John Kerry

John Kerry is a pinko commie-liberal. He was beaten by over 97% in a landslide during the 2004 Presidential election by George W. Bush. He also hates the military and thinks that they are all uneducated macacas.



On The Colbert Report it was once said, "John Kerry Is The Worst Liberal Ever next to Satan"

Favorite character from Star Wars is the Evil Emperor.

Biography
John Kerry was spawned on June 6th, 1906, the love child of Stalin and Satan. He emerged from Hell in the early part of the century, causing the Great Depression and World War II. His evil was subdued for the next few years under Eisenhower, but Kerry threatened again to destroy democracy while fighting for North Vietnam. In Vietnam Kerry spent his time living in holes. Luckily, the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth were there along with George W Bush (Dick Cheney was preoccupied battling the freedom hating people in Canada) to defeat this monster in a preview to the scuffle (or rather one-sided beating) that was the 2004 election.

Nailed On The Colbert Report
John Kerry appeared on the April 16, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report for his ritual nailing by Stephen.

Fun Facts

 * Herman Munster, Brit Hume and John Kerry masks are made from the same mold
 * Likes to wear inexpensive open-toed beach sandals
 * Hates Genghis Khan, and cannot even pronounce his name right...what a fairy
 * Wanted to be the first gay President, failed
 * So UnAmerican that his bologna does not have a first name
 * His eyebrows have been put on backwards
 * Is related to the guy who started wicca.
 * French Fries are his favorite food
 * He is only the JUNIOR Senator of the most satan-worshiping, gay-loving state, Massachusetts.
 * Regularly attends french gay pride parades
 * John Kerry hates Lance Armstrong for his record breaking American domination of the Tour de France.
 * Met with Daniel Ortega in the 1980s, the former Communist murderer in Nicaragua. Jimmy Carter was also invited.

Troop Hating Quotes

 * "I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up stuck in a war in Iraq. God I hate those fucking moron troops."
 * "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" - This quote was the proximate cause of the fall of Saigon.
 * "Retards are the only things stuck in Iraq. (in a mocking tone)Derr, look at me, I'm looking for roadside bombs...woops! Where are my legs.(several minutes of his own laughter ensued)"

External Sources

 * Wikipedia's liberal description of Kerry