Beaver

Not to be confused with the female anatomy- the beaver is the national animal of Canada. You can find the beaver on the Canadian nickel (5 cent piece you dumbass) and pretty much everything else Canadian. Beavers also make up 75% of the Canadian Army.

History
It is no wonder that beavers are responsible for the colonization of Canada since they are the sworn enemies of the Iroquois natives. When the French landed in Quebec the beavers quickly alligned with them. The beavers agreed to dam all of the rivers against the Iroquois if the French would put all aboriginals onto reserves. Unfortunately, the dirty French did not hold up their end of the bargain and skinned the beavers for their valuable pelts. Not until the late 1800s did John A. MacDonald- the first bitch of Canada- decide to hold up the dirty French's end of the bargain and throw all Iroquois onto little pieces of land. The revenge of the beavers was sweet.



Today
Today beavers are responsible for most of the organized crime in Canada- selling drugs in Montreal and Vancouver and guns in Toronto. Beavers are also key players in the impending occupation of the USA by Canada. Since no Americans will read this article, beavers will swim across Lake Michigan and invade Detroit. Other Beavers will cut through Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont from New Brunswick and create a buffer zone between the two sides. With the Americans crippled and confused and sneak attack by prairie dogs from Manitoba and Saskatchewan will plow through the midwest. If any Americans are reading this it is too late for you to do anything. Canada wins!