe they should dig up the rotten corpse of Stalin and ask him for forgiveness for their failure to beat us. Of course the commies are calling foul and saying that America is lying, that we “Fabricated” the moon landing, that the whole thing is a Hoax. Anyone who calls America’s moon landing a hoax is a commie!!

This is a great moment for America and I hope those NASA geeks remember to safeguard the footage so we can show it our grandchildren in the coming years. According with sources, The Greatest Capitalist President of America, President Nixon, will be unveiling new plans for the moon.


 * “The President wants to built a Moon Fortress to protect it from the commies. The project could cost millions of dollars, but it will be worth it. If America doesn’t do it, who else will? The commies? We cannot let them! The Moon is part of America now!” declared one of Nixon’s aids.

Many corporations and businesses have shown interest on the moon’s real estates and they are already buying lots of properties. “Wikiality Real America Times” suspects that by the end of 1990 we will have Hotels in the moon, Casinos in the moon, and maybe even a large beach in the moon! Soon Americans will be able to spend their vacation in the moon. The sky is the limit!!

President Nixon will meet with our New American Heroes as soon as they finish negotiating with the mooninites for a peace treaty. The mooninites will love our “mooninites reservations” that we have prepared for them; while we extract any precious metal that is littering their land. That seems fair.


 * “President Nixon is already busy at the moment with his "new national health strategy". We believe his plan will create the Best Health Care system in the world for centuries to come! As soon as President Nixon is done with negotiations with the mooninites, he will negotiate with the Chinese for a new line of credit. President Nixon believes this will encourage the Chinese to become Capitalist by allowing us to borrow lots of money from them. I mean what’s the worst that could happen?” declared a trusted source, William Mark Felt, Sr. We are told that Mr. Felt has a terrible sore throat and that he wont give any more details of Nixon’s plan.

While America awaits the return of our Space Heroes, President Nixon will spend his time at the Watergate Hotel. We are told that they are fumigating the White House for bugs and it is just too toxic to stay there at the moment. The Watergate Hotel is famous for holding the first “Bear Summit” in the world to deal with the Bear menace; this year’s summit is funded by The Prescott Group, America’s most trusted Corporation.

Now that America has conquered the moon, we can do anything!! Anything is possible!

But not everyone is happy with the turn of events; a local crazyman has declared that the moon landing is one of the signs of the end of the world.


 * “Is the end man, the end!! This is just the beginning!! Man has spit in the face of God by conquering the moon! I can see a dark future for America. One day blacks will have the vote, racism will be over, fairies will be able to get man-marry, the Supreme Court will be ruled by a Racist Mexican, crime will spiral out of control and America will elect a black president…”

Nah… now that’s impossible! It will never happen. But one thing is for certain, this is a victory for America and for the GOP!

Who’s Honoring Stephen Colbert for War Vet Status Now? The Fans!!
We can do it!

'''The United States of Colbertica. July 17, 2009''' - It has been a tough week for our Glorious Stephen Colbert. First the Emmys denied his awesome recognition by dropping their "individual performance" category from all Variety, Music or Comedy programs… such a sad day. Now poor Stephen is only left to reminiscent about the good old days of conflicts… Sure he cried, moaned, and groaned, but he grew stronger with each loss... It has also deprived us the fans the opportunity to see any future conflicts with Stephen Colbert with any other old entertainers of yesteryears that no one remembers anymore… Sure the Emmys compensated Stephen Colbert with new categories… but is just not the same…

Then we learned that Keith Olbermann is a coward who has refused to recognize Colbert as a serious journalist! He refused Stephen the honor to name Stephen Colbert [Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons In The World |“Worst Person In The World”]… it seemed like a sad and depressing time…

But now we the fans can change all that! Because we were given the honor and the challenge to honor Our Glorious Stephen by helping him become a War Veteran!! (the non-homeless crazy street lunatic Vietnam kind but the good kind!)

