Conservapedia.com/Hiram Whickermeister III

In the short history Conservapedia, one user has risen head and shoulders above the rest. He goes by the arcane name of Hiram Whickermeister the Third, and he is a true hero. This page is a tribute to his genius gutwork.

On Patriotism
Patriotism, or love of country, is the highest American virtue. Patriotism means unquestioning obedience and loyalty to the Leader of the country, so long as he is true to conservative Christian principles. The opposite of patriotism, treason, is the act of questioning, criticizing or voting against the Leader. However, it is not treason to oppose a Democrat president. Patriotism comes from the Latin. An ancient Latino poet wrote "Dulce et decorum est pro Patria mori", which means "It is sweet and decorative for patriots to die". Now, however, the word has become American.

On The Law of Mass Conservation
Matter cannot be created (except by the Almighty during the Genesis creation event) or destroyed (except by the Almighty at the End of Days), it can only change form.

On Microevolution
The word "microevolution" comes from the Latin "micro", or "very small". Thus an example of microevolution would be the devlopment of bacterial resistance to antibiotics, because bacteria are very small (microscopic). A number of creation scientists agree that microevolution can take place. This is in contract to "macroevolution" (from the Latin "macro", or "large"), evolution in large animals such as elephants, giant tortoises or even humans, which cannot take place.

On Guy Fawkes
Fawkes was caught before he could put this plan into action. He was interrogated through torture. Normally torture would have been forbidden, but James I decided that the country was at war and therefore torture was OK. Fawkes was ultimately was put to death along with his co-conspirators for treason and attempted murder. He died on January 31, 1606, by having his guts slowly pulled out. Although this form of death may seem unpleasant, it the only way to deal with those who question the rule of the Leader.

On the Mycaenean Language
The language has been lost and is no longer spoken, except in certain regions of southeastern France.

On Cloning
For example, would a clone be the child of its donor, or its sibling (genetically, a clone is simply an artifical identical twin)? If these questions cannot be properly answered, there could be severe repercussions for inheritance laws.

On Hydrolysis
Hydrolysis is in contrast to acidolysis, or breaking down molecules by adding acid. This distinction has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, hydrolysis is much less dangerous than acidolysis (acidolysis accidents can cause painful and disfiguring burns). On the other hand, many substances, such as meat, take much longer to dissolve in water than in acid.

On Nazis
All Nazis are atheists. However, in fairness, it should be noted that not all atheists are necessarily Nazis (for example, some are Communists).

On Vaccines
Newer vaccines are being used against sexually transmitted diseases. This is wrong, as it frees children to behave irresponsibly. Vaccines against STDs are unnecessary for those who live Godly Christian lives; such diseases are the just punishment of those who are un-Godly.

On Mercantilism
Mercantilism was the British policy at the time of the American Revolution. For this reason, the United States has always rejected mercantilism, choosing instead to run enormous trade deficits.