Council of Doom

A Formal Request
The Council would like everyone thinking about editing this page to submit a request TO the Council before doing any editing and to consider the forces under our control.

To whoever wrote "The council kicks ass and chews bubble gum" We do not approve of excessive or unneeded use of profanities by any other than our own and we do not chew bubble gum (We DO kick arse...) We kick frootcups and hate tic taks.

Introduction
Often called COD (not to be mixed up with Call of Duty, doing so would be a horrible mistake), we ensure the safety and proper control of the planet. Working through many different agencies, governments, and alter egos, the Council of Doom has guaranteed the safety of every single Truthinessly true Disciple. Using the most advanced techniques and strategies, we can do far more then most people even want to know.

THE COUNCILS GOALS

1. Destroy the entire population of non-ninja bears.

2. Rid Sesame Street of pimps, hookers, strippers and evilness.

3. Make sure the '08 election actually works.

4. Ensure the safety of Colbert's disciples through immediate transportation to the moon base.

5. Find the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater, and produce an army through rapid reproduction.

6. Kill Osama Bin-Laden.

7. implement plans for a secondary home base on mars.

8. Use the sun's fusion to generate mass amounts of energy to provide American children with a proper start to each day.

Elmo's World
The realm known as Elmo's World is the home to the most fearsome muppet in the world, Elmo. It was created when Satan, Elmo's natural father, bestowed him with a wicked crayon. The crayon could bend reality and create objects  possesed by demon souls.

The brave souls Zidel Fastro, Adolphin Timler, Luceph Lawlin, Darth Varen, and Karl Marks, who are loyal disciples of Colbert's truthiness, ventured into this demonic world. The poor lads put up a valient fight against Elmo's minions such as his goldfish, his demonic muppet minions, and Elmo himself and his sick soulless rhymes. The group of warriors barely escaped his hellish realm with their arses intact. They drew on the power of Colbert's might and ran for there lives. They didn't have the proper protection for elmo's goddless rhymes. Luckily these paladin's of truthiness are still alive.

Threats
Elmo is known to threaten to kill children and may have murdered 300 spartans. These three hundred spartans fought valiantly against Elmo and his demonic ways alongside the Council of Doom which is now currently in control of Elmo's World. Luceph Lawlin is now making plans to infiltrate the Grouch's trash can and further spread the rule of the Council of Doom. Anyone wishing to join our cause can pay $10,000 to the Council of Doom. The Grouch is ruling his world with absolute power and brutal treatment. Elmo has fled to this hellhole and is supporting the Grouch. The movements begin in August of 2008. 

The Battle For Elmo's World
In the beginning, the Council of Doom was formed to prevent outbreaks of power, such as that of Elmo. The Council saw the problem immediately and began taking action. As Elmo's power grew in Sesame Street and Elmo's World, the Council slowly worked their way into this horrible and hellish place. Acting as spies, Zidel Fastro and Luceph Lawlin spent weeks at a time studying the actions of Elmo. They then sent reports back to headquarters on the moon. Within three months, they had a battle plan ready. With the 300 spartans, ninja pandas, dolphin hounds, and insane prison workers, the Council attacked Elmo in his sleep. He was ready though. He had guards set up outside his room. These were Elmo's cousins, who he cared little about and retreated while they fought the Council. Adolphin Timler managed to convince the guards to join the Council. Elmo had slipped away into his demonic Elmo's World. The odds were against the Council. Here Elmo had absolute power, especially with his red crayon. He created monsters that no human being can imagine. The Council of Doom was falling apart and had to act fast. Karl Marks sent the prison workers to attack Elmo head on, while the Spartans flanked the tyrannical beast. The plan worked but with terrible losses. All 300 spartans were struck by lightning and are now non-existent. All but 4 prison workers died, they are now in security detail for the Council. 214 of the 15000 ninja pandas died. The greatest army of them all, the dolphin hounds, has not lost a single recruit to this day. They continue to be the powerhouse army for the Council, while many other hybrid species are being bred. The Battle of Elmo's World is one that should not be talked about, but remembered forever as a great example of the negative effects of tyrants and the ability we humans have to delinquish these threats to our society.

Elmo's Whereabouts
Reports from Council spies tell us that Elmo is currently holed up in northern Afghanistan with Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. This is not certain as the disguised car bombs that look like Tickle-Me Elmo also look like the actual Elmo. With these in circulation, no one can find Elmo and be positive about it. Elmo should not be approached by unarmed citizens. Instead, call the Council of Doom for assistance from the dolphin hounds. This elite army will sniff out the car bombs and the real Elmo.

