Dungeons & Dragons

Introduction
Dungeons and Dragons, more commonly referred to as Satan's Game, is a role-playing game in which characters with 4, 6, 8, 10, 12 ,20 and (God Forbid) 100 sided dice create adventures and characters to go on quest to discover why they don't have girlfriends (or boyfriends, as may be the case, or lives). These quests could involve finding treasure, such as a +3 vorpal longsword, battling trolls, or saving a princess all from the comfort of their parent's basement.



There has been controversy regarding the game as promoting devil worship, but as anyone would know, siding with the Tanar`ri in the Blood War would make you disliked in all of Eberron.

Stephen Colbert and the D&D
Back in the day, Stephen used to play a lot of D&D. It's pretty much all he did in high school. He had Rangers, a Paladin, a 23rd level Wizard. He played the first aerial battles, with Akiran and the Pegasus. He went to GenCon 10 and met Gary Gygax and Lynn Lacofka.

Stephen totally won that battle, Gygax!!!

Then, Stephen's family grew concerned that he was being possessed by demons. So they sent him away to an exorcism camp, where eight weeks of sailing and making lanyards did the trick. No more D&D for Our Glorious Stephen - just complete and total commitment to America, the heroes, and God's work. Plus, he got a girlfriend.

The Big Debate
 user:ace-o-aces once played D&D with a GIRL, I shit you not! user:ace-o-aces

ADMIN WARNING:
 * User:ace-o-aces, you can't post stuff like that on this wiki.
 * No one here has ever seen a girl, much less played D&D with one.
 * Please remove that comment, it is offensive.--User:WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer.


 * UMM, I'm a girl and I play D&D...user:St catty


 * Yeah, and I played D&D with an ex-boyfriend a couple of times. That might have been why he became an "ex-". user:thisniss

ADMIN WARNING: Alright, this makes no sense, obviously it must be part of the role-playing...User:WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer.


 * Actually, in rare occurrences some unlucky players have been known to contract sexually transmitted diseases from having unprotected sex with what are called "Dungeon Groupies". It's a fact. user:Slanderson


 * That is a fallacy!!! All D&D players have virginality, THAT is a fact!! User:St catty

ADMIN WARNING: Okay, now I have a headache...User:WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer



Freedom Facts

 * Dungeons and Dragons is an occult practice that introduces impressionable children and young teens to Satan worship.


 * Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), was first documented in children that played Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (AD&D). Apologists will claim the two are not related, but the acronyms speak for themselves.


 * One of the monsters featured in the game is called an "Owl-Bear." This is obviously a referrence to the Global Bear Conspiracy's attempts to genetically engineer hybrid soldiers.


 * The average age of people that play Dungeons and Dragons are between 12 and 18 or 30 and 50. Both groups are virgins with the younger group having the weight of a twig and the older group having the weight of Shamu.


 * There has been a recent upswing in the number of GIRLS playing D&D, although the assumption that these new gamers are actually, in fact, GIRLS is highly controversial amongst the experts..


 * Another controversial fact (although it contains the weight of Truthiness) is that some players of D&D have girlfriends and sometimes even play this Devil's Game with said female companions. However, all players of D&D retain their physical virginality, as their activities with these "girls" consist of teasing, making D&D related puns.  In VERY rare cases, the so-called "relationships" of D&D players may evolve to include occassional hugging: usually done with one arm, and from the side.


 * They now sell 20 sided Fuzzy Dice to hang from your car's rearview mirror. As they now apparently own or at least have access to vehicles, should we expect a swarm of D&D players to swarm from the sheltered dwelling of their mother's basements in droves, like rats leaving America's great sewers?  Are we in danger of the D&D'sters spreading a plague of evil dice-loving cultishness to the general public? The truth of the situation seems far less frightening. D&D players are, on the whole, mostly content to direct their disaffected fantasies into the "worlds" they've created in their "minds."  You may continue to ridicule them without fear.

Internets and Disturbing Facts

 * There is a version of D&D specially created for the internets, usually referred to as World of Warcraft. Now, children too lazy to get out of the house and into their friends' basements can sit in front of their computers and play what amounts to the same game with other lazy kids.  Through the power of technology, instead of using their feeble minds, they let the internets do all the evil imagining of devilishness for them. Even worse:  through this game, lazy American children can become "friends" with lazy Un-American children.


 * There is a beast in the game called a "Dire Weasel", which attatches to hapless adventurers and sucks the life out of them. This is obviously a metaphor for what the Democrats plan to do to America.  Clearly, this game is an attempt by liberals to desensitize the children to their godless, communistic, homosexual agenda.  Who will think of the children?

D'N'D TV
Dungeons and Dragons once had its own TV show which took over the time slot on ESPN previously held by The World Series of Poker. This show was attacked by Real Americans for its perceived Satanist doctrine of "perverse creativity," resulting in the show's cancellation and the end of "Host" Wil Wheaton's career. The show was pre-taped in front of a green screen, which was later animated by the Chinese conglomerate and growing middle class steward "Anime Ok!".

Although D'N'D TV was bolstered by the success of Drew Carey's green screen show and Stephen Colbert's oft imitated Green Screen Challenge, it was cancelled. It has recently been replaced with Poker After Dark, a show which illustrates for children the positive outcomes that only a severe gambling problem can bring.

D'N'D TV is rumored to be making a comeback. Wil Wheaton's manager has recently been quoted as stating that the show has been pitched as Celebrity Dungeons and Dragons to the G4 network. The pilot show's guests are rumored to include "Singer" Glenn Danzig, "Comedian" Patton Oswald, "Fake Newsman" Rob Corddry and "Pseudo Celebrity" Kevin Federline, Ph.D.. The show is also rumored to feature a "Round-Robin Dungeon Master Shoot-Out" segment, plus a promotional "Guest Player Appearance" element like that of late night talk shows. "Reclusive New Orleans Biodiesel Magnate Kris Anderson" and "Livejournal Author JWZ" are rumored to be attached as executive producers, along with William Silverman who's credited as "Crony."

People/Animals Who Play The Devil's Game

 * Bears
 * Owls
 * Gays
 * Al Gore
 * Bill Clinton (rumored to have once played with Hilary Clinton)
 * Liberals
 * Communists
 * John Kerry
 * Those geeky kids you see doing Calculus for fun during recess
 * Wierd Al Yankovic
 * The Baby Satan
 * Wil Wheaton