Congress/House/North Carolina Districts/4

North Carolina's Fourth Congressional District is a rank cesspool of godless liberalism and a breeding ground for terrorism. Billing itself as the "Research Triangle," there are so many universities in the area that it factonistas flock to it like emus flying upstream to mate each winter. The "Research Triangle" is well-known for its sneering, French-like animosity toward truthiness, as well as the rampant drug abuse, homosexuality, and godless liberalism that one would expect from a pack of universititites. In addition to the local proclivities toward university attendence and election of homosexual public officials, residents of the area are also strong supporters of science, mathematics, and bears.

The current U.S. Representative from NC's 4th is David Price. One time I heard him talking about "ethics reform" in the House of Representatives, but let's look at Representative Price's ethics, shall we? Thanks to Price, we have to have that stupid "I'm so-and-so, and I approve this message" disclaimer at the end of campaign ads. This is an un-American invasion into our precious freedom of speech; I believe that the founding fathers fought and died in order for us to be able to spend a lot of money to attack each other anonymously. Furthermore, David Price claims to have been a doctor and to have gone to Divinity School, but he is friends with Barney Frank and not friends with Dr. Stephen Colbert, DFA. Therefore, Representative Price is not only not a doctor and not divine, but my gut says he is also obviously a sinful, America-hating, gay-loving democrat who does not support Stephen Colbert's vision for a brighter American Century and wants to make the baby Jesus sad.