Manatee

Manatees, also known as sea cows, are old and wise and know many tales of the sea. Similar to many old and wise Americans, manatees are morbidly obese and live along the coasts of Florida. Reports of a growing gay manatee population in Key West are unconfirmed.

Despite the claims of most fear-mongering environmentalists, manatee habitats have grown significantly in the past 50 years. Thousands of miles of canals and channels have been labeled “manatee zones” so that the noble creatures will feel more at home. Manatees are social creatures, and these highly trafficked waterways suit them perfectly.

A favorite game of the playful manatees is to ride in the wakes of boats, much like their smaller dolphin cousins. A new public service announcement campaign in Florida urges boaters to “Save the Manatees…from Boredom!” by speeding up in manatee zones. This program aims to help manatee communities by providing an after-school activity for young manatees, as well as a much-needed exercise program for their parents.