Alien

Aliens are little green men that come into the United States in lowrider UFOs to pick our lettuce and still our jobs. They often carry scary space diseases and rob us blind. The government is split as to what to do. The liberals would like to give them the state of California in exchange for their superior technology and attractive women. The Republicans would like to build a dome over the United States equipped with lasers to keep them out.

If you see an alien you are instructed to call the CIA, the FBI, and the INS.

If an alien attempts to abduct you or feed you food that is too spicy and that resembles dog food run away.

Aliens speak a strange language that some scholars call [Spanish]]. It is believed to be a derivative of American English but it makes absolutely no sense.