Canada


 * "'Ey Nickeel, how 'bout we have a seat on my chesterfield and watch some hockey, eh? We can eat poutine afterwards, don'cha know. "
 * &mdash;The Average Canadian

Canada, or Greenland's Mexico, also known as America's Canada, is a dangerous country full of bears and French-Canadians. It is currently under the tyrannical rule of Queen Elizabeth II, who has selected Michaëlle Jean to represent her, who in turn selected Stephen Harper, sensible Bush lover, to govern Canada. He believes that the only people who are against phone tapping are people who have something to hide.

While thought to be a peaceable country, Canada is actually an inwardly seething nation quietly planning an appropriate way towards world domination. There's only so many "eh", "igloo" and "hoser" jokes one can take. Plus, the weather sucks in Canada, and that's bound to make for some bad days.

Using their bountiful supply of bears, beavers, and angry hockey players, their plan is to sneak upon the nation of Turkey in the middle of the night and subsequenty claim ownership. Once claimed, Turkey will be renamed "Chicken" (Jeremy Hotz) and Sloan music videos will be played 24/7. If the weather's nice there, the Canadians may decide to stay in Chicken while thawing their frostbite before moving on to Russa (aka - Hortonville).



Jean Chretien was Prime President of Canada for a really long time. The highlights of his career were when he choked a reporter and when he had a pie thrown in his face with the words "Pie Minister" written on it. He is paralized in half his face, which made for hilarious impressions of him on CBC's two political skit comedy shows, 'This Hour has 22 Minutes' and 'Royal Canadian Air Farce'. Canadians are ruthlessly insensetive to people with disabilities. Chretien is also credited with popularizing the language 'Frenglish'. A combination of French and English which is incomprehendable to anyone of either tounge.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada is home to the hardcore punk band, DOA. DOA are very unamerican. They have a song called 'Fucked Up Reagan' and an alternate version called 'Fucked Up Bush', along with many anti-war and anti-industrialism songs, not to mention, theyre not from America. They also have a song called 'America the Beautiful' which include these lyrics:


 * ''Lock your doors, lock it tight
 * ''It's the new immoral right
 * ''They wanna cleanse the home of the brave
 * ''For the master race of the USA

This group alone warrents an immediate invasion of Canada

Crimes Against Humanity

 * Canada was the first nation to think they invaded the United States during the war of 1812. The Canadians (not the french) thought they burned down half of the White House, which subsequently had to be repainted. In reality, they accidentally invaded the north pole, set fire to an igloo and stepped on a penguin.
 * Elected Bush-approved Stephen Harper as Prime Minister
 * Home and sanctuary to many bears including the vile polar grizzly.
 * Plays home to French-Canadians, Nickleback, celine Dion, Bryan Adams, and half of Keanu Reeves
 * Has "Free" health care (sneaky Canadians)
 * Had a PM (Prime Minister) named Jean Chretien
 * Invented curling
 * Didn't force Robbie Robertson to go home, against the wishes of the UN
 * Compresses the USA down into a less magnificent size with the gigantic weight of their ice and politeness, all to claim that THEY are the second largest country in the world. Bastards.
 * Doesn't support our troops....because they are draft dodgers and bear petters.
 * Doesn't carry guns. Instead, the Canadians wield hockey sticks.
 * Measures tempurature in Celcius, instead of the American way, Fairenheit.

Tourism
"Canada? Why would you want to leave America to visit America Junior?" (See: The Simpsons)

Factoids

 * Stands between America and her oil.
 * Will most likely not feel any effects of so-called "global-warming"
 * Many Americans believe, that Canada actually has a four-season cycle, similar to that of the northern states, but this is pure fiction. As soon as you cross the border, there is 6 feet of snow, except in the American winter months. Then there is 12 feet of snow.
 * The Prime Minister's home, 24 Sussex Drive in Ottawa (similar to the White House), is actually an ice palace constructed by the Swiss.
 * "Canada" is often used as a term for describing something that is infernior and geographically above something. For example, Oregon can be reffered to as "California's Canada" because of it's inferiority and large quanities of trees and marijuana.
 * Currently (9/14/2006) holding Stephen_Jr. captive, with only one large open border for escape. Check his whereabouts on http://www.iws.org
 * Canada is actually suposed to be called "Canadia". Americans are from America. So Canadians would be from Canadia.
 * Only a Canadian can understand a thing they talk, "aboot".