Daily Poll

January 2, 2008
While real Americans relax and enjoy holiday celebrations, Democrats: Stay in session to block otherwise automatic recess appointments by President Bush. Annoy Iowa with polls. Annoy New Hampshire with polls. Help the terrorists destroy Christmas.
 * Recess points, Recess Appointments, Democrats, The Greatest President, real Americans

January 1, 2008 - No Bears Day
While sodomites and Democrats make new years resolutions, heroes focus on the important things: Bush's third term. The Return of the Messiah. Liberating Iran and Pakistan through the dedication of Blackwater and Halliburton employees. The Road to Armageddon.
 * Road to Armageddon, sodomites, Democrats, hero, The Greatest President, The Messiah

December 29, 2007
Why is Russia selling "anti-aircraft" missiles to Iran? Because Russians love bears. Because Putin is a commie. Because it allows them to ship the nuclear weapons Iran is actually buying. Because Russians hate Jews.
 * Nuclear missile points, Time "Person" of the year, Russia, Vladimir Putin

December 28, 2007
Pakistan jihado-terrorists have assassinated a peaceful woman who wanted freedom for her country. When does Operation Pakistani Peace begin? As soon as we can move all our troops from the Iran border. As soon as we locate where Pakistan's nuclear bombs are. As soon as White House press releases can update "Ir" with "Pakist". As soon as the World War III posters can be updated with Musharraf's photo in place of Ahmadinejad's. After giving the contracts and immunity for rebuilding Pakistan to Halliburton.
 * Bhutto points, Bhutto prequel, Benazir Bhutto, jihadists, Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf

December 27, 2007
Why can't we just move on to Giuliani-Romney making Clinton-Obama blink like a Pelosi and taking over in the greatest footsteps of a President ever? Reporters expecting fairness and accuracy. Not enough Rupert Murdochs telling their news media what to filter. John Edwards trying to pull Spears media PR events. Iowa needs time to build a fence to keep Minnesotans from sneaking across the border to vote.
 * Democrats squeeze, John Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, USA Today, Rudy Giuliani

December 26, 2007
If writers are on strike, who's writing liberal rants like Keith Olbermann's? Writers. They're faking the strike. Robert Wexler. Dennis Kucinich. Barack Obama. NPR staff.
 * Olbermann writers, writers, Robert Wexler, Dennis Kucinich, Barack Obama, NPR, Keith Olbermann

December 25, 2007 - Merry Yule
What would be the greatest Christmas gift ever? Exxon stock. A third term. Dick Cheney as president. Fred Thompson making Hillary Clinton blink like Nancy Pelosi. President Bush executive ordering writers back to work. Another year of surge.
 * Christmas, Xmas, happy holidays, Yule, Exxon, Fred Thompson, Hillary Clinton, writers, executive order, surge, The Greatest Vice President

December 24, 2007 - Yule Eve
Tis the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even a: liberal macaca Obama Wexler writer sodomite islamofascist UN nuclear inspector
 * Christmas, Xmas, happy holidays, Yule, macaca, sodomite, islamofascist, writers

December 23, 2007
Some California town near San Diego recently rejected Blackwater's proposed new west coast training facility. Why hasn't the town been liberated yet? Potrero, the town, has no oil. Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot control the hippies and sodomites. California's 50th was already dead since Stephen declared it "Dead To Me(Him)". Blackwater and President Bush decided the facility is better next to Ronald Reagan's museum. Due to illegal immigrants, Potrero is about to be on Mexico's side of the border.
 * Americans for Blackwater, Blackwater, California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dead To Me, as researched by Blackwater VP-Training WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 22, 2007
Instead of enjoying the love of the Christ Child's birthday season, last week the New York Times decided to apply its filter to muck by: Not doing front page features of football playoff races. Not providing page sized-photos and interviews with the Bushes about their Christmas decorations. Not reporting on how attorneys of former Attorney General are protecting him from the Times' muck. Not reprinting in full President Bush saying, regardless or the truth, how "pernicious and troubling" it is that they would even suggest he and Cheney may have instructed the CIA to destroy some perfectly lawful interrogation tapes while keeping others.
 * Evidence destruction points, New York Times, The Greatest President, Baby Jesus, Alberto Gonzales, as researched by White House Evidence Archiver WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 21, 2007
What does requiring the troops to pay for phone calls home, even on Christmas, accomplish? Helps the phone companies buy better wiretapping equipment. Shares key capitalism learnings of the Greatest President with the troops. Helps keep troops motivated to work longer hours and surge more. Saves them from hearing news that isn't approved for Voice Of America.
 * Troops calling home, Eavesdropping points, troops, The Greatest President, MoveOn.org, Voice of America

