Breaking News

Crazy Knut Fan Gets Eaten
German Chancellor Legalizes Bestiality Marriage with Polar Bears

'''Großdeutsches Reich. April 11, 2009''' - Celebrity Polar Bear Knut was today the victim of sexual harassment. According with Berlin authorities, during the morning of Saturday a craze female fan jumped into the Polar Bear enclosure and she tried to sexually raep Mr. Knut. The approach of a "crazed" female human scared many of the Polar Bear inhabitants.

"“That was a scary moment! What kind of crazy person jumps into a dean of Polar Bears just to sexually raep us??? That woman is crazy I am telling you! No sane person would jump into a dean of BEARS!! BEARS!! Get it?? We are Godless Killing Machines people!! What part of that you do not understand?? SHE IS CRAZY!” shouted Mr. Knut, he was then later hospitalized as he had a mental breakdown. Doctors claimed that the Polar Bear was suffering from sexual trauma."

Wikiality.com fears that the resent events of “Gay Marriage” in America has suddenly driven the Germans to become jealous. Realizing that they wanted to become more “Liberal” than America, the Chancellor of Germany is now encouraging the act of Bestiality within her country. Sexual Assault within zoos and pet shops has increased 50% in just one day. As Wikiality.com feared, Gay Marriage has become the slippery slope toward the legalization of Bestiality. "“Ve Germans love de bers. Zo to surpass America, ve must encourage animal-love-making to demonztrate to ze werld that Germany iz de most liberal nazion on Earth” proclaimed Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany and Bestiality/Bear lover"

Bear Watch Authorities and the GOP proclaimed that the resent legalization of Bear Marriage is a disturbing event that could put Real Americans in peril. If such a trend were to become popular in America, it is suspected that it could lead to a premature “Bear Uprising” that could encourage all of America to adopt Bears as our new Overlords, putting our Chinese Overlords in a difficult position.

However, the usurpation of power at the hands of Bears is not the most disturbing of news. According with a resent study by Bear Watch, the resent trend of sexually assaulting “cuddly” bears not only encourages our defenseless yet impressionable children to become bear-lovers, but it perpetuates the myth that bears are “cuddling” and “harmless” creatures. It is suspected that the myth of “harmless” bears is putting a lot of Real Americans, who had been deceived by the liberal lies, at risk to their own peril.

America’s Pastor Replaced With a Gay Look-alike
GOP suspects aliens from outer space as culprits

'''The Gay States of Gaysrael. April 11, 2009' - Wikiality.com was shocked to learn that long time homophobe, gay-basher, and true Christian, evangelical leader Warren Weaver, has chosen to live the gay lifestyle and he finds it “Fabulous”''. As we feared, many Real Americans are starting to catch The Gay Disease or as we call it “The Hot Gay Fever”.

"“Yes, is true. I have chosen to be Gay. And I love it!!”, proclaim ex-christian Warren Weaver. “When I went to Obama’s inauguration, I looked into Obama’s eyes and I knew deep down that I was gay… plus that dark, tall, black man is sooo dreamy!”"

Yes, America. Warren Waver not only caught The Gay Fever, he also caught the Obama™ Fever. As we feared the liberals are pushing forward their gay agenda to turn all of us gay. And if no Real American is safe, then who is it?

"“This is terrible! This is worst than the Black Plague! You know, the plague that turned white people into black people? Where do you think black people come from?” proclaim a Christian scientist from one of our finest religious universities well known to teach ‘Creationism’. “At this rate, I fear that The Gay Disease will expand all of America in less than a week… if this keeps up all of us will Gay marry someone…”"

Real Christians across America are fighting back against The Gay disease. According with marriage expert, gayologist, and president of NOM, Maggie Gallagher, she has found a solution to The Gay Problem.

"“We found that the only way for one to be immunize against The Gay Disease is to commit oneself into a heterosexual marriage. We have already set up a website, 2 M4M, and we have already received millions of pledges to get married… oddly enough many of the women have very masculine names…”, stated President of NOM, Maggie Gallagher as she ate a fishstick."

PETA Virus Overtakes Series of Tubes
America’s Gamers Starts Nerd Riot of 2009

'''The Gamer States of America. April 11, 2009''' - Nation, the video game world is in trouble and the liberals are trying to destroy it!... I know what you are thinking. Why are you defending the nerdinista gamers? I know, I am no fan of gamers or The Video Games. But I feel like I must remind you that the video game industry is keeping America’s economy afloat. Which is why I am keeping my patriotic duty of playing video games, just yesterday I invaded a small village and plundered them of their gold so it could be infused back into the virtual economy… we are suffering from own virtual financial crisis… I knew I should never have trusted JoogoblinMerdoff666, those returns were too good to be true!

But I have some disturbing news, not even in the virtual world we Real Americans and Real Gamers are safe from the insidious disease known as liberalism. I just learned that the liberal pro-bestiality group PETA has invaded the virtual world to spread their liberal propaganda! Whats next? “Save the Orcs”, “Say no to Dragonscale”, “Trolls are people Too”?

PETA, leave my video games alone! It is the only place that I could go into a murderous rampage on a nationwide scale mass murder without going to jail… Our fantasyland has no room for liberal and socialist agendas…

which reminds me, Japan has this crazy idea on how to save their economy… but since Japan is our ally in The War on Terror, we should support and help our Asian friends by buying their junk. I just made my patriotic duy, I just bought a whole lot of sets of hentai pr0n!!

Liberal Welfare Queens Demand more Free Money
Socialist Mooslim French Leader demands a bonus after doing “a heck of job”

'''The United State of Neo-France. April 11, 2009''' - Large crowds of Real Americans were seeing protesting in the New Gay Islamofacist Capital, which recently has been renamed “SAN WASHINGFRANCISCO”. Real Americans, now turned protesters, are protesting the recent tax increase on the wealthy Entrepreneurial Americans.

However, insidious gay liberals did not only learned of this patriotic protest against taxes, they tried to sabotage the protest by creating a “scam” group to derail any attempts to stop the taxing epidemic. The group known as “A New Leap Forward” is well known for strongly disagrees with the Obama banking policy strongly agreeing with the Obama™ socialist policies. According with reliable sources, the liberal policy of giving away taxpayer free money to banks and bankers as bonuses have proven to be a blunder.

