Conrad Burns

Burns is a resident of Mizooruh who was elected US Senator from Montana because none of the 62 residents of the state wanted to replace Mike Mansfield after he retired at the age of 208.

Burns first visited Montana as a donkey auctioneer. Burns then became a clown on a famous (in Montana, at least) morning childrens program shown on most of the state's backyard "TV" stations.

Once he had finally figured that the name of the river that flows through most of the state is "Muh-zer-ee" and not "Mi-zoo-ruh", parents were willing to vote for him if he agreed to leave that damn TV show.

Burns is "married" but he often takes trips with his longtime companion, Jack Abramoff.