University

A University is the name of a big school for grown up kids. Sort of like a college, but bigger. Universities come in many different kinds, the majority of which are hotbeds of godless liberalism. Not all universities are pure evil, though. The Greatest President Ever attended a university, as did Our Glorious Stephen, and somehow they both managed to survive any corruption by book-learning or critical thought. This article is meant to help you understand the good and bad things about different kinds of universities and university students.

Types of University Students
(not mutually exclusive)

"Legacy" Students
a.k.a. rich kids
 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend: Yale, Harvard, Princeton
 * Funding sources: Trust fund; other trust fund
 * Drug(s) of choice: Cocaine, meth, lots of drinking

Hyperdrive Students
a.k.a. nerd patrol
 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend: Ivy, Top-tiered private/public, where ever they get paid the most to go
 * Funding sources: "Merit" based scholarships
 * Drug(s) of choice: Ritalin, Adderall, No-Doze, Caffeine in any form

Activists in Training

 * Description: Hard to distinguish from adult hippies
 * Universities most likely to attend: omnipresent
 * Funding sources: Trust funds, financial aid, scholarships; Depends on which authority they're trying to piss off/get attention from
 * Drug(s) of choice: None - all

Too Cool for School

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice: nicotine, ecstasy, coke if you're offering, anything you're offering

Potheads

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice: huh?

Emo/Indie/Goth/Dresses in Black for Some Other Reason/Clinically Depressed

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice:

LGBTIQWTFN

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice:

Drama Freaks

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice:

ROTC

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice:

Yo, yo, Jocks, Yo

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice:

Weird Foreign Kids

 * Description:
 * Universities most likely to attend:
 * Funding sources:
 * Drug(s) of choice: