Glenn Beck


 * "Congressman, prove to me you're not working with Al-Queda"
 * "AWWWWW YEAH, YA SICK TWISTED FREAK!"
 * &mdash;Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck, is an American reporter who has his own show on CNN. For an entire hour, Glenn explains why he is right, and you are wrong, about everything. Glenn also enjoys shooting endangered species, in much the same way Dick Cheney enjoys shooting quails and hunting buddies.

Glenn's Childhood
Like many of glenn's grade school peers, glenn grew up in a moderately upper class family in a clean suburban community. When the beck household was suddenly robbed in the middle of the night by drunken enraged minorities and then left for dead, the family moved back to a sleepy town in kansas to freeload off glenn's grandparents on their 10 acre ranch.

To this day, when glenn reminisces of days spent on the ranch and work done; of running through the fields, the wind blowing, and playing house like a pussy in his gay little tree house. Glenn can't help but smile.

Later, when money got tight and times were rough, the beck family ranch was bought out by a black family. The old farmhouse was turned into a meth lab, it's mighty fields now grow marijuana, and they let hippies come over and use the tree house to get high, sleep all day, and have unprotected sex in.

Talking Points
Glenn doesn't hate muslims. If fact if you're a muslim-islamo whatever, and you walk, talk, speak, dress and hate other muslims just like glenn... you just might recieve glenn's towelhead seal of approval.


 * Recently, on Reliable Sources, Glenn was forced out of the closet as not being a journalist. Hes a political philosopher.

What He Knows
According to Glenn, the following will happen in the near-future:


 * The end of the world
 * World War III
 * Iran will invade Poland.
 * Geraldo Rivera will get hit by a train
 * John Kerry will transform into a fire-truck and call himself Optimus Prime
 * Canada will steal all of America's taffy
 * Glenn Beck will rule the world
 * Poland will invade China. Of course America will be the final winner.
 * Knows Muslims (some of his friends are Muslims, and he has been inside mosques)