Kim Jong Il



Kim Jong Il is the sad, severely near sighted, chubby, vertically challenged (even more so than John Stewart) angry leader of North Korea. He wants to pose a threat to America but he is just to cuddly to be threatening. He likes to dress up all gay and seems a lot more interested in power than getting Paris Hilton to do a video with him. He also enjoys Bomb-Riding, which is the national sport. According to reports, he is "ronery, so ronery". This has yet to be confirmed.

American hero Stephen Colbert offered his screenplay: "Call Me Il: The Glorious Story of Dear Leader's Decision To Not Bomb America" to Kim Jong Il on October 9, 2006. He is still awaiting an official response from Pyongyang (where Kim Jong Il lives).





Kim Jong Il Likes
According to Fox News, quoting liberal media allies of North Korea Salon.com and the Toronto Star, he likes:
 * James Bond movies
 * scotch
 * Daffy Duck
 * fast cars
 * fast women
 * nuclear weapons
 * Young Congressional Pages
 * Al Franken
 * The movie "Volcano" starring Tommy Le Jones
 * The new Inxs Band
 * Herpies

Factoids

 * He is the soul inventor of the Taepodong-2 missile, which he parades through major cities. This Taepodong, however, is extremely inadequate and never succeeds in penetrating deep enough to deliver its payload. Reportedly, Kim has the best experts working on fixing this deficiency. He wants his Taepodong to make those people scream!
 * Kim Jong Il is not to be confused with Kim Jong II, who is a completely different person.
 * His father was less of a dick than he is. The North Koreans miss him.
 * According to recent intelligence sources, Kim Jong Il, Osama bin Laden, and Al Franken are currently in the process of making a gay pornographic movie featuring the three of them in a threesome while chanting, "Death to America!" in five hundred different languages, which do not include English.
 * Played the supervillain in the movie Team America World Police by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
 * Wanted to be a film producer, before becoming a dictator.
 * Loves Big Macs, which over there are called "two meat patties with bread."
 * FreeMasons run the country!

External Sources

 * CIA Database entry
 * Kim Jong Il biography