Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Il is the sad, so ronery, Russian born, severely near sighted, chubby, vertically challenged (even more so than John Stewart, Commy) angry leader of North Korea. He wants to pose a threat to America but he is just too cuddly to be threatening. He likes to dress up all gay and wear the same little gray suit everyday and seems a lot more interested in power than getting Paris Hilton to do a video with him. He also enjoys Bomb-Riding, which is the national sport.

According to reports, he is "ronery, so ronery". This has yet to be confirmed.

American hero Stephen Colbert offered his screenplay: "Call Me Il: The Glorious Story of Dear Leader's Decision To Not Bomb America" to Kim Jong Il on October 9, 2006. He is still awaiting an official response from Pyongyang (where Kim Jong Il lives).





Glory to North Korea and Kim Jong Il!

Kim Jong Il Likes
According to Fox News, quoting liberal media allies of North Korea Salon.com and the Toronto Star, he likes:
 * James Bond movies
 * scotch
 * Daffy Duck
 * fast cars
 * fast women
 * nucular weapons
 * Young Congressional Pages
 * Al Franken
 * The movie "Volcano" starring Tommy Le Jones
 * The new Inxs Band
 * Herpies
 * Bears
 * Michael Moore

Gorf Skirrz

 * http://www.worldtribune.com/worldtribune/WTARC/2004/ea_nkorea_06_16.html

Factoids

 * he is Liza Minelli's stand-in
 * traded spicy pickled cabbage for America's Philharmony Technology
 * He is the soul inventor of the Taepodong-2 missile, which he parades through major cities. This Taepodong, however, is extremely inadequate and never succeeds in penetrating deep enough to deliver its payload. Reportedly, Kim has the best experts working on fixing this deficiency. He wants his Taepodong to make those people scream!
 * Kim Jong Il is not to be confused with Kim Jong II, who is a completely different person.
 * His father was less of a dick than he is. The North Koreans miss him.
 * According to recent intelligence sources, Kim Jong Il, Osama bin Laden, and Al Franken are currently in the process of making a gay pornographic movie featuring the three of them in a threesome while chanting, "Death to America!" in five hundred different languages, which do not include English.
 * Played the supervillain in the movie Team America World Police by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
 * Wanted to be a film producer, before becoming a dictator.
 * Cousin of Yoko Ono.
 * Loves Big Macs, which over there are called "two meat patties with bread."
 * Kim Jong Il is a genius.
 * FreeMasons run the country!
 * Kim Jong Il agreed to hide Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction in North Korea!

External Tubes

 * CIA Database entry
 * Kim Jong Il biography
 * Kim Jong Il Video