Politics

Politics

small insect

Politics are a garden-variety form of tic, particularly prevalent in human societies. The name is derived from their unique behaviour - Poly, as they bite out of both sides of their mouths, and tic, which of course refers to the habit of sucking the blood out of its host until that host expires, or until the tic becomes so bloated that it can drop off and start its own hedge fund. Groups of like-minded Politics may form Banks or Parties. Most likely, the root of the vampire mythology rests with these diminutive bloodsuckers - in fact, Politics were specially created in secret Bear laboratory facilities centuries ago.

A particularly nasty infestation of Politics may infect the user with a number of diseases, among them Jingoism, Inflation, Poverty, Taxes, Lyme Disease, and Factose Intolerance. A one-hundred year scientific study conducted at Cambridge University discovered that Politics have mind-control capacities over their hosts, as well as the ability to change their colours to the most beneficial configuration of the moment. These are not shape-shifting reptilian aliens, however - that is a different species, although both the reptilians and the humans are prone to Politic infestation.

Should family or friends become infested with Politics, the best approach is to dig the creatures out with a knife, drop them into bleach, and finally light them on fire - it is the only way to save your loved ones from the thought-control and slow leaching of the beasts, thus freeing them to lead happy, productive lives. Politics makes the Baby Satan ROFL continuously.