Pirates

''Not the type of pirate you were hoping to find? Well, then, you probably ought to look here.''



Pirates (PIE-rat) are a race of mythological aquatic humanoids created by Liberals and Communists to support their hair-brained theories of global warming and evolution and to celebrate their hatred of Our Lord and Savior.

Fascist propaganda tells stories about pirates celebrating larceny, alcoholism, and poor speech habits, all known properties of Liberals (created in their own image, one would say).

How To Spot A Pirate


Some recognizable traits of Pirates include:
 * cybernetic augmented arms and legs
 * eye patches
 * pet birds
 * jet packs
 * excessive use of the word "poop-deck"
 * Anyone who uses Limewire
 * Somali pirates are known to smell of poop

Who Chooses To Become A Pirate And Why

 * Notes

Famous Pirates



 * Black Beard, a famous fearsome pirate
 * Captain Hook, a famous pedo-pirate
 * Sean Fanning, a famous music pirate
 * Robert Reed, a famous heiny pirate
 * Ted Haggard, a famous reverend/butt pirate
 * Captain Jack Swallow, the most famous butt pirate

What Pirates Do During Working Hours



 * Loot
 * plunder
 * pillage
 * rape
 * water sports
 * knitting
 * baked goods
 * book sales
 * fight
 * run away
 * crochet
 * play cricket
 * watch The Daily Show
 * wrestle
 * organized protests
 * disorganized protests
 * knot tying
 * get defeated by Ninjas
 * butt sex
 * Drink Rum

What Pirates Do in Their Spare Time

 * Vote Democrat
 * watch Project Runway
 * comb each other's hair
 * enhance their eye patches and scabbards with glitter and beads (pre-Bedazzler™)
 * eat beef jerky
 * watch an inconvenient truth with Al Gore