Enron Accounting Practices

Enron Accounting Practices are the method by which a company decides, based on a gut feeling, how many assets and how much debt it has. They are extremely reliant upon imagination and creativity. EAP were pioneered by Charles Ponzi and made popular by Jeb Bush, The Republican Party, Ken Lay, The Greatest President, and The Republican Party.

Method

 * 1) First, imagine that you have created a company that has assets.
 * 2) Then, sell shares of the imaginary company on the Stock Market, based on these imaginary assets.  Some of these imaginary-based shares will be invested in term-bonds or purchase of stocks outright.
 * 3) Once a year, return 6-12% of the investors' cash in the form of dividends, based on the imaginary performance of your imaginary company in the previous four quarters.
 * 4) Because you have paid dividends, you can creatively imagine a performance balance sheet, that shows vast assets, profits, and corporate gains, prompting more investors to purchase more of your stocks and bonds.
 * 5) Because the company is all in your head, there is no cost involved beyond photocopying your creative balance sheet and distributing it to your investors.
 * 6) Pay your original investors with 6-12% of the money you receive from your new investors.
 * 7) Declare quarterly profits in the 10-50% range (whatever you imagine your investors will swallow), priming the greed of the public to invest heavily in your stock offers.
 * 8) Repeat this cycle continuously until you own the world (theoretically), or get caught at it (like Charles Ponzi and Enron did.)

Exposure
It is VERY IMPORTANT to invest in political parties and candidates while you are running the EAP method. This maximizes the amount of time you can cycle the method, and dramatically decreases the amount of tax you pay, and your chances of getting exposed, caught, and incarcerated.

When your imaginary company is exposed, your first statement should be "Nobody could have possibly known that this would happen!" (You're referring to your exposure for running an imaginary company.) Second, say "I beleived that this was what the President wanted me to do!" (run this imaginary company and take everybody's money.) Third, say "I am a Patriot! I was doing what I thought was best for my country and my fellow citizens!  God Bless America!"

Privately, redistribute as much wealth as necessary to have any charges against you dismissed by the State Prosecutor's Office, or alternately pay for a Gubernatorial Pardon. If your company operated in more than one state, you need to invest heavily in the Supreme Court and the President Himself.