Olympics

The Olympics are a yearly competition pitting the world's greatest athletes (all of which are American) against each other. The Olympics were partially created by George Washington, Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, George W. Bush, and Ronald Reagan. However the main framers were Stephen Colbert and Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, respectively. The olympics were initially an American competition, however it seems foreigners have made it an international competition.

Format
The olympics consist of two different competitions, the summer and spring olympics. It is often thought that the ladder is actually the winter olympics, however Americans do not believe in winter.

Significane
Americans have won every medal in olympic history for a total of 85,033 gold medals. In the olympics there are no second or third place awards, because "If you ain't first, your last"