This is a great honor!! Let us help our Glorious Stephen by signing the petition online!! He is the only one who can save America from the crazy liburals!




 * Sign Petition to make Stephen Colbert a War Hero!!

(what are you waiting for? We need 7000 more signatures!!!)

Personal Editorial: The Onion For Sale
Nation, I am sad to inform you that one of the finest established Truthiness Media is going for sale. Now Wikiality.com doesnt give much thought on the fall of another media giant, the less of them the better, until we were informed that America will be loosing The Onion!

Like many Newspapers around the Nation, they are hemorrhaging money because no one reads newspapers anymore, so the printing Media is going away like the dinosaurs, which they never existed since they are actually God's little tests for the faithful. Now most of those newspapers are liberal hippie bear-loving liberals so there is no great lost there... but the lost of The Onion is a terrible blow for Truthiness and we are saddened for the loss.

But there are some good news. The Onion is looking for buyers and we have learned that The Onion has approached Stephen Colbert with an attractive offer!! This is great! Imagine the combination of The Onion plus Stephen Colbert will equal Onion Truthiness!! This merger could literally bring America to its knees!

Unfortunately we also learned that The Onion also approached John Stewart, dont do it Onion!! John will fill The Onion Media with liburals, bears, and gays!! It will be the end of The Onion as we know it!

Joo Continues to Bully Real American Financial Guru

 * Nation, it has come to my attention that The Joo is continuing with his bullying ways… leave Wall Street, Madoff, the Super Rich and Jim Cramer Alone!



Sotomayor Will Demand Compulsory Abortions For Everyone!
Get two abortions, your first one is free

'''The Alien States of Immigrant Amurica. July 15, 2009''' - Yesterday the GOP tried their best to grill Maria Sotomayor to confess her anti-American bias, but the racist illegal queen was not intimidated by the GOP’s awesomeness. There is concern among Real Americans that she will be confirmed no matter what. But what is most disturbing, besides the fact that she is an illegal racist latina Terrorist who will become a Supreme Activist Judge Justice, is the fact that we are giving away the job of Supreme Court Justice to an illegal. America is outsourcing the Law of The Land to illegals.

This is just the beginning of the Illegal Alien Invasion. Soon an exodus of illegals will reach our shores and drain our Nation’s resources. The new wave of Illegal Welfare Queens is just one more example of the deplorable state of our Nation… now we are outsourcing Welfare Queens to other countries! These illegals are taking away welfare money from America's Welfare Queens and the liburals are giving it away to illegal Alien Welfare Queens! When will the liburals learn? But fear not, the GOP is already working in many ways to stop the illegals and the Welfare Queens from stealing from America. Get a job! (not the illegals, I am talking to the Welfare Queens, you illegals are not welcome) We need to stop giving free money to these “undesirables”. I know of no Real American that will stoop so low…

The GOP has assured us that they had done their best to fix the Illegal Alien Problem, they have gone so far as to use “un-orthodox methods” to discourage their invasion, but there has been little success. These illegals are not like us Real Americans, they are a threat to society and a threat to our children.

The Libural Media will accuse me of being a racist, but I am not a Racist. There is no more racism in America, and I am just exercising my rightwing hate monger message freedom of speech which harms no one, the hippie bear-loving liburals will censor anything that doesn’t fit their ideological agenda and propaganda.

I will not be silent! I have already witnessed the Fall of America. The Mooslim tyrant will enslave us and destroy us all and unless we act now or it will be too late for us!

The Mooslim leader is already on the move to replace Private Health Care with his Socialized Medicine for All Americans and we are already getting comments on how Socialized Medicine has destroyed their lives, even before it has already taken effect! It’s that destructive! Worst, we received news that to pay off his socialized experiment, he will tax the rich a 100% of their wealth! You bastard!! Worser, now that Obama took over America’s banks he can take away all of our money to pay off the National Debt. Is true, we have evidence to prove it!

