Kyle Sampson



Kyle Sampson is the former Chief of Staff to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Sampson resigned on March 12, 2007, seemingly unaware that this day was, in fact, a Monday. Wasn't Mr. Sampson aware that resigning on a Monday is like waving a flag, jumping up and down, and yelling "Look at me! I'm resigning!!" If Mr. Sampson could not master such a simple political concept, he obviously did not need to be working in the Justice Department.

Personal Life
Mr. Sampson is a devout Mormon, a hard-working, go-getter in the mold of Karl Rove, and a friend of Mary Cheney's from law school. This last detail obviously played no part in Sampson's rapid career advancement.

Professionalism
The Sampson motto: "Whatever Speedy Wants, Speedy Gets!  And Speedily." The Sampson Method: If a few feathers get ruffled, or a few dozens of U.S. Attorneys get fired, so be it. Gotta clear out the old to make way for the loyal.