Animals

Animals are creatures created by God for the sole purpose to provide humans with food, companionship, and entertainment. Otherwise they would have no reason existing. Like everything on America's Planet, some animals are good, others are evil. Besides good and bad, animals can be grouped into other categories such as edible and inedible, but mostly they are split up into the five categories below.

Furry Animals
Furry Animals, or "Mammals" to those on the Nerd Patrol, are animals who are characterized by being soft when you pet them. Of course, some of these fuzzy animals you would not want to get too close to, let alone, pet (for example Bears!). Besides being covered with fur, one may tell Furry Animals from others by the presence of external sex organs. That's right, most Furry Animals are unabashed perverts. Not only can you see Furry balls, but often a Furry penis too, and that's just on the males.

Examples of Furry Animals: Land Lions, Bears, Cats, and Raccoons.

Feathered Animals
Feathered animals, sometimes called "birds", are creatures that have feathers, make lots of noise, and fly. Feathered Animals are very colorful, and can represent many things, including many national symbols. Our Bald Eagle represents the United States, it soars through the air, ready to strike at any animal that is a perceived threat. Another perfect match of Bird and Nation is the Rooster with France. The rooster, also known as the "Cock", is a national symbol that represents France's sense of self-importance, flamboyance, annoying alarms, and her inability to stay airborne for longer than 13 seconds.

Examples of Feathered Animals: Stephen Jr., Bats, Chickens, and Owls.

Bugs
Bugs are tiny, creepy, little animals whose purpose in life is to both, annoy and provide food for larger animals.

Examples of Bugs: Snails, Jellyfish, Bees, and Gila Monsters.

Frogs 'N Shit
Animals that are considered Frogs 'n shit are animals that feel kind of like slimy, fish, but somehow they are able to live outside of water. Some even live in both water and on land. Frogs 'n shit are usually poisonous, evil, and untrustworthy. The gut has warned humans of the wrongness of these slippery creatures for thousands of years now (apparently Eve's gut was not big enough). Frogs 'n shit usually reproduce by the hundreds, so like bears (although for different reasons), they are practically unstoppable.

''Examples of Frogs 'N Shit: Box Turtle, Hermit Crabs, Snakes, and Platypus.

Fish
Fish are animals that live in water. Many people get confused when trying to identify these sodden critters, so here is the best way to identify a fish: If it lives in water and no where else, you know without exception, it's a fish.

Examples of Fish: Blue Fish, Alligators, Whales, and Anthrax.