Mort Zuckerman

Mort Zuckerman is the Editor in Chief of the magazine U.S News and World Report, with the 't' in the word report pronounced. Why that is so, no one really knows. Zuckerman had been featured in the Colbert Report three times now, first, when he was featured on the show's May 17, 2006 "The Word" segment, when Stephen Colbert (a love god, by the way) defined him as a fiscal conservative who is againts making the tax cuts permanent. A few weeks after the airing of that segment, Colbert received a fax transmission from Zuckerman and his magazine, when they wanted to make the stance of the editor in chief clear. They stated that Zuckerman was a registered Independent. Colbert aired this on his June 12, 2006 airing of his show, apologizing about how he could have mistaken Zuckerman for being a Republican. After all, Zuckerman supported the war on Iraq, he's against affirmative action, he supports drilling in Anwar and he voted for Bush in 2004. Colbert absolutely emphasized that someone with those credentials obviously can't be a Republican. He would have let everything go and the word would be at peace again, unfortunately though the fax went on to say that Colbert had Zuckerman's stance on tax cuts wrong. This deeply offended Colbert, stating that Zuckerman should get his facts straight ("that's why they call it a fax"). He was so enraged that he decided to put Mort Zuckerman into the On-Notice Board right then and there. To make up space for Zuckerman's name on the board, Colbert gave The Sea a reprieve. He then challenged Zuckerman to come to his show and apologize or he would be placed on the "Dead to Me" board. On the July 12 2006 edition of the Colbert Report, Zuckerman became a guest on the show. They did the interview amongst the On Notice and Dead to Me boards. He was only slightly less worse than the Black Hole at the Center of the Galaxy but he's better than Grizzly Bears. He then apologized both at the beginning and at the end of his interview and he was promptly taken off the On Notice Board. The writer would also like to remind Mr. Zuckerman that he promised to fund Stephen's kid's education through college thru the Stephen and Evelyn Memorial Service so that people would have a location to remember how wonderful Colbert's show is.