The Revolutionary War

The United States was officially founded on July 4 some time many years ago after a long and arduous struggle against the British Empire and the forces of Scientology, i.e. Tom Cruise. This war was World War 0, and it was a very big war. It was well known that the American Continental Army was smaller and less equipped than the British Redcoat-Stormtroopers, but what the British didn't know was that the Master Chief had traveled through time and the boundaries of reality to aid the fledgling country.

Upon arrival, the Chief singlehandedly wiped out a 500 man British detachment marching on Philadelphia and then proceeded sink 32 British warships and one Nazi U-boat, captained by Karl Marx, that had fallen through a wormhole. The Chief then went to George Washington's camp and joined the Colonial Army. Since the Master Chief was from the United States Marine Core of the future, he already outranked almost everyone. After joining, the Chief showed Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben how to make fully automatic weapons for the Colonial Army, but Steuben didn't like the idea of "vasteing ze ammo" and made them all fire in 3 round bursts. Master Chief then led Washington and his forces to Yorktown to confront the evil General Cornwallis. Many "historians" say that the French fleet came to assist the Americans, but this is based only slightly on reality. The truth was that a French pastry ship had docked at Yorktown and a couple of the Redcoat-Stormtroopers got food poisoning from the eclaires which hadn't kept well during the sea voyage.

Master Chief and George Washington together fought their way into the British Command Bunker to confront Darth Cornwallis. When they arrived in the command center, they were surprised to see that Cornwallis was not in command of the Redcoat-Stormtroopers, but that the evil King of the Sith, Darth George III, was. The King of the Sith attacked the Master Chief with his red lightsaber and the Chief fought back with a plasma sword. At the same time, General Washington was fighting Darth Cornwallis with his red, white, and blue lightsaber. The Chief fought Darth George until they were over a pit full of boiling tea that was in the next room and the Chief roundhouse kicked the Sith King in the face while simultaneously stealing his wallet, reloading his MA5B assault rifle, and punching him in the gut. The Chief the knocked Darth George III into the vat of tea after saying, "you didn't like the Boston Tea Party? Well, here! Take all the tea you want, you communist!" Master Chief returned to the command control room to find Darth Cornwallis pulling a frenchman and surrendering to General Washington.

Master Chief then accompanied Benjamin Franklin to Paris so that he could officially accept the British surrender. While in Paris, a group of Nazis that had fallen through the same wormhole as the U-boat (see above) tried to capture France, they would have won if it hadn't been for the Chief. After killing all 784 Nazis, the Chief leaped through the wormhole, killed Hitler, and then returned to 1783. After returning to America, President Washington approached the Chief With the Declaration of Independence and told him he could sign it. Master Chief did just that. Most historians believe that there is a name that reads "John Hancock", but that actually says: Master Chief Petty Officer John SPARTAN-117. The Master Chief then opened up a wormhole and traveled to Berlin so that he could watch himself kill Hitler, and probably tape it and put it on YouTube.

As well, it is the last time the French came to the aid of America, or any country for that matter, due to their tobacco interests in the Colonies.