Canada

Canada, or Greenland's Mexico, is a dangerous country full of bears and is currently under the tyrannical rule of Queen Elizabeth II, who has selected Michaëlle Jean to represent her, who in turn selected Stephen Harper, an evil dictator, to govern Canada. If you see the Evil Dictator Harper, don't meet his eyes or you'll lose your soul and thus actually become a bear. Really.

While thought to be a peaceable country, Canada is actually an inwardly seething nation quietly planning an appropriate way towards world domination. There's only so many "eh", "igloo" and "hoser" jokes one can take. Plus, the weather sucks in Canada, and that's bound to make for some bad days.

Using their bountiful supple of bears, beavers, and angry hockey players, their plan is to sneak upon the nation of Turkey in the middle of the night and subsequenty claim ownership. Once claimed, Turkey will be renamed "Chicken" and Sloan music videos will be played 24/7. If the weather's nice there, the Canadians may decide to stay in Chicken while thawing their frostbite before moving on to Russa (aka - Hortonville).