Presidential Oath of Office

This is what the President of the United States says when the Chief Executive of the Supreme Court swears him into office.

The Pageantry
Every four years, we Americans watch on TV as the Supreme Court decides who should be our next President. The next January, Washington DC holds a big party, complete with a parade to celebrate the ascention of the next President.

The President-Elect and the Chief Executive of the Supreme Court go on a stage especially designed for the occasion and stand before the FOX cameras for the whole world to see. Only Invited Guests are allowed to appear onstage during the Ceremony:
 * the President's wife
 * the President's father
 * the President's chocolate fantasy
 * CEOs of Republican donors (Ranger-level and up)

The President then stands opposite the Chief Executive of the Supreme Court, but next to the highest Republican Donor, who has won the honor of Official Sponsor of The Ceremony.

The winning CEO then hands the President his Presidential Bouquet, and returns to sit amoung his Corporate Breatheren.

The President places his hands on a stack of Bibles held by the the Chief Executive of the Supreme Court and the Chief Executive of the Supreme Court begins the ceremony:


 * "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of The One True Almighty God, and his Son Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, and in the presence of these esteemed Republican Corporations, to unite (President's Full Christian Name) and America in holy Presidential Bondage. This Sacred pact was ordained by God in Eden and confirmed in Texas by the presence of the Lord, and is declared by the Current Pope to be honorable among all men. On this occasion we begin by asking God's blessing on this Inagural Service. Let us pray."

Prayer
A short prayer (based on St. Francis of Asisi) is recited:
 * Lord, make us instruments of your piece
 * Where there is hatred, let us sow
 * Where there is injury, let us profit
 * Where there is discord, let us exploit
 * Where there is doubt, let us regain polling numbers
 * Where there is despair, let us ignore
 * Where there is darkness, let us increase energy prices
 * Where there is sadness, let us televise
 * For it is in giving that we receive
 * Thank You Holy Father for the Bounty I Am About to Receive.
 * God Bless America

The Oath
After they exchange rings, the President then recites his Oath of Office:


 * "With this ring I do solemnly swear to promise to love, honor, cherish and protect America, forsaking all others and holding only unto only America."

They kiss, and then the President throws the ceremonial bouquet to the next in the line of succession (usually a brother or other male relative)