Bear Uprising of 2012

The Bear Uprising of 2012 was predicted by many Heroes.

They have predicted that in 2012 the Colbear and Bearlister Crowley, on their way to Mt. Rushmore to do battle with Stephen Colbert, will take over a satellite and use it to broadcast a signal all over the world which activates his sleeper cells. It is also rumored that the Bear Uprising might lead to chears unleashing their hell throughout the southwestern U.S..

The sleeper cells are not bears, but brainwashed humans! They were brainwashed by the Bear World Order! The Colbear has ordered that humans of all kinds (ranging from small children to high political figures) be captured and taken to the underground labs of Bear City where they have been brainwashed and put back into their homes, only to be activated years later.



Once the Colbear's signal activates the sleeper cells, they will go on to free all kinds of captured terrorist bear leaders from their cells and prisons; such as Winnie The Pooh, Big Bear, and the dastardly duo Yogi Bear and his sidekick Booboo. Bears will run amok in city streets, shredding people to peices and devouring them on spot.

The Canadian government is closely allied with bears. They cannot and should not be trusted.

Cities Overtaken


Chicago, which was already 50% owned by bears and contained an underground bear military institution, will become 100% owned by bears as they destroy every person in sight of the city, burn down all of the human buildings and make it their own. They then rename it to Bearcago, and place Big Bear, one of the five 14 ft godless killing machines and top 10 terrorist bear leaders, in charge. It becomes the bears' 2nd strongest city.

Hollywood is also taken over by the bears. It is an easy task for them since all the liberal pussies there have always thought that bears are kind and gentle animals to begin with! What naive fools. At least when the bears do take over Hollywood, they will take out a large proportion these liberal bastards. The bears do continue to make horrible, gay movies with the Jews of Hollywood and put them in theaters all over the world...

See Big Bear Mountain And Resort for more history on how the Bears prepared for launching their assault on the liberal and morally corrupt city of Hollywood.

2008 Presidential Election and its Effect on the War
On Nov 4, Barack Obama was elected the 22nd president of the United States of America, and in doing so he ensured Hummanity's defeat at the hands of the bears. You see, America needed John McCain to become president, who would then be mauled by a bear on a diplomatic trip to Russia, allowing Sarah Palin to become president. As her first order of duty, she would not only make aerial hunting legal, but mandatory in all states, and she would build up America's helicopter reserves, so when the bears come, we would be ready. But thanks to a time traveling Austrian cyborg bear who killed McCain supporters in the swing states, John McCain and Sarah Palin never made it to the white house. Instead, America elected Barack Obama, the first black man, or should I say, BLACK BEAR as the president of what would become the United States of ABEARica. The signs were obvious: rearrange the letters in Barack Obama and you get Black Bear. Now, our only hope will be to amend the constitution so that George W. Bush, the only capable of saving humanity after Dick Cheney shots both McCain and Palin in the face, can serve a third term, and bring the bears to justice.