Breaking News/Archive/102008

Shocking News On The October Surprise!!


The McCain Campaign, October 31, 2008 – The McCain campaign may have found the weakness on Obama’s impenetrable +20 armor. “At first we tried to toss any dirt that we fabricated discovered, but nothing worked. First we told the people that his bff was a terrorist, and it didn’t work, then we tried that he is a terrorist/marxist/alien/muslim, and that didn’t work… but then we found it!!! Obama is a secret nerd! He is a member of the Nerd Patrol!! If there is one thing that Real Americans hate worst than terrorists, liberals, or the gays… are the nerds!!! Braniacs like him are the likes like Al Gore and Kerry, and both of them lost the election against Bush our Jock In Chief,” replied McCain’s campaign manager. “Obama has created this imagine of being cool, suave, and charismatic. With a hot wife, loving kids, and being a basketball player you would think he was a “normal” black man… but in fact he had been hiding a secret all his life, and that secret is that he is an undercover nerd!”

When told to an undecided voter that Obama was a secret Nerd, he replied “It all makes sense now. His eloquent vocabulary, his amazing understanding of technology, and his shocking ability to use the internet ‘series of tubes’ to gather gazillions of donations, and the fact that he graduated the elitist Harvart school and not being black enough... it explains it all,” then he decided he was voting for McCain. “Everybody knows that he was the last on his class, he can’t be a nerd.”

It was the perfect cover. He was an undercover nerd, and no one would suspect a black man being a nerdinista, since all nerds are white (and asian) and black men are either cool or gangsta. No one suspected that he was a ‘Black Nerd’, the rarest of Nerd species and he could have gotten away with it…

It is believed that all major news media like Fox will run this story 24 hrs a day until Obama acknowledges his dark secret. “We cannot trust a Nerd on inheriting executive power. Who knows what kind of chaos it would unleash into the world! It wont be natural!! Jocks run this country, not nerds!! What’s he going to do? Run a game of D&D while he negotiates with the likes of Mahmoud Ahmadinerdgeekdorkjihad? Host a LARP game with Kim Jong Il (aka Agathor Il The Paladin of Socialized Justice)? Nationalize Comicon and Gencon? My God! Can you imagine that?? Soon everyone will think that nerds are cool and they will run this country!! Children will think learning is cool, libraries will sprang out of nowhere, and books will replace guns!! Obama could become the Nerd In Chief (aka King of Nerds) and run out the Real Americans out of the country!

When we tried to contact the Obama campaign we were told that they were busy on preparing a cosplay party to celebrate his presidential victory… we are doom.

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Emergency News! Zombies Kill Real Amercians!!


Wall Street, October 30, 2008 – In what seemed like a nice day it turned into a bloodbath. After Real American Christians prayed to their new god God’s Golden Bull, they decided to hold a "special ritual". As their devotion progressed with their orgy devotional prayer, they were suddenly attacked by the enemies of Real Americans. No, it was not terrorist or liberals or The Gays. It was zombies!! A horde of dead creatures ate all of the Real Americans praying to the Wall Street Bull and drenched it in their death Blood earlier today. “Why?? Why?? I prayed to the Bull all day and night, and slept with female worshipers as I was told, we even planned a virgin sacrifice and this is how our faith is repaid??” shouted one of the Real Americans before he was eaten. Many of the Zombies developed indigestion and died, the investigation is still pending as to what killed these liberal-flesh-eating walking corpses.

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God Holds Emergency Prayer To Fix Economy


WALL STREET, October 29, 2008- The Real Americans decided to hold an emergency prayer to fix the economy (non-real Americans or Fake Americans are not invited). To make the demon of the ‘bad economy’ go away.

According to Cindy Jacob (also known as Aaron by her friends) we are being punished for allowing the gays to decorate our houses and get gay married, for having a Muslim presidential nominee, and having daily abortions.

“God told me, you must gather the Real Americans and worship the golden calf… I mean Bull and like magic it will fix the economy, make the gayness go away and stop women from having abortions… and it works, I found a dollar. I don’t like women anymore, and I stop craving for abortions!”

Strangely enough, there had been a rain of frogs in the part of the Real America only.

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Bush Wining the War against Terra
Bearrorists seen running for the glaciers

MOSCOW, RUSSIA, October 24, 2008- The Greatest President Ever is wining the war against Communist Bears, the Godless Killing Machines are dying out in large numbers. The Greastest Vice President ever declare the Bearrorists are “in last throes” of the war. Bush brilliant tactics of declaring war on Terra have driven the Bearrorist population down. Soon Commi Polar Bears will go extinct like the welfare liberal Dodos.

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