Galapagos Islands



The Galapagos Islands were the site of Charles Darwin's secret evolution laboratory. Darwin spent years alone here, conducting cruel experiments on local animals in an attempt to find some evidence for his ridiculous theories. The islands are also known for their Galapagos Tortoises, which are examples of the magnificent tropical wildlife there, and also quite delicious.

Darwin's Lab
Charles Darwin set out for the Galapagos Islands in 1831, having been laughed out of the scientific community in England. When he arrived, he found some fossils among the rocks. Excitedly, he told his shipmates that he was sure they were "at least 7,000 years old." His shipmates pretended to be interested in his Bible-defying lunacy, and asked him to go back to the island to find more fossils. As soon as Darwin reached land, his shipmates weighed anchor and sailed back to England without him.

Darwin, abandoned, built a secret laboratory to conduct his experiments. Because he was starved of any human contact, Darwin slowly went insane, and when he was finally picked up by a passing whaler ship in 1858, he had completely lost his mind. During his 27 years in the Galapagos, Darwin's only companion was his pet beagle, which he named "HMS." This was the first sign of his mental instability.

Darwin spent most of his time running naked among the wildlife, trying to get them to accept him. Then, he would kidnap some poor animal, take it back to his laboratory, and experiment on it. Finches were de-beaked, tortoises mutilated, and iguanas dismembered. The whaling ship found no fewer than 218 finch beaks in Darwin's shelves. Apparently, after Darwin had finished torturing the birds, he removed their beaks and sacrificed their bodies to the Baby Satan. In return, the Baby Satan ghostwrote On the Origin of Species for him in 1859, summarizing Darwin's perverse findings. He also claimed Darwin's soul.

The Galapagos Islands Today
The Galapagos Islands are currently a part of Ecuador. Because of all the wildlife, the islands are now a haven for environmentalists of all kinds. Evolutionists currently control Darwin's old lab, continuing his experiments and searching (in vain) for evidence to support his theories. Meanwhile, they have set up a new cult, called "Darwinism," to worship Darwin and the Baby Satan. If it weren't for the financial backing the cultists receive from the liberals, righteous men of God like Stephen Colbert and the good people at the Discovery Institute would be able to exorcize the Galapagos and end Darwinism once and for all.