Russia

A country that is not quite in Europe and not quite in Asia, but is all in cold.

Russia is full of Russians, and was once a heaven for Communists until America defeated the Soviet Union in the Cold War and brought liberty, freedom, and McDonald's to the poor oppressed Russians.

Russia keeps close ties with its filthy communist neighbor Canada, which has against all odds managed to defy the freedom of America. The only thing Russians drink is vodka, the ultimate brainwashing drink.

In spite of all this, it is the greatest country, because we all know that size is the only thing that matters.