Wag of the Finger



A Wag of the Finger is Stephen Colbert's way of saying he disapproves of something. The most preferred finger to wag is the left index finger.

History
The wag of the finger was an experession first used in Pagan Rome as a sign priests would use to express erotic temptation. Flocks of women and gay men would come to see a handsome priest wag his finger at them. After Christanity became the empire's official religion, the finger wag became a forbidden expression. All throughout the Middle Ages, "wagging thine finger" was punishable by death, as was nearly every other crime.

Enlightenment, however, saw the return of the finger wag to legality. No one knew what it meant, but the fact that people once died for doing it made the finger wag a sign of anger. To wag your finger at someone meant you wanted them dead. As time went on, the extremity of the insult of finger wagging lessened until it only meant slight anger.

On the Colbert Report
In 2005 Stephen Colbert started the Colbert Report. Colbert needed an action to symbolize his anger with the liberals. Being a man of knowlage and learning, he decided to go visit the nuns at his local Catholic church. Once he walked in, they wagged their fingers at him for not dressing well in God's house. Colbert thanked the nuns for their idea, and went home. Since then, Colbert's Wag of the Finger has been one of the best tools in fighting liberals.

Trivia

 * It's a little known fact that Colbert's left index finger is made of licorice. Patronizing, patronizing licorice. There are certain other parts that are made of licorice, but as this is a family-friendly Wiki, that topic is censored.


 * Receiving a wag of the finger makes you an unamerican, truth-hating, Karl Marx following, liberal bear.

Wags of the Finger

 * The state of Arizona for offering a $1 millon bribe to voters, which only encourages the poor to vote
 * Wal-Mart for not prosecuting shoplifters who steal merchandise less than $25
 * Katie Holmes for being pregnant out of wedlock
 * Lauren Hutton for nuding up in Big magazine
 * Mike Wallace for dissing CBS when promoting his book
 * The anonymous 100 million dollar benefactor to Yale University's School of Music for being more humble than us
 * The Black Hole at the Center of the Galaxy for sucking in all of the Creator's matter (received a triple wag and placed On Notice)
 * Upside-down Christmas trees
 * Taco Bell for infecting people with E-Coli
 * The Church of Scientology for promoting Tom Cruise as the 'Christ' of their religion
 * The National Coalition for the Homeless for being a buzz kill
 * Brain damage for making smoking easier to quit
 * Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg for being such a chick
 * Australian Prime Minister John Howard for slamming Barack Obama, a citizen of the United States. Back off you crocodile-wrestling, Mathilda-waltzing descendent of criminals.
 * HealthQuest for inventing Talking Urinal Cakes

Quitters Edition

 * Perrigo Pharmaceuticals - way to give up.
 * Republican Quitters Ken Mehlman, Dennis Hastert & Lincoln Chafee
 * Donald Rumsfeld (received not just a double wag, but a full body wag)
 * Fox News reporters who give up too easily. What a bunch of pussies.

Christmas Style

 * The movie The Nativity Story
 * Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs, Colorado
 * First Lady Laura Bush

Culture War Edition

 * Pablo Picasso for 'rewriting' the rules of painting
 * The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men - an Ohio artist's recreation of Nazi Germany, complete with brown-sugarshirt cookies (received a full arm wag)
 * August Rodin for calling "The Thinker" "The Thinker" and not "The Feeler", when the sculpture is so clearly gay

Science And Technology Edition

 * Apple Computer, Inc. for changing its name to Apple, Inc. in an attempt to dedorkify its image
 * Apple's iPhone for being too elegant, refined and easy-to-use (received the heretofore much-rumored double wag)

Other Body Parts Stephen has Wagged

 * his entire right arm (for Gingerbread Men)
 * his entire body (for Donald Rumsfeld)