Torture

Torture Enhanced Interrogation Techniques actually helps change countries for the better. As Ronald Reagan proved by supporting Apartheid's political vision in South Africa, it mobilizes change. Only bad guys get tortured. Why would we if they weren't?

Now let makes this clear: Torture and "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" are not the same thing! That is a liberal lie!

Torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" has been given a bad reputation by liberals, once again blaming and hating the liberators.

Fortunately, the great Americans, John Yoo and Alberto Gonzales, a great legal mind and The Greatest President's Attorney General, respectively, have put in some hard work to bring the word "torture" "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" back into America's good graces.

The first thing people have to remember is that "torture" "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" really is just a word. And a legal one at that. It's always best to leave legal terminology to the lawyers. If every American went around using lawyer-words, that would make America no better than France and no one wants that.

If we ban torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" we might as well get a fake ID, try pot and have sex before we're ready: that's what we'll be teaching our children.

Morals, Ethics
The s would have you believe that there is a difference between ethics and morals, but there isn't. Therefore, in this article, the term "methics" will refer to either one, since the Bible makes no real distinction between them anyways.

As far as the methics over torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques", there is really only one methical dilemma over torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" and that is how the word has become to mean bad things, when it's really not a bad thing; it's just a word (a legal one at that!).

Types of Torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"


There really is only one type of torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques": the protection of America by any means necessary. We Americans are known for our entrepreneurial spirit and how inventive we are; we can come up with many ways to torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" terrorists, and others who would do harm to us.

Examples

 * The Witch Hiding a Broomstick
 * Keeping gay terrorists happy through sodomy

Torture "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" and Politics
In order to be a successful Republican presidential candidate, candidates must jump on the torture wagon, otherwise, the Republican party will drag them behind it (they're lookin at you, McCain). Mitt Romney is currently riding shotgun in the torture wagon.

There are some special phrases that are being thrown around on the political stage. IF YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT, TERRORIST, OR ANY OTHER ENEMY OF AMERICA, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER! (honor system!) When Republicans say "enhanced interrogation techniques," what they really mean is torture. Isn't that awesome? Democrats will never know what they're really talking about!

It is a well known truth that only terrorist-coddling, Geneva Convention-hugging, liberal pussies oppose torture. In order to appeal to real Americans, presidential candidates must prove their willingness to use enhanced interrogation techniques. Dr. Colbert suggests that candidates actually demonstrate interrogation techniques on suspected terrorists at the next debate because, after all, actions scream louder than words.

A Terrorist Time Bomb Hidden in A Secret Place, with The Guilty Terrorist in Custody
This is the most common of terrorist situations. As Alan Dershowitz pointed out, there are literally thousands of ticking time bombs hidden throughout the country. Only by torturing using "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" on brown people terrorists can we find them before it's too late!

(Holy crap! What's that ticking noise!?)

But, the liberals claim there is a methical dilemma and hem and haw while Americans are dying.

 COME ON LIBERALS!!! There is a terrorist BOMB somewhere!

Proof. Honestly, liberals don't even care for their own kids. Which is why, we Americans are so fortunate to have The Greatest President looking out for our every need, just like it says in our constitution and in the Bible, I am sure it's in there, I read it somewhere on the internets.

We Americans are so fortunate to have a President who knows when to torture, when to send Our Troops into battle and when to go to the Mississippi Gulf Coast.

We are so blessed.

God Bless America.

External Tubes

 * USA uses "Enhanced Sexual Persuasion" to keep America safe!!
 * Torture 101
 * There's No Proof, If There's No Evidence
 * It's Not Torture If No One Dies
 * We are America, We do NOT F@#king torture!
 * How Torture saved America!
 * confessions of an evildoer, "Torture Does Work!"
 * "How Torture released my pent up frustration" by D. Cheney
 * How Torture kept America's Real soldiers safe
 * "America Does Not Torture" By George W. Bush
 * "America and the Dark Side" By Darth Cheney
 * Why cant Obama be kept silent about torture?
 * How Torture Kept Real America soldiers Safe Again!
 * WWJTT or "What Would Jesus Torture Today?"
 * Torture Enhanced Interrogation Techniques does Work!
 * CIA's full torture disclosure policy
 * Torture Teachers - finally edumahcators who don't put us to sleep
 * Torture Contractors - hired by the CIA, not Cheney's no-bid office
 * The Saint of Torture
 * WATERBOARDING IS NOT TORTURE!!
 * Jesse Ventura demonstrates that Waterboarding is not torture by waterboarding Hannity... Due to scheduling conflict Hannity was not available for the demonstration
 * How "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques kept us safe!
 * Torture is not a sin! Is in the Bible!!