Howard Cosell



Howard William Cosell March 25, 1918 - April 23, 1995 AKA "Humble" Howard Cosell was a Jew Real American who brought Truthiness to sports broadcasting. He is was the world's most obnoxius TV personality until the 21st century brought us Asshole Shows and real assholes like Simon Cowell.

Truthinesses




All Time Best Howardism

 * Monday Night Football Sept. 5 1983, referring to Washington Redskin and Black Friend Alvin Garrett, exclaimed, "Look at that monkey run!" Cosell was fired two months later and Politically Correct was born.

Runners Up

 * "[O. J. has] an uncanny instinct for sensing when to make the move, when to make the cut. He can kill you with a headfake, he can kill you with the swiftness of his legs and the ability to be in a direction at any single second. He also kills you with his variation of speed..." (on some of the ways O. J. Simpson can kill)
 * "Mommy, why does daddy cuss the TV and call it Howard?
 * "Ladies and Gentleman, the Bronx is burning."

Honorable Mention

 * "I'm telling it like it is."
 * (While announcing a Monday Night Football game) "Films from tonight's game should be taken to schools all across the country as an example of a study in futility."
 * "After all, is football a game or a religion?"
 * ''"I was right to back invent Muhammad Ali, but it caused me major enmity in many areas of this nation."
 * "Sports is human life in microcosm."
 * "Sports is the toy department of human life."
 * "The importance that our society attaches to sport is incredible. After all, is football a game or a religion? The people of this country have allowed sports to get completely out of hand."
 * "What's right isn't always popular. What's popular isn't always right."

Achievments

 * Trying out Gonzo Journalism for his first time, was the skier that ate shit in the beginning credits of ABC's Wide World of Sports.
 * Invented Boxing
 * Invented Cassius Clay Muhammed Ali.
 * Invented George Foreman and his grill.
 * Won 17 Olympic Gold Medals for Tonsorial Bombasticity.
 * Taught Don King how to speak real American.
 * Invented Brevitruthiness with Don King and Stephen Colbert at ''The Rumble in the Jungle."
 * Invented Monday Night Football
 * Caused the invention of Politically Correctness.