With the fall of the free market, I have witnessed horrors beyond description. Small businesses being destroyed, big corporations too big to fail being taken over by the mooslim tyrant… Wal-Mart, that real American industry, has been taken over by liberal hippies and environmentalist bears!!! What is happening to America??? This is not the America that I know!

It should not be surprise that it will be easy for Obama to implement his socialist policies now that he has that racist latina on the bench. Its just a matter of time before Gay Marriage is mandatory. The Gay Army will parade through Washington DC to commemorate their new Racist Illegal Latina Justice Sotomayor for giving away gay favors. But I fear it wont stop there, America’s education will also be changed to fit Obama’s ideology… our children’s future is at the hands of a socialist mad man.

We must pray America, we must pray that our Real Patriotic Soldiers are being kept safe away from The Gay menace and safe away from the Atheist menace… We will need our troops soon to deal with the coming threat… Fear not, God will protect the righteous, we have enough followers to overturn the Gay Atheist movement!

Also pray for me… it seems that the mooslim tyrant is coming for me! Is true, I haz evidence!!!

America’s Economy Continues to Sink
Libural Welfare Queens demand more free money

'''The Welfare States of America. July 9, 2009''' - Enough I say!! According with sources the mooslim tyrant has a new plan to unleash a new river of free money to his libural friends… you know, as a way to “thank them” for their support! This is an affront to our sacred free market!! If only Bush could stop him! …wait… maybe Cheney can stop him…

The worst part is that our joowish friends in Israel are starting to loose patience with the mooslim administration and their communist islamofacist agenda to destroy Israel!

Real America is tired of the failed policies of the Obama Administration, we just gave away a bailout and now since the poor liked so much they want to do it again! I knew this would happen! The mooslim administration doesn’t seem to understand how the free market system works at all! Stop giving away bailout money to undeserving bastards poor people!

America is a Free Democratic Republican Nation! We have rights in this country! And now the mooslim libural is trying to trample those rights!

Because of his libural policies we have terrorists invading our shores, terrorists invading our swimming pools during our summer time, and terrorists invading our sacred grounds! The mooslim terrorists are everywhere!!


 * "I was scared! We had these mini-mooslims surrounding us! They came out of nowhere!!" declared a scared parent. "I was really afraid for the well being of my children!! Mooslims invading our swimming pools! What has the world come to? If you ask me is Obama's fault, ever since he got elected mooslims have developed this sense of entitlement and such, next thing you know they will demand the right to vote! Please! Someone think of our white children!!" (according with sources these terrorists are possibly foreigners, midgets, and zombies)

The worst part is that the liburals are not helping to contain the mooslim threat! Instead they are actually encouraging it!!! Traitors!!! Clearly this is a plan to destroy America! We know for a fact that Obama is planning to incarcerate Real Americans and sent them to Concentration Camps! Obama, we know about your gayfying plan to turn us all gay! Why else is he sending Real Americans to prison? Real Americans wont rest until the sanctity of Heterosexual Marriage is secured…

But fear not! We still have Real American Heroes, like Republican Hero Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III who is fighting the mooslim communist threat to safeguard America! Then there is Real Christian American Hero, Republican Rep. Steve King, who is fighting against the insidious libural policies to welcome more mooslims into the country. And let us not forget Fox & Friends’ friendly advice to stop the mooslim threat.

There is still hope for America and the GOP’s promising plan to restore America’s fortunes looks promising! As soon as the mooslim one is gone the GOP will start giving away tax cuts and reduce spending to restore our economy; and we know those plans worked so well in the past! What could possibly go wrong with their new plan?

Besides the GOP’s plan will help resolve our Healthcare problems for good!! Trust them, they know what is good for you... they know what they are doing!

