Sean Hannity



Born in 1961, Sean Hannity is the love child of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Robert Novak. Sean was ultimatley given up for adoption because Schessinger, being only 15 at the time and Novak being 62, didn't know what to do about the tail protruding from Sean's sphincter. Sean went on to become a dedicated American working for Fox News Channel and Fox News Radio. He can usually be found beating uppity liberal Alan Colmes into submission on a nightly basis on Hannity & Colmes.

Sean also has his own show Hannity's America where he focuses mainly on kids in alleged college rape cases and identifies the Hate America Firsters in a segment at the end of his show called "Enemy of the Week". Sean is always right. Get used to it.

Hannity graduated magna cum laude from New York University, making him an expert on every issue he comments on.

Unlike his bald mentor Rush Limbaugh Hannity has a lush head of firmly bolted hair that generally gives him between 1.5 - 1.8 inches of forehead.

Contrary to allegations made by Democrats and puppy killers, Sean does not steal the content of his show from the president’s talking points. The president steals his talking points from the content of Sean Hannity’s shows, which is entirely borrowed from the magnificent brain of Dr.Stephen Colbert.

In much the same way that God used Jesus to make America, Stephen uses Sean to provide truthiness to the president's talking points.

Sean Hannity Trivia

 * Sean melted down the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia to build the unstoppable locomotive that is the "Stop Hillary Express."
 * Sean has the ability to "Hannitize" his viewers, a complicated process that involves slowly shrinking the viewer's cerebral cortex until everything in the world looks black and white.
 * Sean recieved an honorary degree from Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, which means he's acreddited in the discipline truthiness but also bat shit insane. However, it is the only degree Sean has recieved from a university.
 * Sean has his own Web dating service made exclusivley for conservatives called Hannidate. Current registered users include Ken Mehlman, Jeff Gannon, Ted Haggard and Mark Foley[[Image:Hannidate.PNG|left|thumb|177px|Find your next completely abstinent relationship at Hannidate!]]

External Sources

 * Wikipedia's shrine
 * Click to get a Sean Hannity background for your desktop - FREE! (Before installing, please be sure to Photoshop Colmes out of the picture.)