Jesus Powers



Jesus powers refers to the many various and wonderful mystical superpowers with which Jesus wields to smite his enemies! Some of these blatantly amazing powers include turning water into wine, wine into gasoline and gasoline back into dinosaurs.

Amongst His Other Superpowers

 * Making the Red Sea surfable for The Jews
 * Heat vision
 * Making taxes (and tax collectors) cool again
 * Turning Peters into rocks
 * Creating horny girls in order to attract a following of disciples
 * Invention of the color TV in 1953
 * Nucular weapons technology granting
 * Elections winning
 * Topiary
 * he liked bears
 * His looks give people nighmares and they then die
 * He cleaned the floor of Jerusalem with his mop; Hair that is
 * He makes gay people follow him and try to rape him

All of which he was willing to employ for a reasonable price unlike that dirty Hippie Jesus.

Famous Battles With Hippie Jesus
Hippy jesus tries to kill normal jesus with flowers and then jesus turns round and blows his head off with a bazooka