Woman



A woman is the life support system for a vagina. This allows them to serve their two primary functions:
 * conveyance devices for children
 * pleasure devices for themselves and men

Women enjoy ordering men to do the cooking and cleaning, which makes them handy for supervisory positions as well.

Origins
Women are an offshoot of the biblical figure Eve, who was created from one of Stephen's barbecue spare ribs, and who then ruined paradise for Stephen by eating Satan's pink-grapefruit of knowledge. This made Eve begin to use her headbone instead of her gutbone.

Women were originally used to produce children, cook dinner, provide pleasure, and craft clothes and quilts. But since 1920, when the Freedom Haters gave them the right to vote, America has been moving slowly towards anarchy.

God gave women periods every month in remembrance of the day Stephen bit God for taking his rib. This was a clever trick to fool Stephen into having children so that the bleeding and complaining might subside for a while.



Subordination
Women are superior to men in every way, except to Stephen Colbert. The female brain is very large, about the size of a watermelon. If women were not so superior to men, they would be unable to work as hard as men to support themselves financially, and men wouldn't know what the hell to do with themselves.

Trivia
The only exception to this would be if she was with Stephen Colbert.
 * Women are best when wearing leather in the kitchen, whipping a mans' ass.
 * Women can be lesbians.
 * Women are often irrational and don't think with their gut.
 * Stephen Colbert likes women.
 * The gays do not enjoy heterosexual intercourse with women, except for the women-gays (see "lesbians," above).
 * Ann Coulter and Hillary Clinton are probably not a woman.
 * Women are better at spelling than men.
 * Women are much better at yelling than men.
 * Regardless of what your friends and/or father might have told you, women are never "asking for it." As a general rule, women are trying to avoid "it" with you. Unless you happen to be Stephen Colbert or Matthew McConaughey, that is. Then the women would love to be "It"-getters.
 * Women are frequently guilty of mollycoddling.
 * Women are unfit for combat. Especially against spiders. No exceptions.
 * According to some neanderthals, a woman's life is ruined if she loses her virginality before marriage. We all know that this is blantantly false, however.
 * A woman's life is not complete without a man, unless she has a vibrator. Then it becomes ten times better than if she had a man in it.
 * According to noted Womanologist Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. the modern woman prefers to be called a "she-person".