Al Gore

WARNING: ''Like most evil villains, Al Gore has a weather machine. Do not piss him off!''

On February 25, 2007 Al Gore knelt before a golden idol in Babylon in front of a crowd of his commie-homo fans.

So what, Al? And who cares that you got another award from a bunch of Peace-nicks in Sweden? Everyone knows they're hippies anyways!

That still doesn't mean there is such a thing as global warming, loser.

Al Gore is the beloved leader of the working people, father of the proletariat and the Democratic Party. As such, Comrade Gore tries to promote his anti-Jesus socialist agenda behind the guise of global warming, trying to destroy the free market and business by stopping them from having the God-given right to destroy the ozone layer thereby warming the Earth till ordinary Americans are cozy rather than just liberal elites. He is best friends with Fidel Castro and Osama bin Laden.

He is a Bear hugging, Liberal, Terrorist, Democrat, he represents everything that is wrong with America.

Politician
Had the American people not voted 5–4 and put George Bush into office, our country would probably be mired in massive debt, and in an unwinnable war started by Joe Lieberman. Also, bears would roam free, killing American people with reckless abandon. Al Gore is often best credited for saving the world from the dreaded ManBearPig which, is the only thing he ever took, "cereal". He also tried to kill George Bush during the 2000 Election during a commercial break during the debate. He quit later as he is a quitter, he took his lies and went home, period.



Nationwide Controversy over his Weight

 * When Stephen Colbert looked through Al Gore's garbage, he found half used drinks and wasted paper. If he is throwing away so much paper he must be eating at least as much as part of his daily diet.
 * Al Gore gains weight every time he lies.
 * Another reason for Al Gore's apparent ballooning is that since he has launched his global warming crusade he has lowered his "carbon emissions" by holding his breath.

Inventor
In the mid-1980s, Gore invented the internets for unknown purposes. That's why Google was invented; each search steals a bit of your mind by distracting you from what your gut has to say.

Gore also invented Jebus in an attempt to gain the votes of the Red States.

Global Warming
He also invented the Weather Network and meteorology, apparently so he could scare people and manipulate the weather forecast for his own numerous nefarious interests:
 * To make his blockbuster documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." What a greedy bastard.
 * Melting ice floes to have them float down south, carrying with them polar bears to devour God-fearing Americans.

Did he invent his own beard?
It has been suggested that his beard was yet another of his inventions. Sources close to Al Gore indicate that after unsuccessful experiments with "natural" beards, the baby-faced liberal was attempting to invent a carbon-fiber "nano-beard" which would allow him to avoid the public after his devastating, humiliating loss in the 2000 Elections.

Other sources suggest that it "just grew" after being watered by his own copious tears.

America Hater
After his merciless, nailing defeat by the Jesus/Bush duo in 2000, Gore has found new ways to pollute America's Youth with liberal elitist theories while becoming excessively rich in the process. The following is a brief synopsis of his horrible acts since then:
 * 1) Executive member of Google. "Helping" America find "Facts" everyday.
 * 2) Appeared in the America-Hating show South Park where he sponsors a creature deemed Man-BEAR-Pig.
 * 3) Wrote not one but two books talking about his life and liberal accomplishments
 * 4) Produced a movie about the "facts" of Global Warming.
 * 5) Is friends with Mac...a known America-hating company
 * 6) Al Gore can currently be seen spreading his liberal propaganda about Global Warming. Wake up, Al Gore. It's summer, it's going to be hot.
 * 7) Here is another truthiness : Jesus is for life, Al Gore is against it. Jesus doesn't have horns, Al Gore does.

Global warming beaten?
Starting in mid-December 2006, America grew cold and thus global warming was defeated by snow; which proves that Al Gore is lying.

"The Hypocrite of the Ages!!!"
In early 2007 it was discovered that Al Gore's home in Tennessee uses far more resources than the average American home does. For instance, in one month alone Al uses $500 dollars in power, or $30,000 annually. Our glorious Stephen also found wasted food and paper in his trash, further showing that Al Gore is indeed a hypocrite.

Stephen's Personal Message for Al
Hey, Al!

Stephen Colbert has An Inconvenient Truth for you: "You're still not the President!"

Contributions to The Daily Show
On Al Gore's last visit to the daily show he said he was a regular viewer of The Daily Show, He must be one of those Stoned Slackers that Papa Bear was talking about.