The Fine Arts

The Fine Arts are a disgusting byproduct of the Public Education system in the United States. These "arts" are fine only in their effectiveness of turning our daughters into radical lesbians, and our sons into either socially-awkward closet homosexuals, or part of the Autistic fad.

How can one tell whether their son or daughter is studying one of the Fine Arts? One way is to use the "Iraq-litmus" test. If this learned skill is not something that they could use to aid in the defeat of terrorists in Iraq, then it is a Fine Art (that mean's you too Algebra!). Although, in consequence of the hit Al Jazeera show, Iraq's Best Dance Crew, this could soon change.

Art

 * Main article: Art

Art is a way for lesbians and homos to satisfy their sick and sexually immoral urges by painting/sculpting/photographing people in the nude. Because if God wanted us to be naked, we would have been born that way, instead of being covered in slime.

Painting
Painter

Gang Signs
Graffiti is sometimes known as "urban art", but mostly it is a method of communication between packs of ill-dressed youths. It is also increasingly used by Mexicans near the the Mexican border to aid their drug smuggling efforts into the United States, as well as informing one another where (literal) holes exist in the border defense.

However, historically not all graffiti has been bad, especially when used against the Communists. One such example is in the case of the Berlin Wall.

Music

 * Main article: Music

Musical Instruments Of The Fine Arts

 * Bassoon - Except for when being played by the bassoon virtuoso Stephen Colbert, this instrument has the sound of a bullfrog playing the Bagpipes.


 * Clarinet - Clarinets are played by fat chicks or by boys who are too effeminate to play on the football team.


 * Trumpet - This instrument should only be used by God to announce himself. Because of this, unfortunately the instrument is played primarily in cults, and by other false prophets.  So if you see a trumpet player (That isn't God (very important distinction!)), stone them to death.


 * Trombone - A trombone of non-rusty variety are often played by the Bumpin' Uglies of the band. Uncoincidentally trombones are always in the back row, farthest from the conductor.


 * Oboe - The oboe is the most tonally unstable instrument, played by the most mentally unstable people. While the tone of a well tuned oboe is said to be beautiful, no one has successfully tuned the instrument in over 50 years...If not in tune, it sounds more like a gaggle of wild geese.


 * Saxophone - Not to be confused with the "Sex-o-Phone", the favorite of Bill O'Reilly, a saxophone is a woodwind instrument (even though it is made of brass) who thinks it is cooler than all the other instruments in the band.


 * Flute - Flutes are wasteful and dangerous because in it's playing, it utilizes the nimble fingers of a women who would be otherwise sewing, knitting, or doing other household chores. Flute players usually make good breeding stock.


 * Skin Flute - The Skin Flute is a widely popular instrument among boys beginning around the age of 13. Many teens and young men seem to be virtuosic in their ability to master this instrument.

Dance

 * Main article: Dance

Sinful ritual..... used by pagans, indians,...

....unless it is for the sole purpose to aid in the courtship of a potential husband/wife

Variations of dance

 * Ballet -


 * Pole Dancing -

Theatre
Actors

Do Not See

 * Opera
 * Jazz
 * Ballerina
 * Representative Art
 * Cats (Broadway show)
 * Postmodernism
 * Mozart
 * Bard
 * Poetry