Wisconsin

Origins
Wisconsin was first discovered in 1634 by some gun happy French guy. He and the other Frenchies raped the land of its extensive beaver population. After the cowardly French surrendered to the small remaining beaver population, true American settlers came to the state to harvest lumber and mine galena (aka lead sulfide). As the immigrants who worked in the mines were often extremely poor, they lived in the mines and scratched faces off as badgers do. This where the name Badger State came from. When the galena and the trees dried up, the economy switched to dairy farming, cheese production, and beer production.

Contributions

 * Best known for founding The Republican Party in Ripon. The only party for true Americans.
 * During the Civil War Wisconsin supplied an important confidence booster known as Old Abe. He was an eagle from Jim Falls named after president Lincoln. The Eagle served in many battles and received more purple hearts than John Kerry. He died in 1881 when liberals burned down the Capitol Building. His stuffed body was destroyed when the Capital Building caught on fire again in 1904.
 * Originator of Colby Cheese, second only to American Cheese
 * First confirmed capture of the infamous Hodag in Rhinelander.
 * Kills more babies than any other state at its large stem cell research facilities. The state also exports a large amount of aborted baby Soylent Green.
 * Almost as Gay a state as Massachussetts. Representative Tammy Baldwin is a known Lesbian who has recently passed a marriage amendment to appear less gay. Real Americans are not fooled by this pitiful attempt to hide her true colors.
 * Helped make football the second most American sport.

Population
Wisconsin is a great melting pot, where people of German, Scandinavian, and Irish heritage gather to drink beer and eat cheese. This does not contribute to any alleged weight problems. Wisconsin folk are well known to have larger than average skeletal structures (like badgers).

What a typical day of a Wisconsinite is like

 * Wake-up at 8 a.m. to consume a breakfast of a whole pig, cow, and chicken with a barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
 * Watch tapes of the '66 and '67 Packers to remember the "good ole days" like all Americans should.
 * At precisely noon they consume a lunch consisting of all non-American sausages as a way of intimidating those other countries that are not American. Then they drink another barrel of Miller beer to wash it down.
 * If baseball season is occuring then they all flock to Miller Park to Consume three barrels of beer, this is a ritual performed weekly so they are able to share Miller Beer with the rest of the fellow Americans.
 * Whether it'd be Football season or not, they all drive to Green Bay to Tailgate for Supper. If you are a lost Minnesotan or Illinoisian and you find yourselves caught during this tradition, drop to the ground and prepare yourself for a severe beating. As any good patriot would do if a foreigner were to be in this country, the Wisconsinites are meerely defending their territory from invaders.
 * Around 10 p.m. Families across Wisconsin lay in bed with a nice, ice cold beer by their bedsides as they go to sleep in preparation for the next day.

Other Activities

 * When not watching football, Wisconsinites kill deer. Sometimes deer may be killed with vehicles, although this is not recommended as it can be expensive. This removal of bear food severely inhibits population growth, preventing Wisconsin from becoming a bear safe-haven. Hallelujah!

Famous People

 * Chris Farley: SNL Alumni, Beer/Cheese enthusiast
 * Robert M. LaFollette: Progressive Governor/Senator, hated Teddy Roosevelt
 * Gaylord Nelson: Hippie Governor, Founder of Earth Day
 * Richard I. Bong: WWII Hero, Killed many foreigners
 * Joseph McCarthy: Commie hunter
 * Old Abe the War Eagle: Eagle named after Abraham Lincoln
 * Ed Gein: Inspiration for Buffalo Bill From Silence of the Lambs, Norman Bates of Psycho, and the killer in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
 * Jeffery Dahmer: Gay serial killer
 * Harry Houdini: Practitioner of witchcraft, wizardry, magic