“I am sorry to say, but there is no evidence that our banking system is failing, this just another liberal lie. Instead the Obama™ administration is giving away free money to the rich to socialist welfare queens” proclaimed a Real American that was participating with a large group of other Real Americans in a passionate teabagging in front of the White House.

Wikiality.com agrees with the concession of many Real Americans, that there is no economic crisis, even the GOP agrees with the opinions of Real Americans of the Myth of such economic crisis. “Me and my fellow Republicans went yesterday to buy a new super yatch, and the store was packed… on a Saturday!” claimed Mr. Steele.

The Tea Party will demand congress the abolition of taxes on the rich, stop the banning of gun sales the cutting the funding of military defense, and to prevent the brainwashing of America’s children to be indoctrinated into liberal socialism.

Gay Liberal Anarchy Overtakes America
Communist Frenchy Mooslim Leader tells crowd to eat Socialist Cake

'''The Communist French States of Franco-America. April 11, 2009''' - Nation, we live in dangerous times. And like always the mooslim French leader continues to ignore the dangers of socialism and communism and islamofacism… because he likes those things… Wikiality.com knows that we are facing difficult times, yet we cannot allow social hierarchy to break down. I already have evidence that we are witnessing the erosion of America.

First we have un-american foreigners breaking traffic laws that are encouraging Real Americans to do the same, the liberal media continues to undermine our brave soldiers with lies and deception, Christian oppressor are being persecuted freedom of religion is being oppressed nationwide, Welfare Queens are robbing the hard earned money of Real Americans, French socialist healthcare is here to stay (and we have evidence that a lesbian will run the whole problem… I mean “program”, how do we know she is a lesbian?… well… she is waaaay to friendly with them socialist feminists), and finally the most shocking of news… CONGRESS HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY THE GAYS!

Nation… all of our congressmen and the ladies and pages that service them are gay now! But don’t worry, the GOP has escaped from the clutches of this insidious disease… there is no such thing as a gay republican… that just another liberal lie.

Wikiality.com was unfortunate to witness the progression of this insidious disease; it has already affected Real Americans and have turned them gays!! Worst, we have information that the Real Brave Men and women in our military have been turned gay too!

Now the gay hippie bear-loving liberals will tell you lies like “there always have been gays in the military, this is not a disease…” yeah right, nice try. Everyone knows that Real Men are not gay, and the military is only made up of Real Men! Real Men who embraces his fellow men in the heat of a hard, long, and painful battle, Real Men who will share the warm body heat of other Real Men to keep them warm during the long, lonely, and hard winter of their lives, Real Soldiers sweat Real Men’s sweat when they work out during long, difficult, and arduous training with other sweaty and muscular Real Men, and sometimes they throw themselves into the arm of the enemy who are bend into thrusting their long sharp blades against other Real Men knowing well that the enemy seems to be carrying a big large gun… Hell, they even go with large groups of other Real Men into the forest/jungle/desert doing Real Men’s work and to never be heard of for weeks… there are no Gays in the military, how dare them!

Nation… I have to confess to you now… I fear for my life… I just learned that The Gays took over my state. The Gays now have full control of the Colorado’s government! And now The Gays are passing laws to make gay marriage mandatory or else! Help!! They are forcing me to gay marry my neighbor!!… but I don’t mind seen those married lesbian couples down the street getting hot and bothered with each other in their honey moon just to make sure they are doing it right

Halfrican Jewslim Turns Easter Gay


Notorious Anti-American Comrade Hussein Obama to turn America's "White" House into a San Francisco bathhouse for one day only and he chooses Easter!

SAN WASHINGFRANCISCO, DISTRICT OF CASTRO, APRIL 10, 2009-- At the tender age of 6,000, Easter has finally lost her innocence. Inexperienced leader of a minority of Americans and the free world, as well as anti-capitalist-unAmerican President Biraq Hussein al-Bama has launched his own Taepodong missile at America's traditions by inviting gays to the annual celebration of the torture and execution of Our Beloved Lord And Savior!

Many Americans believe this latest attack will sully the purity of the purest Christian holiday ever!



This has Americans everywhere up in arms! A new group calling itself "A New Appreciation of Love" has formed promising to close the loophole that allows liberals to make up things about the better religion.

"'The Bible doesn't mention anything about gays,' a press release from A.N.A.L. said, 'especially during Easter. Everyone knows it was the Jews who killed The Heavenly Father/Son of God after stripping him naked and parading him through town whipping him as he carried his long wooden cross. There isn't one thing gay about Easter.'"

In what can only be described as a coincidence, FOX broadcaster Glenn Beck conducted an investigation of his own and concluded, "[That i]t is truly an abomination that an American President would corrupt this sacred day," Beck sobbed into the camera, "I'm so upset, I could set my hair on fire!"

Before that tragedy could happen FOX executives promised to deliver a throng of followers viewers unto The Baby Jesus' second favorite day to free it from the clutches of The Secret Muslim and his Gay Agenda.

Communist Leader Bows To his Mooslim Masters
weak president promises to install islam as state religion

'''The Islamofacist States of America. April 9, 2009''' - Nation, the mooslim and communist leader has shown his true colors. We finally have proof that not only is Obama™ a mooslim, but he is nothing but a pawn for his mooslim masters!!! America is under the control of a foreign power, and those powers are mooslims!! How Dare him!!! This is further proof that Obama™ is a foreigner and NOT a Real American!!! Because no Real American will bow, let alone be put in such a humiliating position just to appease some mooslim guy that has all of our oil!

Nation, America’s image is now in ruins thanks to him… now because of him everyone will think that Americans are cowards that will bow to Their New Mooslim Masters. Not only that, we also learned that Obama™ is too much of a coward and he surrendered to the Turkish leaders when they learned that they were not happy that Obama™ was hanging way too long with his European Pals… he is specially spending way too much time with the French.

Nation, I don’t have to tell you that thanks to his inexperience and liberal upbringing, he has already destroyed America’s democracy and her image abroad. Thanks to him we have gay marriage, the government has abolished the free market and is now implementing socialist policies and his welfare agenda, liberal education is rampant, all guns and weapons are banned, social healthcare is underway, Atheism is the new state religion, tortured have been outlawed, new liberal sexually deviant laws are being passed everyday, and Obama™ even gave voting rights to zombies!

Oh, great I just learned that baguettes are now popular, soap is banned, we have new nudists beach opening everyday and I just learned that Americans are drinking more wine and American beer is being tossed into the rive… … …

Oh my God… OH MY GOD… OH… MY… GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

OH THE HORROR!!!!

