Immigration to the United States

Immigration is the permanent movement of people from a lesser nation to The Greatest Nation On Earth. Believe it or not, not everyone currently living in the United States was born here. Even stranger, the truth is that this has been the norm for most, if not all, of America's 550-year existence.

Immigration to America started shortly after World War 0. Every decade from there on came with a hoard of new immigrants. In America, it is the natural order that each wave of new immigrants be met with hatred and prejudice. However, America is known as the "melting pot", and these feelings do not last long. The new immigrants shall be tolerated only after a new invasion of foreigners start to pour over the borders, and then, the process repeats itself.

Why People Immigrate
People move to a different country for various reasons. Excuses such as potato famine, love of building rail-tracks, unpaid servitude, state-regulated prostitution and horse herpes are all common, but most excuses can be branched into the following categories:

War
The honor and chivalry associated with war has always led people away from their pacifistic nations, and to the United States. Even today, Americans are flowing over the Mexican border to join the United States Army to fight in the War On Terror. These heroic Americans (although, not technically) leave their families and loved ones in Mexico, to fight for Uncle Sam. In 100 years, when the War On Terror is finally won, these true patriots will gladly return to Mexico to share their tales of glory.

Greed
The prospect of making an easy buck has always led people to America, especially the Jew. Before the Jews arrived in America, there were no banks. Now there are over 3 banks per Jew in the United States.

Without the discovery of gold, some parts of the United States would be uninhabited. States such as Nevada, Canada, and the bear-filled land of Alaska would not have a living soul in them today without this precious metal. For once gold is discovered in a remote and desolate place that people have no reason living in, it seems to draw people from far away places like a female in heat. One such example of this is the California Gold Rush in 1849.

Present Country Sucks
But mostly people move because the place they are living now is an absolute hell hole compared to the United States. The afflicted are often living in places where there is nothing but sand and no water, or filled with bears. They wish nothing more to escape their misery by coming to America. It is rumored that people even come to America from the imaginary continent of Africa. The gut has trouble figuring this out. For if something imaginary sucks, to fix it, all one has to do is imagine it to be a much better. For example, they could imagine up a peaceful country like Iraq.

History Of United States Immigration
Throughout history, people from countries such as Uruguay, (or any other country in America's Planet) have wanted to come to America. Inversely, no one has ever wanted to move out of America to a country such as Uruguay. With all 8 billion people on the earth wanting to get into the USA, America must either:
 * 1) Conquer every nation so that it is America everywhere (plausible), or
 * 2) Deny the entrance to most some.

Irish Invasion
The 1820's brought widespread immigration of the Irish to the New American region of the United States to help dig canals.. In New York City, groups of Irish even created gangs. These gangs were beneficial to both the Irish, and society, because one could definitely not dig a canal alone.

The Gold Rush
Like Stephen in his quest for lost Nazi gold, prospectors from around the world were caught up in "gold fever". These prospectors were called "49ers". Some of the most successful 49ers were Pennsylvanian Joe Montana, and Mississippian Jerry Rice. Those stricken with gold fever include immigrants as far away as Argentina!! (Where the hell is that?) Nearby cities such as San Francisco melted gold and shaped into idols, which these Godless sodomites still worship to this day.

Yet More Irish....and Germans Too!
The 1860's brought even more Irish to America. The Irish were so poor (and drunk) that they were forced to travel over the Atlantic in vessels called "coffin ships". Probably because so many died from liver failure on the way over.

Equally drunk, the Germans also traversed the Atlantic to emigrate to America. They however, were able to afford better ships to sail across with due to cashing in their stashes of hidden Nazi Gold. Unfortunately, the Germans also brought with them Lutheranism. Lutheranism is a cult which Dr. Colbert once put On Notice. After World War II, it is surprising why the Germans themselves are not permanently On Notice.

Ellis Island
By 1910, people from all over the world were pouring into the United States. Heck, even Canadians were immigrating to find out what America was all aboot, eh? A place had to be created where new immigrants could be processed, given papers, deloused, and taught American before they would be allowed in the country. The place ideal for this kind of operation was Ellis Island.

Another problem with this mass wave of immigrants was finding a place to live. Uninhabited states such as North and South Dakota were settled by the Swedes, for they were used to the tundra-like climate. Even the Danes from Danemark were happy with taking Utah for themselves.

Évian Conference
The Évian Conference was a meeting arranged by the crippled, socialist President, Franklin D. Roosevelt between the United States and France (how coincidental?). The purpose of this conference was to figure out why so many Jews were fleeing from Germany, and what to do with them. There were so many Jews coming to the United States, but not enough banking jobs existed to accommodate them all.

After talking to Adolf Hitler, Germany's decider, he was likewise dumbfounded by how so many Jews could escape from Germany. Hitler promised the United States that not only would he "take care" of these Jews, but any other Jewish problem for us as well. Relieved, FDR no longer allowed European Jews to immigrate to America.

Those Who Have Emigrated
As you have seen, many different types of people have immigrated to America. Each looking and smelling a little different from the others, unless of course you too, like Stephen, suffer from Race Blindness. In that case you all people look the same, except for Mexicans. Below we will briefly describe each of unique peoples who immigrated, along with anything (if anything) they brought to make America better.

Africans
Since racism has ended, history no longer remember how exacty black people came to America. Nor does it remember why racism existed. But before you try looking this information up in a liberal book, remember, it is better for everyone that we try not to think or talk about it again.

Special Contribution to America: Lando Calrissian, basketball

Irish
Special Contribution to America: Lucky Charms, Stephen,

Chinese
Special Contribution to America: Bruce Lee, Railroads, Chinese Restaurant Syndrome

Germans
Special Contribution to America: Rocketry, Amish

Norwegians
Special Contribution to America:

Jews
Special Contribution to America: Banking, Capitalism, Stewart

Mexicans
Special Contribution to America: Labor

Illegal Immigrants Discovered In America
Real Americans became aware of illegal immigration in the United States between the dates of March 7 and May 1, 2006.

Crimes Committed By Illegal Aliens

 * Juan Perez, 27, illegally parked his car on the odd numbered side overnight. Perez was arrested and is facing extradition to his native Guatemala where he faces charges for jaywalking.
 * Rosa Munoz, 75, was arrested for both, removing the tags from her mattress, and conspiracy to remove tags from her pillow. Due to her old age, she was spared prison time.

Minuteman Project