Bears in a Submarine/Featured

Starring

 * Directed by Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A.


 * John McCain as himself
 * Smokey The Dolphin as Porpy (his trusty sidekick)
 * Ching Chong Ding Dong as Wing Wang
 * Soledad O'Brien as Charlene
 * Drowney The Bear as the Pizzly
 * The Village People as the Gay Bears
 * PK Winsome as the token black guy who gets killed in the first 15 minutes of the film.

Plot
A mild-mannered oil executive (played by John McCain, reprising his famous character from the Die Hard series) is the special guest of the United States Navy for the launch of the newest nuculer submarine (the USS Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.) in America's dominance of the sea. Unbeknownst to the entire crew of 125 young, robust sailors, the nefarious Japanese henchman, Wing Wang (played by Ching Chong Ding Dong), traps the submarine underneath the normal-temperatured and unpolluted ocean.

As the crew races to the edges of the earth, Wing Wang pilots his ship straight into the hapless sub as it tries to surface, causing a great oil slick in the once pristine ocean. As the ever-environmentally conscious crew and their special guest work feverishly to clean the mess and save the waterfowl, Wing Wang sneaks a Pizzly on board the sub.

Before everything can be cleaned up, Wing Wang releases a herd of fire-proof crocodiles, forcing the sub to submerge with their deadly cargo aboard!

Will John McCain be able to kill the pizzly, help Ensign Charlene (played by the beautiful and multi-ethnic Soledad O'Brien) give birth, prevent an outbreak of cannibalism and homosexuality, all before their air runs out?!

MPAA
Rated NC-17 for language, a scene of sexuality and drug use, and intense sequences of terror and violence.

Also Known As

 * Pacific Water Flight 131
 * Ursus Arctos Horribilis Aboard A Submersible Watercraft
 * Snakes on a Plane 2: Electric Boogaloo
 * Bears in a Submarine Sandwich

Trivia

 * In his entire acting career, no character played by PK Winsome has made it past the first 15 minutes of the movie alive.


 * The entire soundtrack is just The Village People's In the Navy over and over again.

Goofs

 * In the scene where John McCain first encounters the bears, he is clearly seen wearing a modern wristwatch.


 * In the scene where Drowney the Bear attacks and kills PK Winsome, the bear is clearly seen wearing a modern wristwatch.


 * In the scene where Charlene gives birth, the baby is cleary seen wearing a modern wristwatch. Also, we all know Charlene is a Virgin.

Reviews

 * "The best "dangerous-animal-on-a-mode-of-transportation" movie since "Snakes on a Plane!" -- Gene Shalet


 * "Stephen Colbert is exactly like Samuel L. Jackson, minus the blackness." --Richard Roeper


 * "I bearly held on to the edge of my seat cushion, which I also used as a floatation device!" --Larry King


 * "Bearssss on a Ssssssubmarine is the mosssst hisss-terical movie of the year! Stephen Colbert takes the film to ssssslithering new heightsssss." --Joel Siegel