Nation, I just realized something!! Obama is not a mooslim… worst HE IS FRENCH!! And now ALL AMERICANS ARE FRENCH NOW!!!!

'''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!! OMG!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! IT CANT BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME IT ISNT SOOOO!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''



EMERGENCY NEWS: GAYS LAUNCHING NATION WIDE MANDATORY GAY MARRIAGE NOW!!
If it comes to this, I want to be the pitcher then…

'''The Gaysrael of Gaymerica. April 9, 2009''' - Nation, we were warned that God would punish us if we ever went gay… of course the liberals rolled their eyes and laugh it off as it wasn’t a big deal, and then they called us crazy… UNTIL NOW!!

Nation, we have clear evidence that the reason that Nationwide gun crime and mass murder is on the rise can be traced to a single source… assault weapons GAY MARRIAGE!!! I knew it!!!

Thanks to Real Americans like Robert Peters, President of Morality in Media (which you can contact at 212-870-3210 to thank him for his relentless work against The Gays), has discovered the source of all crimes in America. "Gay Marriage causes mass murder and all gun crimes here in America!" Of course it’s so simple!!

Here is how it works: The Gays + Marriage = MASS MURDER

According with Robert Peters, (actual quote) "This secular value system is also reflected in the 'sexual revolution,' which is the driving force behind the push for 'gay marriage;' and the Iowa Supreme Court decision is another indication that despite all the damage this revolution has caused to children, adults, family life and society (think abortion, divorce, pornography, rape, sexual abuse of children, sexually transmitted diseases, trafficking in women and children, unwed teen mothers and more), it continues to advance relentlessly.

"It most certainly is not my intention to blame the epidemic of mass murders on the gay rights movement! It is my intention to point out that the success of the sexual revolution is inversely proportional to the decline in morality; and it is the decline of morality (and the faith that so often under girds it) that is the underlying cause of our modern day epidemic of mass murders.”

Such brave words, now that’s a Real American Hero. Do liberals don’t have any restrain in their deviant sexual appetite? Nation, Real Americans are the only moral people left on this planet, we must take our cause to stop the Gay Epidemic before is too late…

Nation, there are other Heroes out there looking out for Real America, Heroes like Maggie Gallagher. And according with her, if we are not careful our children will be indoctrinated into Gay Marriage. We even have evidence that The Gays are hosting child weddings in kindergartens so that our poor children can get Gay Married as soon as possible! That is sick!! Nation, I don’t know about you but The Gays have gone too far, they are torturing our little children with their gay agenda, bringing harm to the innocent… so we must now hunt down THE GAYS! Nation, I propose a policy in which we teach our children to stop The Gays and to hunt them down, that way we can indoctrinate educate our children to the dangers of The Gay Disease…

Better yet! I received some wonderful news that Maggie Gallagher is proposing an anti-gay initiative that will destroy The Gays forever!! She calls it the “2 Million for Marriage” or the 2 M4M initiative! Hey, I like that, it sounds neat… 2M4M! 2M4M! 2 M4M! 2 M4M!

2 M4M!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like the sound of it, 2 M4M... I think we should make a giant banner and hang it in front of the "National Organization for Marriage" (NOM) building, that will teach a lesson to The Gays! Nation, the NOM will lead us to the promise land free from the Gay Disease... and strangely enough, every time I mention NOM I feel hungry...

Nation, we must be united against The Gay threat, as long as we work together, hold our convictions, and donate tons of money to the anti-gay movement volunteer to the anti-gay movement, we can defeat the Gay Army once and for all! Nation, is time to destroy The Gay Liberal Sexual Deviant Agenda!! Only God and Real America can save us now…

Which reminds me, once we had dealt with The Gay problem, we should move next on with dealing with the “undesirables” problem, after all, it is for the children… someone please think of the children!!!


 * UPDATE: Nation, I just received word that the 2M4M website is up... funny... it doesnt look like it was made by the NOM

Socialism Forces Children to Gay Marry Each Other
Comrade Obama™ Wants You To Be Gay

The Communist States of America, April 9, 2009 - Nation, I have some terrible news. Wikiality.com just learned that 53% of American believe capitalism is the best economic system in the world 47% of un-American traitors believe communism is the path to economic prosperity and salvation!! Those damn pinko commie traitors!!

Nation, I feel like vomiting, the fact that we even have at least one commie pinko traitor in this country is a threat one too many we can bear with… Nation, if we are not careful we may end up like Godless Communist Canada. Do you want to be Canada??? *Pukes*

I am sorry, the thought of it, makes me want to regurgitate my lunch and feed it to the starving CEOs of this patriotic country…

As you know, these pinko commies hippie bear-loving liberals are destroying America. Not only that they are also destroying our beloved Stephen Colbert's source of income… worst, we have proof that some third-rate cable network is stealing Stephen’s trademarked material… I think the cable station is called… was it Communist Central? Yeah, we should boycott that station for stealing Stephen's copyrighted content!!

Soon, all the Ultra Rich Real Americans will be forced to relocate due to the communist leader's high taxes on the rich hard working Real Americans…

Nation, is time for our Revolution… I don’t have to tell you that if Real Capitalist Americans don’t rescue their country from the clutches of socialism, we may end up just like THE FRENCH!!! Which is much more worst than being Canadian!! (which, I never though I would ever say that!!)

Nation, we risk the danger of becoming like the socialist French--even the French hate socialist France! As you know the socialist bear-loving French like to steal from the rich people and CEOs Entrepreneurial Americans helpless and vulnerable French people who aren't afraid to make money and redistribute this ill-gotten, blood money among themselves. That is pure Communism and could set a dangerous precedent if it ever becomes popular here in America… those heartless bastards!!! There is nothing acceptable in imprisoning people in a detrimental environment for economic and satisfactory gain…

…While we are in the subject of the economy, I just came up with an awesome idea to save our economy. A Reality TV Show!!! “Who Wants to Get Laid-Off?”, where the losers winners gets unlimited unpaid time off with no benefits get non-negotiable vacation time! And the best part is that the company gets to save tons of money so their CEOs can buy that new mansion they always wanted which can be infused back into the economy!! With such an abundance of candidates we can run the show for countless seasons! Why should so many people be saddened by the Obama Recession when we can use this golden opportunity to entertain the masses? I hear that Fox likes my idea… can't wait for it…

###

Mooslim Leader Weakens America’s Security
Terrorism wins again!

