War on Bearorism

The War on Bearorism is an American war, officially declared by the United States Congress on June 17, 2003, due to the many Bear attacks, i.e. the Bear Invasion of 1993, Nine-Eleven, Nicholas Cage's acting career in the past ten years. All of these events were plotted by Bears, mostly from China, but also from North Korea, Afghanistan, and the state of California.

The U.S. has since deployed 575,000 soldiers to different parts of the world to hunt down these bears and "...bring 'em to justice, just like we did with Hurricane Katrina..." says President George W. Bush in 2004. "We have to let the rest of the world know not to f*ck with us. Sh*t, did I just say f*ck on national television..." said Vice President Joe Biden in 2009.

Most conservative politicians agree that the war will end at some point in this decade. "We don't want to pull out too soon, or we might not even ejaculate..." says analyst and Pornography expert Hugh Hefner.