Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a crime fighting foursome named after Republican Presidents, Lincolnardo, Raphaeagan, Michaelangelo, and Nixion. Originally four common pet turtles, these mutants were radically changed when a vial of Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 fell off a truck into a sewer and broke. Covered in Stephen's magificant man sauce, the reptiles began to transform into superheros with such magical ablities as the ancient American martial art skiz-ills of Karate and Gay-DAR. They can also talk to animals. Spawned in New York City, they immediately realized it was run by left-wing liberal commies, and after trying desperately to save the city from evil in both the 2000 and 2004 election they eventually made "peace with honor" (Ninja Turtles never Cut and Run) and fled to the Heartland to battle the remnants of the forces of evil there, i.e. Bears and Hippies. They fought in WWI and WWII and in 1982 Ronald Regan awarded them with medals and there was much rejoicing. The four turtles have served on the cabniets of the last four presidents minus Bill Clinton because of how awkward he made the mutants feel. They now serving in Iraq.