'''The Terrorist State of Mooslim America. April 9, 2009''' - Nation, as you know the terrorist socialist mooslim leader is cutting military spending, threatening America’s military excessive reasonable budget and weakening America’s resolve to fight our enemies… our armed forces and our Nation is exposed to terrible dangers and the threat of terrorism. Plus, we will never get those awesome cool gigantic robots now! I was promised giant robots with lasers, missiles, and multiple cannons!!! An ostentatious monument of excessive military spending!!

Nation, why do liberals hate Real America? Specially the men and women in uniform? Nation, our soldiers deserve our respect, and reverence… until we don’t need them anymore, then we should just toss them on the streets. If they cant fight anymore they aren’t real soldiers… damn moochers…

It is not just America’s defense that is at risk…

The mooslim president has endangered America’s finances to the brink of collapse, it is all his fault. Nation, America is suffering from a dangerous disease… this disease is called welfare queens and poverty and there is only one solution to fix this problem. We should just ignore it until it goes away, problem solve! Hey! I think I just found a way to save our economy too!

Nation, we cannot allow this to continue, as you know the socialist mooslim leader is planning to tax all Real Americans of ALL of their wealth to finance his socialist agenda. Well, as you know there are still Real American Heroes that wont allow this. The revolution is here and we will overthrow this mooslim tyrant soon! Nation… I have an idea on how to solve the mooslim problem, and if it works we wont just only deal with just one mooslim, but all of the mooslims that infiltrated America! And once Obama™ is gone, we can elect a new president… I have a suggestion, I know this guy who is pro-business, anti-socialism, capitalist, anti-liberal and definitely not a friend of the gays! He is perfect!!!

But Nation this is not good enough. Sure, expulsion of mooslims may solve one of the problems relocation of mooslims will save America, but we must also deal with The Gays, and other undesirables… specially the godless kind of undesirables. Which is why we should support State Rep. Betty Brown (R-Terrell) from Texas. I was told she has a GREAT idea on how to solve the “foreigners” problem… here is her actual quote:

Ko told the committee that people of Chinese, Japanese and Korean descent often have problems voting and other forms of identification because they may have a legal transliterated name and then a common English name that is used on their driver’s license on school registrations.

Easier for voting?

Brown suggested that Asian-Americans should find a way to make their names more accessible.

“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown said.

Nation, I approve of this plan those damn Asians…. ''Wait what???? Who the hell does this bitch cracker thinks she is??? F@#K THIS BIATCH, I WANT HER HEAD ON A PLATER'' Nation, I got evidence that State Rep. Betty Brown may actually BE A MOOSLIM TOO!!! So stay away from her and don’t listen to her crazy ideas…

Better yet, if you are Asian and you suspect she is aiding the enemy, you can contact her and tell her what you think of the “ideas”…

email: betty.brown@house.state.tx.us

Office #s:

(512) 463-0458

(903) 675-9500

Supreme Galactic Supreme Court Demands Ion Cannon Satellite to be Renamed Colbert!
NASA Astronauts have been assimilated, resistance is futile!

'''The Galactic Universe of Colbert. April 8, 2009''' - Nation, we are very close of owning of our own Ion Cannon satellite!! We have learned that NASA is feeling public pressure to hold up their end of the bargain. As you know American has spoken and they want their “Colbert” satellite, yet those brainiacs tried to weasel out of their promise and tried to undermine Democracy, just like our last election!!

Why do liberals hate democracy and America? And why do they hate Stephen Colbert?

Nation, I don’t have to remind you that we need this weaponized satellite to fight off the Mooslim Liberal Gay Bear Army (also known as the LGBT) that is threatening the safety of our Nation. But weaponized satellites are not good enough, which is why we will tax The Ultra Rich the poor to get additional funds to pay off our debt and our expensive houses to pay for our Ultra Patriotic Army.

Nation, we are at war. We have evidence that the socialist mooslim has created a Socialist Agency whose job is to maintain many concentration camps to incarcerate Real Americans and Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Americans who go against the wishes of the mooslim leader. Nation, we must abolish this socialist agency that is also a waste of tax payer money... whats the worst that could happen?

The mooslim leader has already passed laws that makes gay marriage mandatory and making Atheism the state religion (??) wait, can atheism be a considered a religion?… I mean since they don’t believe in anything… [http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2009/04/anti-gay-national-organization-for.html MANDATORY GAY MARRIAGE AND MANDATORY ATHEISM!!!!! ]

Nation, we cannot allow the mooslim leader to weaken the fabric of our morals and our beloved ultra pure family values.

But Nation, it gets worst… we found the reason that the mooslim leader is stealing our money and is giving it to The Ultra Rich his socialist pals… Obama™ is not just a secret socialist mooslim, he is also a secret joo who is very greedy!!! (and his family is not far off of being like him. Is this the kind of man we want to teach values to our children?). Worst, he has gathered a lot of socialist gay atheist liberal mooslim allies to help him in enforcing gay marriage, to steal our money and to indoctrinate our children into socialism. The mooslim world has pledge a secret oath of loyalty to destroy America!!

Much much worst, as you know the mooslim and secret joo leader is disarming our citizenry and our Real American Armed force!! He is trying to weaken our military so they cannot function!!! How dare you abandon these Real American soldiers to the perils of the world, aren’t you suppose to keep them from harms way?

Nation, we are at war and I demand my rights to bear arms AND to have Stephen Colbert to have an Ion Cannon satellite to be named after him!! Once this war is over we can restore America to its former glory!

The Gays Demand Mandatory Gay Marriage
Prenup is optional

'''The Gay States of Gaymerica. April 8, 2009''' - Nation, I am seeing with my eyes the erosion of America. We are surrounded by un-american traitors and sell outs that are hurting America. Democracy has been undermined and replaced with a dictatorship. A dictatorship that is seeking to silence the Republican Majority the voice of Real America. The mooslim muslin leader is bend on destroying America and suffocate us with his soft cotton fabric…

Nation, this liberal America is moving toward the creation of a secular godless nation of socialists that is weakening the resolve to fight our enemies. AND our enemies can sense our weakness…

SO I am saddened to say maybe is time for us Real Americans to seek a new land… maybe a New Real America… which is why I am suggesting all of us to move to Dubai George W. Bush’s friends’ neighborhood! I heard is a paradise on Earth in which wealth, capitalism, and power rules the streets… and the best part is that those silly liberals laws, labor unions, rule of law, and human decency is not welcome! A true Capitalist paradise!

