Don Cherry

Don Cherry
Don Cherry, also known by the nickname Grapes because of his grape-like head, is a Canadian sports commentator for Canada's only television program Hockey Night in Canada (he has a segment called Coach's Corner that is broadcast in the first intermission of the game shown that night). He is a hero to all Canadians because, like Stephen, he always goes by his gut and never uses facts. He also resembles Sean Hannity in that he never lets his co-host, Ron MacLean, speak for more than 1 second per show.

Canadian or American?
Given the size of Don Cherry's balls, many Canadians wonder if he really is a Canadian or if he is an angel sent to us from American to help keep our country from going totally gay and communist. The truth is that he is Canadian, but was in fact a love child of prominant republican Dwight D. Eisenhower. Don Cherry would grow up resenting the liberal, bear friendly governments that run Canada and eventually chose to save the one thing the liberals hadn't destroyed yet, hockey.

Saving Hockey
Well his years as a player and coach don't really matter so lets skip to the important stuff, his show. Coach's Corner is the medium in which Don Cherry can safely speak truthiness to the Canadian people without the liberal media censoring him (well they tried once but the Canadian people fought back and the CBC removed the censor, proving that the liberal media can be beat).

Don Cherry is known for expressing many core American values on his show such as: distrust of Europeans, the French, and anyone sissy enough to play with a visor (which as he pointed out, are mostly commie Europeans and dirty Frenchies anyway); believing the Russians are either doped up or quitters, should they not be on dope at the time; and supporting President Bush and the Iraq War. DOn also has said that there are too many Europeans playing in the NHL and that it is runing the game. Liberals have been denying Don's theory, becuase it came from his gut and not from "facts", but a recent study proved that not only has there been a major increase in the amount of Europeans drafted, but that a large number of them are not to standard and are runing the game.

The Greatest Canadian
In 2004, the CBC aired a show called The Greatest Canadian in which famous Canadians, living or dead, were pitted against each other in Mortal Kombat to see who was the greatest of all...actually it was just series of polls, but most Canadians couldn't be bothered watching such a stupid show so we just feel that the former was true. Don Cherry made it into the top ten, and finished in seventh. He would have won, but Tommy Douglas cheated by inventing universal health care and kept healing himself between matches.

External Sources

 * Europeans Suck
 * Canada's Hero