St. Peter

St. Peter was first among the Apostles, as the first called of the disciples of Christ Jesus, Our Lord and Savior. He was also Jesus's BFF before The Passion (no matter what the "tell all autobiography" of John Mark might have you believe).

Rock-Hard Peter
As the Holy Bible teaches us, St. Peter was the rock of our Lord, the foundation upon which Christ built The One True Church. In fact, "Peter" wasn't really even named "Peter" -- his name was "Simeon bar Jonah," and he was a fisherman. Then Jesus saw him fishing on the beach one day, and shouted out, "You, follow me back to my place and serve me!" And Peter did. Peter quickly became the Lord's favorite, because he was always such a good servant, and always so solidly behind Jesus whenever Jesus needed firm action from his followers. So The Lord gave Simeon a new name, "Peter," which in Greek meant "the rock."

Peter's Rise
Everyone but blasphemers, heretics, and the damned know that after the death, Resurrection, and ascension of Our Lord, Peter became the head of the Christian faith. He achieved this role both because he was Christ's rock, and because, as the first Archbishop of Rome, it was ordained that he would become the first Pope in order to carry out the will of God on Earth. Obviously.

Heavenly Peter
After his death, St. Peter became the doorman at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. He's the guy who performs God's background checks to make sure that Heaven isn't harboring any terrorists, communists, or homosexuals. He does, occassionally, let in some Jews.

Peter Trivia

 * Not a fan of the cock