Nation, America has abandoned good family values, the liberal gay bear-loving hippies are undermining the rule of the majority, and in the process we have become a nation of heathens and liberal oppressors… so we are living in an unreasonable environment for Real Americans… Nation, don’t see this a recognition of surrendering… more like taking a vacation… a break… until the revolution takes over… shhh… don’t tell the liberals

God Declares War on America
Mooslim leader praises Islam and calls for the death of America

'''The Atheist States of Gay America. April 6, 2009''' - Nation, we truly live in dark times. As you know we were warned that if we allowed the liberal bear-loving gay-marrying democrats to rule America, God would bring pestilence, famine, war and death welfare, taxes, terrorism and debt as punishtment!! Nation… God is p@ss and angry!! All because we elected a mooslim president as our leader! How the hell did this happen? We had proof liberal people that he is a Gay Atheist Terrorist and a foreigner! What more do you need too see the error of your ways??? Oh, wait. This is the liberals we are talking about...

Nation, GOD is loosing the GOP is loosing The War Against Atheists, and God is punishing us for our failure with the resent rise of The Glorious Empire of the Atheist North Korea. First, we must rally our base against The Gays, but most of all we must destroy the un-american traitors that have switched sides!! Nation, we need to bring back theocracy and fundamentalism Christian Democracy to America, so we can help establish the Kingdom of Jesusland in America! After all we are just following God’s commands like John 18:36 “Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world” better be located with a beach side view”

The liberals has brought moral decay and has warped our family values that is spiritually bankrupting America. Soon all of us will be gay, liberal, hippie and socialist unless something is done. Worst, none of us will be able to go to Heaven because God wont consider us Real Christians Americans to be VIP!!!

Nation, is time to bring back God and good family values to America. First we must abolish all liberal laws that are useless and a waste of taxpayer money. Instead we should make our Bible The New American Constitution! After all the Bible is the word of God and God is good, and the Law Is Perfect since God is Pefect!! There! We just now have created the most Moral and God Loving Nation on Earth!! Take That Israel!

But as you know these Atheist Liberals bear-loving hippies hate God and they hate the bible; they would rather live a godless hedonistic life of sin and burn in Hell than to spend all eternity showering under the Glorious Golden Shower of God! So is time we deal with “The Gay Problem” and end it once and for all the disease that is causing the moral decay that threatens the soul of America!

Nation, the mooslim leader has called for a jihad against America, he has failed to keep us safe from terrorist and the Glorious and Marvelous Country of North Korea, and now he is taking a long vacation in some mooslim country while America burns!!! It is all his fault that America is suffering under The Gay Agenda and there is no other priority at this point, so let us put all our effort and focus of ending this Gay Age in America and ignore anything else!!

Obama™ is popular with other mooslims and moolism nations so it will be a difficult battle, but we can win because we have God in our side!

EMERGENCY NEWS: NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES MISSILE!!
GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!!!! The United States of America '''The Glorious States of The New North Korean Empire. April 5, 2009''' - [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/04/wind-may-have-forced-nort_n_183114.html NATION, WE ARE DONE FOR!!! THERE IS NO HOPE, NO SALVATION. IS OVER, WE ARE DOOMED! THERE IS NOTHING WE CANT DO!! AND I THINK I JUST SH@T MY PANTS!!!!]

[http://www.newsweek.com/id/192583 OH MY GOD!!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!!]

Comrades, welcome to Communist States of America! Our Glorious Leader Ever of North Korea has launched military missile against the objection of international capitalist pigs!! All hail and Glory, to our Glorious and Wise Leader!!! Citizen Comrade, we must now destroy The Capitalist Pig Leader who is undermining the socialist movement of the people! The Capitalist Pig President continues to defy socialism by rewarding the bourgeois class! The Proletariat must now control the means of production, we must now produce pitchforks and torches!!!

Citizen Comrade, democracy has failed to America. But thanks to the Wise Leadership of The Glorious Leader Ever of the New North Korean Empire, socialism and communism shall rule the world!!! Join us, and let us destroy the lies of capitalism and democracy! The Capitalist President has failed to safeguard the world, join us before is too late for you!

Fear not, for being ruled by the new Overlord Glorious Leader will grant Glorious benefits to the citizenry!! I promise there will be no consequences with new change. What could go wrong?


 * UPDATE: Comrades, we have evidence that the Capitalist Pig Japanese will sent their "Mechas" and Giant Robots to fight off The Glorious Military Might of North Korea!... wait... what??? Since when North Korea has a mighty army??? Nation, I welcome our New Japanese Overlords!!



Mooslim Tyrant Demands Tribute
Bears want fish, honey, and free money

'''The Mooslim Kingdom of Earth. April 4, 2009''' - Nation, the mooslim leader is at it again, this time he is demanding an autonomous foreign nation to implement liberal policies or suffer his wrath!

Nation, I have no problem demanding some foreign power to adapt to our policies asking a sovereign state nicely to change their laws. After all The Greatest Ex-Presient Ever asked nicely to his allies to implement some of his ideas or we would nuke them. But Obama’s™ approach is down right tyrannical, demanding this sovereign state to implement his liberal policies or to suffer the consequences is down right being a bully! Nation, I don’t know about you, but that’s the behavior of a tyrant!

Worst, according with sources, the foreign nation’s law is a thousand years old, who are we to mess with their tradition? Plus, we are told the law comes from God! If it comes from God it must be good! Nation, we are told that these laws that the sovereign nation established is to protect their own “undesirables”… now I am not sure what kind of undesirables they have, but our translators believe they call their undesirables “cattles-that-must-stay-home-and-do-what-we-say-because-we-are-men-and-superior”… or so our translators tells us… so we think the laws are meant to protect their cows or something…

Nation, I am sick and tired of liberals pushing their liberal agenda on others and forcing people to live under their demands. Who the hell they think they are? We all know that their socialist and welfare policies are morally bankrupting our nation and our pockets. The mooslim leader seems to be more preoccupied with establishing his liberal policies around the world rather than focus on the real issues of here at home… like the protection of the innocent that may or may not exist one day but they still deserve our protection because God says so. And the abolishment of liberal policies and laws that is costing money to the tax payers.

