Planet

A Planet is a large ball of gunk orbiting a star

History
God spent 6 long days working so Americans would have a nice place to live. The result was America's Planet, the only real planet. Around 2500 BC, the earliest known factinistas, the ancient greeks, claimed that some stars were moving around the sky (As if its possible to tell!) and that they were in fact not stars at all. So began the insidious myth of the "solar system" of non-earth planets.

Real Planets
By use of the gut, it has been proven that some planets actually exist. They include: It should be noted that niether of these exist in the fictitious "solar system" They orbit the Earth, but are too small to be detected
 * Pluto, discovered by an American, and therefore a suitable site for America to conquer. The liberal International Astronomical Union does not consider Pluto a planet, so it must be one.
 * Bearpiter, The home of the deadly space-bears. The IAU also conviniently ignores its existence, in return for bribes from Bearpiter-ite leader Ted Kennedy

Supposed Planets
The liberals have a list of seven "planets" that they claim exist in addition to America's Planet, Pluto and Bearpiter. A little gutwork quickly reveals them to be false.
 * Mercury, clearly just a car company.
 * Venus, anyone unfortunate enough to have studied unamerican geography knows this is a city in Italy.
 * Mars, nothing more than a candy bar.
 * Jupiter, Invented by the media to cover up the existence of the real -piter, Bearpiter.
 * Saturn, another, slightly suckier car company.
 * Your Anus, More of an anatomical function.
 * Neptune, obniously made up to dicredit Pluto, by claiming that Pluto "dips under" Neptune's orbit.