The Story of the Spartans
After the Spartans were struck by red lightning they were teloported to Elmo's hidden torture facility. They were brainwashed into godless commie warriors. They marched against the Adolphin Timler, their former mentor, but the dolphins hounds made short work of them. However, there was... side effects. 300 of the dolphin hounds became unstoppable and uncontrollable. However Zidel's genious allowed him to create a brain chip. Now the Council has 300 unstoppable Dolphin Spartans.

Elmo's Evil Followers
Elmo has, for years, ever since the beginning of the brainwashing show, Sesame Street, been gaining supporters to do his un-truthiness work. He has been trying to destroy Stephen Colbert and end his show of the American Way and Truthiness for all even before it aired on October 17, 2005. Some of the more famous followers of Elmo are Big Bird, the Cookie Monster, Barney, Hilary Clinton, Tickle-Me Elmos, Bears, the Chicago Bears, the French and of course Barry Bonds. These threats to the Council and Colbert's truthiness are being planned against with the Council's armies and other useful resources. Such as the Russian sattelites that no one uses anymore. By far, Tickle-Me Elmos and Hilary Clinton are the biggest threats with Hilary's near-presidential power and the mass numbers of the Tickle-Me Elmos. To date, more than 350 million Tickle-Me Elmos exist in our once somewhat calm world. Sources tell the Council that no one is to take these followers lightly as they are all armed with ion cannons. Like minature versions of the one in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. These guns cause massive radiation on the target and temporary paralysis. The Council is currently designing a new type of jellyfish that does not require water and will be 20 times as deadly as the box jellyfish of northern Australia, that island thing out there in the southern Pacific. (stupid kangaroos) These jellyfish will become the SAS of the Council and will attack with ruthless force. The threats of Elmo's followers will be eliminated as soon as 2015, but mistakes in calculations may have occured. Elmo is a threat to humankind and should not be taken seriously. Ever. He is just a red furry piece of crap that gets other pieces of crap to flush his toilet of crap for him to the crap treatment plants. I know, I pwn.

Ninja Pandas
These are pandas that have been breeded by the Council of Doom. This species of pandas have specially been purged of all their evil bearness and are no longer considered a form of bear. However they still remain extremely violent and easily offended. Only one man, Luceph Lawlin, has ever managed to tame these insane and crazed killing machines. Not much is known about the origin of these ninja pandas. They helped fight off Elmo in the Battle For Elmo's World.Battle For Elmo's World They have a population of 30000 and are growing larger every day. They are not to be approached by anybody outside of the Council unless signing a release form. They are currently living on the backside of the moon in a secure training facility, waiting for the day that the Battle for the Grouch's trash can. All panda bears have been purified of bearness and are not any more a form of bear.

Kamikaze Squirrels
These are the most violent and deadly squirrels of all. They have been tamed and trained by Zidel Fastro, leader of the Council of Doom, to be very fast, accurate assassins. Their numbers are small only about 5000 in the world. They all live in the forests of Washington state unless they are on a mission. They eat human flesh and peanuts. They are easy to spot in the snow with their bright red stripe going down their nose. Right before they strike, they make a brain-rattling screech and then rip the heads off their victims. They leave no evidence and are back home within a matter of hours. Also, because of the thorough training from Darth Varen, the army of squirrels now has Jedi capabilities.

Barack Obama
The Council of Doom has made it their #3 priority to make sure that Barack Obama does what is right for the people of America. By getting polls every hour, the Council can force Barack Obama to go with the polls. He is hard on the outside, but very soft on the inside, like a barnacle. Once the Council gets control, they will continue to assure that the country is run correctly by brainwashing him, then programming a clone of him to do what the voters want. It will be the greatest dynasty the great America has ever seen. This short paragraph brought to you by the Council of Doom: We Got Your Back.

Dolphin Hounds
The Council of Doom- By far the best allies and the most powerful. By breeding them with dogs, the most vicious army on the face of the earth has been created. They are spread out all around the planet but like to live underground or in the Bahamas. They are friendly when they want to be. Under Adolphin Timmler's control, they fight with unstoppable force and overwhelming numbers. Because of the advanced technologies in the moon base, over 10,000 of these killing machines are bred each day.

Military Movements
CaptionCurrently, the only military activity on the moon is that of the Council of Doom and their ninja pandas. They have a highly advanced training facility on the far side of the moon. Where the power for this facility comes from nobody knows, but they are building a space port for deep space travel on the mountain just outside of the facility. Rumors that have spread around include a new technology that allows them to walk in space without the need for oxygen. The ninja pandas are the most advanced and organized army ever, with 5 pandas able to take over all of Australia with little to no resistance. Plans to take over Earth are still in the beginning stages, but there are talks. When the space port is complete in 2015, the average travel time to Pluto will be 3 weeks. Using a plasma-powered cannon, the port launches the ship at Warp 5, or 5 times faster than the speed of light. Truly, this is a very amazing time for our planet and our moon.