I am sick and tired of creating special laws that protects minorities and undesirables. These “liberals laws” are a waste of time and of tax payer money so we should abolish them… whats the worst that could happen?…

But I digress… if these foreigners want to pass laws to protect “their cows”, who are we to be offended let alone criticize them?… so long as they worship the same God than us… ''what? They don’t? Then why am I defending them???'' Nation, forget about them, they are foreigners and don’t deserve our attention… however, I am certain that IF McCain had been our president I am sure he would easy deal with foreign dignitaries better than this mooslim tyrant…

Oh, yeah, we also learned that “A computer worm” may or may not have infected the series of tubes… so beware… we named this worm “confikobamamania”

Sarah Palin For 2012 2009!! Obama™ goes Bonkers!!!
GOP Want Special Elections Now!

'''The United States of America. April 3, 2009''' - Nation, I have some great news!!! The GOP is going to hold a “Special Election” to help Ted Stephens to regain his seat!!! Ted Stephens is going to be the NEW Governor of Alaska!!!

Now I know some of you are asking, “But what about Sarah Palin?”… Nation, Palin is going to be the NEW President of America!! The GOP informed Wikiality that they will hold new presidential elections she will be busy fighting off the Polar Bears… what a woman…

Meanwhile we received some news that The Mooslim Leader is inciting violence and aggression against Entrepreneurial Americans. We were told that Obama™ rounded up bankers, CEOs, and other financial geniuses in a room and threatened them with death unless they gave up all of their wealth… We were only able to get a fragment of their discussion:

AIG-Banker: All the Wall Street's Masters of the Universe requires is this: a simple offering of Bail Outs and Bonuses. A token of the socialist's submission to the will of the Free Market.

Obama: Submission. Well, that's a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it that The Gays have already turned you down. And if those brainiacs and … boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve …

Biden: [interrupting] We must be diplomatic.

Obama: And of course socialists [cutting Biden off] … have their reputation to consider.

AIG-Banker: Choose your next words carefully, Obama. They may be your last as President of the United States. ''[Obama turns and ponders the offer. He looks to various people around him, the last of which is Michelle]''

Obama: Bail Outs and Bonuses...? ''[He draws his sword and points it towards the AIG-Banker, whose back is to a large, deep well. The “Godless Killing Machines” draw their swords and point them to the other bankers and CEOs]''

AIG-Banker: Madman... You're a madman!

Obama: Bail Outs and Bonuses... You'll find plenty of both down there [indicates the oubliette with his sword].

AIG-Banker: No man, Mooslim or Gay, no man threatens a Capitalist!

Obama: [angrily] You bring the Subprime Mortgage Crisis and the deeds of foreclosed houses to my White House's steps! You insult my First Lady. You threaten my people with bankruptcy and debt! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Capitalist Pig. Perhaps you should have done the same.

AIG-Banker: This is blasphemy! This is madness! [Obama looks toward Michelle, who nods]

Obama: [facing the AIG-Banker] Madness? THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SOCIALISM! [kicks the AIG banker into the well]

Nation, I never knew AIG-Banker, but he shall be missed...

International Scandal unfolds in G-20
That One is destroying America’s image

'''The Liberal Bear-loving Hippie Gay liberal Army of France. April 3, 2009''' - Nation, as you know the situation in G-20 has become unstable ever since That One gave his anti-American speech and insulted many Heads of States recently; worst his pervy wife couldn’t keep her hands off some poor old lady and is causing an uproar. But if you think that was the end of it, you were wrong… for you see we received news that a Cat Fight broke out during the conference, and it has damage America’s image FOREVER!!! Wikiality learned that, some French whore, and a gay guy got into a Cat Fight about who was the hottest in the room… oh, boy… it was horrible…

Nation, this is one of the reasons women shouldn’t meddle with affairs of the state, let alone with politics. Women are such emotional creatures that are useless for a governing body, which is why we need laws to tell them what to think, what to do, and how to feel we need laws to protect women to survive in a Man’s world… and man’s world is thought… fight club thought… If it wasn’t for us guys passing protective laws, we would have a bunch of psychotic sex-craze wymen having lots of sex and abortions… Ladies you are welcome…

GOP Awesome Plan Will Restore Economy and Elect John McCain Sarah Palin as New President!!!
GOP demands a do over new elections

'''The Patriotic States of America! April 3, 2009''' - Nation, the outlook still looks grim for America. But do not fear! The GOP has unveiled their new plan to save America forever! They want a do-over! to impeach Obama™ and hold a New “Special Elections” and anoint Sarah Palin as the true President of America! It is time to hold fair and legitimate elections!! And bring back decency to the political office.

As you know THE MOOSLIM LEADER continues to bring embarrassment to our country. If you remember “someone” (I wont name names, but you know who you are) caused a controversial scandal in the palace *coughmichellecoughdeviantcoughpervertcoughmolesterofqueeniescough* and OMG, yeah because they are a bunch of pervies, the other Nations decided to keep their distance… what a bunch of loooosers!!! O-M-G is wearing such tacky clothes…

Nation, ever since the mooslim leader took office, America’s economy has crashed because of excessive liberalism and socialist policies that he passed the day he took the oath of office… our poor free market is too sensitive to socialist change… shame on you That One!! Now the insidious socialist wont stop with just destroying the free market, but he is also pushing his socialist doctrine to all Americans by giving away free money tax payer money to CEOs, bankers, and other conglomerates poor welfare queens!! Do not be fooled, we know this is a conspiracy to steal our money!! We have evidence that the economy is not crashing!!!… wait… yeah. Obama is to blame for our destroyed economy AND for fabricating a conspiracy to make our economy look bad to steal from us… he is guilty of both crimes!!!

Nation, we must act quickly! Everyday That One stays in power, more gays are getting gay married! And their numbers are increasing!!! Worst, as we predicted Animals are attacking our morals! And is not helping that the liberal media is being bias when it comes with what is wrong with America…

Nation… is time for Real Americans to save America.

