The Colbert Report/Episode/499

SEGMENT1

 * Dr. Colbert is very emotional
 * soft-focus emotional
 * still sad, but young and beautiful


 * George W. Bush delivered his farewell address
 * Washington warned about foreign entanglements
 * Eisenhower warned about military industrial complex
 * Ambraham Lincoln gave half a theatre review


 * applause for the Gray Aliens


 * the press passed judgment while he was a candidate


 * when Bush was on Whose Line is It Anyway, Wayne Brady used a foreign accent and Bush had him sent to a Bulgarian prison


 * Jeff Gannon
 * turned out to be a ringer (Washington Beltway speak for "gay escort")


 * Helen Thomas was long time lover of both Stadtler and Waldorf
 * never learned it's rude to talk with a mouthful of questions


 * NBC's David Gregory
 * called "Stretch" because that's what his questions did to press conferences


 * he memorizes four words and asks like he's intercontinental
 * when asking the Italian Prime Minister, Gregory sang his questions in opera


 * throwing your shoe in Iraq means (roughly)
 * I want to hit your head with a shoe

Looking Back On The Greatest Presidency Ever

 * with David Gregory
 * they greeted each other with a flurry of French phrases
 * however, Stretch is not allowed to kiss Dr. Colbert on both cheeks because Obama is not in office yet


 * decided that George W. Bush is a great president


 * Stephen is proud of the questions the media didn't ask


 * Bush is completely reflective because the questions bounce off him


 * press must prove they are not asleep at the wheel
 * honeymoon is over; go straight to the divorce

Tip of The Hat, Wag of the Finger!

 * we are entering a new era of tolerance


 * Tip- to New York Mets
 * uniform patches for Yankees and Mets commemorating their new stadiums


 * Tip- PETA
 * change name of fish to Sea Kittens
 * deep fried land fish go great with field potatoes and sky nachos


 * Wag- Clearwater, Florida police
 * not searching for a Monkey On The Lam! (which may have to be retitled "Monkey")

Interview

 * Shepard Fairey, artist and disobedient boy
 * artist behind the iconic Obama "Hope" poster, when Dr. Colbert is done, he'll know what it's like to be nailed to a wall


 * he is a criminal
 * claims to be a patriotic criminal


 * he is so rich he can retire and do no more art


 * he is proving that Obama is going to be socialist


 * he is also known for the Andre the Giant "Obey" stickers


 * causing people hardship by telling people to not obey the man


 * believes America was founded on dissent


 * "The Colbert Report" was named the number one show on television by Entertainment Weekly
 * Fairey drew Stephen's picture for the article in that same style as the Obama "Hope" poster

Epilogue

 * remember to have your pet spayed or neutered, because Dr. Colbert's pets are out there humping their brains out; good night!

External Tubes

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