November 1st, 2007

November 1st, 2007




A day of infamy. On this day the Democratic Party of Soviet Carolina's executive council voted 13-3 to refuse Colbert’s application for a spot on their ballot in an act of mind-boggling malice and profound stupidity.

The Democrats, fools that they are, presumed it even a matter of consideration whether Colbert could be a bona fide Democrat who is "nationally viable." Clearly by this they intended to say "sold his soul to the Soviet democratic party.

“The general sense of the council was that he wasn’t a serious candidate and that was why he wasn’t selected to be on the ballot,” said Joe Werner, the party’s director and a know bear zoophile. As if to revel in his party's utter slavish ignorance he further bleated: “There was discussion — I wouldn’t call it a heated debate — but there was discussion about it.” Later, security recordings of the 'discussion' revealed two hours and forty minutes of the executive council making bestial sounds and incantations.

Council member and worshiper of evil Waring Howe Jr. was quoted making farting sounds and stating Colbert would appear on the soviet party’s ballot “over my dead body.”

It was also said that many members of the executive council likely voted against giving Colbert a spot on the ballot because they have sold out to specific candidates, according to former South Carolina Gov. Jim Hodges, a rare Democrat American Hero who knows many council members. Hodges stated: “I personally think he doesn’t hurt any of them. He brings a sense of levity to politics that’s needed, and the people in South Carolina would enjoy it. We probably would have some people participate who otherwise would not do so.” He then signed a petition supporting Colbert’s candidacy.

Members of the exectuive committee include Al Franken, Bin Laden, Pol Pot, Hitler, Satan, and Bears.