Wikiality:Sound Advice

Please post the name of the page you want your fellow Wikiality.com users to review and gently guide toward greatness. Before posting your page, please review this List of Common Problems new pages have. You may also want to visit Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A.'s helpful Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar Guidebookpage.

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Archives

=Louis Riel=

=Sea Lions=

=Squirrel= Open to suggestions...

Suggestions
Ok, well first off there are some SPG mistakes. It was a good idea, but seems a little off track. The tone of it is always bouncing around and never really settles into a groove. I think a good once over in that respect would really help it. (Try to keep focus with where you want the article to go). Also, I noticed a few formatting issues (A line here, a level 2 headline where it called for a level 3). Also, check some of your facts (ie. Squirrels arn't leading the Bears....the bears are in charge! The noes! lol). Accually, aside from being so all-over-the-place, it was a fun read. But it needs alot of fine tuning. --ColbertNationEditor 21:55, 6 February 2007 (UTC)
 * I agree with "Editor" that the page needs some focus, but maybe all you need is a little re-ordering of the sections?
 * after the intro, try using the "Species" section first
 * then, go into detail about each of the different species, using info from the other sections to describe them
 * there are only 2 pictures, and one of them is a singing whore, maybe people can help make some pictures (one for each different species?)


 * The way you have it now is good, but with a little tweaking of the order, you can focus it a little more.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 22:05, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

= The Democratic Alliance of Koalas=

This is a newly add page, created to fill in multible gaps in a few other pages. I'm completely open to any Ideas or suggestions that could help improve this page. --ColbertNationEditor 20:47, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

=Fundamental Christianity= I feel like I've gotten a good start, but I need some more help. Fundamental Christianity.
 * Very sound fundamental foundation, ha! I made a joke! Excuse me, you start with a short succinct opening, and then fill in every section with one short sentence. Try to expand each section by answering the heathen questions all reporters ask: who, what, where, when and why.


 * For instance: The "History" section currently says:"'When Jesus went to heaven, he told his followers to let snakes bite them, dance around, and to speak in 'tongues'. He told the women to wear their hair long, wear long dresses, and to not wear makeup. These truthy Christians are now known as Pentecostals.'"Now, see if that information answers any of the 5 questions:
 * who started Fundamental Christianity?
 * what is it?
 * where did it start?
 * when did it start?
 * and why did it start?


 * Try to do that for each section. It doesn't have to be some long, drawn-out thing, just make sure there is enough information that it doesn't look empty.


 * Remember, this is an online encyclopedia that some child may read for a book report, you can never assume the poor child knows this (even though we are obviously all Christians and have Accepted The Lord Jesus Christ As Our Personal Lord and Savior) we might get a few lazy liberals wandering in here who don't know Jesus and your page may save their souls even as they flunk out of school!--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 22:12, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

=Colts= I'm trying to provide a counterpart for the Chicago Bears entry, but am having trouble giving Dr. Colbert his proper due.
 * I added a few sections. You can fill them in, or make up your own, but the page desperately needs some heft. Just remember to review the Common Mistakes Beginners Make page on how to avoid wikipedophilia.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 20:50, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

=Nutella= Nice pic, but w-a-a-y too random. Please check out the Common Mistakes Beginners Make page first, please.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 20:42, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

=Fozzie Bear= Can an admin add Fozzie to the bearology.
 * Please review the Common Mistakes Beginners Make page and make changes first.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 19:11, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

=WZZM=

Created by Bears
"In an affront to Steven Colbert, [ WZZM ] was created by Bears in 1962." Amazing. But of course this needs to be backed up. Can we just take what you are saying as facts? There needs to be some truthyness to back this claim up I think. Can you cite your research? is it from the gut? --D0rian 17:14, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

I think that regardless of the level Colbertishness, It is a necissary article to educatate Americans on just one of the many reasons on whats wrong with with left. --D0rian 18:21, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

Too Random
This article feels way too random right now. I'm just not sure how it fits into The Stephen Colbert Experience. I realize that there's a connection between WZZM and bears, but not everything bear-related is automatically Stephen-related, Bible-related, and/or America-related. The Wikiality.com internets tube is here to serve Our Glorious Stephen, God, and Real Americans. You need to do a little more work to show us how the information in your article connects to this mission. You might also want to review the List of Common Problems and SPG guides. --thisniss 04:19, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

I agree entirely with the above. This needs to go before Stephen finds out it's here and revokes our privilege to spread the truthiness. --Radiofreewill 03:52, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

