Jamaica



Jamaica: (Pronounced "Jamaica mon") Is a small island nation somwhere in the ocean. It used to be part of Africa (if it existed). It is inhabited entirely by Stephen Colberts Black Friends who aren't really black, they are an Elite commando group called Rastafarians.

History
Sometime in Professor Peabody's Way-Back Machine the Rastafarians, led by Haile Sellassie, voted to seceed from Africa and all the really black people. With the help of the friendly Dutch East India Trading Company they broke off a big chunk of land and paddled it towards The Greatest Country In The World.

Unfourtunately they struck a reefer near Cuba, and were too stoned to paddle on. Not long after, while all the Jamaicans were high on Ganja the British took them over and stole all their sacred weed. This really pissed off Rasta King Bob Marley the First, so in 1865 the Rastafarians rebelled kicking the skinny assed British all the way back to Picadilly Square. Some of the Bristish were kept on as slaves to roll their "spliffs" (marijuana cigarettes that resemble baseball bats, only bigger).

Jamaica Today
Jamaica is a Monarchy, now ruled by Rasta King Ziggy Marley the First and his High Counsel, "The Wailers." (King Ziggy succeeded his father King Bob IX after a tragic looting incident in Princeville, Jamaica, May 11, 1981.

A Typical Day In Jamaica

 * Get stoned
 * Sleep on beach
 * Repeat

Jamaican Industries

 * Growing weed
 * Robbing tourists
 * Reggae Music
 * Growing coffee to hide the weed from the DEA.

The Jamaican Language
Just like American, except you fill your mouth with weed and jerk chicken, then say "Mon" at the end of every sentence.

Fun Jamaica Facts

 * To honor their fallen enemy the British, they drive on the wrong side of the road, and have bad teeth.

Do Not:

 * Crash that "quaint" Voo-Doo Party in the jungle behind your hotel.
 * Believe the nice lady when she says, "Noooo Mon, da jerk chick, she no-ah spiceee Mon!"
 * Trust the cab driver when he offers a "Shortcut tru da jungle, Mon..."

Do:

 * Stay at Hedonism and poach all the skinny little Frenchman's hot girlfriends and defile them in the hot tub.