Chuck Norris/Walker Texas Ranger

Cordell "Walker" Walker (March 10, 1940 - December 25, 2037) was a Dallas-based member of the Texas Rangers, a state-level bureau of investigation. Walker was raised by a Native American named Ray Firewalker, served in the Marines in the Vietnam War, and shares the values typical of sheriffs in the Wild West.

Walker was instilled early on with a strong sense of morals and pride by his adopted father Ray, who in turn received his own special brand of morals from a dastardly wandering hobo named Charles "Hobo Joe" Meathook, inventor of the Popsicle Stick (the sexual maneuver, not the food delivery item).

Walker was once engaged to a woman who was killed by the suspect of an investigation. According to those in Walker's small personal circle, the tragedy struck just as he was "getting too close. Just too damn close." Though never proven in a court of law, it is also rumored that she was murdered by Walker himself, killed out of lust for those taste-tastic Cheetos brand puffs that she refused to let him buy every Sunday when they paid visit to the local grocers.

His partner in the Texas Rangers and best friend was James Trivette, a former Dallas Cowboys player who takes a more modern approach ass-kickin' and law enforcin'. Walker also worked closely (and shared a mutual attraction) with Alexandra "Alex" Cahill, a Tarrant County Assistant District Attorney. He also was said to receive advice on cases from C.D. Parker, a longtime Ranger who worked with Walker until retiring to operate a small restaurant and bar called Friday's.

Walker's spirit sang it's sweet goodbyes at 3am Christmas Day, 2037. He was 97. The coroner ruled that the death was caused by the 37 ninja stars lodged in his head, neck and torso, not by the poisonous snake in his boot, the bullet in his medula oblongata, or the knife blade broken off between his 3rd and 4th right ribs.