Legal Technicality

A legal technicality is the most commonly used tool by the (il)legal community. Many lawyers worship the legal technicality as a type of god.

Are legal technicalities legal?
The phrase "legal technicality" appears to refer to something legal, since the word "legal" is contained in the phrase. However, in actuality, this merely represents the common belief of the legal community -- that by placing the term "legal" in front of something, that something automatically becomes legal. In fact, the term "legal technicality" is a misnomer, since the technicalities referred to are in fact not legal.

What are some legal technicalities?
Legal technicalities abound in law. Technically speaking, the number of legal technicalities is limited only by the number of insane thoughts a lawyer can have. The better the law school attended by the lawyer, the more insidious will be the legal technicalities that he has been taught to use.

One example of a legal technicality, used by a Yale-educated lawyer, is to question the meaning of the word "is". When asked a question under oath, the lawyer responded: "That depends what the meaning of the word "is" is." This is a good example of how a legal technicality is expertly used by a lawyer. Furthermore, by using the questioned term ("is") in his sentence, the lawyer was also cleverly creating a future alibi should his question be accused of being some type of delaying tactic. Since the meaning of the word "is" has been made unclear, the entire meaning of the sentence is unclear, and therefore the sentence cannot be pinned down to have any one particular meaning.

In fact, using legal technicalities, sentences can be distorted to have meanings very far away from the original intent of the sentence. For example, the sentence "The dog is happy" can be said to have any of the following meanings:

The dog is [not] happy. The dog is [never] happy. The dog is [not capable of being] happy. The dog['s tail is not capable of wagging to show] happy[ness]. The dog is [actually a cat who is] happy. The dog [did not commit the crime and] is happy. The dog is [a friend of Moses who was] happy [when he parted the Red Sea].

History of legal technicalities
Legal technicalities have a vaunted history in the legal community. Lawyers worship legal technicalities as a god-like creation. Of course, this "god" is godless and illegal under the Bible. However, because the Bible is illegal in the (il)legal community, this fact is irrelevant. In 1923, lawyers created a gold statute of a legal technicality. God (of the Bible) was not pleased, and a duel took place between God and legal technicalities. God won, but He allowed legal technicalities to persist, just as he allows evil to persist in subtle forms in the world. The ultimate hope is that human beings will win the battle against legal technicalities as part of the larger war against evil and war against terror.