Ann Coulter

This page is going through a major rewrite.

Ann "The Colt" Coulter is God's vessel on earth. When God made man, he made Ann, not Eve and all women have been a clone of this perfection of femininity.

The Young, Fragile Flower
Ann Coulter was lost as an infant in the plains of Montana when her parents' RV was overturned by highwaymen. Ann's parents were pressed into service by the gang. Ann was overlooked by the bushwhackers and wandered the wastes for a time before she was befriended and later raised by a benevolent clan of horses.

The Blossoming Fruit
Ann Coulter is a Real American babe, with a sensuality so blistering that it has been estimated she and Michelle Malkin populate 90% of all male fantasies. After all, what do real men find sexier than a 40-ish, rail thin, bony, botoxed blond who with each passing day looks more and more like a drag-queen impersonation of herself. She is only surpassed in sexiness by Soledad O'Brien and Nancy Reagan.

The Woman: A Bright, Shining Example of Contemporary Thought
Ann has a rock-solid belief system, anchored by the knowledge that 9-11 widows are greedy profiteers, most conservatives are smarter than your average toaster, and liberals are gays who should be summarily executed.

With such a gut-minded approach to public affairs, it is no coincidence that Ms. Coulter has come into the zenith of her power under the reign of King presidency of George W. Bush, The Decider.

Ann has filled a niche in American politics with her 'Shoot First, then Shoot Again Later' approach to political discourse. This strategy has made Ann a multi-millionaire and her life, a modern retelling of The American Dream. A dream where anyone born into a rich, white, politicaly connected family can rise to be the best selling author of a series of semi-literate partisan screeds. God bless America (and no one else).

But Ms. Coulter doesn't do it for the money, she does it for God and Country. Ann wants an America that knows how to take it to the terrorists, as she wrote in 2001:

Children
For some reason, Ann has no babies. None! Not even adopted.

We know she's pro-life, christian, subscribes to family values and traditional values, and hates abortion clinics, abortionists, and gay marriage. She should have a family of at least 10-15, like Stephen Colbert's mother. It's even more confusing than why George and Laura Bush only pumped out 2 kids or Dick and Lynne Cheney only pumped out 1.

Women like Ann and Condi need to spread their superior stem cells from sea to shinning sea.

Things That Make Ann Hot

 * Fellowship of Christian Athletes
 * men in uniform
 * Killer