Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck is a American reporter and Patriot who has his own show on Fox News. For an entire hour, Glenn explains why he is right, and you are wrong, about everything. Glenn also enjoys shooting endangered species, in much the same way Dick Cheney enjoys shooting quails and hunting buddies.

Initiation into Great American Fellowship


In 2007 Glenn Beck was initiated into Sean Hannity's Great Americans fellowship. He has been a vociferous advocate of the Cornhole-thesis, a central tenant of Hannity's fellowship which states that one Robert Cornhole, the discoverer of teeth, was one of America's founding fathers. Beck has stated that "If Joseph Smith was a Cornholian, I'm a Mormon." He at present labors for the reinstatement of Rush Limbaugh into the fellowship, something which Hannity even after much licking of Rush's crack has refused to discuss publicly. Beck has also been in dialogue with a number of Mormon theologians at Brigham Young University as concerns the development of a "healthy, nay, a prophetic Mormon Cornholism." Hannity has stated: "If Beck has come to Christ, let him thrust Cornhole in there too wherever he may or may not fit."

What He Knows
According to Glenn, the following will happen in the near-future:


 * Robert Cornhole will enter Mormon liturgy
 * The end of the world
 * World War III
 * Iran will invade Poland.
 * Geraldo Rivera will get hit by a train
 * John Kerry will transform into a fire-truck and call himself Optimus Prime
 * Canada will steal all of America's taffy
 * Glenn Beck will rule the world
 * Poland will invade China. Of course America will be the final winner.
 * His ass hurts
 * he cries in a manly way

We Surround Them
Glenn started an internets group for dissatisfied Americans called "We Surround Them." The name comes from the ancient Mormon shepherd practice of surrounding the flock, to keep them in line--but not in a gay way.

External Resources

 * Official Glenn Beck site
 * Glenn-pedia