File:PrivateerColbertDuties.jpg

Summary
Screengrab of Dr. Colbert imagining what he would if he were "Privateer Colbert, "The Colbert Report," April 20, 2009.

He would,
 * ride the waves with his shirt open to the navel
 * storm pirate ships
 * save a beautiful lady hostages
 * command a crew of ghostly skeletons
 * all while his crab confidant plays him songs on seashells