Police Officer



A police office wears a uniform and carries a gun. He can make you stop your car, or you can make him shoot your tires off, causing your car to run into a tree and catch fire, giving to 3rd degree burns to your whole body.

Police officers are our friends, unless you have something to hide.

Why do we have police officers?
America has police officers because we are constantly under attack. Liberals and bears want to damage Christmas and eat our honey, respectively. The rest of the world has police officers, because America has them and they like to copy us.

Where can I find a police officer?
Police officers live in the police station and drive in cars, and eat at the donut shop. Police officers are everywhere America needs them to be. Sometimes police officers are inside your computer watching to make sure you don't do anything funny with your tubes.

What do police officers do?
Police officers uphold the law. Police officers love The Baby Jesus so-o-o much, they sometimes put themselves into harm's way, just so we can go to the store and hear someone say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Hanukkah" or some other satanic phrase.

Who can become a police officer?
Daddies make really good police officers. The police have schools where they can teach daddies to become police officers. If a daddy is angry all the time, he can be a good police officer. If a daddy lives with another daddy, he will go to hell.

How many different kinds of police officers are there?
Because the police do so much to protect America and The Baby Jesus, there is lots and lots of hard work for them to do.

Sometimes a police officer will watch the cars drive around and give tickets to the ones who drive bad.

Some police officers watch the internets for liberals who clog up the tubes or talk bad about The Greatest President Ever.

There are many more jobs for police officers to do, except most of them are in Iraq cutting down on the number of tickets and unclogged internets tubes. Being in Iraq has lowered the crime rate in America!

What kinds of equipment do police officers have?
Police officers must be able to find bad guys where ever they hide, so police officers must have the very best equipment to catch them.
 * guns
 * bullets
 * pens
 * computers
 * cars
 * high-powered surveillence microphones
 * infra-red cameras
 * warrants (maybe not so much anymore)
 * DNA