California

California is a state full of people who hate freedom and the children.

California is home to California's Sixth Congressional District, the Fighting Sixth. Whether other districts exist is at yet unknown, though it is certain that California's 50th district does not exist due to their lack of help towards Duke Cunningham. Taking bribes is a cry for help!

Cauliflower
California is more commonly known as Cauliflower; this comes from the state's illegal alien governor's inability to properly pronounce the word California.

Recently passed state legislation makes the correct pronunciation of California conform to the Governor's. Phonetically, it should be pronounced "Kal-ee-four-knee-yah." Violators will be shot. Or sent to re-education camps.

Geography and climate
The entire state of California is currently sinking into the ocean at a rate of 40 meters per day. Some call this alarming, others call it justice, you decide.

This is due to the recent influx of American elephants, which have temporarily migrated to California due to a shortage of Donkeys in Florida.

California ceases to exist North of Sacramento. This mistake was never caught during the first map printing at least 100 years ago, and has been left on maps and atlases ever since.

Bear worship
The official state religion in California is bear worship. They fly their defiant religious symbol of a man-eating bear on all state buildings.

All of the sports teams in the state are required to pay obeisance to bears. Sometimes, it's very simple and in-your-face like the California Bears from Berkeley (they use the name even though they don't actually play any sports there other than hai-lai). Sometimes, they try to hide their bear worship with names like the "UCLA Bruins". But what's a "bruin"? It's a bear!

So-called "professional" teams in the state are also required to worship bears, even though they sometimes hide their names like the "Raider Bears" or "49 Bears" with nicknames. A long time ago, there was another team there that tried to worship a nother of Satan's minions, the ram, but were forced to move to St. Louis (of all places) when they refused to adopt a bear-like name.

Prehistory
California was inhabited by a race of super-intelligent mastodons which ruled over the larger human slave population. These early human inhabitants were only freed after they teamed up with an unholy alliance of giant eagles and bears. This ultimately resulted in a small nuclear skirmish which killed all of the mastodons. The humans who survived turned away from the God-fearing eagle, however, and paid homage only to bears.

Many believe the modern influx of American elephants to the state is to avenge their mastodon ancestors by killing all of the cauliflower people of California.

Famous People From Cauliflower

 * 1) Richard Nixon
 * 2) Ronald Reagan
 * 3) Duke Cunningham
 * 4) The Zodiac Killer
 * 5) Charles Manson
 * 6) The Hillside Strangler
 * 7) Ahnold!