Mathematics

Mathematics has something to do with numbers, what exactly is never clear, because the people who study mathematics, Mathologists, are secretive and a little prissy.

History of Mathematics
Mathematics has a long illustrious past, starting with cavemen all the way up through just before the first atomic bomb. Terrorists were considered the first mathematicians, which probably explains why they are so mad all the time, and why they hate Our Freedoms™.

Terrorist Link in Mathematics
Because of the secrecy and confusion associated with mathematics, many Americans have suspected a link to evil-doing, and, naturally, we were right.

al-Jabr
Al-Jabr (pronounced: al-JA-JA-Gabor-abrr) was a terrorist born long before terrorists wrapped towels around their heads, in fact, some say al-Jabr was the first terrorist to wrap a towel around his head. As frightening as that sounds, al-Jabr was not finished with his torturous designs on mankind; he also invented algebra. Algebra sucks, al-Jabr invented algebra; therefore: al-Jabr sucks--how's that for transitive property, huh al-Jabr?

al-Khwarizmi
Besides spelling his name wrong, and making it hard to convert to something easy for Americans to say, al-Khwarizimi (pronounced  al-Kwar-NAMBLI) may have been the first obsessive-compulsive. The intense attention to every single, freakin' detail no matter how small associated with obsessive-compulsives, allowed al-Khwarizimi to invent algorithms, which have something to do with ordered instructions for the performance of a task. It is believed that al-Khwarizimi used his "special ability" (as Mama Khwarizimi used to call him) to oversee more sleeper cells than any other terrorist before the invention of computers and cell phones. Al-Khwarizimi has won "Neatest Cave" 14 years in a row, and was featured in Cave Digest 20 April, 799 C.E..

Things Mathologists Made Up
Due to their secretive nature and obsessive-compulsion, Mathologists created a language all their own. It consist mostly of symbols, numbers and rules to govern those symbols and numbers. Used together the three components can really fuck up your head.

Made-up Symbols
X,Y

Made-up Numbers
Pi, Pi never existed and if it did, steven colbert would have found it 2.3334332232423431435 is not a number neither is the square root of 3

Made-up Rules
if a=b and b=c then a=c

Famous Mathologists

 * al-Jabr
 * al-Khwarizimi
 * that crazy guy from Opie's movie
 * that hot chick from "Desperate Housewives" and "Lois and Clark"
 * that hot chick from "Wonder Years"
 * Ramanujan
 * al-Turing

Mathology Awards
Mathologists give out an award called the "Fields Medal", but they haven't given one to Stephen Colbert despite his tireless work in the field of donut topologies and rabbit reproduction calculus.

External Sources

 * International Congress of Mathematicians
 * Wikipedia's math nerd patrol