Cats (pets)

'Bold textCats

Bold textThe Untold Story or The True Consiparcy

It's been known for centuries, trying to be kept under wraps, but it's more evident now than ever that cats are plotting to secretly take over the world. Even Steven Colbert is not immune to the furry cutness of the feline race.

What is a cat?Bold text

A cat is an animal with two pointy ears, four legs, and a heart as black as charcoal inducing the public to drool over their intensely large eyes, somewhat seductive carassing, and large razor sharp claws which can disenbowel men in mere seconds. Cats are known to use their purring to cause incontience, nausea, visions of Bono, and decreased blood pressure to the point that it may cause one to literally vomit their organs.

How do know if your cat is taken control of your life??Bold text

Does your cat:

Wake you in the insanely early in the morning for food?

Attempt to lick your eyeslids, in hope of getting to the sweet ocular fluids within?

Do the "kneading dance"? On your back? This usually causes one to feel relax, but it causes the muscles to send an unconcious signal to the brain which ruptures kidneys, and may lead to urine seeping into your system causing septic shock to such a degree that one's blood literally eats through the skin, ingesting organs and making you into a small red buring puprated mass somewhat similar to, let's say a cucumber rotting in the sun.

Attempt to rip your throat out after giving ear massages?

Then do not delay, your cat may try to take over your life, and replace you in your family! One thing you can do is, try to dress it up in humilating outfits, like a banada, this may confuse your cat long enough for you to run out of the house to call the proper authorties. Also the use of yarn is most beneifcial, the cat may be so distracted it will be sitting in it's own satisfaction for, hours.

Other Feline Conspiracies:Bold text

Broadway show CatsLink title

GarfieldLink title

AnthromorphsLink title

Kitten Warlink title