Adam

Adam was the first man, according to the Holy Bible. He was made in God's image on the seventh day. Remember, he was not made by Evolution out of monkeys, no matter how much "evidence" the factonistas show you!

God later created Eve out of one of Adam's ribs. This explains why real men love barbecues. They're just subconsciously trying to retrieve that rib their eldest ancestor lost all those years ago.

Adam was tight with God. They used to play manly sports like baseball and NASCAR. But then Eve ruined it by eating an apple from the forbidden Tree of Facts. She was forced out into a hellish wilderness. And fearing a protracted divorse Adam was forced to follow.