Optimus Prime

In the year 1984, when Americans were too busy eating their Ninja Turtles pudding pies and wetting their pants over whether the Red Soviet Phantom Menace was going to carpet bomb their country with Skittles (because the Reds were too poor to buy real nukes), one man, nay, one robot man stepped forward to shoot the enemy square in the face at point-blank range. That robot man was Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime, a transforming Autobot transformer that could transform, came to Earth to thwart the terrorist tyranny of the almight Megatron and his ruthless Decepticon robo-camel jockies. Optimus Prime's philosophy was "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings", a motto that was passed down to him by his mentor, George W. Bush.

Evil Decepticons
Like most illegal immigrants, the Decepticons are terrorists bent on destroying America because out country is nicer than their entire planet. While the other terrorist legions of the world tried to overthrow America through politics or collapsing the occasional office building, the Decepticons were much less subtle. These illegal immigrants from the stars would build giant laser cannons on a weekly basis, using them to blow holes in the moon or turn New York City into a robo-metrolplis somehow. To power their weapons of mass destruction, the Decepticons would steal energon from things like hydro-electric dams, ruby crystals, Dr. Arkeville's brain or solar panels.

Heroic Autobots
As a testament to Optimus Prime's leadership skills, he managed to lead a troop of sniveling sadsacks to victory against the mighty Decepticon forces. Fighting alongside Prime were Autobots such as Sunstreaker, known for his obsession with his looks and effiminine lisp, Tracks, known for his obsessesion with his looks and tendancy to hang around a street punk with a heart of gold named Raul, and Jazz, the black guy. Other notable Autbots included Huffer, the chronic whiner, Gears, the chronic complainer and Grimlock, the T-Rex that wouldn't listen to orders no matter what.

By most calculations, Prime and the Autobots should have folded faster than Ping Pong's dry cleaners, yet through his unmatched leadership skills, Prime heroically slaughtered the forces of the Decepticons.