Philosopher

A philosopher is a person who spends their time thinking about philosophy. Often this involves the reading of a lot of books. Obviously, no one would freely choose to become a philosopher - they are, unfortunately, born that way. Some philosophers are still able to turn their unnatural, inborn thinkological disposition to the service of Our Lord and Savior. Some of these good philosophers spend their time thinking of ways to conclusively prove the existence of God for the doubting Thomases of the world. Others engage in fruitful philosophical exchanges about holy subjects like how many angels could dance on the head of a pin, or George Bush: Great President, or the Greatest President - EVER?

Unfortunately, however, most philosophers are evil. They spend their time "questioning" - which is just another way of saying "hating the Lord." They will all burn in hell.