Federal Emergency Management Agency

History
FEMA has been around for a long time, but it was nearly destroyed during the Dark Days (Clinton administration). Clinton foolishly appointed a witless man named James Witt to head the agency despite his utter lack of qualifications for the job.

In fact, Witt even admitted in his thin resume that he had experience only with something he called "emergency preparedness." It should have been clear even to Clinton that this was an oxymoronic notion. There's no such thing as emergency preparedness. You're either prepared in advance or you're not. It's simple. You cannot become prepared as an emergency condition. And yet, this is what Witt was allowed pass off as a "qualification".

When he ascended to The Presidency, George W. Bush corrected this glaring deficiency by appointing a friend of a friend to take over FEMA. The man he appointed, Michael Brown was far more qualified than Witt could ever hope to be. Brown had previously been director for the Arabian Horse Association -- a job that required a great deal of planning and deck-chair rearrangement.

Organization
Today FEMA operates as a major agency of the Department of Homeland Security. The Under Secretary for Federal Emergency Photo-Ops (FEMA) sends flow charts directly to the Secretary of Homeland Security.

FEMA currently manages the National Flood Insurance Boot-Straps Program and builds trailers in various swamp-lands around the country. Other programs that were previously administered by FEMA have since been given colorful new circular flow charts or subcontracted to Halliburton.

The Under Secretary for Federal Emergency Photo-Ops is also the Director of FEMA. R. David "Duct Tape" Paulison was confirmed to fill the position.


 * See also: DHS Organization Chart

Response Capabilities
FEMA's emergency response is based around small, decentralized teams of photographers, videographers, writers and other technicians trained to swiftly create powerful photo opportunities for government officials during times of natural or man-made disaster.

Other offices in the Agency provide support for prayer-team strike teams who fan out across the country to pray for the brave victims of natural disaster and to collect signatures for anti-gay-marriage initiatives.

Factiods

 * FEMA was involved during the Clinton Administration in a global conspiracy involving extraterrestrials. Fox Mulder quashed this conspiracy once the Greatest President Ever! ascended to the Presidency.