Secretary Samuel W. Bodman

Samuel W. Bodman is Secretary of the Department of Energy and a member of The Greatest Administration Ever!!! Before becoming Secretary of Energy, Mr. Bodman served at the pleasure of the President in other capacities, as he had previously been Deputy Secretary of Treasury and, before that, Deputy Secretary of Commerce. Mr. Bodman's unique ability to Secretary like nobody's business, combined with his knowledge of treasuring and commercing, made him an excellent choice to replace former Secretary of Energy Spencer Abraham. Obviously, even the liberals agreed, because the Senate confirmed his appointment unanimously at the beginning of The Greatest President's second term. Mr. Bodman has been dutifully making America's coffee ever since.

Secretary Bodman's Extra Special Qualifications
Before joining the ranks of proud patriots who left high-paying jobs in the private sector to become civil servants in the Bush Administration, Mr. Bodman had a high-paying job in the private sector and was a friend of George W. Bush. Bodman began his working life as a lowly Professor of Chemical Engineering at MIT, but quickly realized that knowledge production in the interests of America's children was not the American way. Leaving the university setting, Bodman proudly discovered that the free market was really where the only "research" that matters takes place, as he moved through positions at several R&D and venture capital firms before landing at Fidelity Investments, where he rose to the rank of Chief Operating Officer. Fidelity is well known for having its finger in a number of free market economy pies, and for its 2005 acquisition of Paul McCartney.

While his work with Fidelity and venture capitalism no doubt helped to prepare Bodman for his future roles in the Treasury and Commerce Departments, it was probably another gig that landed him his current Secretaryship. Immediately before joining The Greatest Administration Ever, Mr. Bodman had been working as CEO, Chairman, and Director of Cabot Corporation, a Fortune 300 supplier of "specialty chemicals" and "performance materials". Cabot's signature "specialty" is carbon black, a soot-like substance used for various industrial purposes, which is formed in an oil combustion process. And the best part is that carbon black has been designated as only "possibly carcinogenous."

Given our current need to balance the Global War on Climate Change against the Global War on Rising Energy Costs, Secretary Bodman's resume proves hows how lucky America is to have such a man as its Secretary of Energy. We would be hard pressed to find anyone with a comparable record of success, and it is a rare individual indeed who is equally capable of cooking books and petrochemicals.