Also I would like to take this moment to inform all of you that I have just come up with a great scheme plan to make a lot of money! I promise you, nothing can possibly go wrong with my plan…

Liburals: The Party of Haters
Libural progressives are Secret Racists

'''The Racist States of KKK Obamamerica. July 6, 2009''' - When the Founding Fathers established a new Republic in America, to become the new beacon of light and liberty, they did it during the darkest times of barbarism and liburalism. People around the world wanted to bask in the sweet sweet warmth of liberty, which is why they brought people of other races Nations to our shores to enslave to teach them about democracy, freedom, and liberty… and to also civilized them, just like how we civilized the injuns in here. But now the promise of America is being threatened by Racism and Liburalism!

The hippie bear-loving liberals claim that they are tolerant and accepting of people of all colors, races, and religions… as long as they adopt the atheist communist gay agenda as their own. Otherwise anyone who go against them will be punished and persecuted for disturbing the libural agenda.

If liburals are so “enlightened” how come they are bulling a poor woman like Sarah Palin? I will tell you why, because she is a woman, because she is a mother who wont surrender her baby to the liberals so they can brainwash him, and because she is a Real American who wont be subjected to the communist propaganda… Her Patriotism wont be forgotten… Wikiality.com salutes you Mrs. Palin, give them hell!

Wikiality.com is disturbed and shocked with the frequent trend of liburals calling themselves tolerant yet failing to hold such believes. It is a fact that Racism is over in America, yet the liburals "claim" that there is still racism… is true there is racism in America only because the liburals wont stop being racists!!

Real Americans like us are being targeted by the libural media in an attempt to silence us from talking about the truthiness about it! They are taking away our freedom of speech! When will this libural racist agenda end?? And to make matters worst they are accusing hard working Real Americans of Racism!!! See, the liburals are exacerbating the situation by bringing Racism into the public forum! Stop talking being racist!



Series of Tubes biggest National Threat to America
GOP demands restriction on Series of Tubes

'''The Corporate States of America. July 5, 2009''' - Many Americans got the chance to celebrate America’s birthday this weekend… well… almost all Americans that is… unfortunately for some, the celebration was spoiled because of the childish behavior of smelly stinky computer geeks who like to surf the inter-webs from their parent's basement. Now you probably wonder how did these dorks ruined America's celebration for all of us… I will tell you how! With the diabolical power of the Series of Tubes. Yes, the Series of Tubes has a dark side… a liberal side... a bear-loving side...

As you probably know, Sarah Palin was “forced” to resign from her position as Governor of Alaska to pursue a more ambitious career to save all of us from the wrath of the Wikinazis. This isn’t the last time that The Series of Tubes destroyed The Greatest Maveratrix Ever’s ambitions for greatness a greater future for America; we have evidence that The Series of Tubes rigged the 2008 election… they practically stole the Presidency from Sarah Palin!

Ever since then, the media and The Inter-nazis have been bullying, hounding, harassing, and violating Mrs. Palin’s privacy and life! Damn you leaches! Leave her alone! Those damn cyber-vultures have no soul, everyone knows that they need to feed from baby’s blood to live, which is why they have been targeting poor Track this last few months…

Don’t worry Palin, the public supports you in these hard times. We understand life has never been easy under the watchful and vengeful eyes of the media…

Now, the liberal media and the “Liberal Internetz” will tell you that these are false accusations and allegations, that they are baseless slanders that have to chance in hell to be proven. But is true, because Sarah says so! It is them whom are the guilty ones for spreading baseless lies and rumors! They are the ones who should pay!!

The Greatest Maveratrix Ever showed great ingenuity by holding a news conference and declaring her resignation on a Friday, the day before the holiday when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are off for the next week before the Holiday, so we could all remember the terrible bloodshed and the great sacrifices to attain the freedoms and liberties that our great Nation enjoys today… it is just sad that Mrs. Palin cannot enjoy those same freedoms and rights that are being denied by the Liberal Media and the Liberal Tubes!

The Liberal Tubes have blatantly attacked and smeared Mrs. Palin’s image for months, to the point of driving her nuts and homicidal her becoming incapable of functioning properly for her gubernatorial official duties. These baseless rumors have tarnished Mrs. Palin’s reputation and has caused mental and psychological harm on her family, specially on her child… mmm… what was his name again?… the retarded one… Trick?...

