Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday is a liberal myth to get you out of your comfortable chairs enjoying fine TV entertainment, such as The Colbert Report. There is only one super day all year long and that's Super Bowl Sunday. Only a Sunday could be a super day.

Stay where you are. There's no need to vote. We already have the Greatest President and Greatest Vice President in office.

Besides, real Americans don't vote. It requires reading and watching news, and who does that? The French. Canadians probably would too, if they were smart enough.

If you're bored with what the liberal media is showing you on TV and would like to torture some terrorist supporters, grab some eggs and find where the voting caucus is in your area. Although you can go and vote at both, the only ones where voters will be is at the Democratic ones.

One particular candidate named Obama (yeah, like we don't know it's you, Osama) is even letting you locate your caucus location.