Argentina

Argentina is a country in South America. By default this makes it inferior to The United States of America and all things related to Kenny Rogers. It borders five nations, but the only two that matter are Chile and Rio de Janiero. Its capital Buenos Aires is called the Paris of the south - says it all doesn't it.

History
6 AD- Argentina wins their first World Cup

1285 AD- 1778 AD- Argentina was ruled by the great leader Trogdor and his spawn including Scweedley and Meedley

1801 AD- Chinese food is first introduced to Argentina by Jack Bauer

1888 AD- Chile annexes Argentina, but only 2 of the members of the UN Security Council ratify the decision (the United States of America and France). Officially, Argentina is still independent, but it is actually a puppet state, like Cuba, only without the Communists

1940 AD- Juan Peron comes to power

1948 AD- Evita assassinates Juan Peron by using her liberal powers of Kabala

1988 AD- The Arizona Cardinals move to Buenos Aires

2009 AD- Mark Sanford comes to Argentina for its legendary meat.



Government
Since the death of her husband, Juan Peron, Argentina has been led by his wife Evita who is also known as Madonna. Madonna has ruthlessly ruled Argentina and oppressed its inhabitants into slavery by forcing them to listen to songs such as "Like A Virgin", "Don't Cry For Me Argentina", and "Seasons of Love". It has been rumored that Madonna is secretly siphoning money off of the national treasury to buy many things French, but it has not been proven. If allegations are true, Americans should remember that it is not the fault of the people of Argentina, rather its leader should be at blame.

After Madonna moved to Hollywood, Argetina's military took over the government and had 366 presidents in just three weeks. But all is cool now, they got another woman as president, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner! What could possibly go wrong?

Economy
"wait.... they have money??" ~ Mutopis

Argentina’s economy was so bad, that even the rich people were poor! An Argentinian family could exchange their A10,000 Australles for one whole dollar! With Argetina’s currency depreciation rate, if you were lucky, you could use the bills as toilet paper by the end of the day. The Australles was such a despised currency that the Argetinian people preffered to be paid in American Dollars… they love Dollars therefore they love America! (guess which part is true...)

Argentina’s commie economy was destroying the country; it had a rampant hyperinflation that was going out of control. But then a very enlightened pro businessman, Domingo Cavallo, took over Argentina’s Ministry of Economy and brought radical reforms to its economy! First they took all of the Australles in the country and toss them into the sea (at this time they were too worthless to use as toilet paper) and they replaced the currency with the Peso. But they went even further with their economic policies with a very ingenious plan, to make sure that they could stop inflation they decided to peg the value of the Peso to the American Dollar, thus artificially fixing its monetary value to that of America’s! Ingenious!!

The master plan worked! Soon inflation dropped sharply, price stability was assured, and the value of the currency was preserved. The new Dollar Peso raised the quality of life for many Argetinians, making them rich overnight! Now they could buy crap from other countries or ask for credits in dollars at very low interest rates. Even Gorlock thought it was a good idea to invest in Argetina and buy lots of Pesos. I mean what could possibly go wrong?

Sure Argentina has lots of international debts to pay off, forcing them to keep borrowing money from other countries just to keep their economy afloat. Or the problem that the artificially fixed exchange rate is making imports so cheap, that is producing a constant flight of dollars away from the country and a progressive loss of Argentina's industrial infrastructure, which is leading to an increase in unemployment. But at least they stop being communists! Gorlock you own me money!!!

Argentina's economy solely dependents on the Llama for their livelihood... at the moment.

Culture
Argentina is known for very little culturally, but its main two contributions to global culture are the Arizona Cardinals and Pele. The Cardinals moved to Buenos Aires in 1988 from St. Louis to avoid confusion with the baseball team located there. Though Republicans offically recognize the Cardinals move to South America, liberal media says that they currently reside in Arizona. However, this is false, as the cardinal is a moderate climate bird (much like Rush Limbaugh), and would never survive the warm climate of Arizona.

What the Hell is Tango?
 After coming in contact with Mark Sanford, it is now known as "one of the dances in the world" 

Tango was invented by overly hyper-sexual bears who tried to seduced the Argentinian women and it worked! The women soon fell under the magical and sexy spell of Tango by being swept off the floor by its devilish lyrics and having their bodies being swoon around the floor on its maniacal and lustful moves. Tango was so hawt and sexy that it was banned in Communist Russia, it was just too hawt to handle!

If you ever find yourself in Argentina beware! No one can resist the calling sound of Tango! I mean no one! Even our beloved Stephen felt into the snaring traps of its diabolical music but don’t worry! Stephen gave such a hawt dance that it set Buenos Aires on fire, giving him enough time to escape with his female companion.

Since June 24, 2009 Mark Sanford has ruined Tango for all of us... (way to go, you bastard...)

Argentina's Socialist Policies
Argentina started out as a socialist experiment, so it shouldnt be surprising that they started out as commies, but dont worry the Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Argentinians are working hard to rectify the situation.

Medicine
Argentina has Socialized Health Care Medicine for all of it’s people, making Private Health Care impossible to compete or even be able to offer them their “superior” services to an ignorant population. If you look at this Data:


 * The relatively high access to medical care Argentines have enjoyed has historically resulted in mortality patterns that are nearly similar to those in developed nations: from 1953 to 2005, deaths from cardiovascular disease have increased from 20% to 23% of the total, those from tumors from 14% to 20%, respiratory problems from 7% to 14%, digestive maladies (non-infectious) from 7% to 11%, strokes a steady 7%, injuries a steady 6% and infectious diseases, 4%. Causes related to senility led to many of the rest. Infant deaths, which accounted for 19% of all deaths in 1953, did so for only 3% in 2005.


 * The availability of health care has helped reduce infant mortality in Argentina from 69 per 1000 live births in 1948 to 12.9 in 2006 and raised life expectancy at birth from 60 years to 76. Though these figures compare favorably with global averages in both eras, they continue to fall somewhat short of levels seen in developed nations and in 2006, ranked fourth in Latin America.

The Poor bastards, they don’t know what they are missing…

Educashun
Argentina has a socialized free education program for all of its children… the shame! How is the market economy be able to offer its superior services if it is free to everyone? But don’t worry recently public education is now widely found wanting and in decline; this has helped private education to flourish, though it has also caused a marked inequity between those who can afford it (usually the middle and upper classes) and the rest of society, as private schools often have no scholarship systems in place. separating the “undesirables” from the really talented pool of students!

In spite of Argentina’s many problems (which is all of them), Argentina's higher socialist educational program managed to reach worldwide levels of excellence in the sixties. They can claim three communist Nobel Prize winners in the witchcraft of hippie liberal sciences: Luis Federico Leloir, Bernardo Houssay and César Milstein; the highest number in Latin America surpassing countries economically more developed and populated as Ireland or Spain (that’s because Spain sucks!! You heard me!).

Burdened by an ongoing brain drain (who wants to live in Argentina??) since then, science and technology in Argentina still maintains a busy program of research and development.

The Wymins
It is a well known fact that Argentinian women are HAWT. Just ask Governor Mark Sanford!



External Tubes

 * Argentinian Girls are Hawt!