Ken Lay

Ken Lay is a Jedi knight of the order of the Consulars. His presence on this planet was dedicated to the promotion of free trade and conservative values against the Liberal Dark Lords of the South (i.e. Black Community Leaders in Houston).

In Houston -- a vile, Democratic hotbed in the otherwise enlightened state of Texas -- too many liberals were making money and donating to evil liberal causes like the Democratic Party, Greenpeace, and Doctors Without Borders. After wrestling all future contributions from the retirement funds of lazy liberals, Ken Lay went on to destroy the very company for which said lazy liberals worked, decimating the economy of this Democratic city, and ensuring years of Republican dominance in all matters of wealth and society for generations.

After Ken Lay, the Jedi Consular, experienced his wild success on his mission for Halliburton and our Republic Emperor, his holiness George W Bush, Ken Lay was going to be penalized and tossed into prison by activist liberal judges.

In a demonstration of his mighty force powers, Ken Lay merged with the Force, and moved into an ethereal state where his raw force powers can remain active in the universe to keep the evil Dark Lords of the South out of power despite winning the majority of the vote.

Like the other Jedi Masters Elvis, Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, and Jesus, Ken Lay can still often be found in blurry photographs, scenic Scottish beaches, and truck stops across America.