No-brainer

No-Brainer

Summary
No-Brainer (noun) is the decision-making process preferred by the Greatest Administration in American History (2000-present). The method involves evaluating any problem using the first available evidence, then choosing the solution which requires the least amount of thought.

See also: Gut

Alternatives to the No-Brainer include deductive, inductive or abductive reasoning -- also known as 'muddying the waters' or 'pussy-footing.' These types of reasoning are often used by homosexuals, communists, and the French. This is why they suck and nobody likes them, yet the Free World continues to be inspired by American can-do.

Chief Advantages of the No-Brainer
1) The No-Brainer is self-evident (duh!) 2) The No-Brainer reduces time between identifying a problem and solving it 3) The No-Brainer quells dissent, cuz like, who wants to disagree with a no-brainer?

Usage
1) Vice President Dick Cheney, Oct. 24, 2006: "[Waterboarding during questioning of terrorist suspects] is a no-brainer for me. . .  But for a while there, I was criticized as being the vice president for torture. We don't torture. That's not what we're involved in.'"

Notice how the vice president invokes the term while advocating a method of torture to in fact distance himself from torture. Logicians are confounded.

2) Terry Jones (Monty Python), April 19, 2004, The Guardian: "Invade Iraq? It's a no brainer. Everyone agrees that President George Bush's lobotomy has been a tremendous success...(etc)"

3) "You're either with us or you're with the terrorists."  What kind of brain does it take to say something like that?  The answer: No brain.

Philosophy Of
Although it has taken centuries of intellectual development for humankind to distill the essence of this mode of thought to just 3 syllables, we can identify two main precursors.

Lao Tse Tzu (551-479 BCE): 'Stop thinking, and end your problems.'

Bodhi, Point Break (1991): 'Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.' This pithy statement sounds as wise as an ancient Chinese proverb, but the essence of what he was saying is, 'It's a no-brainer.'

No-Brains for a Brave, New (Brainless) World
Let's face it, humankind has figured out remote control TVs, microwavable popcorn, the La-Z-Boy chair and the Jenna Jameson Love Doll. So who needs a bunch of sniveling intellectuals cluttering up our lives with pointless debates about when they found the WMDs, when exactly the Mission was Accomplished, or what constitutes flouting Geneva Conventions?!

The no-brainer is the wave of the future; be like Bodhi, ride it! --Kirkbutler 16:31, 24 April 2007 (UTC)