Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc was a French heretic, and lesbian who was rightfully burned at the stake for her crimes. The French being who they are, declared Joan a Saint almost twenty-four years after her soul was sent to hell.

Her History Of Heresies
Joan began worshiping the devil at the young age of seven. A year later she denounced the Catholic Church and converted to Lutheranism. If these actions were not heretical enough, at the age of 12, she became sexual active, and started hearing voices that she claimed to came from God.

Spoke with the Dolphin of France.

Trial And Execution
The Inquisitors effectively proved that Joan was not hearing the voice of God, since why would God communicate with a Women? Evidence of her Lesbianism was provided by her short hair and the men's clothing she wore.

Even while she was imprisioned and facing a possible death sentence, Joan's sexual appitite remained ravenous. Her sexual encounters with her captors led to them to ultimately take all Joan's clothing and make her dress in men's clothing so they would not be tempted.

Retrial
Unfortunately, the now defunct Catholic Church of France retried Joan posthumously at the sake of new found "evidence" that not only was she not a heretic, but rather, a saint.