American


 * This article is about Americans as a people. For American, the language, see: American (language)

To be an American is to be on the highest plane of existence. Americanism is the nationality possessed by a person of America. A person of America would thus be called an American. Americans are neither ugly nor rude. And if they are rude to you, it's because you're an asshole.

When I look up at the American Flag, I think of Stephen Colbert the man who has red, white and blue blood. There is nothing more American in the World than Stephen Colbert, Stephen Colbert is a symbol of freedom, liberty and everything else that America stands for. The only thing more American than Stephen Colbert is Stephen Colbert.

Key Signs You Are American

 * You only need to speak one language, and it's not French, bitch.
 * You have a natural obsession with things red, white, and/or blue.
 * You feel deep affection for American elephants.
 * You know that you are the World authority.
 * You watch The Colbert Report every Monday through Thursday night at 11:30PM (Eastern/Pacific) on Comedy Central.
 * You support our president. If you don't, you're a Nazi.
 * You love the Baby Jesus.
 * You would never be caught dead chasing away military recruiters; that is a sin.
 * You celebrate your Nation's Independence by blowing a chunk out of it with fireworks.
 * You worship Jesus and his amazing Jesus Powers.
 * You eat meatloaf at least five times per week.
 * You know how to detect and deal with a liberal, and it isn't peaceful
 * You would never vote Democrat ever. Seriously.
 * Your CD collection includes the whole Willie Nelson cataloug.
 * The only type of ice cream you eat is Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream.
 * You are overweight