Sean Hannity



Sean Hannity was one of the founding fathers of America. After killing all of the liberal Native Americans, Sean went on to write the Declaration of Independence. Sean soon was elected the first president of America, but gave up the presidency declaring that "America is free, it does not need a president. Now go, be free, live free and die free.  Think free, from your guts, not from observations or facts.  Go forth and kill the bears living on the continent, because if you do not kill the bears, they will eat your guts.  In this way shall you have true freedom to live by your guts, to die by your guts, and to share your guts with the guts of your neighbors." After his brief presidency, Sean went on to become a dedicated American working as Roger Ailes personal fluffer, Ailes was so impressed by Sean's abilities, he rewarded him with his own show on the greatest network known to man or God;Fox News Channel.

Sean is a founding father of the “Great Americans”, an organization whose elite membership must not have an education exceeding 10th grade, an odd number of teeth, a well cloaked aversion to blacks and Hispanics, and a burning desire to sniff men’s underwear in the hamper at the gym. “Great Americans” identify themselves through their introductions eg. “Sean, yer a Great American”.

Sean also has his own show, Hannity's America, where he lets freedom ring for an entire hour and then identifies the Hate America Firsters, and the Freedom Haters in a segment at the end of his show called "Enemy of the Week".



Hannity helped create the Universe and graduated magna cum laude from every Ivy League university, making him an expert on every issue that he comments on.

Unlike his bald mentor Rush Limbaugh Hannity has a lush head of firmly bolted hair that generally gives him between 1.5 - 1.8 inches of forehead. However, the rest of Hannity's body is completely hairless.

Next to Stephen and The Greatest President Ever, Hannity has the world's largest penis, a sure sign that he is a true freedom loving American. I know this because I saw all three of them having a pissing contest in a Men's Restroom once.

Contrary to allegations made by Democrats and puppy killers, Sean does not steal the content of his show from the president’s talking points. The president steals his talking points from the content of Sean Hannity’s shows, which is entirely borrowed from the magnificent brain of Dr.Stephen Colbert.

In much the same way that God used Jesus to make America, Stephen uses Sean to provide truthiness to the president's talking points.

Help For Online Lovers


Sean has his own Web dating service made exclusively for conservatives called Hannidate. Current registered users include Ken Mehlman, Jeff Gannon, Ted Haggard and Mark Foley.

Sean Hannity Trivia

 * Sean melted down the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia to build the unstoppable locomotive that is the "Stop Hillary Express."
 * Sean has the ability to "Hannitize" his viewers, a complicated process that involves slowly shrinking the viewer's cerebral cortex until everything in the world looks black and white. This "Hannitization" can also reverse the brainwashing effect of the Communist Manifesto.
 * Sean received an honorary degree from Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, which means he's educated in the discipline of truthiness.
 * Regularly travels to the White House with other patriotic journalists to receive orders directly from the Decider.
 * Plucked out Daryl Hannah's right eyeball.
 * His sperm can fly and is thus able to impregnate women from hundreds of miles away.
 * Sean Hannity is a member of Mensa and has an IQ of over 360. As a result of this, behavior that would appear confusing and contradictory to regular people makes perfect sense to him. For example, he claimed in 1999 that he was opposed to the war in Kosovo because he felt "innocent people are going to die for nothing." or that "We've hurt the people we thought we were going to help" while criticizing Barack Obama in 2007 for saying that the military was "air-raiding villages and killing civilians" as harmful to the nation and the troops. To a lay person, aka a liberal, this behavior may seem hypocritical or partisan, but that is merely because liberals lack Hannity's in depth nuances of the nature of the Universe.
 * Hannity drinks human blood, and his favorite color is sadness.
 * Hannity is pro-life. But that doesn't stop him from killing babies.
 * Hannity once ate a whole puppy, while alive, and afterwards burned down an orphanage.
 * Hannity is now Bill O'Reilly's falafel
 * Chased by an angry mob of Ron Paul supporters while covering the presidential primaries in New Hampshire. This was because Sean was not truthy enough about Dr. Paul's campaign for President

External Sources

 * Wikipedia's shrine
 * Click to get a Sean Hannity background for your desktop - FREE! (Before installing, please be sure to Photoshop Colmes out of the picture.)