Bankers and CEOs Unveil New Plan to Save Global Economy!!
GOP likes the idea

'''The Corporate Capitalist States of Earth. April 2, 2009''' - Nation, I just learned a great way to make money!! The plan is very popular among bankers and CEOs, and no, this time is not a ponzi scheme, a bail out, or a mortgage loan!! The Plan is called “The G20 Protest Game: Arrest, Death, and Injuries for Bonus Points” “Operation G20: Sequestration, Being-Termination, and Grievance Game”! The more sequestration, being-termination, and grievances are implemented on the protesters, the more money you get!! Is such a fun game, and no one gets hurt… at least no one important, that is…

While the GOP, bankers, and CEOs come up with a plan to save the world’s economy, we have evidence that the godless hippie bear-loving liberals were busy doing “other things” rather than save America’s economy…

Wikiality even learned that Obama™ insulted some foreign dignitaries and is causing an uproar of some kind…



GOP: Let Us Pray for Victory!
Liberal Atheists will loose because they pray to no one

'''The Christian States of Christendom. April 2, 2009''' Nation, the GOP gave a call for prayer! As you know we need God more than ever to claim victory against the heathens and the liberals and of course those godless bears! As you know these are desperate times and the only one who can save us is God! We even received urgent cries of help from South Carolina, according with sources the GOP Governor Mark Sanford is burning South Carolina to the ground as a sacrifice to please God, and maybe get anointed as the new President Liberals and bears are eviscerating the population!!!!

Nation, we have no choice… we must pray… we must pray to God to wipe out our enemies forever!!! After all is the right thing to do…

Stephen Colbert: The Hottest Thing in the Blogosphere!!
Nation cant get enough of Colbert

'''The Colbertican States of Colbert. April 2, 2009''' - Nation, as you know the blogosphere or Big Round Series of Tubes, is buzzing like a bunch of mad bees! Ever since Colbert pledge to help Glenn Beck to get America closer, all hell broke loose!!

America has heard the message, and Stephen Colbert (and Real Americans) weeps with Glenn Beck!

Our Beloved Stephen Colbert was so moved with tears, that he had decided to launch his own project to help All Real Americans to save America!

So don’t forget to follow the link for the 10.31 project!!

Bizzaro World Shocking News: Dancing Pope and Alien Visitors Bring World Peace
New Golden Age for Humanity Begins

'''The Golden Age of Humanity. April 2, 2009''' - Dude and Dudettes, I bring you some wonderful news. The Alien Overlords are not Overlords at all but peaceful visitors bringing a new age for humanity, far out! I was told they will tell us the cure for all diseases, help us to establish a new financial and economic system that will not only surpass capitalism but make socialism looks like charity work… a new egalitarian golden age for peace will start today… and it is all thanks to Pope John Paul II!! Awesome!... As you remember the Radical Cool Pope came back to life two years ago and kicked Joseph Alois Ratzinger'ss @$$ (Aka ex-Pope Benedict XVI)… we learned his "Alleged Death" was a diabolical plan from the Vatican all along… ever since then Catholicism has radically changed and became one of the most coolest and greatest religion on Earth ever!…

…but dude I am missing the point, the Alien visitors told us the secrets of the universe and it will blow up your minds! The secret has already brought world peace, eliminated hunger, and brought enlightenment to the people... And I was given the honor to tell you the message!!! Far out and Radical, man!!! Here it is: The secre…

TRANSMISION LOST

PLEASE STAND BY

RECONECTING TRANSMISION

…which is why Nation we must do our best to fight off the Polar Bears.

But I have some great news! The True Religion has called on arms to fight off the mooslim leader and I was asked to join the crusade!! Nation, victory is close!!

Nation, we are at war and the mooslim socialist leader wont stop his socialist policies!!! We have shocking evidence that Obama™ is destroying the American way of life, like Nascar, to be replaced with his socialist boring doctrine!!!! Shame on you Obama™!!! Nascar is very important for Real American! It is a very important way of life!!!

Worst, we also have evidence that [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/02/krugman-wants-anyone-maki_n_182196.html That One created a concentration camp… for The Ultra Rich! Entrepreneurial Americans] who wont accept socialism. We even have evidence that the mooslims socialist plan is nothing but a big pile of Organic-waste-from-a-bovine-of-an-Agricultural-establishment.

Nation, this persecution must be stopped. We have evidence that the bear-loving liberals wont stop with The Ultra Rich Real Americans, they also want to jail The Greatest Ex-President Ever as well for making too much money for The Ultra Rich Real Americans!!! So the GOP is launching a rescue plan to not only save our economy but also the Ultra Rich Real Americans from prosecution! Is time for these hippie pinko commies to stop persecuting our CEOs, after all we need them to make America great, so leave the CEOs alone! They have done nothing wrong!!

Luckily The Glorious Chairman of The Republican Party was able to escape the mooslim’s storm troopers…

Nation it is time for Real Americans to rise up, and stop the Tyrant from destroying America. Only Real Americans know what America needs!!

As you know many Real Americans will hold massive protests around The Nation to stop the government from taxing rich people Real Americans, and our support is growing everyday! It is all thanks to the leadership and the great instigator of this massive protest, Rick Santelli, and I am sure he will lead this massive anti-tax protest and anti-free-money anti-bail out movement against That One.

Also some additional good news, we got shocking pictures of Michelle Obama™ getting it on with some Drag Queen!! SHOCKING!!

Bizzaro World News: Parallel Universe Overwrites Articles
Bizzaro Wikiality Loves hippies and bears!

'''The Free Loving States of All Nations. April 1, 2009''' - Dudes and dudettes, is a free love morning with your free loving and positive karma informant. Now the big dudes tell me that we were experiencing technical difficulties of some kind, something about fluctuating temporal energies and something about the space time continuum… far out… anyway I just found some interesting information about the world…

First Republican Black President Barry O’Bama, and The First Female Vice President, liberal activist, feminist Harvard graduate, Sarah Palin (and their sidekick, Super Toddler) have promised us that they will fight off "the alien invasion force" AND complete their quest for the Treasure of Stimuli. We are told O’Bama’s adventure will have lots of bloodshed and naked women… figures, we elected this black Republican, and his first idea to fix America is going to war with Alien visitors... that we know nothing and MAY possibly be peace loving and the only hope for humanity!... and plundering legendary relics from an ethnic groups of peace loving, diverse, and venerable wise people that settled in this country long before The White Man… not cool dude!! I will never understand what Mss Palin sees in him, or why she accepted the Vice Presidential nomination with such a douche… and she was such a smart woman…

Democratic Presidential candidate John McCain should have won... wouldnt it be cool to have a 15 year old as our youngest president? I still remember his promise of cool video games, mandatory downloadable free internet music, and mandatory teaching of x-treme sports in school...

