Unitarian

Unitarianism
Very little is known about the Unitarian faith outside its membership, and even less is known about the faith within its membership. Fortunately, various inquisitions have provided for a better understanding.

Research About (and For) Unitarians
Since good Christian folk adhere to the Trinitarian doctrine. Unitarians are viewed with suspicion for good reason.

(Unitarianism = “One God,” Trinitarianism = ”Three Gods”)

Unitarians may have many diverse beliefs, but all Unitarians are bound together by the drive to impress on you how many famous and historically significant people were and are Unitarians - and even more strongly bound by the frustration that most people don’t care.

Unitarianism is a cult. It is also a breeding ground for the Social Progressive Threat (S.P.T.) that is trying to infest America with free-thinking and gay marriage.

Keith Olbermann is a Unitarian.

Early Christianity
Historically Unitarian beliefs can be traced back to the beginnings of Christianity itself, where the now more common Trinitarian belief was just one of many interpretations of the teachings of Jesus Christ. So many diverse beliefs were found in early Christianity that by 325 AD, Emperor Constantine called for a vote to pick one to be the real and timeless word of God, after which the One True Faith would be retroactively counted as infallibly having started on the year zero by jacking it up by the rear axle and running it in reverse. At the Council of Nicea, the Bishop Arius, leader of the “God is One” campaign, was outvoted by the Trinitarians for this important decision.

Despite losing the vote for the direction of Christianity in the Roman Empire, Arius succeeded in converting large numbers of Germanic tribes outside the Roman…. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. what’s important here is that Unitarianism is a hotbed for social progressives (SP’s) who are trying to destroy America from within. So let’s look at this again from a fair and balanced perspective:

Vandals and the Sack of Rome
It is no coincidence that a Germanic tribes-people converted by Arius were known as the “Vandals.” In the 5th century AD, led by their king, Geiseric, they rampaged through the Roman Empire in what is now present day France, Spain, and North Africa, later attacking the Italian peninsula and the city of Rome itself. Those Vandals helped spur the fall of the Christian Western Roman Empire. These barbarian acts may be the inspiration for the current Unitarian plans for the Christian Western American Empire.

Transylvania : The REAL Origins of Unitarians
Unitarians were once vampires. Despite what information might be provided in various sources including this very site, the true origins of Unitarianism can be found in Transylvania. Numerous books and “experts” claim that a full century separates the rule of the “real” Dracula (1448-1476) and the Unitarian King John Sigismund Zápolya (1540-1570), however real research has proven otherwise: It is safe to say any former or current ruler of Transylvania is Dracula. Would you be safer to assume otherwise? Under the influence of Bishop Francis David, the vampire king, John II, passed the Edict of Torda, the first decree of religious freedom and tolerance in the modern history of Europe (1568).

[Image – Kate Beckinsale] Kate Beckinsale, a very tolerable vampire.

The Unitarian Universalists: the Merger, the Horror
In the 1961st year of our lord, and the first year of the dark times known as the “sixties” the American Unitarian Church merged with the Universalist Church of America. Universalists are werewolves. This merger in the America-hating underworld created a never seen before new hairy red-eyed freak of nature: the hippy. By the end of the decade these hippies had promulgated everywhere and sabotaged the Vietnam War, which America was winning up until the hippies appeared. Later hippies started shaving and using eye drops and going by the moniker “Social Progressives.” Did you know that both Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are Unitarians?

Modern Relevance
The relevance of Unitarian Universalism to the modern world could be summed up in six words: Charles Darwin was a Unitarian MINISTER!

Unfortunately the significance of Unitarian Universalism is even deeper than previously thought. Thanks fully to the efforts of Stephen Colbert, a secret and evil plan of theirs was revealed. Their continuous frustration of the lack of recognition of famous Unitarians was exacerbated by the lie that Al Gore, a Baptist, claimed he invented the internet. He never said he had invented the internet. Al Gore had boasted that he was at the vanguard of sponsoring the internet early during his time in Congress, but this was somehow twisted. Needless to say this was the last straw for the Unitarians who were trying to brag about Unitarian Tim Burners-Lee, the true inventor of the internet. In retaliation, the Unitarians have created a malicious plan to turn off the internet until they get the recognition they think they deserve. Little more is known about this plan except that only Unitarians know where the internet’s on-off switch is and that they have charged one of their blind clerics to pull the switch. America’s # 1 hero, Stephen Colbert, can be thanked for uncovering the plot, but in unusual fashion for someone who has always given America 110%, Stephen has had trouble finding this blind cleric to stop him. This is confounding because when not in his studio, working on his informative and award winning program “The Colbert Report,” (Mon - Thurs 11:30pst / 10:30cst), Stephen has tirelessly searched the universe for him. --WrongOfTexas 18:52, 10 December 2006 (UTC)