Larry King

Contrary to popular belief, Larry King actually died 20 years ago in 1987 from a major heart attack. Instead of doing what would have been the respectful thing on Mr. King's behalf, CNN brought Mr. King back into the CNN studios for fear of a catastrophic plummet of ratings following Mr. Kings absents. He is now a mere dried, tattered, and shrived up vessel of his former self, propped up only by a pair sophisticated elastic suspenders at his anchor chair.

Most of the lip movement is digitally imposed upon his face. Any and all audio now being emitted from Mr. King is the product of something that can only be described as an advance networking of past archived sound bites.(much like the primitive Samuel L. Jackson soundboards)

Unlike the finer days of the past, Mr. King no longer bothers with excruciating journalistic techniques. Hard hitting questions and holding guest's feet to the fire would draw too much attention to this life-less corpse. Thus now, he is perhaps more famous for his softball questions covered in a tasty layer of cotton candy to liberal quests such as Angelina Jolie and Bono.