Snowman

snowmen are an abomination to god as they were originally made by bears. most people overlook there speech as people don't seem to notice. they have plans to help the bears. also they have a plan to kidnap and turn all the kids gay in America. the only time snowmen will talk and have people notice is if the people are kids to get them to go with with them or if they are wearing a top hat not to be mixed up with Slash's Top Hat which is cool unlike a snowman top hat. snowmen are mostly located in Canada cause if they stayed in America there armies would easily be beaten by the awesomeness of America so they wait for the time to come to the U.S.A. so they can at least try and make America's children gay. it has been rumored that they are are gonna help the bears in the Bear uprising of 2012 this is true because they reside in Canada and the Canadian government is allied with the bears.they are also closely allied with polar bears. it should be noted that they have a base in the north pole near Santa's home as they are communist just like Santa and bears.

how to defend against snowmen

 * Use heat vision
 * kick there head off but they can reform when on snow so makes sure it doesn't land on snow
 * hide in warm place

Snowzilla


Snowzilla is an abominable snowman-monster in the state of Alaska, he first appeared in the city of Anchorage, where he was given birth. According with local legend he is the bastard child of science and Mother Nature. One night Mother Nature got too drunk and had one night stand with a labcoat Larry, nine months later she gave birth to this abomination.

Mother Nature decided to keep the child, like any good un -american should, but maybe we should have let this one slip. In any case, in her diabolical madness Mother Nature decided to use Snowzilla to bring a new Ice Age into America by terraforming the US into new ice polar caps to replace the ones they lost during The War on Terra. IF the Polar Bears couldn't keep their ice kingdom, then they would bring their polar caps into America! "We are liberating the polar caps you bluffy godless-killing-machine bastards! We are bringing democracy to the North Pole!!."

Rumor has it that Snowzilla will lead the polar bear army to take over the US, probably to establish their Ice Kingdom; some even say that Snowzilla will personally lead the bear army during the Bear Uprising of 2012. But we suspect the polar bears have a different agenda or that they will start the uprising earlier than expected. Mother Nature has already brought an Ice Age in Las Vegas, New Orleans, and California, and She has already started to cover most parts of the eastern coast. Real Americans get ready for the Icemaggedon! Snowzilla and the polar bear army wont stop until all of the US falls under the dominion of the polar caps! The Ice Kingdom is coming and Snowzilla will be the new king!



The Alaskan National Army tried to fend off Snowzilla, but it was proven too powerful, not even The Greatest President Ever's policy to liberate the Polar Caps were working against this abomination of nature. Alaska lost 10,000 soldiers that day, a dark day for America. Meanwhile the police tried to maintain civil order, but the destruction toward the city of Anchorage was proven too much. The Greatest Maverickness Ever of Alaska decided she had enough, so she lead the penguin army to retake the city. It was a battle of Titans, and Sarah Palin hold her ground, she used all of the weapons in the US army at her disposal, but Snowzilla did not fall... if only she had the powers of the Vice-Presidency she could have easily shot that abomination on his face.



Ted Stevens also wanted to contribute to the fight against Snowzilla but the liberals told him he was not a senator anymore so he was force to spend some time with his family. So instead The Maverickness dispatched one of the most terrifying force in the government... bureaucrats!!! (they were promised free office supplies for a year if they helped to stop Snowzilla; their vice was their undoing). While many consider this move radical and desperate, many agree that their boring red-tape factinism melted Snowzilla to boredom... He melted into a puddle... and everything was right with the world... for a few days America was safe and the city was rebuild. The polar bears retreated and the Ice Storm receded...


 * Update: SNOWZILLA IS BACK!!! RUN FOR THE HILLS! The Icemaggedon is still on its way!!!!!

Series of Tubes about Snowzilla

 * City code officer slays Snowzilla


 * Revenge of Snowzilla