Creationism

The truthy explination for human existance. It could not be simpler for all those liberals out there. God created Adam and Eve who did some messed up stuff and got kicked out of Paradise. Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of years later, Stephen Colbert was born, and the world rejoiced.

Liberals want you to believe in the jewgic of evolution. They want you to believe that your grandparents were poo-flinging monkeys, and somehow you lost your tail, and hair, and the women grew amazing racks (aka boobs). Obviously, liberals have been reading too much Harry Potter.