Hell





Hell is the location non-Christians and anti-Americans go when they physically and/or spiritually die.

The location and description of Hell has been outlined by reliable Chrisitan prophets. The climate of Hell has been described as pungent with the odor of pride and arrogance, while the landscape is characterized as scorched and blasted, the ground as sour. Hell is populated by lost souls who wail and gnash their teeth, damned with the knowledge that the circumstances of their situation have been dictated by the emptiness within their withered souls. It should also be noted that Hell is overrun by Gay Bears. Basically the place is like something out of a psychopath's fever dream.

Due to these descriptions, most leading theologians believe Hell is France on Earth, though another contendor is the East Coast and/or West Coast.

Hellworthy
Masturbation

Liberals

Atheists

Lutherans

Communism

Being a fan of the Chicago Cubs and/or the Chicago Bears

Joining the Pro-Bear Lobby

Anyone who reads and agrees with The New York Times editorial section, unless it's by David Brooks.

Godless Sodomites

Hollywood

People who stand in the middle of the aisle with their shopping cart while their 4 kids are milling about like goats so that I'm unable to navigate my cart around them and can't go back because 3 other schmucks are behind me.