Feminism

Feminism is a collection of absurd and backwards social theories that fat women and ugly women (commonly referred to as uggos) use to get out of any real work or responsibility in the same way a kid with asthma uses his inhaler to get out of getting punched in the stomach when he knows he deserves it. Pioneered by women with no children and who should never have any, Feminism shared its height in popularity with such other majesties as velor black light posters and driving motorcycles without helmets. Which of these things is the dumbest society may never know.

Feminist political activists like Andrea Dworkin, Germaine Greer, and Miss Piggy, throw platitudes and "statistics" at their opponents like a squid shoots "ink" at an advancing shark. In this metaphor, just like in life, the shark's teeth are a pro-male attitude. Make no mistake, a feminist has only one thing on his or her mind: sex. Contraception, Reproductive Rights, Abortion; feminists are more obsessed with sex than a 13 year old boy and get just about as much accomplished with their average day.

After enjoying a brief sting as a plot device for the 1980's sitcom Married with Children, Feminism is now little more than fodder for Nike Advertising Campaigns.