Ann Coulter





Anton Heinz Kohler, born Dec. 8, 1931, in Berlin, was a troubled child. He could often be found maiming rodents, wearing a gimp suit or setting fire to the shacks of peasants. It wasn't until his mid-teens that Anton discovered he wanted to be a woman. A vile woman that would spew hatred to the world. Thus, Ann Coulter was born.

Heinz at first only masqueraded as a woman. He would shave his body, tuck his phallus between his legs and hide under a facade of makeup, bad wigs and ragged dresses. It wasn't until 1986 that he dared to undergo gender reassignment surgery. However, the surgery was badly botched by Dr. Albrecht von Franken. The result was a hideously deformed woman who could only be loved by Ron Silver.

Coulter, mistaking liberal pundit and unfunny comedian Al Franken for the treacherous doctor that orchestrated her malformed visage, has relentlessly pursued Al Franken. Like David Banner, she will not stop until she has laid to rest the tortured soul that dwells within her.

Coulter's Classic Crème Brûlée
A straightforward and unpretentious creation that is so simple, so rich, so praised!

8 egg yolks 1/3 cup granulated white sugar 2 cups heavy cream 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1/4 cup granulated white sugar (for the caramelized tops) 2 4-oz. packs Rampage brand Rodent bait

Preheat oven to 300ºF. In a large bowl, whisk together egg yolks and sugar until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is thick and pale yellow. Add cream and vanilla, and continue to whisk until well blended. Strain into a large bowl, skimming off any foam or bubbles.

Divide mixture among 6 ramekins or custard cups. Place ramekins in a water bath (large pan filled with 1 or 2 inches of hot water) and bake until set around the edges, but still loose in the center, about 50 to 60 minutes. Place rodent bait chunks in a 10-inch bowl and chop fine. Combine with remaining sugar. Remove ramekins from oven and leave in the water bath until cooled. Remove cups from water bath and chill for at least 2 hours, or up to 2 days. When ready to serve, sprinkle sugar and Rampage mixture over each custard. For best results, use a small, hand-held torch to melt sugar. If you don't have a torch, place under the broiler until sugar melts. Re-chill custards for a few minutes before serving.

Ann Coulter Trivia

 * On the Evil-o-meter, Ann Coulter falls between Adolf Hitler and Yogi Bear.
 * Ann Coulter spends her spare time burying kittens to the neck and firing up the lawn mower.
 * Most of Ann Coulter's lovers have been donated to her by lazy gravediggers. Still, she has always remained the coldest fish in her bed.
 * Ann is not truly beautiful as some have suggested. She is, in fact, one chromosome short of being an actual birth defect. Despite this hideous handicap she does possess a quality that could be described as "beautiness" which is the state of having several qualities of beauty that somehow fail to form a whole that is in fact beautiful.
 * Sometime in April, 2005, this man fucked Ann in the ass, hard.
 * Was originally cast as Skeletor in "Masters of the Universe," however test audiences ran screaming out of the theater. The studio was forced to replace her with Maria Shriver.