Eagle Porn

Eagle porn is porn for eagles. Duh. What kind of idiot are you? Did you think it was some kind of human porn featuring eagles? That would make it a kind of beastiality, which is not cool.

Like all good, not gay human porn, eagle porn comes in a brown paper bag and features two eagles (of opposite sexes) "going at it, American style." Also mirroring human sex, the girl eagle shows how much she likes doing it by stoically lying there, still and expressionless.

Eagle porn was featured on the November 14, 2006 episode of The Colbert Report as part of Stephen Colbert's attempts to lure the prodigal Stephen Jr. back to his nest and away from the un-American temptations of slutty Canadian eagles. Stephen Sr. attempted to reach the adolescent bald eagle through the reading of steamy sections from Lascivious Leucocephalus, by noted Eagle pornologist Philip Hansten. What can Stephen say? He wants grandchildren.