The Fine Arts

The Fine Arts are a disgusting byproduct of the Public Education system in the United States. These "arts" are fine only in their effectiveness of turning our daughters into radical lesbians, and our sons into either socially-ackward closet homosexuals, or part of the Autistic fad.

Musical Instruments Of The Fine Arts

 * Bassoon - Except for when being played by the bassoon virtuoso Stephen Colbert, this instrument has the sound of a bullfrog playing the Bagpipes.


 * Clarinet - Clarinets are played by fat chicks or by boys who are too effeminate to play on the football team.


 * Trumpet - This instrument should only be used by God to announce himself. Because of this, unfortunately the instrument is played primarily in cults, and by other false prophets.  So if you see a trumpet player (That isn't God (very important distinction!)), stone them to death.


 * Trombone - A trombone of non-rusty variety are often played by the Bumpin' Uglies of the band. Uncoincidentally trombones are always in the back row, farthest from the conductor.


 * Oboe - The oboe is the most tonally unstable instrument, played by the most mentally unstable people. While the tone of a well tuned oboe is said to be beautiful, no one has successfully tuned the instrument in over 50 years...If not in tune, it sounds more like a gaggle of wild geese.


 * Saxophone - Not to be confused with the "Sex-o-Phone", the favorite of Bill O'Reilly, a saxophone is a woodwind instrument (even though it is made of brass) who thinks it is cooler than all the other instruments in the band.


 * Flute - Flutes are wasteful and dangerous because in it's playing, it utilizes the nimble fingers of a women who would be otherwise sewing, knitting, or doing other household chores. Flute players usually make good breeding stock.


 * Skin Flute - The Skin Flute is a widely popular instrument among boys starting around the age of 13. Many teens and young men seem to be virtuosic in their ability to master this instrument.

Dance
....unless it is for the sole purpose to aid in the courtship of a potential husband/wife

Do Not See

 * Opera
 * Jazz