Moses Lake, Washington

Moses Lake is a well known speed trap in Washington on Interstate 90 between Seattle and Coeur d'Alene. It is believed that there is a city near the speed trap, but that has never been independently verified.

Moses Lake History
General D.B. Hagadone and his ad staff first explored this region looking for his golf ball and small game. Later around the turn of the century publisher HJ Beagley traded newspapers and ads for fresh horses and dry goods with Chief Moses and his men.

Grant County’s main newspaper the Columbia Basin Herald was first discovered in 1941 in Grant County near the village of Nepel and what is now called Moses Lake. The Ephratian people of Ephrata of were angered that stories about them weren't at the very front, so they prepared to attack Moses Lake in order to make it so. Moses Lake attacked first and won the war not only militarily, but by refusing to remove the bowling tournament coverage from the front page.

CB Herald newspapers soon spread to Quincy and then to Othello, Moses Lake’s closest ally. Soon, Othello exported them to Mexico and Royal City. To stop the web-plague, newspapers everywhere in Washington went into local-news mode, except for the Wenatchee World. Today, the World runs national news and or stories attacking the river people of Crescent Bar Island on the front page, giving the illusion that it is real news.

Modern CB Herald newspapers are notoriously cheap just 50 cents each. Clearly, the newspaper's staff are also all part of a countywide cabal to usurp all other newspapers in the area. Once they have accomplished their mission every newspaper in the county will likely have cartoon in it depicting prophet Muhammad driving a John Deere tractor with a bomb for a turban and maybe a paid ad on his t-shirt.

Moses Lake Today
A meth-riddled Walmartville with no discernable middle class, commonly referred to as MoHo (short for Moses' Hole) or just The Hole. Populated primarily with uber-right-wing conspiracy nuts and Mormon Birchers, drug dealers and addicts, with a Latin-American constituency which, even though mostly third-generation American born, is treated like illegal aliens by the white bread townsfolk. The town's very existence in the middle of a high-plains desert is completely subsidized by Federal land reclamation projects and farm subsidies, yet the locals obliviously and rabidly denounce all centralized government.

Moses Lake Landmarks

 * I-90 Speed Trap - The patriots who work for the Washington State Patrol target hypocritical Seattle Liberals who dare to drive their imported hybrid cars 72 mph in a 70 zone. American pickup trucks and land yachts are allowed travel safely at 110.
 * Chico's Pizza Parlor -- World famous for cardiac-arrest-inducing pizza. Some say the only redeeming thing about Moses Lake, besides the premature puberty induced from Hanford fallout.

Famous People From Moses Lake
==* ==
 * NFL defensive lineman Jason Buck was born in Moses Lake July 27, 1963
 * Actor Matt Cedeño was born in Moses Lake November 14, 1973
 * MLB player Ryan Doumit of the Pittsburgh Pirates was born and raised in Moses Lake.
 * Actor Clarence Gilyard Jr. was born there December 24, 1955 who played in Matlock and Walker, Texas Ranger.
 * Major-league pitcher Dave Heaverlo was born in Ellensburg, Washington but grew up in Moses Lake
 * Medal of Honor recipient in Vietnam Joe Hooper was from Moses Lake
 * Author Bruce Hutton (Mahermis Mathiglias [2007]) was raised in Moses Lake.
 * Daredevil Evel Knievel lived in Moses Lake for some time
 * Inventor Dr. Spence Silver. 3M Scientist first developed Post-it Notes. Born 1941 in the restroom of Danny's tavern to travelers headed to San Antonio, Texas.
 * Sailor, Adventurer Reid Stowe was born January 7, 1952, on Larson Air Force Base near Moses Lake.
 * Model Martha Thomsen was born in Moses Lake January 25, 1957
 * PGA golfer Kirk A. Triplett was born in Moses Lake March 29, 1962
 * NBA player Bryan Warrick of the Washington Bullets, Los Angeles Clippers, Milwaukee Bucks, and the Indiana Pacers was born in Moses Lake.

A Typical Day In Moses Lake?
Rise and shine with quick burn on the meth pipe, and it's off to Sporties for a red beer while we check the Fox News to find out what we're supposed to be angry about today. Back in the pickup, it's time to mellow down for work with a couple tokes on the doob in the ashtray and here we are at the Noxious Chemical Plant, ready for another day of shoveling stinking white powder into sacks. The boss says the stuff is just fertilizer, suppose it probably is because after we sack it up we haul it out by Wheeler and bury it.

Lunchtime we crack open our Book of Mormon and extract the meth pipe from the cutout within. Bang out another 25 bags and we're back in the pickup, another day another $40, let's pick up some Mexican for dinner. So we hang outside the Ripple and nab us this hombre, duck-tape and toss him in the back of the truck. It's kind of cold so we throw the tarp over him.

Strange Laws in Moses Lake
The local hospitality industry instituted an ordinance banning late night drunken behavior after several rowdy Coeur d'Alenites started fires in one of the posh suites at the Ameristay Hotel. Reportedly, local hoteliers selected Troy Duzon, a highly respected area citizen, to make closing arguments before the city council. Duzon, an early immigrant to the area, showed up in a grass skirt and under the influence of refreshing adult beverages to make his case. Thankfully his lovely wife saved the day with an exotic dance which captivated the council. The vote was unanimous.

Notable Events in Moses Lake
Every late May during Memorial Day weekend the Spring Festival is celebrated. The festival includes carnivals & parades as well as many other family activities.

Grant County Fair mid August.

Nighttime Lighted Ag parade first week of December,

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Babe Ruth World Series