War On Christmas

The War On Christmas is a liberal attack on the American institution of Christmas, begun in 2005, by the Liberal media and many large corporations, who frequently eschewed the word 'Christmas' in their coverage and advertisements. One retailer, Target Stores, went so far as to describe sales on 'Holiday Trees' and 'Holiday Lights'. This is in spite of having Tube Socks at bargain prices.

As Americans, it is our sacred duty each Chistmas to buy cheap crap for relatives we find annoying. This is what our Lord has commanded. Thus, when entering a discount retail store to commit this sacrament, we should be greeted by underpaid wage-slaves thusly: "Welcome to Wal-Mart. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? And check out the bargins in aisle 6."

It's a real war, not a made-up one like a War on Poverty or a War on Illiteracy. How does Stephen know this? Because Papa Bear has seen the enemy, and it is liberals.

Over 350 brave soldiers have already been lost in the war against Christmas. Please help our troops by sending donations to the Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Notable Battles
The central front in the War on Christmas is Iraq, and with hopes for a Christmas hanging of the tyrant Saddam Hussein, this year, Stephen's Blitzkreig On Grinchitude looks to be off to a great start.