Dibs Registry

The Dibs Registry is yet another genius website thought up by the Spreader of Truth himself, Stephen Colbert. It was first mentioned on the November 30, 2006 episode of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with John Stewart. During the Daily/Colbert toss, Colbert rightfully pointed out that he had called dibs on three of the stories that Stewart had stolen: the "Michael Richards Affair", the Pope visiting Turkey, and Malachi. Stewart had the cajones to say that a person can't just call dibs on a story. Colbert told Stewart about the Dibs Registry at DibsRegistry.com. Stewart joked that the website would probably be created after Colbert mentioned it. The website (dibsregistry.com was not available, but .net was) is a wonderful forum created by hero Tom Gersic right after the show aired. Whenever there is a post by John Stewart or Stephen Colbert, a small picture of his face is shown next to his name (just as Stephen said in the toss).



The site has recently been given what most consider an upgrade, although Pumpkins everywhere are weeping and begging for a "more orange-y" color scheme. There have been many notable "dib wars" and "dib fests."

Future Stories
The "Future Stories" were posted by members of the Colbert Nation who posed as Stephen and John to make dibs on stories that they predicted would take place in the future. Sometimes the members would post as themselves. Most of the "Future Stories" deal with the Melon Wars. The format is:

Name of Dibber: Dibs Called On

Stephen Colbert: future story #1: tomkat divorce Stephen Colbert: Future Story #2: coverage of Rumsfeld's new book: If I Made Mistakes, These Were the Ones I Made Stephen Colbert: Future story #3: Jon Stewart's rage-filled response to Stephen Colbert's calling dibs on future stories Fairy Incognito: Future Story #4: Leakage of Stephen Colbert's naked pictures Stephen Colbert: Future Story #5: The sale and distribution of my sex tape with Salma Hayak Stephen Colbert: Future Story #6: Jon Stewart admits honeydew is the king of all melons Jon Stewart: Future Story #7: How Cantelope is now the offical melon of America Stephen Colbert: Future Story #8: How Honeydew overthrew the evil pinko-commie dictator Cantelope and took over as official melon of America Jon Stewart: Future Story #9: How Honeydew became a homosex-table, and how is resigning from being the official melon - returning Canteope to power Stephen Colbert: Future Story #10: How Cantaloupe was shamed by "Melongate," eventually resigning and putting Honeydew back in power Jon Stewart: Future Story #11: How Honeydew was assasinated by a cucumber. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #12: How cucumber was actually an operative working against Honeydew, and instead poisoned Honeydew with Polonium 210 Lewis Black: Future Story #13: The brief rise to power of watermellon, ending tragically after the appointment of Gallagher as VP Jon Stewart: Future Story #14: Cantaloupe gaining world domination after a brief scandal with Tom Cruise Stephen Colbert: Future Story #15: Cantaloupe's public funeral, because like I future reported earlier, he got poisoned. Jon Stewart: Future Story #16: Cantaloupe is revealed to be alive, after Cantaloupe's evil twin was killed. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #17: The real cantaloupe being assassinated by the small, but swift Raisin Jon Stewart: Future Story #18: The revealing that cantaloupe has a triplet, and the triplet gains world domination and gives raisin governorship of California. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #19: God and Jesus publically announce they are backing Honeydew Jon Stewart: Future Story #20: The revealing that the Jews were right, and Jesus was not the son of God. Honeydew gets banished to Hell. God is shocked, and promotes Canteloupe #3 to God II: The Sequel. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #21: Satin rises again, gets huge following, backs Honeydew for '08 presidency. Country is now divide. Vladimir Putin and Hitler have all been promised presidential cabinet seats. Jon Stewart: Future Story #22: The Fruit Vote Jon Stewart: Future Story #24?: The TomKat Fake Baby Story Stephen Colbert: Future Story #25: Jon Stewart's baby with Tom Cruise Jon Stewart: Future Story #26: Stephen Colbert's Nambla Baby with Mark Foley. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #27: Jon Stewart's Love Affair with a Cantaloupe up his ass Jon Stewart: Future Story #28: Stephen Colbert replacing his testicles with actual Honeydew melons. Katie Holmes: Future Story #29: TomKat's divorce Governor Vilsack: Future Story #30: Iowa buying out the Nebraska State Fair Her Fruitiness: Future Story #31: Stephen and Charlene- the reunion Jon Stewart: Future Story #32: Stephen Colbert's ultimate demise from becoming a democrat Stephen Colbert: Future Story #33: Jon Stewart revealed being a card carrying communist bastard that likes inferior things compared to me, Stephen Colbert. Jon Stewart: Future Story #34: Stephen Colbert's sexual affair with Hillary Clinton at a Motel 6. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #35: Me beating Barry Manilow in a singing match Stephen Colbert: Future Story #36: Me beating Barry Manilow in a Mulch Match Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton: Future Story #37: Stephen Colbert runs for President of the United States in the Election of 2008, and wins. Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton: Future Story #38: President Colbert is impeached for having an affair with Jon Stewart. Snowden: Future Story #39: Fangirls protest impeachment because Stephen/Jon is haaawwwtt!!! Gaia Faye: Future Story #40: Fangirl impeachment-protest turns to riot-- upset that evidence tapes not released to public. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #41: Me winning an Oscar without ever being in a movie. I'm THAT good. Jon Stewart: Future Story #42: Me having Doogal re-released and then forcing people to go see it. Jon Stewart: Future Story #43: Doogal winning an academy award and beating out Titanic as the Largest-grossing movie of all time. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #44: Being named one of the "Men of the Year" in GQ's December Issue...oh wait? Stephen Colbert: Future Story #45: Pollution from Factories: Ban Cheesecake and Laugh Factories. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #46: Blindness linked to masturbation. Stephen Colbert: Future Story #47: How Obesity in Children will lead to World Peace.