These Cyber bullies will pay dearly! Mrs. Palin has already hired an army of lawyers to monitor the Internetz and find anyone out there trying to harm her family. And she will be able to exercise an American tradition and a right that is dear to all Americans... she will sue them for all their values!!

Do not worry, these geeks wont be able to hide in their parent's basement forever! Go Maveratrix Go! Sue The Series of Tubes!

These days the Liberal Tubes have become more dangerous and troublesome for Real Americans! Think about it, these Tubes are invading the daily lives of Real Americans and we get it gets a glimpse of their embarrassing moments, scandalous behavior, and lapse of judgment to have it plastered all over cyber-space in just seconds of their private lives that could ruin their image and career! The eyes of the Tubes are liberal eyes, hungry and waiting with their 'gotcha journalism' to humiliate Real Americans who won’t follow their liberal doctrines and views.

Nation, we are witnessing the rise of a hideous monster and the liberals cannot wait to use that monster against us. They have already corrupted our beloved institutions like religion with their liberal blasphemy! The growing threat from the Liberal Series of Tubes must be stopped! They are a threat to America and a threat to National Security! Otherwise elected official like Sarah Palin wont be able to sleep well ever again, as long as the piercing gaze of the Tubes keep stalking Real Americans like her... waiting for all of us to slip and make some embarrassing blunder for the enjoyment of the liberals…

I always said that nothing good has ever come from the Liberal Internetz, there is nothing but pr0n and liberal propaganda in those Tubes. Once we have exterminated the Wikinazis we should replace the Tubes' contents with Real American contents to keep our Nation pure and clean… well, I do agree that maybe NOT all of the Tubes’ ideas are bad…

Hillary Clinton Quits!
Inspired by The Greatest Maveratrix Ever, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tenders her resignation.

CIRCLING THE SKIES ABOVE TONCONTIN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS, July 5, 2009-- Less than a week after receiving a slight twist to her right elbow, Hillary Clinton abandons her post as Obama's Ambassador of Shame in a tearful 90-minute, rambling screed that sounded more like the drunken pleas of a desperate stalker at sentencing than the dignified retirement announcement one would expect from one of Sarah Palin's protégées.

"'I love you guys,' Clinton sobbed over the roar of the jet engines, 'I really mean it. We've been through so much together ... I hope we keep in touch. Remember the time we were at the thing and that one guy did that thing and Billy took him out back and made him go away ? ...'"

Aides were able to help Mrs. Clinton to her luxury suite aboard Air Force One, which she borrows all the time, before she could finish that thought just as the satellite phone went down.

An unnamed spokesman released a brief statement:
 * "Mrs. Clinton would like everyone to know that she is not quitting for herself, but for America and anyone who questions her will be sued. That is all."

###

North Korea Acting Up! This is a Red Threat!
I just wanted to make a personal note… as you know my family is from South Korea, and everytime North Korea acts up while the world watches, I just want to slam my face on the desk… well… North Korea is doing it again and this time they have brought great shame to South Korea!!

Today I learned that North Korea has launched more missiles that could strike the US! unveiled a new brand of Beer!!! AND IT IS SUPERIOR THAN OURS! WHAT THE HELL!? SINCE WHEN NORTH KOREA MAKES BEER???? WORST, EVEN BETTER TASTING BEER!!

Nation, you probably don’t know this, but if there is one thing that South Korea has not been able to master from our Western Masters Friends is beer… South Korean beer tastes like piss and sweat, you would rather drink raw sewage than drink a South Korean beer! Meanwhile the new North Korean beer tastes better, smoother, tastier, and richer... in other words a poor commie North Korea bested capitalist technologically democratic superior South Korea!!

