Lyndon B. Johnson



Lyndon B. Johnson was the 36th President of the United States. Lyndon B. Johnson started the Vietnam War and tried to leave the blame and that war's failure on President Richard Nixon who was a Republican and one of our greatest presidents. It should be no suprise that Lyndon B. Johnson was a lying democrat. Lyndon unfortunately did not make the great state of Texas proud unlike our Greatest President, George W. Bush.

Acquiring the Presidency
In 1963 Lee Harvey Oswald's unexpected but much appreciated assassination of pseudo-European socialist ginger John F. Kennedy thrust LBJ into the presidency. The next 6 years would be one of the most tumultuous times ever in American history.

War on Poverty
For some reason, Johnson refused to believe that poor people deserved to be poor because they didn't work hard enough; instead, he insisted that they were victims of society. He even refused the traditional liberal answer to this traditionally liberal question, which was to tax the rich and redistribute that money to the undeserving. What Johnson wanted was essentially a government-funded communist uprising, and he almost succeeded, were it not for God providing us with the Vietnam War, which drained funds from Johnson's communist plan.

The Great Society
If Johnson's plan did succeed, he would supposedly model America into "The Great Society," a place where everyone would be rewarded equally, no matter how much harder you worked than the next guy. Sound familiar? Probably not, unless you lived in COMMUNIST RUSSIA!! Good thing this Great Society thing doesn't exist. But if this nonexistent Great Society did exist, there would surely be a nonexistent rebellion fighting for freedom, which would probably be lead by a nonexistent and charismatic leader, such as God.

The War on Vietnam
The best part about Johnson's presidency is that there were so many wars, and that we were having them both at home and abroad. However, this particular war sends mixed messages. While it's great that Johnson was trying to spread freedom to Vietnam, the alternative proposed by Republican candidate Barry Goldwater was even better. Barry Goldwater proposed that we grow a pair and attack communism with everything we had, which surely would have lead to a global nuclear war, ushering in the apocalypse and thus allowing us god-fearing evangelicals to ascend to heaven while the heathen liberals and commies burned below. Sadly, the liberals once again interfered with God's Divine Plan, and prevented the glorious second coming.

Civil Rights
Civil rights is such an oxymoron. If I'm right, why should I be civil about it? Instead, I follow Bill O'Reilly's example and let everyone around me know how superior my views are. Whenever I meet someone with views opposed to mine, I shove verbal truthiness his throat until he chokes on enlightenment, and I never pass up the chance to belittle someone less enlightened than myself on national TV. Seriously, Civil Rights is why America only has 50 states.

LBJ's Legacy
What do we make of this strange character? His vain attempt to help the undeserving by inciting a Communist revolution combined with his preventing the Second Coming certainly make him a worse heathen than many of his democratic transgressors. However, there is one thing we can credit to LBJ: he single-handedly destroyed the Democratic Party for a generation. From the ashes of all LBJ's failures, America has received great men of integrity like Richard Nixon the Honest and Ronald Reagan the Provider to serve as president. So, while we still must deal with a communist Vietnam, we don't have to deal with more Liberals trying to etch their way into history.