Maine

Some have referred to Maine as Easteahn Canada's America but that assumption is purely a Colbert quote taken out of context by some misguided individual.

Discovery
Back in the 1800s Canada was spreading its territory and our great leader George H.W. Bush stopped the plague known as Canadianism from seeping into the U.S.. Maine is the first, last and only line of defense between those Bear loving communists and the loving people of America. That makes Mainers awesome.

History
During World War II the Canadians decided to help out. Being inexperienced in Military combat the Canadians "accidentally" invaded The United States. This event was covered up and hid from the American people in order to keep the peace and stability in the country. Because of this The Battle of Maine was never heard of. All four Canadian soldiers were killed in combat when they were ironically killed by a bea-ah, who, ironically was their "friend."

Achieving Statehood
In 1992 when George H.W. Bush decided to retiah he built a house in Maine and decided to give it the right of statehood. It has proudly retained its title evah since. Yess-ah!

Maine Today
Today America has a stable peace treaty where Maine Lobstahs are traded with bordah support to block Canadians from invading the US and spreading their lies.

Maine Landmarks
Walkah's Point at Kennebunkpo-aht is the site of the Bush/Walker estate. W. tends to avoid the place because factonistas like to claim that he was bo-ahn and raised in New England whenevah he goes to the grand family estate. But the nieces and nephews and cousins (most of whom have "Walker" somewhe-ah in their names) usually get married the-ah.

Famous Mainers

 * George H.W. Bush, since he's lived there for a hundred years, hey, it works for Schwarzeneggah.
 * Stephen King, all his stories are true. Yess-ah...stay outta Derry.

What Mainers Like to Talk About

 * The Red Sox
 * The New England Patriots
 * The price of gas (usually has "isn't that wicked" somewhere mentioned in the conversation...somewhere.)
 * The weather
 * Crops/fishing/lobsatahing
 * Local gossip

A Typical Day in Maine

 * Get up at 4 am. to go to the lobstah boat
 * Catch lobstah
 * Have a couple'la beeahs
 * Make fun of flatlandahs (tourists)
 * Have a couple mo-ah beeahs
 * Gas up the cah and go shoppin
 * Get home and have some mo-ah beeahs while watching Channel 6 News
 * Take a showah and then go tah bed

Tips on Visiting

 * Don't go through Wiscasset in the summer. Evah. You will be stuck in traffic all day. Don't say I didn't warn you.
 * Don't be an asshole. Main-ahs, as a general rule, are blunt and to the point, (much like their Massachusetts cousins) and if you're being a douche, you'll be called out on it.
 * Be polite. If someone raises their hand (palm out) or nods in greeting, do it back. Otherwise you'll be outed as a follower of The Baby Satan, and you'll never make it out of Maine alive. Maybe your car will get keyed or you'll be called a "Flatlander Asshole". Either way, you'll be scarred for life.