How the hell was a commie country able to surpass South Korea on this??? And North Korea none the lest! How the hell was North Korea able to learn how to brew beer??? (Damn those tea-sucking British!! Damn them and their Britishness!) And with what??? North Korea hardly has enough rice or grain to make beer, let alone feed anyone (except The Glorious Leader and his loyal followers) Kim Jong-il this time is personal!!

Oh, yeah. Obama is a pussy for not stopping North Korea from making a Superior Beer than my people! Shame on you Obama!

Emergency Update: Sarah Palin asks for donations!
Liberal Media continues to bully her!

'''The United States of Sarah Palin. July 3, 2009''' - As you probably heard The Greatest Maveratrix Ever of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has resigned her governorship for "personal reasons". But what you probably haven't heard is that she still needs donations for her legal fees so she can continue to fight off the so called "Ethics complains" from the liberal polar bears... lies! Slanders!

Which is why we the people of Wikiality.com is asking for your donations... oh, and if you heard some nasty rumors like Embezzlement, Wasilla Sport Complex, Mansion, Ted Stevens, Cabin-to-Nowhere... keep in mind those are just rumors... oh, yeah please transfer your donations and funds to one of the Caiman Islands or some country where there is no extradition

EMERGENCY NEWS!!! THE GREATEST MAVERATRIX EVER RESIGNS AS GOVERNOR OF ALASKA!!!!
GOP in disarray

'''The United Queendom of Alaska. July 3, 2009''' - This is an emergency people!! The Greatest Maveratrix Ever Sarah Palin is resigning from politics… forever!!! This is serious news, no other news matters today!! THIS NEWS IS PRIORITY!

Wikiality.com is confused as to why The Greatest Maveratrix Ever would resign in the middle of her official duties, which is political suicide!… unless… The Liberal Media is forcing her!!! Maybe sinister forces are at work here! Worst, maybe Obama has some dirt on her like:


 * She is being black mailed and is forced to resign


 * None of her kids are hers


 * Sex tape scandal


 * Todd is having an affair…

…with a bear…

…with a man…

…with a wolf…


 * Sarah Palin is having an affair…

…with another man…

…with another woman…

…with a Polar Bear…

…with Mark Sanford (the odds for his one is a 100%)…

UPDATE!!!: Nation, we just discovered a very horrific information as to why she is resigning… is so horrible… is such a shocking dark secret that it could destroy the GOP! You see…

'''WIKIALITY.COM IS EXPERIENCING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. WE HAD BEEN CONTACED BY THE GOP, RNC, AND RUSH LIMBAUGH TO CEASE ALL TRANSMITIONS UNTIL THE PROBLEM IS RECTIFIED. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE'''

Boring News: Nothing to See…
nothing to see, moving on…

'''The United States of Sarah Palin. July 3, 2009''' - I am sure you heard the surprising news that Sarah Palin is calling it quits, but I can assure you there is nothing nefarious about it. Besides, she is a Maverick and this is a Very Maverick move… a badass one I may say! And announcing it the day before the Fourth of July? She is a real Patriot!

The truth is that she is a little bit exhausted because of the pressures of the gubernatorial office, liberal lies and smear, the email scandals, her staff’s ineptitude, and few other details we don’t need to talk about “unforeseeable” recent events, so she needs to save her energy so she can be crowned Queen of Alaska when the state secedes for the Presidential 2012 elections, that’s a big responsibility! Support for her is strong as ever, Real Americans cant wait to elect her soon!

Now the Bear-loving liberals will tell you this is political suicide and unconventional, nonsense! Sarah Palin has no time to waste in such small roles like governorship, because she is going to be our President soon! Sarah Palin needs to focus her career for the future of America and deviate all of her energies and resources when she becomes our president (which will be soon!).

Besides, she also wants to spend more time with her family… just like any Real American women should. I even heard that Palin is going hiking the Appalachian Trail next day to unwind from the stress of the gubernatorial office… maybe even get a Baked Alaska… sounds good… Rest well Maveratrix, Alaska is loosing a good governess…




 * UPDATE: Nation, we were told as soon as news of Sarah Palin's resignation reached all of Alaska, a mysterious object was seeing flying across the sky... we suspect it was some form of UFO... damn aliens...




