David Hasselhoff



David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff was a beloved American, even though he lived in Hollywood. Hasselhoff was born July 17, 1952. Sadly, the Hoff died on May 8, 2007, after choking on a hamburger.

Hasselhoff was best known for his tribute-to-America-Meatloaf-hair, and for staring in such "truthy" television programs as Knight Rider and Baywatch.

In later years, as his acting career declined, the Hoff begin to indulge in the sauce. Let's try to remember him as he was.

Early Life and Career
The Hoff lived a true Horatio Alger life. The Hoff was the youngest of 18 children born to a family of True Americans. Although they did not have much money, the Hasselhoff's taught their youngest boy values, Mrs. Hasselhoff refused to work so that thier children would not be latchkey kids.

In addition, Mrs. Hasselhoff encouraged her children to wear meatloaf on their heads to demonstrate their love for God's country.

At the age of 9, the Hoff quit school to help support his family by selling newspapers. Known as a plucky news boy who smoked, gambled, and speaks ungrammatically, the Hoff was also honest and hardworking.

First Career


It was the Hoff's dream to become a police officer. Eventually, he saved enough money to attend a police academy and graduated first in his class. The Hoff realized his dream and became an undercover detective.

Unfortunatley, on his first assignment, the Hoff was betrayed and nearly killed by a gunshot wound to the head by an industrial espionage expert named Tanya Walker. The Hoff's hair helmet deflected the bullet, which still inflicted serious facial damage.

Declared dead to the public, his medical care was taken over by the Foundation for Law And Government (FLAG). The Hoff was returned to health by FLAG who advised that his hair could not withstand another shot like the one he took earlier. FLAG recommended that Hoff quit the police force, and instead encouraged to use his clasic good looks in Hollywood.