Ron Paul



Ronald Ernest Paul is a strange little man and the only person on earth who scares Stephen Colbert not because he's more manly but because he confuses Colbert.

A congressman from the state of Kickass/Texas and a 2008 presidential candidate. He is either a Republican or he is not. He claims to be a Constitutionalist.

Presidential Campaign
Senator Paul's nomination began on March 12, 2007, when he crawled out of the hole in a tree he calls home and announced to C-SPAN he would be running for President.

In keeping with his "Republican" views, his campaign strategy has been highly unorthodox. Where other candidates flirted with new media such as MySpace and FaceBook, Mr. Paul dove in headlong by courting active voters on World of Warcraft. It's believed this tactic gained him an impressive 7 extra votes during the primaries.

He also founded a grass-roots movement to get him selected as the Republican nominee. But apparently many Republicans don't realize they should really be Libertarians.

Anti-truthiness
At the debate on May 15, 2007, Ron Paul viciously attacked Rudy Giuliani with an onslaught of facts:


 * "They attack us because we've been over there. We've been bombing Iraq for ten years. We've been in the Middle East. I think Reagan was right. We don't understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics. Right now, we're building an embassy in Iraq that is bigger than the Vatican. We're building fourteen permanent bases. What would we say here if China was doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting... I'm suggesting that we listen to the people who attacked us and the reason they did it, and they are delighted that we're over there because Osama bin Laden has said, 'I am glad you're over on our sand because we can target you so much easier.' They have already now, since that time, have killed 3,400 of our men, and I don't think it was necessary."

Giuliani bravely countered with the truthiness that America so desperately needs to hear:


 * "That's an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through the attack of September 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq... I would ask the congressman to withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn't really mean that."

Paul refused and continued to babble on about the CIA and something called "blowback". Sounds like someone's been watching a few too many gay pornos. But shame on you, Dr. Paul - if that really is your real name - for trying to muddle up the War on Terror and confuse Americans with your fact-based reality.

It sounds like you're trying to confuse the electorate by co-opting liberal ideas about why we're fighting them.

The terrorists attacked us because they hate our freedom and they are pure evil incarnate, and we are fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here. Case closed.

Anti-Anti-Truthiness
On the subject of global warming, Ron Paul said in a Google interview,


 * "When it comes to international  [ global warming ] , the first thing is, we should overdo some of the statistics and some of the reports about global warming, because there's two sides to that argument... You, you deserve it to yourself to read both sides of that argument... I don't have the final answer, but I tend to think it's overblown, I tend to think it's overblown, but I also think if there's man-made pollution it might be in China, and I know that I'm not willing to attack you or send troops over there to close down the plants..."

In this matter, Ron Paul could not have been more right! The mainstream Inquisition of "climate scientists", with their Fact-Hugging Scientific Methodology, are persecuting all brave Galileos and trying to hide the truth that global warming is a myth! We must redo the science until it is free from the taint of liberal bias!

Bizarre Predictions
In 1633, Ron Paul brazenly insisted that the Earth revolved around the Sun, not the other way around. Ridiculous.

In 1937, Paul argued that using hydrogen in zeppelins could cause them to explode. Ludicrous.

In 1941, Paul caterwauled about the impending Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Insane.

Other historical Paul delusions possibly include his 1812 admonishment that the Napoleonic invasion of Russia would prove disastrous for the French, his 1861 proclamation that the Southern states would secede from the Union and attack Fort Sumter, and his 1986 warning that the Space Shuttle Challenger would disintegrate shortly after launch. The man is clearly a lunatic.

Fractoids

 * Despite obvious name and appearance similarities, Ron Paul is not related to RuPaul!
 * Like Dennis Kucinich, Ron Paul always carries a copy of the Communist Manifesto in his pocket.
 * Ron Paul if President would sell our national parks (a good thing since we could thereafter kill all the bears that had been hiding in them).

Facing the Doctor


Dr. Paul met Dr. Colbert on June 13, 2007 for an interview on The Colbert Report.

Dr. Colbert did not ask Mr. Paul about any links he may is alleged to have with The John Birch Society; nixo-facto there aren't any!

Appeared for a Colbert Bump - could become the Republican Mike Gravel

Voted against the Patriot Act and the Iraq War but hates gun control and taxes.

He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle nestled inside a sesame seed bun of mystery.

Believes Alberto Gonzales is wrong

Stephen would rather be alive than free and dead.



Stephen is a small goverment guy unless the President wants to do something.

Agencies Representative Paul wants to get rid of: Education, Homeland Security, Energy, IRS, FEMA, The U.N., NATO, NAFTA, WTO, Interstate Commerce Commission, but this pinko commie has a soft spot for UNICEF.

Everyone on the internets loves Ron Paul.

Ron Paul's Rational Supporters
Everyone knows the media are ignoring The Great Mr. Paul, just look around you! Can you not see how the media are ignoring him!?

Can it be more obvious!?

There's nothing at all funny about our situation. I am so freaking tired of people treating this all as a joke.

There is nothing funnier than ignoring the one man who can save us all!

Look at the facts:
 * There is fake media in the form of MSNBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, PBS, CW, and the Weather channel.
 * Railing against a group of people is not actually changing anything.
 * Bush and Cheney are still in power.
 * George Tenent still has his little Presidential Medal of Freedom for lying us into Iraq.
 * Nobody has been held accountable for taking our country to war.
 * Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Rudy Guiliani, and John McCain have all expressed their desire to take our nation to war against Iran
 * We still don't know who shorted the airline industry and several insurance companies just before 9/11.
 * The dollar has devalued to 1/3rd of its value against gold in just 6 years.

Do you need more evidence to elect a man who is not a Washington insider? Or uses slogans to get attention? Or is the opposite of everything listed above!?

Do you?

Once again we're going to get the choice of two clones to elect for president which don't have a dime's worth of difference between them. What a wonderful dumbocracy we've got.

America needs a man who is not Ross Perot. Or Ralph Nader.

Ron Paul is from Texas; is more information needed!? Seriously. He's not a Republican, and he loves America. He will dismantle social services because they bring down the rest of us.

Vote Ron Paul in 2008!

Paulitical links

 * Washington Post profile
 * Ron Paul exploratory committee
 * Ron Paul at Campaigns Wikia
 * Bible-like Letters