Lawyer

A lawyer is a person who has to do whatever you say. Lawyers are there to serve you. The only way in which you have to do what they say is you have to pay them lots of money. If you do not, you will probably get sued.

How do lawyers get to be laywers?
Lawyers attend law school. At law school, they are taught to ignore the common foundations of decency upheld by our society. Over the course of the three years it takes to get a J.D. ("Juris Dickus"), lawyers slowly shed their human ubpringing. This occurs through constant forced contact with child molesters, murderers, homosexuals, and other criminals. Lawyers come to see these people as legally and constitutionally correct.

Is it possible to take a lawyer seriously?
No. Lawyers serve a purpose in society. This is to argue whatever they are paid to argue. Would you take a hand puppet seriously?

Who is worse, activist judges or lawyers?
Activist judges are ruining this country. Activist judges are not constrained by the law. They are constrained only by their own thoughts, which are usually insane. Judges often get their insane ideas from the lawyers who are paid to represent the insane clients. Lawyers are activist judges are part of the same vicious cycle. Activist judges are probably worse, however; unlike judges, lawyers have no actual power to change the law.

Do lawyers have any official organizations?
Yes. Most lawyers who want to appear upstanding belong to the ABA, which stands for American Beady Association.

What do lawyers do in their free time?
In their free time, lawyers typically do legal research and write memoranda of law to their family members. Most lawyers who have not been divorced occasionally make eye contact with their family members. Lawyers also watch pornography with judges. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart has stated of pornography, "I know it when I see it."

What is the difference between a lawyer and an attorney?
An attorney is simply what a lawyer calls himself.

What is a legal technicality?
A legal technicality is a lawyer's best friend. In other words, a legal technicality is a mechanism through which a guilty person can be let go.

Did OJ do it?
Not according to his lawyers.