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Dick Cheney Single-handedly Removes Insurgence Group From Iraq
THE OPEN-AIR BAZAAR THAT LOOKS LIKE DETROIT, OUTSIDE THE GREEN ZONE, IRAQ, May 9, 2007--

Just like his mentor had done with the Berlin Wall, Dick Cheney was able to defeat an immediate threat to America with the sheer power of his voice.

The very act of Mr. Cheney speaking caused the removal of the most dangerous insurgent group from Iraq.

"It sent shivers down my spine," an unnamed Special Envoy told Wikiality.com, "he is so forceful, and strong, it's hard to resist when he makes demands of you...I kinda like it."

Within minutes of his proclamation, the insurgent group was "kicked out".

The Special Envoy continued: "This shows the American people several things: one, Baghdad is safe; two, Iraq is improving everyday; and three, Mr. Cheney is in charge...oh, wait, I'm being told that it is Mr. Bush who is in charge, scratch that last one..."

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Mrs. Bush Goes The Way Of The Gay Fish...Again!
WASHINGTON, D.C., May 9, 2007--

In a slightly arousing turn of events, Mrs. Laura Bush publically defended freakin' Rosie O'Donnell's 'right' to be 'gay'. Mrs. Bush was quoted earlier today, saying: "I respect Rosie's urge to make sweet sweet love to her own gender. In fact, I could probably get into that kind of thinking habit."

This raises a great concern for the safety and welfare of our own George W. Bush. When asked about this shocking revelation, he commented: "If Laura wants to express gay rights, that's her problem. All that matters to me is that she keeps doing what tastes right..." Mr. President was cut off for fear of causing a national gay-rights movement.

Homo-spokesman, er woman George Clooney was unavailable for comment.

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Canada Attacks Saudi Arabia With Hot Sex!
SEXINGTON, CANADA, May 8, 2007--

In the latest of a string of agressive moves, Canada has decided to make an enemy of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Without many conventional non-nucular weapons at their disposal, the True North Bong and Free has taken to launching salvos of insanely hot, young, vivacious women to titillate young Saudi students to death. Canada hopes to cripple the education system of the Saudi Kingdom by making them far too horny to think of anything else.

Canadian Opposition Party Sexpot Belinda Stronach commented on the Liberals' official stance on the goverment's bold move. "Usually, I wouldn't support an openly hostile act from Canadian forces, but those girl-stoning oil jockeys have really got my cotton candy pink thin lace panties in a bunch. And most of the time, I don't wear panties."

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Britain's Queen Visits America
WASHINGTON, D.C., May 7, 2007--

After starring in her own movie and sailing on a ship, the Queen will finally be able to do something she has dreamed of doing since when was a little girl: visiting The Greatest President Ever!

Lucky her!

Mrs. Queen came over from Gay Olde England on an airship with 400 assorted hangs-on and family to watch her daughter in law, Camilla race in the Kentucky Derby as well as commemorate the 400th anniversary of the founding of Jamestown, which she called an, "archeological dig." Yeah, right. I got your "archeology" right here, you old bat!

Americans offered the Queen pizza and something called "bukkake pie" (whatever!)

For other things you will need to know when the Queen comes to visit you, click here.

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Nancy Pelosi Takes Troops' Children Away!
THE VERY DEPTHS OF HELL, May 5, 2007--

When Satan chose his wife, he was looking for the worst liberal he could find. And he couldn't have sunk lower than Nancy Pelosi.

The extent of the depravity that she has spewed onto this beautiful land can be found here.

But, the latest law she has forced onto our nation is by far the most heinous.

Pelosi snuck a clause into the law the The Greatest President Ever vetoed that said, in part: "'If The Greatest President Ever vetoes my bill, Satan shall have the troops' children!'"

Pelosi wrote it in fetus tears, which is invisible to the naked eye, and no one was able to read it until after Pelosi sacrificed a goat in the house chambers.

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72% Of Americans Approve of The Job The Greatest President Ever is Not Doing!
A new poll released just after The Greatest President Ever vetoed Nancy Pelosi's latest hurt-the-troops legislation, shows that a clear majority of Americans approve of the job The Greatest President Ever is not doing.

"'This just shows the majority of Americans approve of this President and the work he isn't doing,' Frank Luntz said, interpreting the numbers exclusively for Wikiality.com, 'all the work this President hasn't done this past week is proof Americans will pay whatever it costs to keep the troops in Iraq indefinitely.'"

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Greatest President Ever Gears Up to Stick It to Pelosi Again
CRAWFORD, TEXAS, May 4, 2007--

"Eat It, Pelosi!" This cry, heard from within the Presidential bathroom at the Greatest President Ever's Crawford ranch, gives some indication of his mindset after his patriotic veto of the Iraq funding resolution earlier this week.

According to an unnamed source, vetoing the bill seems to have done wonders for the President's confidence, which was, at long last, beginning to fade. "I mean, come on, sugar," the unnamed top Presidential advisor cattily dished to Wikiality.com. "Even Georgia isn't so dense that she won't catch on to her polling doldrums after seven years! Oh no I din't!! Seriously, don't quote me."

But yes, readers. He did.

At any rate, our source went on to inform us that having vetoed H.R. 1591, the President was feeling much more on top of him self, and was starting to get his game face back on. To prove his rediscovered virility as Commander Guy, The Greatest President has vowed to possibly consider the potential opportunity he might take to loudly criticize, and maybe once again veto, proposed Hate Crimes legislation, should Congress actually have the balls to send it to his desk.

"Why don't you try to Hate THIS?? I'm the decider now, bitches!" our reporter heard the President yelling in his bathroom. "Narnia, please," Wikiality.com's unnamed source snickered, rolling his eyes at our intrepid reporter.

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It's LOYALTY DAY! So eat it, Commies!
Loyalty Day, 2007

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

America was founded by patriots who risked their lives to bring freedom to our Nation. Today, our citizens are grateful for our Founding Fathers and confident in the principles that lead us forward. On Loyalty Day, we celebrate the blessings of freedom and remember our responsibility to continue our legacy of liberty.

For the full text, please click here.

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The Greatest President Ever Signs Veto
CRAWFORD, TEXAS, May 1, 2007--

After Nancy Pelosi forced the entire Congress to send The Greatest President Ever a bill he specifically told her not to, The Greatest President Ever vetoed it.

Why didn't you do what you're told, Nancy? The troops are stuck in Iraq now, and it's all your fault!

Sources close to The Greatest President, however, are quite happy with today's decision. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one Presidential advisor told Wikiality.com, "Today was a great day for President Bush. On the four year anniversary of our victory in Iraq, the President affirmed his commitment to stay in Iraq until victory there is assured." ###

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