History Of The United States

The Greatest Nation on Earth as voted by God for the 550th year in a row, was once a bear-filled land filled with Godless heathens. After being discovered and colonized by Christopher Columbus, and kicking out the British, the United States became the greatest superpower of all time.

In the process of becoming the greatest superpower of all time, Americans initially settled on the east coast, had a Civil War, and then settled the middle, and west coasts.

The Discovery Of America
Our first unofficial President, Christopher Columbus discovered America when he landed his 4 vessels on America's Continent in 1492. Columbus spent the rest of his life making future colonists safer by fighting--America's first terrorist group--the Indians off our God given lands.

Columbus was so dedicated to this purpose, he tried to find the Fountain Of Youth in New Jersey. Ironically, Columbus died after drinking the New Jersey water, thinking that its greenish tint was a result of its "magical" properties.

Soon after Columbus, Christian colonists soon started flowing into the new nation given to us by God. Vessels such as the USS Mayflower lead the oppressed refugees of Protestant Reformation to the new land. They were then instructed by newly descended (from heaven) Jesus to multiply, and shape the land in his image.

The Colonies
Believe it or not, there were 13 original colonies. One for each stripe on the American flag. These 13 colonies are often divided into three groups:


 * New America Colonies - Made up of New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island.


 * Southern New America Colonies - Consisted of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Maryland.


 * Bible Belt Colonies - Were constructed of Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia.

Birth Of A Nation

 * (If you wanted the movie about the KKK, did you hear racism no longer exists in America?)

Better Know A Founding Father

 * (''Not to be confused with the segment Better Know A Founder.)


 * George Washington -
 * Thomas Jefferson
 * Jesus Christ -
 * George W. Bush - Not really a founding father but included for all he has done to change the constitution for our safety since 9/11.

Revolutionary War

 * Main article: World War 0

before the fr revolution in which required mandatory guillating of balls

Manifest Destiny
(see funny wikipedia pic)

Civil War

 * Main article: The War of Northern Aggression

Great Depression
due to communist FDR and his socialist programs

Present Day
defeat the reining super power (enland)

Johnny appleseed