Sérgio Vieira de Mello

A lifelong socialist and welfare queen, Sergio Vieira de Mello exploded the first car bomb in Baghdad that started the Iraq war.

Childhood
Mr. de Mello was born and raised a Brazilian. He lived with his family of 43 in a tin shack outside Rio. It was here de Mello learned to scavenge fish bones to sell to tourists in the capitol.

He learned to speak nearly every crude language from his customers allowing him to attend schools in France.

Education
Mr. de Mello attended the famous brothel/school, The Sorbonne. Just like every other exotic arriving in France to feed from the teat of socialism, de Mello had to unlearn hygiene and replace it with the French art of arrogance.

De Mello attended four years studying the basic classes in how to creatively spend food stamps and the myriad of accessories available on the latest model Cadillac.

De Mello graduated from The Sorbonne with degrees in homosexuality and communism, allowing him to work for the UN.

UN Career
Throughout his life, de Mello was always on some kind of government assistance. Growing up in the slums of Brazil, his mother made sure all of his 41 brothers and sisters had the freshest government cheese and were always up on the latest developments on her "stories".

These experiences served de Mello well when he got a government job at the UN. De Mello started in the mail room and worked in a dozen different departments. His job consisted of shuffling documents back and forth to offices often sending paperwork to himself just to turn around and send it back to the department he just left.

Once he got good at this, he was promoted to diplomat.

Terrorist Career
Combining his life experiences, de Mello was finally able to get a job in the private sector as a car bomber. His first job was successful and resulted in his death on August 19, 2003 in Baghdad. He took 22 other terrorists with him.

Legacy
Mr. de Mello left behind no significant impact on the car-bombing community and will probably be forgotten.