December 20, 2007
What's the greatest part of Republican FCC Chairman Kevin Martin's letting media corporations consolidate as they see fit? Media consolidation will guarantee citizens the cheapest news. They'll get the same accuracy in their local newspaper as they've come to expect from Fox News. The 99% of opposing comments can be destroyed and the commenters interrogated. Rush Limbaugh will have front page stories in your newspaper. The writers strike will end sooner and Stephen will be back on TV.
 * Liberal media points, Ownership points, Kevin Martin, FCC, Fox News, researched by FCC Press Secretary WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 19, 2007
Why would the Democrats stop President Bush from giving American phone companies warrant-less wiretapping immunity? Because it's illegal domestic spying and violates the Constitution. They think women can be phone-sex raped. They're trying to pass a bill to give terrorists free long distance calling. Why do Democrats hate American phone inventions?
 * Immunity points, Chris Dodd, Russ Feingold, Edward Kennedy, wiretapping

December 18, 2007
Rumours abound in the Internets that bouffant John Edwards had an affair with a lady. What shall this mean? He's not gay and Ann Coulter was wrong for saying so. It's part of his plot to make Hillary Clinton want him as Vice President. He was mistaken for one of the many superior, dark, full haired South Carolinians. His wife hired a surrogate mother who was impregnated by seed Edwards' produced watching gay erotica. Monica Lewinsky's career is dead, so she dressed up like a tranny and tricked Edwards into thinking she was Larry Craig undercover in an airport restroom.
 * John Edwards, Ann Coulter, Monica Lewinsky, Hillary Clinton, Internets creative direction provided by Head Scab Writer WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 17, 2007
Why would someone who appeared on the Colbert Report, got to shake Stephen Colbert's hand, and received the Colbert Bump want to pursue impeachment hearings for Vice President Cheney? To protect the USA from threats both foreign and domestic. To gain the trust of liberal Democrats so they can enjoy a hunting trip. To out the undercover sodomites of liberal Democrats. To make sure Joe Lieberman is on the hearings committee.
 * Impeachment points, Robert Wexler, Colbert Bump

December 16, 2007
What was the liberal media trying to hide when they did their weekly news flush last Friday night? Things that the corporate parent company would prefer unreported. Their tendency to sneak in unsubstantiated rumors at the last minute. Liberal supported tube hackers using magnets to hack Ohio voting machines. Alberto Gonzales' replacement preventing Congress from politically influencing CIA torture evidence. Democrats trying to give liberals Iraq Reconstruction sex contracts.
 * Voting machine points, Gonzales' replacement, Iraq reconstruction research provided by Senior Liberal Media Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 15, 2007
What extreme fitness activities have you been enjoying this weekend? Sponge bath 3-way with Hillary Clinton and Jane Harman. Duct taping hibernating bear eyes. Hibernating bear nose pinching. Waterboarding with former U.S. Attorney General and singer extrodinaire John Ashcroft.
 * Extreme Waterboarding, Bush's honesty, torture, John Ashcroft, research provided by Senior Truthiness Correspondent WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer

December 13, 2007
Why doesn't the liberal media understand greatness of President Bush's 7th veto? They actually care about children getting health care. They don't get money from the tobacco industry. They hate children. They don't want children to enjoy the pleasureful sensations of a Narlboro.
 * Talking points, The Greatest President, Narlboro, cigarettes

December 12, 2007
Why is the liberal media in the UK having a fit simply because a quality corporate citizen like BAE Systems is contributing money to merge 3 mere schools into a single, efficient academy? It will demand control of the academy and ability to revise history books. It will demand immunity at the academy for company executives. It will train the students to be terrorists. It will train the students to build nuclear weapons for Islamofascists. It won't replace books with a proper military education.
 * School points, BAE Systems, books researched by analyst GlennBecksATool

Archives
Continue the Great American tradition by voting after the polls close:

Poll Archives