Koala

Koalas are yet another godless killing machine created in the year 2193 by the Democratic Alliance in an attempt to overthrow the Republican rule of George W. Bush XIV. They were sent back in time in the hopes that they would destroy the American government of the greatest known President, George W. Bush and thus allow the liberals to win back the presidency and senate. They are the bears most ruthless tactitions.

Hunting Methods
Koalas' tend to hunt and kill their prey by perching on the branches of the eucalyptus tree and waiting for innocent children to stray under the tree, then leaping on their heads and severing the spinal cord of their victim with their retractable claw blades. They are also infamous for burrowing into the ground to surface and bite at the legs of young children. In 2002, there were 62 deaths directly related to koalas in Austin Texas alone.

Alliances
The Democratic Alliance of Koalas has had underground negotiations with the ACLU, and receives several thousand pure bred American babies as a payment of respect from PETA for them to feast on. The DAoK has also had dealings with the Grizzly Bear community as to what portions of land they will have dominance over after the Bear Uprising of 2012.

Defense
Even with widespread panic spread throughout the world by these horrific monstrosities, there are effective ways of handling these maniacal beasts.


 * Scent Confusion: Spray half of your body with Pepper Spray(excepting the face) and the other half with a flowery scent. (Koalas abhor the smell of freshness and purity)


 * Neck and Leg Armour: When wearing appropriate armour on the neck and legs, you and your children will be able to survive long enough to snap the little bastards neck.


 * Pre-emptive Strike: Before walking into a known Koala portion of land, always throw Molotov Cocktails at the trees and rough patches of dirt.


 * Avoidance: Don't go anywere near those sons of bitches, they might kill you!

Trivia

 * Before having brutal sex, the male Koala must first bathe in the blood of a Republican senator


 * Due to the Koala's brutal and violent nature, attempting to tame or civilize a Koala will result in your death


 * DAoK Agents were responsible for the re-classification of Pluto


 * Koalas have only 7 fingers on their right paw, yet 13 on their left.


 * Koalas shit in our attics and urinate on our children during their sleep.


 * Stephen Colbert has been responsible for the deaths of 1,283 Koalas since they started inhabiting Washington D.C.