Killer

Killer is a roadie for Stephen Colbert. He is a massive slab of a man, hulking and bald. He is also a demolitions expert and is trained in the use of numerous weapons, each of which he knows how to kill you 1,001 different ways with. He also makes an excellent supervisor at proms. Killer was originally dispatched to help rescue Stephen Jr. from his cage with only one large hole in it at the San Francisco Zoo, along with Bobby the stage manager and Ric Ocasek, but he was recalled back to The Colbert Report's studios to help make the graphic for "The Road to World War III". He contributed the explosions.

Killer Trivia

 * Nobody truly knows how old Killer really is, but he definitely beat up dinosaurs way back when. He also fought in The Battle of Pelennor Fields, but Peter Jackson had to disclude him from the film adaptation of Return of the King because it shortened the theatrical release of the movie by about 3 hours and 20 minutes.
 * If you look upon Killer's face, you will immediately shit your pants. The only person who can hold off the sudden release of the bowel muscles at the sight of his visage is Stephen Colbert, and even he can only hold it in for about seven seconds.
 * Killer is 8' 3" and weighs 700 pounds. It is all muscle.
 * Bulldozers were invented because Killer could not be in more than one place at a time. This is his own weakness.
 * Killer does not speak. Killer does not need to speak. Actions speak louder than words, especially when they are shattering your neck and wringing the life from your mangled body.
 * Even though Killer does not, as previously stated, speak aloud (ever), he delivered the keynote speech at the 1928 Republican National Convention. All present shit their pants. Nothing more needed to be said. Shortly thereafter, the Great Depression destroyed the American economy.