Charlotte's Web

Charlotte's Web is a propaganda film funded by anti-American symphathizers intent on destroying the next generation through bacon deprivation.

SPOILER ALERT: Pigs can't talk. Rats can't read. And spiders can write by shooting sticky fluid out of their poop chutes.

Unfortunately, the recent remake of Charlotte's Web has resuscitated the arachnid-porcine conspiracy from its VHS slumber. Conscientious citizens are therefore urged to squash, spray, and/or eliminate all spiders in the proximity of state fairs, Muppet Shows, and Arkansas Razorback games.