Chicago

The capital of Illinois, Chicago is one of America's gems. It is home to the tallest building in the great nation of America, the Sears Tower. The tower's rigid construction is due to the fact that it was built using the same materials Sears used to make Toughskin Jeans. Chicago has given the world the best hot dogs, and remade pizza to make it less dirty and ethnic, and more manly and american.

History
At the age of 4, Baby Jesus, created the great city of Chicago. =Economics= According to televison and movies, %90 of Chicagoans work in advertising and the rest are hot-dog vendors at Wrigley Field.

Sports
Chicago named its football team the Bears because the late great Richard J. Daley hunted and ate bears to protect the citizens of Chicago from these Godless Killing Machines. If you think about it, Bears are just big bats without wings. The Cubs were named for the orphans left behind by Daley’s brave slaughter. The Cubs have not won a World Series since 1859, when Ernie Banks ate a live Billy-Goat during game 7.

Chicago Public Schools
Considered one of the worst public school systems in the nation (by liberals), CPS requires three years of learning about America and good things. One year of CPS education is learning about the founding of Chicago and the horrors of bears.

University of Chicago
The University of Chicago is where Americans first developed the nucular bomb which was used to liberate Japan from Communism and the rule of bears.

They are also home to the Birthplace of American economics, where Milton Freidman was able to paste the tablet Moses broke coming down from that mountain and used it to lead America to financial salvation.

Northwestern University
Chicago is also the location of Northwestern University, also called NU. It used to be called NWU, until 1973 when an english professor realized "Northwestern" was one word. Northwestern includes the Medill School of Journalism, which has produced generations of factonistas.