Arnold Schwarzenegger



Schwarzenegger is an alien creature sent to Earth to prepare it for alien invasion by his species, the Cylons. At the command of his masters on the planet of Caprica, the Earth copy of the Schwarzenegger machine first infiltrated the world of Gay Bears light porn in order to gain their allegiance in his masters' plan to take over the soviet of California, which is controlled by bears.

The diabolical Cylon master-plan continued as their Schwarzenegger machine simultaneously infiltrated the Hollywood film industry and the powerful Kennedy family.

The Cylons cleverly created a movie persona for their puppet where he destroys armies of cyborgs led by Hillary Clinton. That persona was deviously designed to hide his true identity as a cyborg. At the behest of his Cylon masters, Schwarzenegger portrayed a kick ass (though not as much as American born Chuck Norris) action star, crime fighter, and all around manly manly man. To maintain his appeal to Gay Bears, he also played winking girly man roles like one where didn't even try to hide the fact that he was pregnant during filming with evil alien spawn.

The Cylons are known to transfer alien DNA to real Americans (i.e. humans) by what appears to be playful grab-ass play. Schwarzenegger is known to be a master of this technique and has single-handedly (and, sometimes, double-handedly) infected everyone in California, and in the various Kennedy compounds.

Currently he is the illegal governor of California, since he is not a true born American which means he can't be a real Republican.

As part of his campaign for governor, Schwarzenegger authorized a documentary about his time as a cop at a kindergarten in California where you need cops in every public place because -- thanks to a lack of moral fiber and Family Values -- all their children are crazed gang bangers.

In his role as "governor" Schwarzenegger sometimes tries to look like he wants to bring a conservative and rational God fearing aspect to California's liberal hellholes. Of course, that's all just another ruse by his Cylon masters and the Gay Bears that they control.

In 2005, Schwarzenegger was almost killed by an army of mutant penguins (take that global warming supporters, penguins live in the cold so its only getting colder).