Acts of God

Acts Of God or "Natural Disasters" are events that are created by God in response to his disapproval of the sinful behavior of the Immoral Minority, weed out the unfaithful, or to test his children.

Tornado
Tornadoes are storms that create very damaging winds. These high winds so great that they are capable of lifting houses and dropping them on witches. It is for this reason that tornadoes are another way in which God "suffers not a witch to live".

A popular tornado myth says that one will be safe if they go in their basement during a tornado. This may work well for a surface tornado, but it is totally ineffective against a "basement tornado".

Tornadoes aid to the otherwise stagnant rate of occupancy turnover in trailer parks. This is mainly because trailer homes act as a "magnet" to tornadoes. Considering this, the most effective method of surviving a tornado remains to get in a car, and drive away from it...works every time!

Hurricane
Hurricanes are giant swirling storms which are said to originate in the fictitious continent of Africa.

There is no wonder to why hurricanes are all named after women, they have quite a few things in common. For instance, they both have nice comfortable holes in them in which you must navigate the rest of the body to get to. In addition, they both arrive wet and full of energy, then they both unleash their fury and ____, and in the end, they both take off with most of your stuff.

Hurricanes provide an excellent opportunity for George W. Bush to show how much he loves black people.

Famous Acts of God
It is no coincidence that many of the natural disasters cited above have occurred in the Godless State of California. Here are some of the more notable.

The Central China Floods (1931)
The flooding of the Yellow River caused an estimated that 3.7 to 4.0 million deaths (apparently they never passed swimming lessons)...although no one noticed because it only consisted 1/2000th of China's population.