John Stewart



John Stewart (also known as Stephen Colbert's less talented unidentical clone) is the correct spelling of "Jon" Stewart, the spelling which the current star of "The Daily Show" uses.

The Jew As A Young Pundit
John Stewart, named after John Stewart Mill, the famous Godless, liberal thinker, was born November 28, 1962(scorpio, year of the Tiger.), is the vertically challenged Jew host of this show that comes on 60 minutes after "The Colbert Report". Stephen Colbert was a regular correspondent on this show dating back to when Craig Kilborn was host.

On Thursday, August 10, 2006, Colbert paid a surprise visit to The Daily Show and told Stewart off for upsetting his friend Geraldo, informing him that he was "On Notice".

On Monday, August 14, Colbert revoked Jon's "On Notice" status because it was too complicated a procedure to obtain another "On Notice" panel from Bangalore. Instead, Stephen placed "John" Stewart on his new "Called Out" board. Stewart appeared in person per request of Colbert's urgent page. With some coaxing (and being forced to walk a mile in Geraldo's mustache) Stewart reluctantly apologized to Mr. Rivera.

Ever since Dr. Colbert manually changed John's name, there has been a noted decrease in the amount of videos featuring old ladies slipping on ice.

It is apparent that an "h" should be added to "Jon" since this is the spelling the mainstream of America is familiar and comfortable with. John's bucking of this trend signifies his disdain for America's values and its standard practice of spelling "John."

Like all of the left, Mr. Stewart is too obstinate and near-sighted to see the error of his ways or how his actions will, in the long run, hurt America. Stewart changed his last name long ago, but he did not put an "h" in his first name, thus signifying his innate need to disturb the fabric of American culture with misnomers.

un-American Spelling of American Names
Social anthropologists have begun researching the potential problem of naming children un-American names, pointing out that parents, usually the liberal type who have been naming their children un-American names, tacitly support the Hate America Firsters who seek to confuse and upset patriotic Americans. These anthropologists have suggested that "Jon Stewart's" spelling of his first name is setting a deadly precedent and they contend that these un-American names will start the U.S.A. down a slippery slope towards Islamo-Fascism. Dr. Colbert has been applauded by the international anthropology community for his efforts and will most likely receive some sort of award for his work.

Hatred of the Female Elderly
Rumor has it that Mr. Stewart is developing new technologies to enable video to be made of old ladies slipping during, not just winter, but summer, spring, and fall (pun intended) as well.

John Stewart's Sexual Preference, and In a Related Matter, His Friendship with Stephen Colbert
Stewart is Stephen's long-time Jewish friend.

Rumor also has it that John Stewart is madly in love with Dr. Colbert, as is to be expected from anyone who comes into contact with him. Unfortunately for Stewart, Colbert is wise to the gay agenda and will have no part of it. Let's hope that Stewart can cope with his shattered dreams.

It has long been debated, since John Stewart often shows at the end of each program "Moment for Men" which depicts muscular sweaty body builders faulty about jumping in skimpy shorts and bouncing all over the place. Other sources also show he's interested in male on male strip poker, and it's obvious of his sexual tensions between him and other male co-workers.

It is one of the worst kept secrets in broadcasting that Stephen Colbert initially left "The Daily Show" not because he got his own television program, but because he was being sexually harassed by John Stewart. "The Colbert Report" was the result of that settlement with Comedy Central.

Stephen Colbert, the gentleman he is, denies this to this day. And he definitely does not want you to infer from these events that all Jews are homosexual. Remember, you can't spell Jew without Jon Stewart.

John Stewart's other occupations and hobbies

 * Quail Hunting
 * Impersonating a doctor
 * Necromancer/Dark Lord of the Sith

John Stewart Facts

 * DOESN'T have his own brand of Ice Cream
 * Is Colberts bitch.
 * A well known Sexual Predator.
 * Hero of The Pot Smokers and Nere-Do-Wells commune. It's no community, it's got no walls, gates, or armed guards.
 * Enjoys stargazing while "on weed".
 * Is a nitpicker, but, NOPE, IS A NITPICKER!
 * Is a Jerry Lewis fan.
 * Not ballsy enough to "Nail" guests on his show.
 * Got rid of the Hot Seat part of his guest interviews, when Bill Clinton complained that he might have a heart attack.
 * Posts as Lefty For Pres on The Colboard

Other Liberal Pundits

 * Arianna Huffington
 * Al Franken
 * Janeane Garofalo
 * Keith Olbermann not to be confused with Ubermensch
 * Helen Thomas
 * Rachel Maddow
 * Thom Hartmann