Ireland

Ireland is a small country in the west of Europe.

=History of Ireland= Ireland was first settled by Noah's granddaughter Cessair, her husband Fintán, his other 16 wives, two other men with polygamous tendencies and their wives. Shortly after they were all justly killed by God during the Global Flood for their perverted desecration of marriage. Some evolutionist types have a "theory" that Fintán survived in a cave is still alive and "evolved into an eagle and then a hawk and back to human". Others counter this view by the fact that death can only be overcome by having faith in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and a literal interpretation of the King James Bible and not through Neo-Darwinism.

In the years after the Flood Ireland was again settled by Magog's great grandson Partholón and others, who God decided to wipe out with a plague. Evolutionists believe that one person, Tuán Mac Caireall, survived by "evolving" a defense against the plague which apparently was caused by "germs".

Not getting the message the Nemeds settled in Ireland and were driven out by a flood. Returning to Ireland several hundreds years later after God was finished "placing them in the naughty corner". "Placing" in Hiberno-English translating to “enslaving” in American, "naughty corner" to “Greece”. Then the Tuath Dé Danann came and kicked ass and took over. On May 1 they discovered witchcraft and other unGodly things, which to this day is still celebrated by Leftists in the guise of Labour Day.

Finally the island was invaded by the Milesians which overthrow the Tuath Dé Dannann. The next few centuries where a dark time for Ireland, which experts refer to as the Democrat era. It was generally characterized by witchcraft, hallucinogenic drug use, orgies and child sacrifices.

In 433 AD St. Patrick came to try to free the Irish from their destructive vices by preaching the Gospel and showing the people shamrocks. The truthitude of summing up a complex theological issue, such as the Trinity, by referencing the structure of a weed was too much for the Irish to take and they immediately stopped their sinful practices and praised Jesus.

In 1155 AD his Holiness Pope Adrian IV gave Ireland to King Henry the VIII of England; his generosity was celebrated across the land. The ungrateful King later broke from the Holy See which rightly pissed off the Irish members of the One True Church. Oliver Cromwell continued the English practice of oppressing the Irish, for which he will get an ass-kicking when Stephen Colbert travels back in time.

In the 1850’s a potato famine hit Ireland which was the result of a communist plot. The Irish being stubborn in their commitment to Capitalism refused any help from the British government preferring to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.

In the early 20st century Ireland was blessed with a set of American Balls which were attached to Eamon De Valera. His Balls were so big, that despite being arrested for making a mess of the Post Office in 1916 the British soldiers were afraid to shot him, opting instead to kill all the Leftist types. One of the Leftist types killed was Con Colbert. There is no truth in the rumor that Con Colbert was a relative Stephen (they pronounce the “t”). There is some controversy over the naming of the Limerick train station, "Colbert Station." No one knows for sure wether the station is named after Stephen or the Leftist guy. De Valera’s American Balls single-handedly won political freedom for the good part of Ireland.

= The great importance of St.Patrick (Stephen In Disguise) = St. Patrick(Aka, Stephen Colbert in disguise) Spread the word of God to Ireland, converting the heathens into civilized Christians. He also got rid of every last bear on the island.

=Politics of Ireland= The President of Ireland has no real power and is generally given to people called Mary so the public doesn’t have to remember a new first name, as well as a family one, every 7 years. In 2004 in a bold political move all the parties decided not to run any candidates and no election took place, saving the public from having to think and the taxes associated with another big government project.

While the Republic of Ireland’s government shall not endow any religion the preamble gives a shout out to Jesus Christ, Lord and Saviour. This is not contradictory as Christians don’t have a religion they have a personal relationship with God.

Second amendment rights are not protected in Ireland however there is a strong protest group that was formed to fight this. It is called the Irish Rifle Association or IRA. The leftist liberal media have been committed to smear campaign against the organization by claiming it is responsible for terrorism. There has never been one documented case of an Islamofacist member.

The wise Taoiseach DeValera (Prime Minister/Big Tribal Chief) appropriately outlawed the following practices immediately after the Glorious Easter Rising of 1916; Homosexuality, Prohibition, Hugh Grant, Cricket, Protestantism, The habitation of the English in Ulster.

All policies were successfully implemented until the current Taoiseach Brian Cowen (Code Name: Biffo) and his dullard sidekick Brian Lenihan (Code Name: Corpse) murdered and then repeatedly violated the Celtic Tiger. Without this ancient protector to guide the Irish, the country has fallen into a state of national emergency and remains so, until the Nazis can give them an 'ould dig out'.

The Green Party is also having talks with Colombian Drug Lords in an attempt to kick start a 'Green Cocaine Economy'. This will provide more jobs in agriculture and provide more incentives for entrepreneurs such as 'The Westies' of Dublin or 'The Southside Gang' of Limerick to do business.

=Economy of Ireland= The main export of Ireland is Americans. 40 million Americans claim to be Irish compared to 4 million people who actually live there. These Irish-Americans are known locally in Ireland as "wankers".

Ireland’s main imports are American companies and rendition flights.

=Irish Interests= The favorite past time of the Irish is fighting the English. Unfortunately, there has been relative peace and friendship between the United Kingdom and Ireland in recent years, so they must make do with beating the English at rugby, which they do every year. the Irish are currently plotting a strike against England but currently do not have the neccassary resources due to the war against the Polish for their stolen jobs. Ireland has more drunks per capita than people.

=Ireland Trivia=


 * Irish are known for eating lots of potatoes - see Chris Matthews.
 * The name "Ireland" is simply the English word "island", but said with an Irish accent
 * Ireland is the spiritual and cultural center of the Green Party
 * Bill Clinton's ancestors hail from Ireland. That's why the Irish drink so much.
 * God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.
 * We will never understand why green is their favorite colour
 * The definition of being to the Irish is pissing Guinness the next day
 * All Irish people secretly want to be part of the British Empire again.
 * Ireland invented England to be a barrier against the french
 * The Nazis despise the Irish due to the fact that they have to fund their failed economy.
 * The Nazis despise the Irish because they know the said "European" funds will be spent on cheap booze.

Common Irish Surnames

 * O'Bama

Evolution of Irish Surnames

 * The final stage of evolution indicates a lack of variation in the family bloodlines.

Co. Carlow 'Lawler' -> Lawlor -> 'Lalor' -> 'Lah'

'O'Donoghues' -> 'O'Donoghue' -> 'Donoghue' -> 'Dunnerz'

'Keogh' -> 'Kyo'

Co. Offaly

'Cowan' -> (No progression from 4000 B.C.)

'O'Bama' -> Obama (An exception, too much variation in the family bloodlines.)