Serial Killer

Serial Killers are members of the Blame America First Crowd who take out their rage by killing three or more people over a period of time. Serial Killers have never learned to trust their guts, and therefore, have been led astray from anything and everything that exhibits truthiness. Although Labcoat Larrys would like you to believe that it is uncertain how Serial Killers are made, we know better. Serial Killers are the tragic result of science gone awry coupled with the years of parental neglect.



How Serial Killers are Made
No true American ever intends to create Serial Killers. Instead, a terrible, terrible series of unfortunate events result in the creation of a Serial Killer. This first step occurs when scienticians inadvertently mix test tube baby goo with fava beans. Although this unfortunate mixture causes test tube babies to have a predilection to blame America first for all of their problems, this volatile mixture does not, in of itself, cause a test tube baby to become a Serial Killer.



These test tube babies must have a steady diet of liberal parenting before their Serial Killer nature overcomes them.

Serial Killers are most surely grown-up Latchkey kids, which explains their general love for flesh.

Famous Serial Killers



 * Darth Vader, a Jedi killing machine.
 * Anthony Hopkins, a Hollywood liberal and Serial Killer.
 * The guy who got shot and subsequently caused all of those deaths during World War I.
 * Researchers who work with Stem Cells. How do you think that they are able to obtain all of those stem cells?
 * James Lipton, a well-known Baby-eater. Lipton is also famous for writing  "An Exaltation of Lats."  Lipton was Noam Chomsky's favorite student, and loves drinking the tea named after him with a dash of blood.
 * Lord Voldemort. 'Nuff said.
 * BOB, of Twin Peaks, Washington.  Bob is partial to walks on the beach, Bears, and appearing unannounced in nightmares. Bob is attracted to creamed corn, but do not worry: truthiness is Bob's Kryptonite!

Examples of Non-Serial Killers



 * The Quaker Oats Man is not a Serial Killer. In fact, he loves cereal.


 * The Internets have never intentionally killed anybody. Try not to get too close to the tubes of the Internets, however, or you might fall in.


 * Abortion Clinic Bombers listen to their guts to perform God's work, nixo-facto, they are not Serial Killers.


 * Hurricanes are delightful storms sometimes kill in order to affirm God's concern for us.


 * Clowns. These smiling jesters are as American as Apple Pie.  They can turn the world on with their smiles.