=Zombie Bears=

I feel this article is good enough to make "Featured Article" with a little improvement. Does anyone have any suggestions for improvement?--ColbertNationEditor 15:58, 31 January 2007 (UTC)
 * In the first paragraph there are a few SPG mistakes. Also, you have quite a few "dead ends" in your coverage.
 * Allow me to 'splain:
 * The Democratic Alliance of Koalas is mentioned, but the link is to only Koalas and not the alliance
 * Also, in a related note, are they allied with any other America Hating Groups?
 * Zombie Bear Shaman is mentioned, but never expanded upon
 * Bear Voodoo sounds very frightening, but nothing more than the name is given, why are you taunting us so!?
 * you only have 2 sections, you don't tell us very much about Zombie Bears, and we need to know more about this new breed of Godless Killing Machine.
 * Speaking of breeding...is there only one Zombie Bear? If not, how do they breed? What is the difference between males and females? Can you tell us anything about their young? What happens to them when they get old? Do they get old? Do they get married?  Are they social animals?  How do they interact in their groups? You should do a spoof on "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" and have some intrepid explorer describe hunting for a Zombie Bear, which would allow you to explain a little more about these heretofore unknown beasts
 * I did like the Hillary ref, very sly...--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 18:21, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

I have greatly updated the Zombie Bear page to make it more comprehensive, as well as created the The Democratic Alliance of Koalas for completeness. Please let me know of any more changes that can improve these pages. --ColbertNationEditor 22:55, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

=Koala= I think this page could also stand to have an initial "going over" for polishing before getting into content questions. Both the Common Mistakes Beginners Make and SPG pages should be helpful. Another key focus for the page should be adding internal links, which shouldn't be hard to do since you reference many pages that exist on Wikiality.com. If you'd like some help with this, or have questions, let me know. --thisniss 05:31, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

I have fixed the internal link problem, and the SPG mistakes. I believe it is now ready for a content check.--ColbertNationEditor 21:27, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

= King Kong = I have uncovered the link on the hatred between colbert and kong. They have always been mortal enemies since kong tried to steal colberts wife.

I'm Sorry
...but this page is too random. It needs to focus a little, go over to the common things beginners do page and try to follow some of those things.

Also, try to spoof something: the original story or the many versions Hollywood has made of it, or maybe even make it a not-so-sly comparison to some political party or figure (Dick Cheney?). Check out this link which has a quick overview of both the story and the making of the some of the earlier film versions. Note: that link says the film was supposed to be the "the ultimate in adventure". Why not write the page in an exaggerated "adventure" style, complete with macho men and damsels in distress and other common stereotypes from disaster/hero movies.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 21:22, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

=Glenn Beck= Very good "ear" for captions!

Now, down to business...

Suggestions

 * minor capitalization issues
 * you introduced the family who bought out his family ranch, and how they turned it into a meth lab, etc. Did that experience effect young Glenn?  If so, in what way(s)?  You started the story about the black family, now where did they go?  Where did Glenn get his superpowers of knowing everything?  Did he injest any of the meth-poisoned corn before his family moved away and did it turn him into some kind of Super-Knower!  OHMYGOD!  Did the black family follow him to the city?  You must explain how he got to be so all-knowing and what happened to that family, your readers want to know!--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 23:19, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

Alright.. I'll try to progress it a little more. I wasn't sure how to make an f'ed up enough childhood that would explain why he is the way he is... but ended up doing a star wars type of darth vaderish storyline to explain Beck's hidden awkwardness, if not bitterness, to non-conservatives.

Please let me know if anything needs to go. I want to be funny but I don't want it to be a chore to read through a dry paragraph with little jokes. --GlennBecksATool 03:11, 29 January 2007 (UTC)
 * Glenn Beck is a joke...and a tool...I don't see you having any problems with making it funny--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 03:24, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

=Iowa=

Suggestions

 * This page doesn't seem to have too many formatting problems:
 * a few pics
 * plenty of sections (some blank or need to be expanded)
 * However, there are a few things that need fixes...
 * lots of good stuff, but there isn't a single thread holding them together. Without it, the page just sort of wanders around, but not in the way the state name suggests it should...maybe wandering around could be the thread?
 * although the running joke of everyone shooting people could also be a unifying thread?

There is more than enough material to work with, it just needs some editing.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 19:14, 24 January 2007 (UTC)


 * Nice start, however, only 2 sections need work (or can be deleted):


 * History, Or Why Would Corn Farmers Need So Many Damn Guns?


 * Achieving Statehood


 * The "Typical Day in Iowa" is priceless. The rest of the page needs a little SPG work.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 21:01, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

Internal Linking
I would mostly second what WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer has already said. My main concerns are that the page does need some attention to SPG, as well as a bit more cohesion in the overall "narrative." I agree that the two sections noted above need to expanded or cut.

I also think that the piece as a whole could do with some internal linking - you reference a whole lot of people, places, and things for which articles on Wikiality.com exist. It is a Very Good Thing to link your article to other articles. My usual approach is to just start putting brackets around things, hit "Show preview," and see what turns blue. If it stays red and it seems likely that there should be a page for it (e.g., if it were a term like "Presidint"), I would check my spelling. If I had that right, and it was still red, I would do a search to see if maybe the page is called something close to that (like maybe "The President"). If you have questions about this, or want help with links on the page, feel free to ask. --thisniss 03:54, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

=Factoid= Suggestions
 * are "factoids" supposed to replace truthyisms?
 * some sections, as it is, it is a HUGE BLOCK OF WORDS with very few breaks.
 * some pictures would help too, maybe some people famous for speaking in factoids.
 * I feel the definition isn't quite as truthy as it should be (maybe a little more mystery, the article seems very self-aware)
 * get rid of the randomness, it is not truthiness
 * the "new" history about "God invented America...etc"
 * Galileo dying then writing a book

Remember, these are just suggestions--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 16:47, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks! Bi 17:58, 24 January 2007 (UTC)
 * Truthyisms? Well, I don't know...
 * I added some paragraph breaks and divided the whole thing into smaller sections.
 * Pictures: will get around to that...
 * Definition: fixed (I hope).
 * Wait... are the "God" and "Galileo" things to be gotten rid of or retained? I was under the impression that they're the, um, truthiest parts (since many people gut-feel that Galileo underwent some very bad persecution, and America was somehow created by God); and I added the other stuff just to give some context. But I threw away the "writing a book" part.
 * Galileo/God thing is very truthy, but not the writing a book after dying, only the undead can do that, unless you are saying Galileo is a zombie. But then, it would be too random.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 18:37, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

OK, there's now a picture. :) Bi 17:47, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

Feedback and suggestions: I went in and added some internal links, and made a few minor edits to try to tie the whole piece a bit more to the "Wikiality.com" project as I see it. I stuck the Mailer bit in a "Factoid" box, just to break up the text a little, and added a couple of tags so that it's linked to the proper categories.

As it stands at the moment, I find this piece appealing but maybe still a bit random. I don't know why, but I come away from this still feeling like I don't know what a "factoid" is. You give a lot of "history," and a few examples, but it sort of eats itself in the end. Like WatchTV, I wonder about the relationship between factoids and truthyisms. Perhaps you could compare/contrast these? Maybe what you're really trying to do belongs more in the truthyism category than in the factoid - factoids might be more like soundbites? I think this is a good story, but it almost feels like too much story for the "factoid." --thisniss 19:58, 28 January 2007 (UTC)


 * Well, if I have to give a distinction I'd probably say that "factoid" is more concrete and relates more to the physical universe, while "truthyism" is something more lofty and abstract and pie-in-the-sky. Of course, this may have nothing to do with how these terms are defined and used elsewhere, but that doesn't matter does it? :) Bi 18:45, 29 January 2007 (UTC)
 * Yes, it does matter, "factoid" contains the word fact and "truthyism" contains the word truth. And that makes all the difference in the world.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 18:50, 29 January 2007 (UTC)
 * I think the newly added distinction helps a lot!! --thisniss 21:07, 29 January 2007 (UTC)


 * Yes, it does, will this be nominated to be "featured"?--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 20:54, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

=Gerald Ford=

=Kentucky=

=Ann Coulter=

=Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)=

Comments, Suggestions, etc.
I think this article is great. It is a good example of riffing on the littlest bit of info. Colbert dropped, but still keeping it withing the "Stephen Colbert Experience." I do wish there were some reference to The Police and Sting, or even Puff Daddy and the Notorious BIG, since the song is an obvious takeoff on "I'll be Watching You.", but maybe this would be too obvious. I would also be happy to write that stuff up if noone objected. --Esteban Colberto 19:56, 25 January 2007 (UTC)
 * I also think this article has potential, but I think it needs some work. Since this is obviously an important part of the rich history of The Stephen Colbert Experience, I would love to see you give it a truthification.--thisniss 19:07, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

=Delaware=

=Cylons=

=Ted Kennedy=

=Poincare conjecture=

=Soledad O'Brien=

=The Qur'an=

=Stem Cell Research=

=The New York Times=

=Jew=

=Serge LeBlanc=

=Gloria Steinem =

=Revolving Door=

=Non Faith Based Charities=

=Bear Hunters of America=

=George Washington=

=Atheists=

=Ralph Reed=

=Condoleezza Rice=

=Marx=

=Jayson Blair=

=Sharks=

=Toyota=

=Footnotes=