Hasn’t anyone taught O’Bama the need for diplomacy?… as for the Treasure of Stimuli, leave it alone! Those treasures are relics from those poor Natives, whose ancestors collected it for centuries so they can gather dust and be venerated by generations with their adoring gaze… not to be displayed in museums or to be pawn…

Rumor has it that the reason that Barry is neglecting our economy is because is not fun… Oh, yeah and his idea to start up a chain of fast food restaurants to capitalize on his popularity is a bad idea, dude you are the most unpopular president ever!! Plus how is a chain of restaurants going to save our economy?… I will never understand what does Michelle sees in him… and she was such a sexy smart woman… but you got to admit she has a great badonkadonk

Now dudes, I know I am going to sound racist, but the only reason he got elected president was because he is a black man… and he killed Darth Cheney on the final battle back in 2008… but sources tells me O’Bama kept Cheney’s Storm Troopers as his personal guards… The new boss is the same as the old boss…

But this Republikkkan won’t stop there. It is well known that O’Bama is an advocate of child abuse. He even sent threat letters to anyone who opposed his plan on spanking children with financial burdens to save the economy… and his diabolical plan to turn all women into his sex slaves… mmm… maybe that’s why he is so popular with the women…

Now dude and dudettes, you all know I don’t like the Republikkkans, but I heard some rumors that they want to play nice. Just yesterday they promised us they have a new budget plan. So this better be not another April fools joke… that would burn, yo… Meanwhile the Chairman of the GOP, Michael Steele, another rich whiteman, has promised they will save Amerikkka…

But not everything is bad news in Bizzaro America!

As you know Glenn Beck, liberal tv show host and humanitarian nominee of the year, gave a heartfelt speech about the need to bring more socialist reforms to save America. The speech was so moving that Hippie liberal college educated Steven Colbert gave an emotional speech to congratulate Beck… Even Ultra Conservative Morning Joe Nazi was speechless about it… Even Fox News agrees! A well known Fake News Program, which reminds me I cannot wait for the new "The Daily Show with Billy O'Reilly"...

Democratic Senator Ted Stephen and advocate of Net Neutrality and the Internet, you know the guy who gave that awesome speech about the need to safeguard the Internet… you know the speech he gave that was eloquent, technical, demonstrating his advance understand of technology… yeah, dude that dude… well as you remember he was accused of corruption charges… and he won the case! He proved that the whole thing was a government conspiracy to undermine democracy… and guess who authorized his incarceration? None other than O’Bama… damn Republikkkan… is good to know that Senator Stephen will be back to work advocating equal rights and free Internets!

The Westboro Church, known to be supporters of equal gay rights, supporters of gay marriage, and an anti-war movement are at it again. The group protested in front of the White House for denying gays equal rights, “Is a shame that we elected a black president, just to find out he is no different than his white counter part…” declared Pastor Fred Phelps and Nobel Peace Prize winner, he then held a sign that reads “God Hates Homophobes”. Good luck to you dudes!

Rush Lezlie Limbaugh has this to say, “As a transgender lesbian, I am shocked that this president doesn’t seem to understand that our love is not deviant, but a normal one!” As you know ten years ago Rush Limbaugh had a sex operation and married her lesbian lover but their marriage was not recognized by the state. Ever since then Lezlie Limbaugh had been hosting a far left radio show and waging war against conservatives… even liberals think she may be too far on the left… Far out girl, and more powa to ya...

The United Democratic States of Afghanistan passed a women’s suffrage bill, giving equal rights and protection to women. President Osama Bin Laden, a world renown humanitarian and peace activist has this to say, “I always knew this day will come. Our years of struggle against violence, terrorism, and the demand for equal rights are paying off!... DEATH TO ISLAMOFACISM!!!”

Now dudes and dudettes I just learned that Dayana Mendoza, Miss Universe 2008 visited Guantanamo Bay… for the opening of the Gitmo Hotel and Casino!! As you know the Hotel is located in the territories of the Liberal Capitalist States of Cuba (a well-known capitalist corrupt country and Tax Heaven for white rich people, where fat CEOs off shore their wealth while they gamble in their casinos) and those capitalist pigs have decided to open a new Hotel and Casino to milk the poor and dumb tourists… but Miss Universe agrees that the Hotel was awesome… dude maybe I should visit the place someday… to protest... we need to embargo Cuba until we can finally bring socialism to their shores!

Peace out man...

Courageous Congresswoman To Ban Sexually Explicit Symbols
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann works to erase atheistic symbols from American typography

ANOKA COUNTY, MINNESOTA, April 1, 2009-- After fending off a close election against a known socialist, the Honorable Michele Bachmann was finally able to get back to doing God's Work in America's Congress.

"'The news media should do a penetrating exposé and take a look--I wish they would--I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people of Congress; are they pro-America or anti-America. I think people would love to see an exposé like that.''"

Since being freed from her beautiful, beautiful mind, her sentiments have resonated with Americans, floating ever so delicately in the cold Minnesota air, awaiting the perfect moment to rain Christian love down upon American glyphs and rid us of the Satanic socialist symbols that have plagued us, lo these many years.

However, this time--in place of the socialist scourge hiding in Congress--Mrs. Bachmann's set her sights on an older and much more pervasive target: the number six (6).

"The kids will like the new number. It has an simple name that they will remember," the mother informed reporters during the news conference she called to introduce the number she suggests to replace the 6, "And it's easy to draw!"

Mrs. Bachmann provided a kit with all the information about her new number to the media. The Bachmann number shall be called "fish" and will be drawn thusly:.

Mrs. Bachmann believed that the old number was hurting America's children. She asked that reporters stop saying the name, so as not to upset them any further. After forming a task force to study how often students are subjected to subliminal sexual messages from their alphabet, numbers and colors, it was decided that the number after 5 would be replaced.

"That old number was one letter away from s-e-x," Bachmann said breathlessly, her eyes glazed over in excitement, "and as everyone knows, once you've got kids thinking about s-e-x, they'll be asking about homosexuality and next thing you know everyone will be pregnant and spreading herpes."

Citizens in her district are looking forward to Bachmann's innovation. An unnamed parent told Wikiality.com's reporter, "The public schools have been pushing their way of counting for far too long. We need to orient our children's precious minds away from secular counting and teach them a non-sexual way to count."

An unnamed Anoka-Hennepin school board member already searching online for Texas school books that use the new system agrees, "My hope is that one day every American child will be able to say how old the Earth is without automatically thinking about getting sweaty and naked and fornicating during lunch hour."

Congresswoman Bachmann plans to introduce a bill that outlaws all sexually-suggestive symbols in public schools when Congress returns from Easter break.

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