Whales

What is a Whale?
A Whale is a close relative of the fish called the [Dolphin. It is also a fish like a hippopotamus or turtle. It is not a mammal because it lives in water and is too lame to be a mammal. It is huge and fat because all it does is eat little monsters called plankton like the one from SpongeBob that tries to steal the Krabby Patty formula.

Worthless? I think not!
The republicans are currently working on making special oil refineries to extract the precious oil from whales. The refinery will be simple and economic. Whales will be guided through a completly necesarry path that leads to a grinder that extracts the oil from whales. This oil will be resold for 50% more than regular oil because it will be named "Ultra-Super-Awsome-Oil." soin the next few months whaen you are filling your car up with Ultra-Super-Awsome-Oil, think of a whale being grinded into fuel.

Whale Watching
Whale watching is a sport designed to spot whales for the whale oil refineries. Losers pay the government to spot and spectate the demon beasts for the refineries. However, they think they are just enjoying themselves. I mean come on... how can sitting outside for 5 hours, freezing your ass of just to see some fat piece of lard be fun? So if you spot a whale, make sure to dial 1(800)KIL-WALE so we can locate the whale and make it into oil.

Whale Wars
Hippies all over the world try to protect the evil fish that are whales. It is pathetic how blind they are. Whales are working with terrorists to recreate an attack on the United States similar to the one on 9-11. If those hippies keep trying to protect the whales, they will soon attack. The hippies and democrats think that whales are endangered while they are really pretending. The CIA sent a spy dressed up as a whale to uncover this.