Columbus, Ohio

Situated at the junction of the Scioto and Olentangy rivers, Columbus serves as the capitol of the State of Ohio, and as the seat of the religion of Buckeyology. Buckeyeology is estimated to have between 11 million and 14 million adherents, spread throughout the country and world.

Upon crossing the Ohio-Michigan border on US 23 south, one notices immediately that the road is made of bricks of gold. The lush fields of poppy flowers have been shown to make drivers so sleepy that they slow down from the usual 85 mph (the unofficial speed limit in Michigan) to 32 mph (the universal speed limit enforced in Ohio). It is in this state of slow-moving euphoria that Columbus becomes visible.

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Entrance into the city is made through a series of gates, guarded by scarlet-cladded sentries wearing "O"s on their hats. Once through security (please prepare to remove your shoes and place them in the bomb-detecting equipment), visitors are whisked into the Audience Room of the Wizard of Columbus.



After receiving a brain, a heart, or courage from the Wizard, Columbus boasts a number of fine dining establishments, such as White Castle and Wendy's. Unfortunately, there are no return trips to Ann Arbor.