The Goodling Hierarchy

The Goodling Hierarchy is the natural order of leadership and sexuality. It is named for its discoverer, renowned researcher and former litigator for the Greatest President Ever, Monica Goodling.

Hierarchy Formulae
Although the hierarchy formulae is very complex, it is summarized in the graphic to the right:

P - President) R - Republican) N - Neo-Conservative D - Democrat) L1 - Lesbian Level One L2 - Lesbian Level Two

P, R, N, and D
P, R, N and D have been framed with the consitution and founding of the country, and had been clearly defined since the introduction of the 1948 Cadiallac with Hydra-Static drive. However, it was Goodling who made the link to lesbians and the hierarchy.

When Goodling was senior counsel for The Greatest President Ever, she listened to her gut when she heard that one of her staff members, LESlie Hagen (stikethrough) might be (/stikethrough) WAS a lesbian, and took action. (Not that kind of action; she fired her).

The Justice Department's inspector general is looking into whether Hagen was dismissed after a rumor reached Goodling that Hagen is a lesbian.

As one Republican source put it, "To some people, that's even worse than being a Democrat."

In one singular moment of genius, Monica Goodling brought order to the hierarchy and the lesbian's place in it.

Lesbian Level One
Leslie Hagen: Minds her own business, but still must be dismissed Mary Cheney: Not a lesbian.

Lesbian Level Two
Get back in the closet!

Rosie O'Donnell kd lang