Muslim



Muslims (pronounced ter·ror·ists) are highly misguided, violent people intent on destroying America because they Hate Our Freedoms and are Jealous of Us. They have yet to absorb the radiating Light of the Baby Jesus. As Islam expert Ann Coulter has succintly suggested in her doctrine:

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

To compensate for not being able to celebrate the Greatest Holiday Ever (Christmas) they enjoy blowing themselves up, and worshiping bears. Muslims hate America and there's nothing we can do about it. Mohammedanism nurtures within it's inhabitants a natural aversion to baseball, apple pie, democracy, freedoms, the West, cartoons, babies, and basically everything Pure and Sacred. They don't seem to enjoy fine meals like Pabst Blue Ribbon with barbecued pork ribs, or pork rinds washed down with any Genuine Miller product.

Muslims are known for praying 25 times a day, starving themselves at least one month every year and their deep hatred towards Jewish people for stealing their circumcision tradition.

Lemmings
Lemmings are a type of muslim that, like the popular pcvideo game "Lemmings" blow themselves up.

Twelvers
Twelvers are a type of Muslim Shiite who have something to do with the number twelve.

Seveners
Seveners are a type of Shiite who have something to do with the number Seven. Instead of Allah, they worship the Aga Khan. The Aga Khan is a white guy that is very rich. Most of his followers are brown.

Sunni
Mainstream Islam. Are not terrorists. They come up to you ad say, "Hey you uys want to buy some oil, we give you good deal, yes?"

Wahabi
Main faction of Islam that exists in Saudi Arabia

Nation of Islam
Are not real Muslims. Believe that the white man is the devil and they advocate black supremecy. Micheal Jackson was once a member, but was returned because he was to crazy even for them

Muhammad
Please also see the full article: Mohammed

Aga Khan
Please also see the full article: Aga Khan

Louis Farrakhan
Please also see the full article: Louis Farrakhan

Fractoids about Muslims

 * All Muslims live in the Middle East.
 * All Muslims have brown skin, long noses, beards, horns, wings, and red tails with one of those red spade things on the tip. See Jews.
 * All Muslims are suspect.
 * Joint research by Brigham Young University or NAMBLA, and South Florida Community College confirms that Muslims spend virtually all waking hours plotting the demise of Western Civilization. Great Leader has warned us that Muslims "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people". But that "neither do we."
 * All 1,400,000,000 Muslims worldwide can communicate via telepathy. Muslims recieve prior notification before all major terrorist attacks.
 * All muslims have mad Asian skillz.
 * All muslims have been called Osama-bin-Whatever at least once in their lives.

Muslim Treatment of Broads
Popular commentator and public intellectual Bill O'Reilly frequently reminds Patriots that all Muslim men treat Muslim women like cattle, dogs, or Bears. He further chides American women (particularly feminists feminazis) for:
 * A) Not being thankful enough for being born a woman in post-sexist, PC America.
 * B) Complaining about lower wages when they should be grateful for being able to work in the first place.
 * C) Not supporting the War Effort enough, when doing so will liberate their sisters from one tyranny and replace it with another.

It is common knowledge that all Muslim women are beaten, oppressed, covered from head to toe, and badly in need of Liberation.

Reward
According to Urban Legend, Fox News, and various other respected sources, Muslims believe that if they kill infidels they will be rewarded with 72 virgins in paradise.

What they DONT know is exactally what kind of "Virgins" await them. For all they know, the virgins could be goats, sheep, cows, donkeys, horses and so on.

Now you might think that the Muslims spot the obvious flaws in their religion, such as this one, but they can't because their turbans are usually tied too tight. That's why they always run around screaming "Allahu akhbar", which is actually Kuwaiti for "where is the light switch?".

For those among us who do not spot the obvious flaws with this concept, luckily American Condi pointed out why:

Now if that does not bring down Islam, I don't know what will. But these people are stubborn so it just might not.

Experts on Islam

 * Glenn Beck
 * Rush Limbaugh
 * Ann Coulter
 * George W. Bush
 * Fox News
 * Wall Street Journal Editorial Page
 * The Weekly Standard

Apologists for Islam

 * Muhammed
 * Liberals
 * Jews

Prejudice Against Muslims
No one hates Muslims except the dirty Jews.