Charles Darwin

Some European liberal nut job who decided he would go on a scientific exploration. Knowing that scientists belive that everyone is gay this pervert hoped that he would be able to start a steamy romance with lots of hairy young sailors. However, while in the Gallapagos Islands (which don't even exist) he fell in love with a native monkey and began to have a homosexual relationship with it.To justify it to himself he tried to convinve people that humans and monkies are related and that we "evolved" from them. He then began writing a series of books showing how his crackpot theory played out in his mind and how his god, Tom Cruise, told him that every man must have sex with these monkies in order to absorb the therateratrons and stay young forever.