Muslim



Muslims (pronounced ter·ror·ists. Can also be pronounced Mud-Slime or Moose-limb) are highly misguided, violent people intent on destroying America because They Hate Our Freedoms and are Jealous of Us. They have yet to absorb the radiating Light of the Baby Jesus. As Islam expert Ann Coulter has succinctly suggested in her doctrine:

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

This is why we should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity:

To compensate for not being able to celebrate the Greatest Holiday Ever, they enjoy blowing themselves up, and worshiping bears. Muslims hate America and there's nothing we can do about it. Mohammedanism nurtures within its inhabitants a natural aversion to baseball, apple pie, democracy, freedoms, the West, cartoons, babies, and basically everything Pure and Sacred. They don't seem to enjoy fine meals like Pabst Blue Ribbon with barbecued pork ribs, or pork rinds washed down with any Genuine Miller product.

Muslims are known for praying five times a day, starving themselves at least one month every year and their deep hatred towards Jewish people for stealing their circumcision tradition.



Lemmings
Lemmings are a type of Muslim that, like the popular PC video game "Lemmings", blow themselves up.

Twelvers
Twelvers are a type of Muslim Shiite who have something to do with the number 12.

Seveners
Seveners are a type of Shiite who have something to do with the number Seven. Instead of Allah, they worship the Aga Khan. The Aga Khan is a white guy that is very rich. Most of his followers are brown.

Sunni
Mainstream Islam. They are not terrorists. They come up to you and say, "Hey you guys want to buy some oil, we give you good deal, yes?"

Wahabi
Main faction of Islam that exists in Saudi Arabia

Nation of Islam
They are not real Muslims. They believe that the white man is the devil and they advocate black supremacy. Michael Jackson was once a member, but was eventually kicked out because he was too crazy even for them.

Sikh
They are generally brown, bearded, and turbaned, which means they are Arab Muslims.

Muhammad
Please also see the full article: Mohammed

Aga Khan
Please also see the full article: Aga Khan

Louis Farrakhan
Please also see the full article: Louis Farrakhan

Fractoids about Muslims

 * All Muslims live in the Middle East.
 * All Muslims have brown skin, long noses, beards, horns, wings, and red tails with one of those red spade things on the tip. See Jews.
 * All Muslims are suspect.
 * All Muslims are obviously terrorists
 * Joint research by Brigham Young University or NAMBLA, and South Florida Community College confirms that Muslims spend virtually all waking hours plotting the demise of Western Civilization. Dear Leader has warned us that Muslims "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people". But that "neither do we."
 * All 1,400,000,000 Muslims worldwide can communicate via telepathy. Muslims recieve prior notification before all major terrorist attacks.
 * All Muslims have mad Asian skillz.
 * All Muslims have been called Osama-bin-Whatever at least once in their lives.
 * Muslims do not enjoy Danish political cartoons.
 * Passing Muslims, by definition, are roadside bombs.
 * Muslims come in all shapes and explosive velocities
 * Muslims do not have sex ed. and drivers ed. on the same day because the camels would get tired.
 * They hate religious freedom almost as much as atheists.

Muslim Treatment of Broads
Popular commentator and public intellectual Bill O'Reilly frequently reminds Patriots that all Muslim men treat Muslim women like cattle, dogs, or Bears. He further chides American women (particularly feminists feminazis) for:
 * A) Not being thankful enough for being born a woman in post-sexist, PC America.
 * B) Complaining about lower wages when they should be grateful that men allow them to for being able to work in the first place.
 * C) Not supporting the War Effort enough, when doing so will liberate their sisters from one tyranny and replace it with another.

It is common knowledge that all Muslim women are beaten, oppressed, covered from head to toe, and badly in need of Liberation.




 * UPDATE: French Government Adopts Burqini to cover ugly people.

Reward
According to Urban Legend, Fox News, and various other respected sources, Muslims believe that if they kill infidels they will be rewarded with 72 virgins in paradise.

What they don't know is exactly what kind of "Virgins" await them. For all they know, the virgins could be goats, sheep, cows, donkeys, horses, or just fugly.

Now you might think that the Muslims spot the obvious flaws in their religion, such as this one, but they can't because their turbans are usually tied too tight. That's why they always run around screaming "Allahu akhbar", which is actually Kuwaiti for "where is the light switch?".

For those among us who do not spot the obvious flaws with this concept, luckily American Condi pointed out why:

Experts on Islam

 * Glenn Beck
 * Rush Limbaugh
 * Ann Coulter
 * Sean Hannity
 * George W. Bush
 * Fox News
 * Wall Street Journal Editorial Page
 * The Weekly Standard

Apologists for Islam

 * Muhammed
 * Liberals
 * Jews

Prejudice Against Muslims
No one hates Muslims except Jews.

There are some people who believe that every fractoid on this page is false and perhaps hateful. If you believe this, then you are most likely a Muslim. So please see the page on Jews. It is not Wikiality.com's intention to spread lies or perpetuate hate; we merely provide the highest level of truthiness on every subject.

External Tubes

 * Mooslim Renouncer True Christian Converted to be Executed by Fatwa