Network Neutrality

Network neutrality is just an idea created by a bunch of left-leaning lawyers like 'Tim Wu' to prevent the God-given right of large telecommunications companies from leveraging their God-given monopoly over their tubes to make money.

Making money is the American way, and therefore these people are fundamentally unamerican.

We need to deregulate the tubes, so that new ways of raising capital can be found, so that the internet can begin to grow at an incredible rate. Everyone knows that the internet is not a network, it's a network of networks of networks. And that's what makes it special. Previous designs were only networks of networks of tubes, and thus they failed.

But right now, it's clogged, and it needs the hot plumbing tube insights of people like Colbert to push all the excrement away so that emails can flow freely, and if that means that people don't get to access the stuff that they want, well, people are weak, and in any case the tubes are owned by the telecommunications companies and they should be able to do with their internet tubes whatever the heck they want.