Ricky Bobby

Ricky Bobby is an American Hero who likes to go fast. Who can argue with that? Liberals try to, but fail because they are terrorists and are thwarted by George W. Bush.

Ricky prays to The Baby Jesus, something everyone should do. Liberals hate Ricky because he prays and they are godless Communists. They also hate Ricky because he is a winner, and Liberals automatically hate someone who wins all the time, which is also why they hate George W. Bush and Stephen Colbert, who are also winners. Ricky is nicknamed "El Diablo", which is Spanish for, like, some sort of fighting chicken. Ricky is the star of the best movie ever made (next to Highlander, of course): Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

Quotes

 * (thinking he is on fire) Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!


 * Help me, Oprah Winfrey!


 * Mama, I'm goin' fast! (from trailer)


 * I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then (bleep) you.


 * Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one (pulls out knife) than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!


 * I've sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm puttin' a lotta eggs in that basket, the MTV basket. I also thought about getting a gun and becomin' a crack dealer. I wouldn't be, like, a mean crack dealer...I'd be a nice one. I'd just be like "Hey, guys, what's up? You want some crack?".


 * 98% of us will die at some point in our lives. (from outtakes)


 * Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...


 * Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gonna get bumpy!


 * Let me quote the late, great, Colonel Sanders. He said, "I'm too drunk...to taste this chicken."


 * Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention Powerade at each grace, I'd just like to say that POWERade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to POWERade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.

(Looking under the hood of his race car) Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!
 * The room is spinnin' real fast...I think it's cause of...cause of the gayness.


 * Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good.


 * (to his father-in-law) The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!


 * (to Girard) I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!


 * (driving his first race) Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT (unintelligible yelling)!!!


 * (getting ready to bump Girard in a race) Hey, it's me, America!


 * Slingshot: engaged.


 * I'm not sure what to do with my hands.


 * I feel like a mongoose, stalking its prey. (from trailer)