KFC

KFC provides Americans with all of the crunchy fat-encrusted chicken corpses that drive God's nation to calorific glory. Real Americans do this because they know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, and thus are unafraid to prepare themselves for the winter with a thick layer of blubber.



The Origins of KFC
KFC stands for nothing, contrary to popular belief, as the letters were chosen as a poorly sensored scramble of what The Colonel, whose real name was in fact Colonel Sanders, said during all his failed chicken murder attempts. Eventually, the Colonel was faced with a massive army of chickens, and sent out a call for help, one that could only be answered by the greatest hero of all.



How KFC Chicken is Made
At a secret underground facility in Kentucky, daily war games are staged between Tek Jansen and an army of chickens. Tek Jansen pulls out his laser gun and individually annihilates them one by one to a crisp golden brown. The manly aroma of fried chicken is what accounts for Tek's overwhelming successes with the ladies.





Other Menu Items
KFC decided to introduce grilled chicken to the market when the army of chickens got to be so large that Tek started to knock of some of his feathered enemies with a flamethrower as well. Below is a list of some other menu items, listed with the method Tek uses to slaughter the chickens in the dish (all KFC food is made of chickens).

KFC's Enemies
KFC shares the fight on the Burger King with McDonald's. KFC must fight against fat Dirty Hippy Liberals as well, as they sully the name of Americans who are fat for a reason.