Bill of Rights

The Bill of Rights are the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution. They guarantee Americans the right to act like Americans.

As an American your rights are:

1. The right to agree with the president, especially George W. Bush.

2. The right to bear arms, especially if you use those arms to kill bears.

3. The right to kick ass. Just like John Wayne, Gen. George S. Patton and Steven Seagal.

4. The right to take names. Ask Joseph McCarthy.

5. The right to drink, smoke, hunt and drive a big SUV.

6. The right to an opinion.

7. The right to shout down and call un-American anyone with whom you disagree.

8. The right to buy property and build large condos on it.

9. The right to go to church, but only Christian churches. Other religions don't count.

10. The right to watch the Colbert Report.