Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz



Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz is an award-winning educational segment of The Colbert Report in which teaches America's children vital lessons so they can grow up to have giant brass balls like him.

Documented research by the Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation has proven that even temporary exposure of a child to a Ballz for Kidz segment immediately causes hormones to be released which stimulate the growth of the gonads.

Gambling
On the January 22, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report, Stephen discussed gambling with a group of four children, answering their questions with taped interviews of casino denizens. Stephen's instruction resulted in each child sprouting a pair of giant brass balls or giant brass ovaries of their very own.

Among the valuable lessons learned in this very special "Balls for Kidz" were


 * In the Sport of Kings, cockfighting, don't bet on a bird called "honey-mustard."


 * It takes many people to make the joy of gambling come to life. These include:
 * The dealer, who makes the fun,
 * The gamblers, who have the fun,
 * The pawnshop guys, who finance the fun, and
 * Harvey, the certified compulsive gambling counselor, who is a buzzkill.


 * Pathological gamblers almost always take their kids' college money
 * They will even take their kids' bikes if they need the cash

Hunting
In the premier installment of Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz, on the January 10, 2006 episode of The Report, Stephen introduced the kids to a group of hunters. These noble outdoorsmen then described in graphic detail the necessity and pleasures of killing defenseless animals for food and sport. The children were, of course, quite impressed and horrified.

Plastic Surgery
April 4, 2006

Carnivals
August 1, 2006

Play At Home!

 * Stephen Colbert's Giant- Brass-Balls-Building Activities for Kids of All Ages - Seriously... FUN!