United States of America

Founded by Abraham Lincoln, Ewoks, and Chuck Norris in the early 6th century B.C., roughly 100 years after Adam and Eve escaped God's Islamofascist regime of Eden, the United States has a long and convoluted history that involves, but is not limited to:
 * Making Adolph Hitler shoot himself in the head
 * Billion dollar research grants to help old men get boners
 * Protecting the children from black women's breasts
 * Fighting for freedom
 * Liberating Iraq

The War of Independence
(see main article United States Independence Day for more information)

The United States was officially founded on July 4th some time many years ago after a long and arduous struggle against the British Empire and the forces of Scientology, i.e. Tom Cruise. Steven Colbert, in the role of George Washington, received an emmy for his riveting performance as the commander of the contential army in the revolutionary war. This action did not escape the attention of the alien overlords of earth and he was promptly hired as President of the United States.

Noted Heroes of the War of Independence and All That it Stands for

 * Stephen Colbert
 * George W. Bush
 * Jesus H. Christ
 * Killer
 * Moses
 * Jane Fonda
 * Robert Redford
 * Chuck Norris
 * Sylvester Stallone
 * Luke Skywalker
 * Obi Wan Kenobi
 * Jack Bauer
 * Brian Allen

Noted Villians of the War of Independence Against All That it Stands for

 * Satan
 * Bears
 * Canadians
 * Democratic Party
 * libeerals (See also Democrats)
 * Communist Party (See also Democrats)
 * Al Franken

Porn-Motivated Technology from the United States

 * Camcorders
 * VHS tapes and Home Video Player/Recorders
 * Digital video
 * streaming on-line video
 * the NSA
 * satellite surveillence
 * T3H INT3RW3BZ, LOL!
 * Fried foods
 * wardrobe malfunctions
 * cum-cleen
 * washing machines
 * camera phones
 * pocket pussy
 * anything from the Doc Johnson product line
 * hand lotion
 * computers
 * myspace

Non-Porn-Motivated Technilogy from the United States

 * Movies based on Broadway plays/musicals or foreign movies or TV shows
 * Space Travel
 * War, war and war
 * weather manipulation
 * reality TV
 * unreality TV (see O'Reilly Factor)
 * the clapper
 * MIB
 * Talk radio
 * Everything Kickass
 * All sports, except Hockey and Soccer
 * Guns
 * Beer
 * Gummy worms