Tumbling



Tumbling is the art of running around, falling down, and standing back up again, all the while listening to music. This artform is present in a multitude of species, not including monkeys though, because that would mean evolution is real, which it is not.

Who is Involved

 * Must involve 3 or more people, 2 of which must be of a different sex.

What to Wear

 * Coordinate matching outfits, complete with dazzling sequins and flamboyant colors. Be careful as to not make the colors too flamboyant, though, as it may attract the gays
 * Slippers. Shoes are too bulgey and socks are too restricty.   Slippers with traction on the foot are the best.

What Music to Choose

 * American. All music must be made in America.
 * Something catchy. The goal is to not get bored while aimlessly running around, and also letting your audience know that you are hip to the times.

What to Do

 * Practice. Practice takes place in large cement tubes that spin like hamster wheels.  This helps build balance and coordination, as well as bruises so it looks like you worked hard -- which you really didn't, because tumbling involves almost no skill.
 * Organize. Move things around your stage area so you can access them more easily.  If you are unorganized, where are you going to find a pen to start writing down your routine?
 * Start doing something.
 * Run around.
 * Flail your arms like an eagle.
 * Pick up one of your partners and toss them to the other.
 * Fall over once or twice.
 * It's art; if people don't understand what you're doing it's just because they cannot wrap their heads around such a ground-breaking artform.
 * Stop doing something. Eventually it has to end.  The best endings are usually abrupt, so run across the stage one last time and then fall down. It's over.

Where to Do it

 * Stages
 * Streets
 * Beds

Tumbling Factoids

 * It's a fun thing to do.
 * Music is necessary.
 * A nice way to stay in shape.
 * It's not time consuming.
 * May include a series of somersaults and cartwheels.
 * Not very difficult.
 * Reserved for heterosexuals.

People who Tumble

 * Jesus
 * George W. Bush
 * Mel Gibson
 * Stephen Colbert
 * Tad
 * Amy Sedaris
 * Bonnie R.
 * James Baker