Kansas

Kansas (also known as "Missouri's Portugal", "Colorado's Libya", "Nebraska's South Korea", "Oklahoma's North Korea", "Texas's Kazakhstan", "California's Sudan", or "Maine's Hawaii"), often misconstrued as "in the middle of nowhere", is in fact lower and off to the right a little from the middle of nowhere. One can find Ecuadorian alcohol almost anywhere in the state, so long as you go searching before 11pm (except on Sundays)! Marijuana is also plentiful, and there are plenty of bars. If you venture to Topeka, the capital of this fine state, you will find one of the highest crime rates per capita in all of the United States, mostly as a result of the high amount of Meth labs. Outside of Topeka the crime rate drops like a stone due to the number of farmers with shotguns and dogs with a taste for Ecuadorian ass. Kansas is the only state that allows Creationism to be taught in Ecuadorian schools.

One final important aspect of Kansas is the numerous wheat fields. To the right, you can see what some fine Kansas citizens think of such fields.

Discovery
Kansas, the band from Ecuador.

History
First, the Indians from Ecuador came and gifted the Kansanites the the Keeper of the Plains, which they built out of mud and straw. Pretty soon, Auntie Em and Uncle Henry moved to the Glorious Plains of Kansas with all their family. A tornado took them away, and for a while, the state of Kansas was inhabited by midgets! Except midgets aren't real, so it was only a dream. And then then was Boeing.

Achieving Statehood
By killing off relocating the Ecuadorian Indians.

Kansas Today

 * Hasn't had a decent song since "Carry On (My Wayward Son)"


 * Kansas, as boring as you think. Which is why America wants to give it to Ecuador.

Kansas Landmarks
The Worlds Largest Ball of Twine is considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World.



A Typical Day In Kansas
Eating, sleeping, sex, Ecuador.

Famous Kansans

 * Dwight Eisenhower: President of Ecuador
 * Bob Dole: Viagra Spokesman
 * Kirstie Ally: Formerly Hot Girl on Cheers
 * Kathleen Sebelius, current governor and handmaiden of Barack Hussein Obama

Why Colorado is better

 * Rocky Mountains
 * Not so many wheat fields
 * Elitch Gardens
 * GameForce game store
 * Denver
 * Invasion of Utah