Ralph Reed

Let's face it, Ralph Reed is a looker, but what else would you expect of the right hand of God? During the preliminary stages of the often publicized and widely reveired Republican takeover, Reed was tapped by Jesus himself to helm the newly formed Christian Coalition. Compelled by the power of Christ, these Republicans would lead this latest and bloodiest crusade to reinvigorate the godless and value lacked US Government. With the help of Reed, Republicans everywhere would activate their scattered constituant cells and whip them into a force of inarguably powerful soldiers in the Army of God. Driven forth by the promise of rapture within their glorious lifetimes, Christian soldiers would set forth into the valueless breach and emerge victorious through the power of Compassionate Christian Conservatism. Little did the hedonistic baby killin Democrats realize that Reed and his Christian brothers had constructed a modern day arc of the covenant, never to be undone by paltry centrist plow shares of reason and compromise. No matter what you think due to what you have seen on left handed news broadcasts, Reed did not take any money from Jack Abramoff. Reed does not need money, for his kingdom is shining through the brilliant prism of hearty American values, and his currency is that of newly baptized souls. He is neither party to the latest Holocaust on the unborn or the equally disgusting emergence of adoption rights for homosexuals, or as Reed calls it "Gaydoption". Just Horrible.