Glenn Beck



Glenn Beck is a American reporter and Patriot who has his own show on Fox News. For an entire hour, Glenn explains why he is right, and you are wrong, about everything. Glenn also enjoys shooting endangered species, in much the same way Dick Cheney enjoys shooting quails and hunting buddies.

Stephen Colbert loves Glenn Beck's sanity, and fears for it.

Initiation into Great American Fellowship


In 2007 Glenn Beck was initiated into Sean Hannity's Great Americans fellowship. He has been a vociferous advocate of the Cornhole-thesis, a central tenant of Hannity's fellowship which states that Robert Cornhole, the discoverer of teeth, was one of America's founding fathers. Beck has stated that "If Joseph Smith was a Cornholian, I'm a Mormon." He at present labors for the reinstatement of Rush Limbaugh into the fellowship, something which Hannity even after much fluffing planning with Limbaugh, has refused to discuss publicly. Beck has also been in dialogue with a number of Mormon theologians at Brigham Young University as concerns the development of a "healthy, nay, a prophetic Mormon Cornholism." Hannity has stated: "If Beck has come to Christ, let him thrust Cornhole in there too wherever he may or may not fit."

What He Knows
Glenn doesn't mix with knowledge, he feels with his gut, and his gut says the following will happen in the near-future:


 * Robert Cornhole will enter Mormon liturgy
 * The end of the world
 * World War III
 * Iran will invade Poland.
 * Geraldo Rivera will get hit by a train
 * John Kerry will transform into a fire-truck and call himself Optimus Prime
 * Canada will steal all of America's taffy
 * Glenn Beck will rule the world
 * Poland will invade China. Of course America will be the final winner.
 * His ass hurts
 * he cries in a manly way

We Surround Them
Glenn started an internets group for dissatisfied Americans called "We Surround Them." The name comes from the ancient Mormon shepherd practice of surrounding the flock, to keep them in line--but not in a gay way.

Glenn Beck and 9/12 Project
Glenn Beck's new project will allow the country to be unified again by fear patriotism and he is calling Osama Bin Laden "A Friend" to help him with his plan!

External Gut Tubes

 * Stephen Colbert's Review of Glenn Beck
 * Official Glenn Beck site
 * Glenn-pedia
 * Glenn Beck supports future terrorist attack! calls for the liberation of America!
 * Glenn Beck obtains Restraining order against female fan
 * Glenn Beck wins fight against Reverse Racism
 * Glenn Beck to spearhead Military Tribunals against Liburals
 * Rep. Bob Inglis (R-SC) not a fan of The Beck
 * Lizardman betrays Glenn Beck
 * Glenn Beck to produce new show!
 * un-american traitor insults Glenn Beck!
 * Walmart Supports Glenn Beck's fight against Racism
 * Glenn Beck gets new Insurance!
 * Glenn Beck enjoys vacation time, Fox Says: "Take Your Time"...
 * Glenn Beck's new book is a success!!!
 * DefendGlennBeckFromEvilHippies.com
 * Hippie lies about Glenn Beck
 * Glenn Beck: "Obama will incarcerate dumb Americans and ship to "Concentration Camps" to learn math!!" Glenn demands Cap on IQs!
 * Glenn Beck cites source
 * Glenn Beck fights off communists in series of tubes
 * Glenn Beck's Personal Hero
 * Czars attempting to kill Glenn Beck!!!
 * Glenn Beck to liberate Mt. Vernon
 * Glenn Beck loves twitter
 * Glenn Beck Becomes Mayor!
 * Glenn Beck's Awesome Interview. Couric Put to Shame
 * Glenn Becks to buy domain glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com and to change it into glennbeckDIDNOTrapeandmurderayounggirlin1990.com
 * Anti-Glenn Beck Agent found indoctrinating America the wonders of Socialism
 * Communist Communist Dictatorship targeting Glenn Beck
 * Glenn Beck to save us from another 9/11! Our Hero!
 * Glenn Beck escapes from the jaws of Death yet again!
 * Beck's Christmass special!
 * Glenn Beck proves that Free Market Health Care works
 * Glenn Beck looses case wins case! Wont Need to Prove that He Killed and Raped a 10 Year Old Girl in 1990 Anymore!
 * Glenn Beck to stop Socialist Medicine to raep America
 * Glenn Beck to sue Comedy Central for Copy Right infringement
 * Friends of Glenn Beck
 * Palin-Beck Beck-Palin for 2012
 * Glenn Beck's statue to be raised in Utah
 * Glenn Beck considered a major success all around America
 * In Gold We Trust