Chuck Norris/Superpowers




 * For The Main Chuck page, click here.
 * For Chuck's Legednry and Accomplishments, click here.
 * For information about Chuck's Roundhouse kick, click here

Superpowers

 * Chuck Norris can speak braille.


 * Chuck Norris's tears are the cure for cancer, too bad he's never cried.


 * When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.


 * Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.


 * Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.


 * Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.


 * Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather, he kicks ass until he’s full.


 * Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.


 * Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.


 * When Chuck Norris plays baseball, he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then proceeds to impregnate all the girls in the stadium with his beard.


 * If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS.


 * Chuck Norris can actually breathe fire.


 * Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night!


 * Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


 * Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


 * Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris


 * If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.


 * If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.


 * On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.


 * Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.


 * A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.


 * Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.


 * If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.


 * Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.


 * Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.


 * Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.


 * Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.


 * God said 'let there be light' ...Chuck Norris said, "say please"


 * Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on. It’s not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


 * When Chuck Norris “digs for gold”, he actually pulls out gold.


 * Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.


 * Chuck Norris doesnt sleep, he waits, but if Chuck were to sleep, he would sleep with a pillow under his gun.