Fact Huggers

Fact huggers are thought terrorists who aim to brutally oppress all factoids and to impose a Dictatorship of the Fact. As such are enemies of free speech, and are in the same league as Osama bin Laden, Stalin, and Vlad the Impaler.

How To Identify a Fact Hugger

 * 1) They smell like patchouli and self-righteousness.
 * 2) They believe that what actually happened is more important than what we agree has happened.
 * 3) Whoever they vote for loses or is Hillary Clinton.
 * 4) Your mithril dagger glows in their presence.
 * 5) They are in college in a full ride scholarship from dad.
 * 6) They think they're right instead of feeling it.
 * 7) They eat tofu.
 * 8) Their satchels are covered in pins.
 * 9) They use table in its verb form, e.g., "Pete and I tabled for women’s rights in front of the student center."
 * 10) Their ability to believe what they are saying is directly proportional to the amount of pot they smoke.
 * 11) They quote statistics that can actually be confirmed.
 * 12) They keep mentioning some piece of crap called the 'Declaration of Independence'.
 * 13) They drive hybrids.

Common Fact Hugger Sayings

 * "No war for oil"
 * "2+2=4"
 * "Protect Bears"
 * "Evolution is real"
 * Something about flying spaghetti and God
 * "I was thinking..."
 * "Facts need to be proven."
 * "What you are claiming is not supported by facts history, reason or logic..."
 * "Canada"
 * "All men are created equal"
 * "Why are you yelling?"
 * "Put some pants on"
 * "Stop poking me with that!"
 * "Please don't make a scene"

Members

 * Hate America Firsters
 * Blame America First Crowd
 * Hollywood
 * Democrats
 * Liberals
 * Factonistas
 * Factinistas
 * Phactwonistas
 * Factonatrixes
 * ACLU
 * The New York Times
 * Washington Post
 * Femi-nazis