Adolf Hitler





Adolf Hitler, was an atheist liberal who was the leader of the Church of Darwin & Homosexuality and the fascist dictator of the German Wikinazis.

The Early Years


Adolf Hitler, born in Austria in 1889, was the child of Satan and Hilary Clinton. His childhood consisted mostly of eating at a kosher deli and masturbating while his parents were at work. Adolf was a latchkey kid. This would help explain why later Hitler had extreme cravings for peanut butter, celery sticks, and watching little boys play hop-scotch. At around 14 Hitler was diagnosed with Vaginastashengitis, a rare disease in which a perfectly waxed bikini strip forms over ones upper lip. He was also a vegetarian, which says all there is to say about his depravity.

Adolf had a brief career as a disco singer, as seen in this early foray into the then unpopular white supremacist R&B genre, with the song .

The Furor over Der Führer
Adolf quickly rose through the ranks to become the leader of the Nazis in 1933. They called him the "Führer". As the Führer, his first act was to eradicate all the Jews - including, but not limited to Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and all of The Three Stooges. He did not succeed, thanks to the valiant efforts of America.

We've all heard the rumors that Henry Ford contributed to the Nazi Party, but there is a simple explanation: he was tricked. Mr. Ford was actually under the impression he was giving the money to Hitler to build a day care center for Jewish children and their parents. Mr. Ford was under the impression the children would be happily building pinto steering columns for a mere 50 hour work week. Turns out that prior to this transaction, he forgot to sleep for 12 days straight during a manic episode while trying to build experimental pistons out of the recycled remains of spent factory workers. After several weeks of no sleep, he thought Hitler was a pretty nice guy and was therefor tricked into donating the money.

Hitler: The Musical Years
Hitler released a rap video before the end of his Nazi career (see right).

Critics are still divided whatever to call the hit single Hitler's best or worst effort. On one hand, many of the critics were Jews, while on the other it made a lot of money and many Jewish producers were happy with it.

Children
The Führer has only one known male child who was later sexually altered and is now known as Janet Reno. He also spawned, by an unholy union with Tom Cruise, Rosie O'Donnell, and the Clintons.

Grandchildren
Ted Hitler is in no way related to Janet Reno or Rosie O'Donnell. Don't ask how this is possible, but it is most certainly true.

Religious Beliefs



 * A gaytheist.
 * Favors State Gaytheism.
 * Hitler was a Satanist as well as a member of the homosexual religion.
 * Hitler was an atheist of the Darwinist Church. We know this is true because no Christian would ever commit violence against Jews, the prototype Christians. Hitler, because he was a vegan, only ate aborted Jew fetuses.
 * Due to a secret pact made with Satan, Hitler was brought back to life in 1991 with the fall of the Berlin Wall, a bunch of bricks put together to keep the godless bears of East Germany out of West Germany. Hitler reincarnate can now be seen at every major meeting of the Democratic Congress, even when there are two at once.

Death
The Führer was killed by American soldiers when they captured Berlin, where he lived, in 1945. He was so scared that he killed himself, he probably begged like a little girl and cried at the might of the Bald Eagle that is America!

Connection to George W. Bush
None. Adolf Hitler had a 99% approval rating, and in order to show his firm non-Hitler-ness George W. Bush has intentionally lowered his own approval rating to the low 30s. The further Bush's approval rating falls, the more he proves to us he is not Hitler but most importantly we're not Nazis.

The Germans liked to call Hitler 'Dubya' too, and it's assumed that the cowboy hats and tight leather pants were NOT the birth of gaylamofascism.

External Tubes

 * Hitler's best seller is still a hit!!
 * Hitler's paintings for sale SOLD!
 * Der Führer learns that Michael Jackson has died
 * Der Führer learns that Sarah Palin aborts job as Alaska governor
 * Hitler's Best Seller among joos
 * Hitler's New Book "If I did it" (co-authored by Pat Buchanan)