Immigration to the United States

Immigration is the permanent movement of people from a lesser nation to The Greatest Nation On Earth. Believe it or not, not everyone currently living in the United States was born here. Even stranger, the truth is that this has been the norm for most, if not all, of America's 550-year existence.

Immigration to America started shortly after World War 0. Every decade from there on came with a hoard of new immigrants. In America, it is the natural order that each wave of new immigrants be met with hatred and prejudice. However, America is known as the "melting pot", and these feelings do not last long. The new immigrants shall be tolerated only after a new invasion of foreigners start to pour over the borders, and then, the process repeats itself.

Why People Immigrate
People move to a different country for various reasons. Excuses such as potato famine, love of building rail-tracks, unpaid servitude, state-regulated prostitution and horse herpes are all common, but most excuses can be branched into the following categories:

War
The honor and chivalry associated with war has always led people away from their pacifistic nations, to the United States. Even today, Americans are flowing over the Mexican border to join the United States Army to fight in the War On Terror. These heroic Americans (although, not technically) leave their families and loved ones in Mexico, to fight for Uncle Sam. In 100 years, when the War On Terror is finally won, these true patriots will gladly return to Mexico to share their tales of glory.

Greed
The prospect of making an easy buck has always led people to America, especially the Jew. Before the Jews arrived in America, there were no banks. Now there are over 3 banks per Jew in the United States.

Without the discovery of gold, some parts of the United States would be uninhabited. States such as Nevada, Canada, and the bear-filled land of Alaska would not have a living soul in them today without this precious metal. For once gold is discovered in a remote and desolate place that people have no reason living in, it seems to draw people from far away places like a female in heat. One such example of this is the California Gold Rush in 1849.

Present Country Sucks
But mostly people move because the place they are living now is an absolute hell hole compaired to the United States. The afflicted are often living in places where there is nothing but sand and no water, or filled with bears. They wish nothing more to escape their misery by coming to America. It is rumored that people even come to America from the imaginary continent of Africa. The gut has trouble figuring this out. For if something imaginary sucks, all one has to do is imagine it to be a much better. For example, The United States.

History Of United States Immigration
Throughout history, people from countries such as Uruguay, (or any other country in America's Planet) have wanted to come to America. Inversely, no one has ever wanted to move out of America to a country such as Uruguay. With all 8 billion people on the earth wanting to get into the USA, America must either:
 * 1) Conquer every nation so that it is America everywhere (plausible), or
 * 2) Deny the enterance to most some.

Irish Invasion
The 1820's brought widespread immigration of the Irish to the New American region of the United States.

Yet More Irish....and Germans Too!
The 1860's brought even more Irish to America. The Irish were so poor (and drunk) that they were forced to travel over the Atlantic in vessels called "coffin ships". Probably because so many died from liver failure on the way over.

Equally drunk, the Germans also traversed the Atlantic to emmigrate to America. They however, were able to afford better ships to sail across with due to cashing in their stashes of hidden Nazi Gold.

Those Who Have Emigrated
...along with anything (if anything) they brought to make America better.

Africans
Special Contribution to America: Lando Calrissian, basketball

Irish
Special Contribution to America: Lucky Charms, Stephen,

Chinese
Special Contribution to America: Bruce Lee, Railroads, Chinese Restaurant Syndrome

Germans
Special Contribution to America: Rocketry

Norwegian
Special Contribution to America:

Jews
Special Contribution to America: Capitalism

Mexicans
Special Contribution to America:

Illegal Immigrants Discovered In America
Real Americans became aware of illegal immigration in the United States between the dates of March 7 and May 1, 2006.

Crimes Commited By Illegal Aliens

 * Juan Perez, 27, illegally parked his car on the odd numbered side overnight. Perez was arrested and is facing extradition to his native Guatamala where he faces charges for jaywalking.
 * Rosa Munoz, 75, was arrested for both, removing the tags from her mattress, and conspiracy to remove tags from her pillow. Due to her old age, she was spared prision time.