Jesse Helms

Jesse Helms is a former Senator from Lesser Carolina. Trent Lott once referred to Jesse as "the conscience of our party."

Jesse knew pornography when he saw it. Fortunately for America, Jesse saw pornography a lot. Jesse saw pornography everywhere, so Americans wouldn't have to. Since Jesse left the Senate, America has been forced to view a lot more pornography. Poor America.

The Good News is that Jesse will be dead soon. Like Jesus and The South, the people of North Carolina hope that Jesse Helms will "rise again." They will then re-elect him to his Senate seat, as he will defend them from homosexuals, immigrants, the ethnics (you can't say the "N word" any more, Jesse), and Ted Kennedy much better than their current Senators. This is why all North Carolinians think of Jesse Helms as their "Once and Future Senator."

In the meantime, Jesse is happily and senilely knowing pornography when he sees it as a member of God's Congress.