The Melon Wars



 * December 1-2, 2006: Later called "Melon War I," the war started out as a simple and humorous reference to a segment done on The Daily Show featuring a photo of "Unprotected Anal Sex Fruit Roll-ups." It also referenced the Truthiness Master's melon of choice, the Honeydew. In response, a fellow Colbert Nation member attacked with a reference to John Stewart's preference for cantaloupe. What followed was the first battle in the Honeydew vs. Cantaloupe dispute of 2006, via dibs on the aforementioned "Future Stories." Later on, other members of the Colbert Nation forum joined in the continuing saga as either pro-Honeydew or pro-Cantaloupe. Organizations like the Assorted Melon Political Action Committee, Liberals for Honeydew, and Assorted Fruit Political Action Committee formed, creating viscious ads attacking each of the melons, and hinting [[Image:Cantaloupe.gif|thumb|left|Cantaloupe, John Stewart's melon of choice. All filthy liberals seem to love the CANTaloupe.]] that Honeydew and Cantaloupe might run for the presidency. The war eventually ended in a tie. The infamous dib that started it all was Stephen Colbert: Honeydew Melon-flavored Unprotected Anal Sex Fruit Gushers. Here's a snippet of what happened next:


 * Jon Stewart: Cantelope Fruit Rollup Unprotected Anal Sex followed by Oral
 * Stephen Colbert: Future Story #6: Jon Stewart admits honeydew is the king of all melons.
 * Jon Stewart: Future Story #7: How Cantelope is now the offical melon of America.


 * December 15-16, 2006: After an all-night dib war, the dibinistas decided to name another date to continue the Melon Wars. Only time will tell who is worthy of being called "King of All Melons."

Esteban Colberto vs. Juan Stewart
Esteban Colberto and Juan Stewart are illegal immigrants. If we don't build a wall, they could come into the country and take the jobs of Stephen Colbert...oh, and I guess John Stewart, too. Juan Stewart was created during the December 1-2 dib wars. The following are the dibs they made: