World War 0



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 ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

 "We kicked England's ass! (pussy British people say 'arse')"
 * ~ Ronald Reagan's Ghost

America Before The Revolution
In 1430 the British decided to ship over people that were declaring bears "Godless killing machines". Back then the British worshipped bears and they were even deemed their national animal in 1420. They packed the poor, helpless heroes into cramped and smelly ships (just like how later on the east coast liberals would pack slaves from Africa into ships to do their bidding).

When they arrived the heroes actually built a few straw huts thanks to their leader Frances Colbert (Stephen's great great great great... well you get the picture). The straw huts were soon transformed into brick houses because Jesus wanted to support the heroes (I mean let's face it no one likes the English).

 Did you know... Bears were in great abundance in the 1400's but around 1510 Jesus and Frances Colbert, working together, killed most of them.

The American Revolution
In 1520 Britain got tired of Frances' Colbert's success with his brick houses and took over the colonies he had already established.

The colonies included....


 * 1) Conneticuit (who cares)
 * 2) Ohio (buckeye?)
 * 3) California (but it was full of illegal immigrants)
 * 4) Florida (the Spaniards were searching for 'The Fountain of Youth' here. Dumbasses. Only Stephen Colbert can live forever)
 * 5) New York (bunch of liberals)
 * 6) Kentucky (hicks)
 * 7) South Carolina (the holiest of the colonies)