IPhone

''The correct title of this article is iPhone. The initial letter is capitalized due to technical restrictions of the wiki software.'' The first person who bought an iPhone must ship it immediately to Stephen Colbert. Faster than a AJAX standards-compliant XML page.

iPhone
The most significant communication device that has ever or will ever be created. This device can be used as a phone, web browser, email, GPS, Organizer, Phaser, Universal Remote Control, Hair Dryer, teleportation device, and fish scaler. All-in-one. Special attachments and software enable the iPhone to heal lepers, track down stolen cars, and banish Lords of Darkness (See: Bill Gates)

AT&T (creators of the DeathStar) and Apple Inc developed the iPhones for a target audience of über geeks and financially irresponsible lottery winners.

Next year, Congress will introduce legislation requiring iPhones. The next generation iPhones will come with a biometric function and be keyed to the user's DNA. When the crystal on the iPhone turns black either from the user exceeding the age limit of 30 or low battery, the user must report to the nearest iPhone center ( called Carousel) for replacement.

Coming soon from AT&T and Apple: iCar, iSpouse, iGOD, iJob, iBeer, and iFood.

What Makes the iPhone Work
Some people have called the iPhone the "God Machine," but everyone knows there is only one God Machine. However, Stephen Colbert is willing to license the name The God Machine™ to Steve Jobs for the low low price of a free iPhone, or a beta version of Apple's Time Machine.

So what actually makes the iPhone work? Some people say that Steve Jobs has actually managed to harness Colbert's greatness in energy form and has somehow made that the power source of the iPhone. If that's true, then Hallelujah! The iPhone will never go dead, and that means that the Commies lose. Somehow.

iPhone Marketing
Private message for Steve Jobs's eyes only: if you give Stephen an iPhone, the iPhone will sell like the iPod. So, give Stephen an iPhone, Steve. Seriously. Hand it over.