Liberal Agenda

The Liberal Agenda
The ‘Liberal Agenda’ is a term most often used to describe the thoughts, actions (AKA inactions) and policies set forth by that group of tree-hugging, pot-smoking, wife-swapping, hemp-loving communists known as the ‘liberal elite’.

The liberal elite count among their members such cowardly ‘blame America first’ fact lovers as Bill Maher, Al Franken, Tim Robbins, Neil Young, The Dixie Chicks and, of course, national embarrassment Bill Clinton.

They (the liberal elite) can be easily spotted in the wild. They openly encourage the return of Saddam Hussein to power in Iraq, free medical care for all (as if this was Canada) and the idea that Americans should sacrifice gas mileage in order to save some nearly extinct tree frog that they never heard of before today.

WARNING! Should you come across a member of the liberal elite, back away. Do not engage them in conversation. Immediately report your location and a brief description of this liberal to Fox News, who will immediately dispatch Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity to tag them and haul them away in a net.

SPECIFICS
The liberal agenda includes, but is not exclusive to, the following policies:

1 – Emboldening and nurturing the terrorists.

2 – Killing Jesus (H. Christ), our one true savior, and weakening the nation’s moral fiber by any means… especially eliminating prayer in schools.

3 – Passing out condoms and preaching safe sex to our children, thus creating a new Sodom and Gomorrah.

4 – Forcing President Bush to consult the U.N. every time he needs to take a crap.

5 – Ensuring that America is subject to France in every way.

6 – Putting an abortion in every home.

7 – Making the New York Times required reading in schools.

8 – Electing Bill Maher to the presidency. (Vice-President? Al Franken.)

9 – Leaving no stem cell alive.

10 – Raising Hillary Clinton to the status of patron saint.

The ‘Liberal Agenda’ is based on ‘facts’, something Stephen Colbert and the heroes who watch his show are not fans of. Facts originate in books, and Colbert is no fan of those. Those who rely on facts don’t have balls. It takes a true American hero, like Jesus Christ or Frodo Baggins, to ‘feel’ the truth, rather than rely on ‘facts’.

The liberal elite’s reliance on facts is the source of their greatest strength, but also their greatest weakness, because facts can change, but our opinions never will.

ORIGIN
The origin of the liberal agenda can be traced back to the times of Christ and the beginning of time just over 2000 years ago. Judas Iscariot was believed to be the first liberal. He devoted more time to the eradication of Christ than anyone. It is also a known fact that Mr. Iscariot was born and raised in the wine region of France.

While growing up in France, Judas, killer of Jesus, formed a covert cabal of America haters with childhood pals, Ghandi, Hitler, the entire population of Canada, the gay Telle-Tubby and Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Together, they spread their influence among the weak-minded in a clandestine attempt to kill America in its sleep until heroes like Stephen Colbert, Bill O’Reilly and the greatest president in history, George W. Bush, all spurred on by the ghost of Ronald Reagan, came to the defense of freedom and truthiness.

TRIVIA
- The liberal agenda can be found in the pages of The Necronomicon.

- Hollywood is ‘ground zero’ for the liberal agenda. It is the place where they can gather to worship false idols, experiment with drugs and engage in gay group sex.

- If you read the Torah backwards, you will see that it outlines the liberal agenda.

- If you read the Jewish Talmud sideways, you will see that it outlines the secret sex rituals practiced by Hollywood.

- The cure for the liberal agenda can be found in the pages of the only holy document in history, the holy bible.

SOURCES

- The Holy Bible