Condoleeza Rice

This multi talented African-American has risen from dirt floors and a 3 a day grits diet, to become Secretary of these Blessed United States. Condi as we in the Nation affectionately refer to her as, serves her country to her fullest ability. Like a Nun in The Lord's service, she devotes 165% of her time to doing the tough business of serving her country's citizens. She made the decision to stay single for her country long ago, giving up a life of luxery, which only a husband can provide. She is also the 5 time winner of Fantastic Sam's most intelligent haircut award, edging out both Donald Trump and Carrot Top. Condi is a fierce defender of her title and it is very unlikely that she'll give it up any time soon.

The rumors that Condi is engaged in an extramarital affair with Bestest President George W., are quite frankly insulting and untrue, any person stating otherwise should be reported to local or federal authorities immediately.