Drive-In Movie

An archaic form of American entertainment where people watched movies from their cars.

History
Invented by Henry Ford in 1919 so people would have a place to go in his automobiles, have sex and breed more consumers. Drive-Ins boomed with the Babies during the 1950's, capitalizing on Americans love of sex in cars. And having a place where steamed up windows would not attract the attention of the Gestapo.

The Liberals Start the Process
Liberals hate anything that combines cars and fun or cars and sex. Liberals only copulate missionary style, which for them is not fun, but really lame and is impossible in a Toyota Prius unless you are shorter than Tom Cruise (who is NOT Gay) or Yoda (who would never even sit in a piece of shit poop like a Prius.

Drive-Ins cater to SUVs and Lifted Diesel 4x4 Pickup Trucks, which Libs hate more than animal experimentation and Guns. Big trucks block the screen from Liberal TransPods. If you are stupid enough take a Gay Prius to a Real American place like a Drive-In you will get your ass kicked by drunken, horny Rednecks. Who hate anything electric except power tools and Tasers.

Considering these factors Liberals lobbied Congress in 1989 to have Drive-Ins declared Wetlands (from all the teen spoogey left on the ground). Thereby eliminating vehicular access.

The Corporations Pitch In
Banned by Corporations in the early 1990's due to the same amount of real estate could hold 900 screens with cramped seats. Also Drive Ins showed three movies for fifty cents and you could hide eight freinds in your trunk to avoid the cost of admission. You could also bring your own food, beer, sofa and grill and have a huge party.

You could also sit on the hill outside the fence and watch the movie for free.

The Corporations want to hold you prisoner and force you to buy two tickets, six cents worth of stale popcorn and flat soda for $163.75. Parking is $10.00 extra (More than the typical cost of admission for a double feature for two at the few remaining Drive-Ins).

Factoids

 * Drive Ins were havens for teen sex and promiscuity.
 * 1) 93.8% of Americans born before 1975 copped their first feel at a Drive In
 * 2) 83.22% lost their virginity at a Drive-In
 * 3) 69.69% got their first blow job at a Drive-In
 * 4) 99.99% of teen pregnancies were concieved at Drive-Ins
 * The few remaining Drive-Ins are located in Places like Las Vegas, east San Diego County and Texas. Where Big Trucks rule and Liberals fear to tread.