Cashmere

Cashmere is a suptuous fabric made from delicate stiletto-heel wearing goats.

These goats live in a special section of China overflowing with grass and tin cans and other goat food. So much so that no matter how many goats there are, God will provide and America will always have enough cashmere to keep Dr. Colbert's toilet seats covered, with the added bonus of creating air filthy enough to choke the West Coast liberals into staying inside their homes.