Happy Holidays

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Background

Happy Holidays is a greeting sent out by the enemies of Christmas. They don't want you to say "Meery Christmas", because they don't want you to offend somebody who is a Jesus hater. Sadly enough, this battle is being won due to the large number of Jesus haters in America. This can, of course, be attributed to the terrorists and bears that plague our country.

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Strategies

There are several ways to win the war against "Happy Holidays". One way, is to not offend people by saying "Merry Christmas" to the wrong people. How will we know who not to say Merry Christmas too? Easy. We'll just have all of the Jesus haters (a.k.a. Jews) wear a little symbol on their clothes that tells us that they're Jesus Haters. These will be little stars, with the word "JUDE" printed inside of them. J.U.D.E. is an acronym for "Jesus is Underrated and we made him Die, because we are Evil". It's perfect.

Then, if you see anybody wearing this star, tell them "Happy Holidays", and if they aren't, then tell them "Merry Christmas". Another good method would also be to take all the Jesus haters, and put them all in a gated community. We'll call them "ghettos", which is also an acronym, which means "Great Homes for Everbody To Take Overly-long Showers in" That way, if your in the "ghettos", you know to tell everybody "Happy Holidays".