Minnesota

Minnesota is the United States' 32nd state, and easily in the top ten for coolness. It's the center of the otherwise ungodly boring Upper Midwest.

Geography
Basically, the whole bottom half the state is farmland, and the top half is a hardy combination of lakes, forests, hills, and mosquitoes that could eat your cat. In the middle of the state is the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area, which is like the 13th or so biggest in the country. And easily the coolest, and most full of gays. Literally. The Metro Area sprawls for fifty or so miles in every direction, one of the worst examples in the country of urban sprawl, but hey, the gas is never going to run out, so it's okay!

Politics
Minnesota has voted for a Godless Democrat for president every four years since 1976, even voting for Mondale for some reason in 1984 instead of St. Reagan. But, the state is relatively moderate because the outstate yokels cancel out the people in the metro area. So there is currently a Republican Governor, Tim Pawlenty. And he abides by the essential principle that it's a great idea to not raise taxes no matter what, even when the state really needs more money.

Mall of America
The Mall of America, the largest indoor retail center in the country, lies in the Minneapolis suburb of Bloomington. It is an abomination to God. It is rumored that occasionally when outstaters come to visit the mall, their heads explode out of shock at the sheer size and scope of the thing. Concrete proof hasn't been offered to backup these rumors, but there is a red residue along the ceiling in the main entrance to the mall.

The mall's recent expansion also includes the Water Park of America, which is supposedly the world's biggest indoor water park. It really doesn't look that big. But whatever.

Lake Calhoun
Named for a Southern, pro-slavery, Civil War-era US Senator, Lake Calhoun is the recreational heart of urban, liberal Minneapolis. Typically on weekends, it's running trails are crowded with Godless sodomites who insist on being referred to as human beings, while degrading the moral atmosphere of the lake. Luckily, the area isn't big on history, and doesn't see the massive irony in this.