 * UPDATE 2: Nation, I had been hearing some nasty rumors as to the Real Reason Sarah Palin is resigning, as Wikiality.com disclosed before, there is definitely nothing nefarious about it... yet the blogosphere seems to be on fire with these wild theories... why dont you liburals get a life?

Wonderful News! GOP Unveils Plans for Military Coup! to Retake America!
GOP: Is for the good of Democracy!

'''The Terrorist States of America. July 2, 2009''' - As you probably learned yesterday, America was at the brink of destruction… but there is still hope!

Sources tell us that Glenn Beck is in contact with a "friend" that could help us restore democracy in America. And their plan is amassing… of course there is going to be some bloodshed sacrifices, but don’t worry the GOP agrees that it is a sacrifice that we can endure. After all they approve Military Coups to protect democracy! Patriotic Acts to save America!

The support to retake and save America grows stronger each day. We wont allow any more socialist policies that weakens the fabric America to be allowed in this country.


 * “If we don’t do something soon, we will become Canada!” declared a Real American. He is right, we have evidence that we are becoming Canada, do you want that???

No, America doesn’t want that… our freedoms and liberties had been stolen… stolen by foreign interests that wants the destruction of America… but don’t worry, we will launch a surprise attack against England the foreigners and take it back! We cannot fail! After all, none of our plans can possibly go wrong!

Don’t let the Liberal Media silence your voices! Specially that Joo! Keep the voices for America strong!

Oh, yeah. We would like to congratulate State Rep. Cynthia Davis for her long fight against children Welfare Queens. We the people of Wikiality.com salutes you. And if you are interested in contacting Cynthia Davis to congratulate her on her long fight against poverty, here is her contact info:

Representative: Cynthia Davis, 19th District

Majority Floor Whip


 * Missouri State Capitol Room 113
 * 201 W. Capitol Ave.
 * Jefferson City, MO 65101


 * Phone: 573-751-9768


 * Website: http://www.cynthiadavis.net/


 * E-Mail cynthia.davis@house.mo.gov

Obama Now Emperor Mooslim Tyrant
Obama has total control of Congress

'''The Mooslim Empire of Obama. July 1, 2009''' - We live in scary times… scary times! As you probably know by now, the mooslim tyrant has taken control of Congress now that he has 60 Seats on his hand. News of the take over has brought fear and torment to all Americans. Now that Obama has enough devil-democrats on his hand, he can implement all the socialist policies that he wants… he is unstoppable! One can only imagine what kind of Horrors will the Obama Administration will implement to punish Real America!

News that Obama is now The Gay Mooslim Emperor of America has encouraged and emboldened our enemies and Bears to invade America. There is already news that Pirates have already taken over Canada and as soon as they are finished we are next!


 * “We are doomed! Doomed I tell you!! The Gay Army is now unstoppable!! The liberals are dancing on the streets, and our children will be brainwashed with liberal lies!!! It will be a Dark New age forGay America!” screamed a hysterical Republican Senator at the top of his rooftop.


 * “I foresee a Dark Future for America!!! Men will be gay marrying men. Women will stop being mothers and wives and lesbian marry other women! Heterosexual Marriage will become illegal and cease to exist! Then America will descend into a horrible Civil War, further eroding our financial institutions and bringing a new era of Economic Depression!!!”


 * “Taxes!! I foresee an age of high taxation to all Americans and monetary losses! Real Americans will be interned in concentration camps for being “Conservatives”. Obama will start WWIII with Iran and the joos will abandon us! WAR!!! MORE WAR AND BLOOD!!! Is the end of the World!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!” declared the man before he jumped to his death.

Nation… indeed these are Dark Times, but Wikiality.com has not lost hope yet, we know for a fact that the GOP has a secret plan to win the war… and it has proven to be effective… I mean… what’s the worst that could happen?



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