Troops are not all that is going on up at the moon. Something called a molecular-splitting cannon is being placed on the near side of the moon. This means that the Council now has the option of frying anyone on Earth that they want to. Once they take over the satellites around our once peaceful planet, they will plant propaganda commercials that will zombify all of China and Russia. Once that has happened, all of those citizens will become the labor force of the Council. They will dominate the Earth with their Dorito-enhanced armies and will be untouchable on the moon. The end is near. The Council of Doom: Feel the Wrath of the Council.

The One Way To Stop The One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater
The only way to stop the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater is to first distract him with a bag of Doritos. He loves Doritos and will easily go after a bag of them. Second, get in contact with the Council of Doom. They have expertise in situations such as this one. Wait under a rock or in a cave until a memeber of the Council finds you. This will ensure your safety and also allow the Council to study the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater to gather more information and data on him. Once that happens, they will make an army of them and likely terrorize the haters of the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater.

Donald Trump's Relation With The Council of Doom
Donald Trump is the biggest contributor to the Council. He has actually given over $350 million to the Council's research facilities. As promised to anyone who contributes over $50,000, he will never be touched by anyone threatening him again. The Council has personally guaranteed this with "state of the art" armies spread throughout the world, ready to destroy anyone who threatens the Council or Stephen Colbert. A large security facility is being designed for construction on the moon beginning in 2009. No one will be out of the Council's reach. Not even the Africans! (If such people exist)

Food Of The Great Council of Doom
Everyone, even the dolphin hounds, in the Council of Doom is in love with Doritos. They made a law declaring that everyone had to eat two handfuls of Doritos twice a day for optimum performance and focus. A study done by Luceph Lawlin says that Doritos increase the speed of pandas by 125% and the strength of kamikaze squirrels by 210%. "These nacho cheesy chips provide great nutrition to our armies, allowing us to take over the world in half the time we expected", Lawlin says. No food has ever been more nutritious for animals, especially for dolphin hounds, than these Doritos. They keep the evil bears away from the moon, along with Dick Cheney, the Council's #1 threat. Doritos are revolutionizing the frontlines of war everyday. All hail Doritos!

The Battle For Grouch's Trash Can
Early in the morning, the ninja pandas holding the front line as the new recruit, Zine Ben Ali, went to personally oversee the final preparations to the battle ground. Suddenly, trash can lids started flying, luckily the ninja pandas were ninjas and knew how to take care of this. Timmler heard the disturbance and instantly unleashed his entire army of dolphin hounds on the scene. Within seconds, the Grouch and his ten million strong army of crazy muppets were killed and being eaten by the hounds for breakfast.

Bionic Kenyans
These super-soldiers are the safest way to guarantee the victory of any battle. With the ability to program each and every one to do a specific task, they can do just about anything. They have a good cover too, with a rumor that kenyans can actually run long distances. These bionics are the second army of choice for the Council, with the ability to crush pure diamond into dust, then use that dust to choke several people at once.

Laser Attack Leprachauns
They often work with Zidel's kamikaze squirrels, these leprachauns can shoot lasers up to 30 miles, then cover it with their magical rainbows. Not much is known about the leprachauns, as they have been able to hide from us very well.

The Kraken
Even though they have been in water all these years, they are actually able to go into space and use their full abilities. These abilities include super saiyen 11.5 strength, the ability to fly, extreme vision, and obeying the will of the Council.

The Bear Uprising of 2012
With the Colbear planning on destroying the entire world, the Council has no choice but to challenge this new authority in the world, and go to all extremes to stop this. While studies show he intends to attack Chicago and Hollywood, these are only distractions while his main army attmepts to fly to the moon and destroy the Council's moon base. He has gathered over 1 million bears, and 21.5 million human supporters to help him. The Council is ready to answer this threat with the laser leprachauns and kamikaze squirrels in place to make initial takedowns of Colbear's most vital advisors. The ninja pandas are prepared to defend the base while the Kraken, dolphin hounds, bionic kenyans, insane prison workers, and the Council themselves, will attack the main force of bears coming to tr to bring an end to the greatest leadership the world has ever seen. Stephen Colbert is currently preparing to head to the base, so that our truthiness leader will be guaranteed to make it through this catastrophic event alive. Many lives will be lost, and we hope that many of you will be saved. We have many squirrels posted in Chicago and Hollywood, so you will have a good defense. Also, we are asking that you find ways to defend yourself (lock up the bears around your house, burn your kids' stuffed animals, dont leave food outside, carry a gun, a big gun, and dont be stupid.) Thank you, and remember the Council of Doom: We Got Your Back!