Roy Ashburn

Roy Ashburn is one of the truest, most reliable conservatives in the Senate, and is well known for his firm, hard, occasionally throbbing stand on Family Values. As a member of God's Chosen Political Party, he helped lead our nation's defense against the gay agenda, personally doing battle with these perverts close up, man-to-man, sticking it to them even when it got rough.

Senator Ashburn is also well-known for his hospitality; he was seen just last week escorting one of his buddies to his house, helping him leave a gay bar and thus save his soul. Now, sure, he had a few drinks, but who wouldn't need a little relief after being confronted by such wanton perversity?