Rachel Carson



Noted author, tree-hugger and rumored "lesbian", Rachel Carson is most famous for an appearance on a CBS television show covering something called "news"

Being Female
Ms. Carson was born at a time in America's history when it was appropriate to use the word "history" and not some pretend word like "herstory".

Back when Ms. Carson was growing up, girls played "homemaker" while wearing Biblically correct outfits. Often spending hours, days and sometimes weeks grooming themselves and others in order to one day learn how to make themselves presentable for their husbands. Unfortunately, Ms. Carson's father often worked far from home making it easier for her Satanic mother to instill a sense of independence in her mini-me.

Ms. Carson was allowed to wander through the nearby forest unattended and most likely naked, communing with nature and various and sundry wild animals, which certainly turned her toward the Love that Dare Not Sully The Institution of Marriage.

With an absent father and an obviously out-of-control mother, Ms. Carson began to read. Soon, she was even writing.

The local pastor tried to instill in young Rachel obedience to The Word of God and American social conventions, but to no avail. It quickly became apparent that Mother Carson's brand of homsechooling was doing more damage than anything Rachel could have learned in public school.

College Life
Somehow, the Carson family was able to afford to send Rachel to a woman's college. This was only possible because her father worked himself to the bone, like all good and loving breadwinners did, even in the midst of the Great Depression.

Rachel initially took the standard female curricula:
 * Dusting and Sweeping, the basic physics of particle removal
 * a Laundry Lab where the girls perfected their washing, drying and folding skills on the uniforms of all the men working at the local mills and factories
 * Household Cleaners Identification, a chemistry-like survey sponsored by Proctor and Gambol
 * Grooming On A Budget, a young woman's guide to personal hygiene before marrying into money