Jack Bauer/Trivia




 * Jack Bauer Main Page

Little known trivia about Jack Bauer

 * When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.


 * One proposed budget for the US Military covered Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.


 * Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.


 * Many women's husbands don't wish they were Jack Bauer. They wish their wives were Jack Bauer. Coincidentally, none of these men are gay.


 * Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.


 * If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. The corollary to this is: If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.


 * Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jack Bauer.


 * The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.


 * Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism. A billion Chinese vs Jack Bauer? Sounds like a fair fight.


 * Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.


 * Kim Bauer lost her virginity-- Jack Bauer got it back.


 * If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.


 * Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


 * Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


 * Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.


 * Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.


 * In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.


 * Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.


 * If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.


 * Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.


 * Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.


 * When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.


 * Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.


 * Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.


 * Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".


 * Jack Bauer eliminated Bird Flu by playing Duck Hunt.


 * When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish her vegetables.


 * When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.


 * Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep.


 * Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.


 * Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.


 * In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.


 * Jack Bauer makes onions cry.


 * Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.


 * When Chuck Norris files his taxes, he sends in a blank return and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. This year, however, the IRS sent him back a picture of Jack Bauer wearing his dark sunglasses. The next day, Chuck Norris pled guilty to multiple counts of tax evasion.


 * Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.


 * Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.


 * When Jack Bauer turns on a video game, the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again.


 * Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.


 * Jack Bauer’s dog put a sign on his fence that read “Beware of Jack.”


 * A terrorist once killed himself so Jack Bauer did not torture him. Jack just laughed, brought him back to life, and tortured him.


 * When Jack Bauer was a baby, he took candy from adults.


 * Water can only go three days without Jack Bauer.


 * Jack Bauer can start a fire using only water.


 * Deaf people listen to Jack Bauer.


 * To stop the Japanese in WWII Truman was going to drop Jack Bauer out of a Bomber. Instead he went with a nuke because it was more humane.


 * Arnold Schwarzenegger thought he could take Jack Bauer in a fight. He ended up pregnant.


 * Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.


 * Jack Bauer's blood type is testosterone.


 * Instead of tickling Elmo, Jack Bauer shot him.


 * Jack Bauer got in a car accident and protected his air bag.


 * David Palmer is Jack Bauer's Black Friend.


 * Jack Bauer has an account on redvsblue.com, only to fight the Terrorist menace


 * Jack Bauer can have 11 items at the 10 item lane