Colorado

Colorado, also known as New Mexico's Mongolia, is sometimes called the "Centennial State" because a lot of people there who aren't either skiing or living in Boulder are really old.

Colorado's capitol is South Park, renown for having the largest murder per capita as well as the record holder of "Recurring National Disaster" of the century.

Colorado's number one killer is the Orange Parkah, so the buying, owning, and selling of it is illegal. It seems as if those who wear an Orange Parkah attract death like metal to a magnet.

Despite protests from retired military officers in Colorado Springs who wanted it to become a Right To Work state, Colorado was admitted to the Union in 1876.

Fundamentalist Mecca
Thanks to preachers like Ted Haggard and James Dobson whose Focus on Family is based there, Colorado Springs is sometimes called the Fundamentalist Mecca. Another upside of Colorado is Colfax Ave.(THAT MEANS STRIPPERS)

They help bring faithiness and the Word of God to the whole country from this outpost that had been populated mostly by retired military officers, and active soldiers and airmen. Making them God's personal army, or God's soldiers, in the war against Atheist-gay-liberal bears.

Colorado was a lot like other Mountain states before the arrival of the mega churches in Springs. Folks in the region tend to be somewhat lacking in churchiness. But Dobson, Haggard, and their flocks started to change that from their bases in Springs.

Military Industrial Complex Colorado's Economy
Colorado Springs is the home of the largest Military Industrial Complex military communities. It houses the army and the air force, making it a very kick-ass state!!

Bear-loving hippie liberals have accused the city Colorado Springs as being a very militaristic gun-ho community. Just because it houses Fort Carson, Peterson Air Force Base, Schriever Air Force Base, NORAD, the Cheyenne Mountain Air Station, and the United States Air Force Academy as well as several R&D facilities with military contracts, doesn't mean we will invade the other states any time soon... it just means that you shouldn't mess with Colorado, you hear that Utah!!



Factoids



 * Colorado is one of the states owned by Ted Turner. It is part of the nearly impenetrable "Turner Curtain" that splits the country into two parts.
 * The Peoples Republic of Boulder is "16 square miles surrounded by reality".
 * The glittering gold state capitol dome in Denver will soon be replaced by another Qwest logo.
 * Stargate Command is not really in Cheyenne Mountain. It's actually located next door to Fox Mulder's old apartment in Vancouver, BC (that's Canada).
 * It is legal to smoke Maryjane in Denver, but however was rejected by the rest of the state of Colorado.
 * The Broncos are located here, and it is here that their tradition of crapping on opponents fields started.
 * Most Greenies (as they are known in other states due to their horrendous green plates) think they are the better of the two rectangle states. However, they can be found roaming the mountains and rivers of Wyoming because Colorado has been overrun by Texans, Mexicans, Texicans, and other ethnicities that end in -ans.
 * Mutopis is currently trapped living in Colorado Springs and cant get out!!!
 * Ken Buck is famous for buying Rape Kits only to be hit with buyers remorse and unable to get his money back since he never saves his receipts.

Killer Ski Slopes
Colorado is noted for having "killer" ski slopes because of a bear manifestation in places such as Aspen, Vail, and Breck-Shampoo.

Famous people who have died there

 * Sonny Bono
 * One of Ted Kennedy's nephews, he was a DATT (drunk all of the time) like Ted.
 * Kenny McCorrmick

Semi-famous people who have died there

 * Estranged boyfriend of the ex-wife of Andy Williams, an old Barry Manilow wanna-be.

Famous people who have not yet died there

 * Martina Navratilova
 * Tim Gill
 * James Dobson
 * John Kerry who skis with Nazis in Idaho

A Typical Day in Colorado

 * Celebrating your membership in the Mile High Club.
 * Attempting to drive around the state whilst avoiding The People's Republic of Boulder

War Against The Mooslim Tyrant

 * Man Coloradans are doing their part to stop this dangerous tyrant!