TSA

The Transportation and Security Administration (TSA) is a group of people making America safe. If you have nothing to hide, you won't arguye with them. You won't argue with any command they give you. You will take off whatever clothes they tell you. You will pose for whatever pictures they insist are necessary for keeping America safe.

The TSA is the main reason no terrorists have been able to get onto planes in the US. they are also the reason, no passengers have been able to get onto planes in the US. The TSA has been able to achieve this unprecedented level of success by creating and implementing the List of Banned Substances, of the "BS".

The BS
Here is a sampling of the many items the TSA has banned from all flights originating from the US, or bound for the US, from other non-US places:


 * 1) hair gel
 * 2) shampoo
 * 3) perfume
 * 4) cologne
 * 5) toiletries
 * 6) personal grooming utensils
 * 7) dildos
 * 8) luggage
 * 9) books written by J.K. Rowling
 * 10) shoes
 * 11) cell phones
 * 12) pens, pencils
 * 13) glasses
 * 14) Emmys, or any other "award"

Items the TSA Allows on Flights

 * match books
 * lighters
 * Tom Cruise
 * toupees
 * gun parts no larger than 2"
 * bomb parts lighter than 4 ounces
 * prescription Viagra