Lesbian



Lesbians are girls who like to kiss and touch each other. It's the type of gayness that's okay Unless they are fat ugly bitches like most lesbians are. In the event that they are hot though most men really enjoy watching it and fantasize about participating in their same-sex female orgiastic experiences. In any case, Lesbianism is really just temporary thing with high school girls with illusions of rebellion.

A recent poll indicates that lesbians are often turned straight by images of Stephen Colbert. A study has not yet been conducted to see if gay men are made gayer by those same images, but many top rated psychologists tend to believe that they would be. Plus without them, what use would men have for the internet?

Dykes
A different type of lesbian exists, but only briefly before being blocked from memory. The "Dyke" breed of lesbian are not hot, and are not known as "hotmosexuals". The Dykes are an angry people who enjoy wearing flannel and DocMartins, and can often be seen within a five mile radius of a Lillith Fair. It's okay though, cause we all know that in the end they are a confused sexually and need to find the right man (although they seriously need to improve their looks for that).
 * Many believe these Lesbians were behind the Katrina disaster.
 * If Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, A Man Loving Lesbian, and a Man Hating Dyke are at a 4 way intersection and in the middle there is a nice crisp 100 dollar bill in the center, the Man Hating Dyke will get it cause all others are figments of your imagination

Factoids

 * Lesbians are not homosexuals, they are known as "hotmosexuals"
 * If two lesbians make out in a forest and no one is there to see it, will it raise wood? The answer is yes.  Anybody within a 10 mile radius.
 * For the record, most men are strongly against lesbianism unless both chicks are hot.
 * Lesbians are capable of giving one another multiple, rapid-fire crushing orgasms that are light-years beyond what even the most talented, well-endowed man could even imagine. Seriously.
 * There is a bill being passed right now that all "hotmosexuals" must have a video camera and put their sex on the Internets for the furthering of research on eroticism... that and some good ol' fashion American masturbation.
 * Being a lesbian is spurned on by having large amounts of testosterone created by having an abnormally large clitoris. Side effects may include man hating and a weird passion for flannel
 * Lesbians will sleep with men if the man can come up with the right pick up line. The best pick up line is currently, "Hello, I am Stephen Colbert." It has a 105% chance of success. There is no second best, and alternatives are few, but claiming you're a Colbert staff member is known to work 95.pi% of the time. Killer also gets lots of lesbo action, while Bobby seems to only date women until they become lesbionic.
 * The whale is the Lesbian's favorite animal, due to its 12 foot long tongue and ability to breathe through the top of its head
 * Nobody knows how they make love, presumably it has something to do with holding hands and/or cuddling
 * 9 out of 10 lesbians enjoy being watched all the time, especially during showering and love-making. The other one just didn't mind.

Known Lesbian Couples

 * Britney Spears and Madonna Ciccone
 * Beyoncé Knowles and Eva Longoria
 * Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin
 * The Russian singers known as Tatu
 * Lamb and Lynx Gaede

Known Lesbian Threesomes

 * Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu..."He's having a heart attack"
 * The Dixie Chicks..."meh"