Lesbian



Lesbians are girls who like to kiss and touch each other. It's the type of gayness that's okay unless they are fat, ugly dykes like most lesbians are. In the event that they are hot, however, most men really enjoy watching it and fantasize about participating in their same-sex female orgiastic experiences.

In any case, Lesbianism is really just temporary thing with high school girls with illusions of rebellion.

A recent poll indicates that lesbians are often turned straight by images of Stephen Colbert. A study has not yet been conducted to see if gay men are made gayer by those same images, but many top rated psychologists tend to believe that they would be. Plus without them, what use would men have for the Internet?

Lesbians in government positions are said to be too eager to serve Bush. If you do not get the "Bush" reference, then you too, are lesbian.

Dykes
A different type of lesbian exists, but only briefly before being blocked from memory. The "Dyke" breed of lesbian are not hot, and are not known as "hotmosexuals". The Dykes are an angry people who enjoy wearing flannel and Doc Martins, and can often be seen within a five mile radius of a Lillith Fair. It's okay though, cause we all know that in the end they are a confused sexually and need to find the right man (although they seriously need to lose weight and put on makeup first).
 * Many believe these lesbians were behind the Katrina disaster.
 * If Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, A Man-Loving Lesbian, and a Man-Hating Dyke are at a four way intersection and in the middle there is a nice crisp 100 dollar bill in the center, the Man Hating Dyke will get it cause all others are figments of your imagination!!!!!!!

Power Lesbians
A Power Lesbian is usually fat and ugly (see Dyke), having amassed a large fortune from ball busting well meaning capitalists and manly men. Frequently they are talentless skanks who the Hollywood Zionists and/or $cientologists and/or the media has embraced and forced down our collectivethroats. Lastly there are the bottom feeding lipstick lesbian gold diggers (hotmosexuals), who in fact, are really not gay. Just willing to hump anything, regardless of gender, age or species in furtherance of their own greed. This breed of lesbo also has an overwhelming desire to adopt childlike mutant alien life forms to convert to $cientology (which is against homosexuality, unless you are filthy rich and they can blackmail you).
 * 1) Rosie O'Donnell
 * 2) Gloria Aldred
 * 3) Andrea Dworkin
 * 4) Erin Brockovich
 * 5) Hillary Clinton
 * 6) Janet Reno
 * 7) Sonia Sotomayor
 * 1) Rosie O'Donnell
 * 2) Ellen DeGeneres
 * 3) K. D. Lange
 * 4) Hilary Swank
 * 5) Melissa Etheridge
 * 6) Any of The Spice Girls
 * 7) Thelma and Louise
 * 8) Margaret Cho
 * 1) Anne Heche
 * 2) Portia DeRossi
 * 3) Anna Nicole Smith
 * 4) Ann Coulter
 * 5) Angelina Jolie
 * 6) Almost anyone with Ann in their name.
 * 7) Madonna Ciccone

Factoids

 * Lesbians are not "hotmosexuals"
 * If two lesbians make out in a forest and no one is there to see it, will it raise wood?
 * For the record, most men are strongly against lesbianism unless both chicks are hot.
 * There is a bill being passed right now that all "hotmosexuals" must have a video camera and put their sex on the Internets for the furthering of research on eroticism... that and some good ol' fashion American masturbation.
 * Being a lesbian is spurned on by having large amounts of testosterone created by having an abnormally large clitoris. Side effects may include man hating and a weird passion for flannel
 * Lesbians will sleep with men if the man can come up with the right pick up line. The best pick up line is currently, "Hello, I am Stephen Colbert." It has a 105% chance of success. There is no second best, and alternatives are few, but claiming you're a Colbert staff member is known to work 95.pi% of the time. Killer also gets lots of lesbo action, while Bobby seems to only date women until they become lesbionic.
 * The whale is the lesbian's favorite animal, due to its 12 foot long tongue and ability to breathe through the top of its head
 * Nobody knows how they make love; presumably it has something to do with holding hands and/or cuddling
 * 9 out of 10 lesbians enjoy being watched all the time, especially during showering and love-making. The other one just didn't mind.

Known Lesbian Couples



 * Britney Spears and Madonna Ciccone
 * Beyoncé Knowles and Eva Longoria
 * Hillary Clinton and Other woman
 * Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin
 * The Russian singers known as Tatu
 * The Japanese anime superheroines known as Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune
 * Lamb and Lynx Gaede

Unholy Threesomes

 * Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu..."He's having a heart attack"
 * The Dixie Chicks aka the dyke chicks ... "meh"

Lesbian Fertility
In April 2007, gay scientists invented a process known as trans-differentiation, which enabled the transformation of any type of differentiated cells into any other type of differentiated cells. Particularly of interest to lesbians are the technology to change bone marrow cells into sperm cells, which, when combined with the technology of artificial insemination, will allow for procreation between two lesbians. This really isn't a threat to Formula 401, but is a threat to the continual existence of men who are not Stephen Colbert.

External Tubes

 * Lezbianic brainwashing propaganda on the rise!