Executive/Cabinet Rank Members/VP/Trivia

The Vice President of the United States of America runs a lot of things, like Congress, Halliburton, and the Presidential Cabinet. In order to apply for the position of Vice President of the U.S.A., one must have a strong sense of judgment and a love for freedom and democracy. It also helps to have a hankering for war, especially in the modern age of willy-nilly invasions and bombing campaigns.

The title of Vice President of the United States of America can be abbreviated to VPOTUS. POTUS, the acronym for the title of President of the United States of America (the VP's boss), is cool in its own right, but adding that "V" (not V) to the beginning gives it somewhat of a dashing, villainous flair. Vice President Richard "Dick" Cheney, currently in office, says that he likes it.

List of Vice Presidents of the United States of America
1. John Adams (1789-1797) -- Republican
 * We'll assume that "Federalist" means "Republican".
 * Was the first Vice President of the United States of America ever.
 * Served under George Washington. Awesome!
 * Helped paint the White House.

2. Thomas Jefferson (1797-1801) -- Republican
 * Loved his country like no other.
 * Served under President John Adams.
 * Always got along great with his boss.

3. Aaron Burr (1801-1805) -- Republican
 * Served under President Thomas Jefferson.
 * Like Freddie Mercury, Burr killed a man - Alexander Hamilton, to be precise.
 * Had to flee New York because its pansy liberal laws had outlawed dueling and murder. This shattered his dreams of becoming a Broadway star forever.

4. George Clinton (1805-1812) -- Republican
 * Served under Presidents Thomas Jefferson and James Madison.
 * Was a much better person than his great-great-grandson William.
 * Started the War of 1812 when one of his fireworks flew off and landed in downtown York, Canada.

5. Elbridge Gerry (1813-1814) -- Republican
 * Served under President James Madison.
 * Was one of the greatest Vice Presidents of the United States of America in history.
 * Invented the great American tradition of gerrymandering.
 * Tragically had his meteoric career cut short by Canadian riflemen while defending Manhattan armed with only a pistol and a sack of potatoes.

6. Daniel Tompkins (1817-1825) -- Republican
 * Served under President James Monroe.
 * Strove to emulate his heroic predecessor, but could never even spell his last name right.

7. John Calhoun (1825-1832) -- Republican
 * Served under Presidents John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson.
 * Refused to work with the filthy Democrat Jackson and threw his letter of resignation into Old Hickory's face. In response, the stoic president summoned his horse, saddled it, and trampled Calhoun to death.

8. Martin Van Buren (1833-1837) -- Democrat
 * Replaced Calhoun after a short delay while Jackson's slaves cleaned up the scene of his death and covered up all possible evidence to indict the president.
 * Served under President Andrew Jackson.
 * Was an evil, scheming Democrat.
 * Plotted to blow up federal buildings in Oklahoma City just to piss off the Indians whom his boss had forced to emigrate there.

9. Richard Johnson (1837-1841) -- Democrat
 * Served under President Martin Van Buren.
 * Probably pulled wings off of butterflies in his spare time.

10. John Tyler (1841-1841) -- Whig
 * Served under President William Harrison for the thirty days that he spent in office.
 * Became president after that, of course.
 * Probably killed President Harrison, in fact. He never did take a vice president himself...

11. George Dallas (1845-1849) -- Democrat
 * Served under President James Polk.
 * Founded the city of Dallas, Texas.
 * Planned to turn Texas into a liberal haven.

12. Millard Fillmore (1849-1850) -- Whig
 * Served under President Zachary Taylor.
 * Did nothing but inspire Republican cartoon character Mallard Fillmore to show how much better a duck could be than a Whig - whatever the hell a Whig is - in office.

13. William King (1853-1853) -- Democrat
 * Served under President Franklin Pierce.
 * Pressed for a return to absolute monarchy because of his last name.
 * Was fired for being the worst Democrat ever, except for maybe Nancy Pelosi.

14. John Breckinridge (1857-1861) -- Democrat
 * Served under President James Buchanan.
 * Was from Boston.
 * Probably hated our troops.

15. Hannibal Hamlin (1861-1865) -- Carthaginian
 * Served under President Abraham Lincoln.
 * Fought in the Civil War.
 * Ate at least 97 Confederate soldiers.
 * Eventually left the White House to seek less monotonous enterprises. He took several limbs and organs from Cabinet members "for the road".

16. Andrew Johnson (1865-1865) -- Democrat
 * Who? No, you're thinking of Andrew Jackson.

17. Schuyler Colfax (1869-1873) -- Republican
 * Served under President Ulysses Grant.
 * Had the funniest name in vice presidential history.
 * Married a girl named Brunessa Albear, and from their union, inadvertently the monster known as the Colbear sprung. He devoured Vice President Colfax and Albear and rampaged through the District of Columbia maiming and killing at will. Unfortunately, because the District of Columbia is not a state, there was no state police or militia able to stop him, and this reign of terror went on for five days before he departed to train in the Sith ways on planet Korriban.

18. Henry Wilson (1873-1875) -- Republican
 * Served under President Ulysses Grant.
 * Was stranded on an island with Tom Hanks for a few years after leaving office. According to reports, Hanks talked to him.

19. William Wheeler (1877-1881) -- Democrat
 * Served under President Rutherford Hayes.
 * Was nominated as a joke.
 * Did as little for the country as his boss, and therefore was a Republican In Name Only (or RINO), thus making him a Democrat by proxy.

20. Chester Arthur (1881-1881) -- Democrat
 * Served under President James Garfield.
 * As vice president, had the sole duty of stroking, feeding, and cleaning out the litter box of his master.
 * Another RINO.

21. Thomas Hendricks (1885-1885) -- Democrat
 * Served under President Grover Cleveland.
 * Could not play guitar as awesomely as Jimi Hendrix.

22. Levi Morton (1889-1893) -- Republican
 * Served under President Benjamin Harrison.
 * Was the straight man to Harrison during political sessions and slapstick comedy routines (often the same thing).
 * Started both a denim clothing company and a salt company.
 * Had extremely formidable whiskers - possibly the reason why President Garfield had originally invited him to be his vice president.

23. Adlai E. Stevenson (1893-1897) -- Democrat
 * Served under President Grover Cleveland.
 * Dealt with Cleveland's multiple personalities on a day to day basis.
 * Could never figure out what the hell Grover was saying.

24. Garret Hobart (1897-1899) -- Republican
 * Served under President William McKinley.
 * Would have had the funniest name in vice presidential history, but I just don't see how anyone can compete with Schuyler Colfax on that one.
 * Ended up strangling himself with a piece of cord, ironically enough. President McKinley read the succession of clever newspaper headlines about it with amusement, and reportedly the entire bulk of his body shook with laughter as he leafed through them.