Lawyer

A lawyer is a person who has to do whatever you say because they are they to serve you. The only way in which you have to do what they say is that you have to pay them lots of money.

How do lawyers get to be laywers?
Lawyers attend law school where they are taught to ignore the common foundations of decency upheld by our society. Through constant contact with child molesters, murderers, homosexuals, and other criminals, lawyers learn to develop a thick skin and are able to put forth almost any argument for anyone who pays them enough money.

Is it possible to take a lawyer seriously?
No. It is almost never possible to take a laywer seriously. Most lawyers have become so confused that they don't even know if they believe what they are saying.

Who is worse, activist judges or lawyers?
As is a commonly accepted fact, activist judges are ruining this country. Lawyers like activist judges because activist judges are not constrained by the law, but rather only by their own thoughts, which are usually insane. Because lawyers enable activist judges through their arguments, lawyers are pretty bad. However, activist judges are generally worse because lawyers have no actual power to change the law. They can only use their craven ways to manipulate judges.

Do lawyers have any official organizations?
Yes. Most lawyers who want to appear upstanding belong to the ABA, which stands for American Bastardization Association. The organization's name is an official nod to the notion that lawyers work to accomplish the goals of their clients, no matter how much it might strain Constitution or other legal foundations of our society.

If I think I want to be a lawyer, what else might I be interested in?
Prostitution.

What do lawyers do in their free time?
In their free time, lawyers typically do legal research and write memoranda of law to their family members. Most lawyers who have not been divorced occassionally make eye contact with their family members. Otherwise, lawyers watch pornography with judges, which is what led to Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart's statement, referring to pornography, that he "knows it when he sees it."

What is the difference between a lawyer and an attorney?
An attorney is simply what a lawyer calls himself.

How can I make contact with a lawyer?
Slip and fall in public. One will come out of the cracks eventually.