Conan O'Brien



Conan O'Brien is the talk show host who shot Dr. Stephen Colbert in the chest with a paintball.

He stands at 8' 5" tall. Before his duties as talk show host, however, Conan was a vicious barbarian. This is why he is so tall and why his hair is stained blood-red. He fought in several wars, and is part of the reason America has never lost a war. He is one of the most patriotic Americans still alive today: under President Bush; every other Republican, and obviously; Stephen Colbert.

The Bullet Incident
Conan O'Brien sometimes has trouble controlling his old barbarian bloodlust, and has been known to explode in furious rage at his guests. All who go on his show or have him on their show fear him, which is wise. Stephen Colbert is incapable of making mistakes, but that doesn't mean that he wont stand up to a fearful barbarian. This is a prime example of his unshakable will.

Colbert and Conan became involved in a heated discussion over the apology Rosa Parks owed to America. O'Brien became incensed and then shot Stephen, very near the heart. The bullet in his chest is a symbol of liberty for all, and courage for a select few.

Conan O'Brien Vs. Bear
Conan O'Brien hates bears, almost as much as Dr. Colbert. In fact, his studio is often invaded by the Masturbating Bear. In an attempt to end bear incursions into late night territory, Conan has issued an open challenge to any and all bear comers. To see artistic renderings of imaginary matchups between Conan and bears, visit ConanVsBear.com. 

Conan O'Brien - The Best at Jumping On The "Riding Stephen Colbert's Coattails" Band Wagon
In May of 2006, Conan demonstrated his prowess as the leader of riding Stephen's coattails by copying Stephen's ideas before Stephen has them. While Conan's Late Night program was in Chicago, the band Cheap Trick performed and at the end of the show Conan joined them, donning Rick Nielsen's five-neck guitar. This was clearly based on the events of The Shred Off on December 20, 2006. The entire nation should give Conan a tip of the hat for being so good at copying Stephen that he can do it even before Stephen.

In addition, the recurring segment Pale Force on Late Night is a clear rip on Stephen Colbert's famed Stephen Colbert Presents: Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7 - Tek Jansen the New Adventures

WHO made Huckabee?
Colbert gave Huckabee The Colbert Bump, so it is obviously Stephen who made Huckabee.

But, since Conan "fans" (prisoners) cannot let go, here is the actual formula:
 * Colbert made Huckabee
 * Conan made Colbert
 * Conan made Huckabee
 * John Stewart made Conan

Then inexplicably, Conan claimed to have been the doctor who delivered both Stephen and his Jewish Friend. In the same hospital! Which, as everyone knows is a lie, because any hospital Dr. Colbert is welcome in, his Jewish friend wouldn't have been.

Duh.

Factoids

 * Conan has a Nancy Pelosi dartboard in his greenroom.
 * Conan may be the same person as Ellen DeGeneres. Both like to dance badly on talk shows and both prefer the ladies. Both exert a strangely hypnotic attractive force that Stephen Colbert finds difficult to resist, while at the same time unbearable to consider. Coincidence?  You decide.
 * To find out whether they are the same person, they must have a dance-off. If both of them show up, they are clearly different people, or maybe not.
 * Conan ate five bear cubs to stop the Great Bear Migration into Florida once.