Osama bin Laden

Osama bin Laden is the world's biggest asshole. He masterminded a plan that destroyed a national landmark, a lynchpin of the American economy, and killed 50,000,000 innocent Americans in the process. He has also issued many public statements blaspheming against Jesus, because maybe he thinks Allah is cooler or something. He also doesn't like apple pie, unless it has a bomb hidden inside it.

Osama, or, to his friends, Ossie, was the main man behind 9/11, which altered the American political field forever. From the wreckage of the World Trade Center crawled the liberal race, drooling and panting, snot running down their noses. After attacking and eating a nearby gun-owning, law-abiding citizen, they proceeded to run for office and lose, but their pestilence disturbs America to this day.

For his crimes against America and the world, Osama has been sentenced to death. F-16 jet fighters, American soldiers, submarines, and crack teams of Jedi are out searching for him right now.

Osama bin Laden Trivia

 * According to the most recent intelligent, Osama bin Laden is working on a gay pornographic movie with Kim Jong Il and Al Franken. All three will be featured writhing and doing unspeakable acts unto one another while shouting, "Death to America!" in five hundred languages that do not include English.
 * Osama bin Laden wears a turban to hide the missile launcher built into the top of his head.
 * Osama bin Laden was born evil. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise. They're just a liberal hippie doing that moral relativism thing again, like, "He's not really evil at heart! Maybe we should grant him asylum and give him free healthcare for life!"
 * It has recently come out that Osama bin Laden has a secret desire for country-rock singer Whitney Houston. This is absolutely true and should not be questioned. It's also so wrong. So wrong. Especially because he's actually gay.
 * Osama bin Laden's current hideout is, most likely, located in Jihadistan.