West Virginia

History

 * The fist land battle of the Civil War was fought in the small town of Philippi, West Virginia.

Achieving Statehood
President Lincoln admitted West Virginia to the Union in 1863. West Virginians fought on the side of the Union during the Civil War, but most modern West Virginians have forgotten this, and fly rebel flags and declare that "the South will rise again."

Famous West Virginians

 * The virgin from the West.


 * Jennifer Garner

A Typical Day in West Virginia

 * Wake after noon
 * Check the meth lab
 * Brush teeth
 * Make sure rusty pick-up is running
 * Go to welfare office
 * Cash Social Security check (After all, you can't possibly work with that bad back...never mind that you've fathered at least 5 illegitimate children since you injured it.)
 * Sell some of the meth you cooked up last night
 * Run to Wal-Mart for beer, cigarettes and Sudafed (Even the most backwoods of West Virginia towns have a Wal-Mart.)
 * Eat as much deep-fried food as possible
 * Drink 2 cases of Natty Light, the best beer in the world
 * Beat your morbidly obese woman
 * Pass out