Authority

An authority is someone who holds a very important job. Authorities do the Hard Work for America and America's Freedoms. An authority is the boss of you, and by law, can tell you what to do.

I don't understand
Listen, an authority makes decisions without having to get permission from the United Nations or France.

But...
Look, we are in a war, and our enemies want to kill us. We need American authorities to do what's right for America and America's Freedoms. Since 9/11 the world has changed. We need to change to stay ahead of the terrorists. We can't wait to ask for permission! The authorities in America have to do what's right, and do it now. Or fast, they...they can't wait to ask someone. Don't you see?

What Authority Can Congress Give The President?
The American People, listen, I have said this before, the American people knew Saddam Hussein was a threat to our way of life, he...he wanted, he said he...he wanted to kill my dad.

But What Authority Did Congress Give...
Look.

The President has the authority to protect America. It's in the constitution. The President's job is to protect the people, and the country...America...

...Excuse me...
Wait, let me finish...

Saddam Hussein had weapons, or not, but he hates America. He hates, he wanted, he said...he was gonna kill my dad. The President isn't supposed to just protect Whitney Houston, he, he...The President will protect America--everybody.

The President has the authority to do that.

Um...
Listen, I don't see how this is hard to understand, I'm a flaming idiot, and even I get it. The President has the authority to protect America, period. Next question.

Okay, what do you say to critics who say the Presidency is becoming too "Authoritarian"?
Hey, come on, those are words, I'm trying to protect America, and if, if that means, if being Author-i-tizi-na...Author-im...I have to protect America.

How is that hard to uderstand, this is pissing the shit out of me, damnit Lauer, sometimes you can be such an ass, at least Old Bag Thomas gets shit through her thick skull.

Hang on...(grunt)...ahhh! You smell that? I had beans for lunch.

Now, what were you saying? Authoritologists are good for America. America doesn't need to ask permission. Congress gave the President the authorium to use necessary force, which means attack Iraq, um, Iran, no wait, Iraq is right, hang on...