France



Awful communist country - they don't like George W. Bush and killing people in wars.

They didn't also didn't believe Tony Blair when he said there were evil weapons in Iraq - and for that they are hated by all.

This country is a member of the European Union.

In the tradition of changing names of foods like French Fries to Freedom Fries, and French Toast to Freedom Toast, it has been suggested that we change all maps from France, to Freedomland. It is suspected that the idea will be met with little resistance, since the Freedomlanders would simply surrender if pressured.

French Pastimes
Some of the most popular French pastimes include:
 * abortion
 * cheese eating
 * drinking wine
 * existentialism
 * sarcasm
 * rudeness
 * Getting inveded by Germans
 * surrendering
 * freedom-hating
 * going on strike
 * car-burning
 * wearing berets
 * Burning American flags
 * Refusing to wash
 * pretending to be traped in a box
 * being afraid

French Medicine
France is world famous for its minimal developments in the fields of medicine and scientists. Whenever they discover something it is quickly turned over to American scientists so that they may see the real use of the discovery. That's mostly because the French are afraid of medicine. They cure their people by using witches and sorcery like the famous witch Joan of Arc. French people are not normal and prefer to take pills up their ass. Not only is it sexual satisfaction but it also is a place bears won't look when tearing the French to pieces. Many french people are known to keep whole life savings up their ass for safe keeping.

French Women


The French women are well known for their resemblance to Bears, due to lack of shaving. Many scientists attribute the creation of the unholiest race, the French-Canadians, to this fact.

War
The French aren't good at it. They've never had anyone good at it, except maybe Napolean and Joan of Arc. The French army only fights until the other side fights back or threatens to. In World War II they allowed the Nazis to occupy them because they were afraid that America would bring freedom there. They promised to lead the peace keeping coalition in Lebanon, but realized that there might be fighting there and decided to only send 200 troops, which is good because the only difference between 200 French soldiers and 200,000 is fewer prisoners.

Two of the few victories for the French military include the American Revolution (they did send LaFayette and a few ships) and World War I. These were also wars where America fought as well. This is the first French rule of war: France helped America to be free, America can do the same.

The French military was also rather successful under the leadership of Napolean. This is the second French rule of war: France is only successful when its leader is not French.

The French Revolution
In the late 18th Century, the French tried to copy America by holding their own Revolution. However, once they killed all the Kings and Aristocrats they became confused and began killing each other. They even invented the Guillotine, so that they could slaughter themselves more efficiently. This self-Genocide was actually the most beneficial thing they've even done for the rest of the world.

Things the French are Afraid of

 * All other countries, with the exception of Canada
 * Bears - But honestly, who isnt?
 * Books
 * Boxes
 * Deoderant
 * Showering
 * Loud Noises
 * Paper
 * Perfume
 * Quiet Noises
 * Democracy
 * Freedom
 * Working more than 4 hours a week
 * Privitized medicine
 * War - until they surrender (which they actually do like)
 * George W. Bush
 * Stephen Colbert
 * America - until the Germans invade, then they like America
 * Sober-ness