Dave Jennings

Dave Jennings is a renegade bear hunter that operates out of Canada. His lifelong goal is to rid the world of bears and other godless killing machines. However, he, like so many others, is powerless to stop the dangerous Colbear.

While his work against the bear forces in Canada is underappreciated back home in America, he remains faithful to the greatest President and Stephen Colbert. In no way, shape, or form will he ever submit to the weakness of Canadians and be captured alive by the bears.

Childhood and All That
Dave Jennings was born on a warm winter's night in Florida. At a young age he learned to love baseball and hate hockey like any normal American. However, his little league baseball team was defeated in the state finals by the Bears, a suprisingly hairy team of "3rd Graders".

This event dramatically shaped the course of Dave's life. From that point on, he hated bears and vowed to kill them all, even if he died in the process. He vowed to to stop the Bearorists that threatened the United States of America.

After making this vow, Dave went into immediate training in seven types of martial arts, as well as taking private lessons in bear tracking from Chuck Norris. These activities put a stop to all other forms of education, because he frankly didn't care anymore.

With this education, Dave was almost ready to fight the war against Bearorism.

Adapting to the Coldness of Canada
As any real American knows, the communist nation of Canada is f*cking cold. We Americans all know that they live in igloos. To complete his training, Dave had to adapt to the cold of Canada.

To do this, he constantly drank Budweiser beer for 28 straight days. The effects of America's drink allowed Dave's body to become used to the ungodly temperatures in Canada. However, this was not a problem for the Canadian bear army, and thus Dave had to spend his nights hidden amongst the wheat fields of Saskatchewan (Does anybody know where the hell Saskatchewan is??), where no bears would roam.

These nights were trying on Dave's mental condition as he could only take so much cold at one time without succumbing to Canadian tendencies such as kindness and generosity. Dave managed to pull though however, eventually adapting to the horrible conditions.

Operation: Bearicide
From this point onwards, Dave put into action, Operation: Bearicide. This was his grand plan for the extermination of the godless killing machines. Dave snuck into Northern Manitoba (the long rumored stronghold of the Canadian bears), setting up a shelter along a river.

Operating from his shelter, Dave has put into motion many plans to overthrow the bears from their frozen tundra and enable the Greatest President to invade Canada. Sadly, these plans cannot be revealed here as this information may jeapordize their execution and may result in the loss of another loyal American fighting the good fight against the godless killing machines.