Ian Jones

Profile
Possibly one of the greatest Canadians on earth ever at any time. Ian is smart, strong, sexy, and irresistable to anything with the brain power above that of dried lemon. He has toured the cosmos through space, time, and dimensions collecting so much knowledge he actually punched out God after winning a debate about hotdog buns and the amounts per package.

The wang that rocked the earth
Ian has a manhood that has been measured at a whopping 1 million inches. I MEAN WOW! 1 MILLION INCHES!(that is 25.4km to you metric SOBs) CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY! WHAT A MAN! Ian's manhood is rivalled only by that of Stephen Colbert, the greatest American on earth ever at any time. If they were to ever somehow combine their genetic material in a completely heterosexual way they would create a race of super God's that could totally sleep with your mom.



Friends
Although Ian has no real equals, other than possibly Stephen Colbert...and maybe Chuck Norris, Ian keeps close proximity to his former captain Steve Ferguson, and special, almost pickle-like, friend seargent-in-arms McPickle. They first served together aboard the HMS Petunia during the Gulf War of 1412(It is a little known gulf war and there is question as to why the Navy was used). Ian stowed away aboard and quickly became cabin boy to Captain Ferguson, or Bucky as he liked to be called. Unfortunately the crew was doomed as robots invaded and Ian ate Seargent McPickle(a tragedy of the worst kind).

Sexual History
Ian's strong manjuices are directly responsible(due to an incident involving a rogue time traveller and fourteen muppets by the name of Colonel Briggs) for the creation of life on at least 4 planets including Seti 5, and the Jupiter's moon of Europa. Ian has slept with many women including Jessica Biel, and your mom(TAKE IT)... and no she is not a saint.