Japan

Japan is a country in Asia. Actually, it is not in Asia. It is located on a chain of islands just off the coast of East Asia. We are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

What Japan Is/Is Not
A little-known but vital fact is that Japan is not in China. By all rights, it should be - China is so big, and Japan is not! - but it isn't. Also, if Japan was added to China, that would just make China even more crowded. It'd be like...a collision of crowded countries. It's important to address here that the Japanese and the Chinese pretty much hate each other, all because of the Koreans. Without the Koreans as the third wheel, Japan and China would be best buddies. In fact, all wars between Japan and China were started over Korea. Damn Korea and its spicy kimchi.

Another quirk is that Japan is really not the apocalyptic land of tens of thousands of tall skyscrapers as seen in every single Japanese anime or manga. That would be China (see: Shanghai). In reality, most buildings in Tokyo are only 3 stories tall, because they need to be earthquake-proof. This is another source of confusion for people thinking Japan is in China. Japan is also extremely insane, shown by the video clip shown above.

Normal Japanese Life
In Japan, people eat raw fish, rice, seaweed, and crunchy toasted tapeworms. They wear kimonos (basically dresses), loincloths (basically diapers), and straw hats. Their alphabet is a bunch of squiggly lines, making it virtually impossible for Westerners to understand what the hell they are trying to say in their writing.

The Godzilla Threat
Godzilla, one of the biggest haters of freedom of all time, has destroyed Tokyo on a number of occasions. He has posed as a defender of Japan, but will turn on them in a second because of his socialist agenda. When he tried destroying New York, the media exposed him as a transgender she-man. To prove how tough Americans are, we stopped Godzilla's rampage with Ferris Bueller.

Japan's Youth
It is a known fact that the japanese as a whole are oblivious. They do not notice groups of teenagers transforming into gay outfits, and giant monsters attacking. Most scientists belive this is due to the fact that 99.9 percent of its population own cellphones and are rotting their own and each other's brains.

Japanese Culture
Japan's main export is animated porn.

For some reason, everyone in North America loves Japan because they love to read manga. (written by Japanese people who have nothing better to do) Manga is a fancy word for drawings of idiotic people, all with bad hair fighting like a ninja, jumping in and out of trees plastered on extremly small pages. Oh yeah, it's in black and white, only because Japanese people have not yet discovered COLOUR PRINTING.

The capital of Japan is Tokyo, which is fourth to New York City, Chicago, and Houston (made in the U.S.A.) as the biggest city ever. So suck it, Tokyo!

Killing oneself is also very popular among ethnic Japanese citizens, they call this "Harry Carey", and it is considered essential to everyday life in Japan. It involves standing on a bullet train, and juggling 5 tennis balls while reciting haiku, if the suicide participant survives this, or drops a ball, they bring shame and dishonor upon their family. The only way to right the shame is by beating all 300 levels of dance dance revolution and die in the process, and if they fail this, they are deported to Korea.

Those Weird Inventions
The Japanese have a tradition called "chindogu" which roughly translates into "useless invention". They also have no color printing, which explains why manga is printed in black and white. (See Japanese Culture for more details)