Japan

Japan is a country in Asia. Actually, it is not in Asia. It is located on a chain of islands just off the coast of East Asia. Eastasia is our ally. Eastasia has always been our ally.

A little-known but vital fact is that Japan is not in China. By all rights, it should be - China is so big, and Japan is not! - but it isn't. In fact, the Japanese and the Chinese pretty much hate each other. That's because America totally wasted Japan during World War II, and also because the Chinese are all pitiful commie bastards. Also, if Japan was added to China, that would just make China even more crowded. It'd be like...a collision of crowded countries.

In Japan, people eat raw fish, rice, seaweed, and crunchy toasted tapeworms. They wear kimonos (basically dresses), loincloths (basically diapers), and straw hats. Their alphabet is a bunch of squiggly lines, making it virtually impossible for Westerners to understand what the hell they are trying to say in their writing.

The capital of Japan is Tokyo, which is fourth to New York City, Chicago, and Houston (made in the U.S.A.) as the biggest city ever. Suck it, Tokyo!