Katie Holmes

Tom Cruises future wife.

She is not wedding him by choice, but was brained washed by Tom Cruise's $cientology and witchcraft.

Her offspring is rumored to not be Tom Cruise's, as she most likely used Stephen Colbert's Formula 402 to impregnate hereself. This has yet to be proved but considering Tom Cruise's closet homosexuality it is the most likely scenario. Or, the father could be Chris Klein, Katie's boyfriend before her reputaion as "virgin" was about to be busted, excuse the pun.