The Five Stages Of Truthiness

The Five Stages Of Truthiness are the stages one goes through to become a member of the Colbert Nation and bask in the glow of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA's glorious, glorious balls.

Stage 1: Liberalism
Defining Characteristics
 * denying the existence of God
 * reading
 * homosexuality
 * funding communist enterprises, such as food banks and soup kitchens

Stage 2: Bargaining
Defining Characteristics
 * rearranging your schedule to watch more TV

Stage 3: Denial
Defining Characteristics
 * pretending that Ann Coulter is not beautiful

Stage 4: Acceptance Of Jesus Christ As Your Personal Lord And Savior
Defining Characteristics
 * watching The Colbert Report religiously
 * tithing
 * praying during every commercial break

Stage 5: Anger
Defining Characteristics
 * the ability to become incensed at the mention of any liberal code word or the sound of Keith Olbermann's voice, just like Stephen does!