Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is a good, Asian friend of all Americans. He is the leader of the government-in-exile of Tibet (which may or may not exist). He wants to see Tibet freed, but also believes in peace and good will towards everyone. He has absolutely never kept his people in slavery-like conditions, or funneled CIA money to Gorilla rebels who use the very violence he opposes in an attempt to force the Chinese out of their homeland.

He is also a Buddhist, which means he is currently slated to go to Hell. Since he is an allie of America, however, President Bush has agreed to meet with Jesus about about making a possible exception for him.