Hippopotamus

Large mammals that are thought to have been the second coming of Christ. It turns out they were actually put in Africa by God to eat the dying Ethiopians to put them out of their misery. The hippopotamus is also known as the Gary Coleman of elephants or Africa's manatee. During World War II, the Nazis would ride their war hippos with their bulletproof skin through the trenches and easily take over key cities such as London, Stalingrad, Hong Kong, and Chicago. The hippo's only weakness is homosexuality which is how the French ended up winning World War II and III and took over Europe in 2012. It is recommended that if you should happen upon an unsuspecting hippopotamus in the wild, start talking to it in French.