Pelican

Pelicans are dangerous and hideous creatures allied with bears and anti-Jesus left wing liberals with the explicit agenda of perpetuating the lie that God-fearing Americans evolved from monkeys. Pelicans look like, and therefore were the inspiration for the fictitious animal called the pterodactyl, one of the supposed dinosaurs, invented by factonistas as proof of their lies.

Pelicans will stop at nothing to spread their lies about evolution and must be stopped. It is therefore incumbent upon all Real Americans to dispatch their offspring to harass these vile beasts and run them off the edge of the earth.