Quaker



A secret sect of Mooslimism that began in Pennsylvania Dutch country. They share with their Middle Eastern brother's hatred of all things American, especially cartoon depictions of their prophet.

Baking Rivalry


American Quakers are pro-oatmeal, in direct violation of the Mooslamic fundamentalism, which is pro-pastry.

For centuries, the breakfast of choice divided the Quakers from the other, more elaborate pastry-eating sects of Mooslimism