Guy Fawkes Day

Guy Fawkes Day is a British holiday, which means it's really old. A long time ago in a land far away, Guy Fawkes, widely acknowledged as the worlds second terrorist (Judas Iscariot being the first) tried to blow up England's White House, also known as the Houses of Parliament. He had almost succeeded in his plan, but was foiled in a dark tunnel by the 3 musketeers, whom he had informed earlier of his plans after capturing them and placing them in a deathtap that inconveniently malfunctioned. England celebrates this day by forcefeeding a criminal candies(which are called sweets) for 3 days, tying said criminal to a tree and then having said criminal beaten to sleep(called death) by police(called Bobbies). Children dance in the spray of gore, eat the sweets and promptly go to bed without brushing. This has contributed to the common myths of British people not brushing their teeth, not using handguns and being sadists. Guy Fawkes is said to have predicted the coming of Chuck Norris, as his last words were "I thank Satan that it wasn't Chuck Norris that caught me." British people have never understood this statement, as Chuck Norris has felt it important to keep his work from entering the British Isles, for fear that the affect it would have on the populace could lead to The War of Independence II: Return of the Dependence.