John Stossel

A hip young reporter for ABC News with a fashionable (yet totally not gay) moustache. He is the second greatest moustache-bearer in the news, following in the footsteps of the great Geraldo Rivera.

He is a proud libertarian thinker and doesn't believe in global warming or pollution. He originally criticized big businesses in his segments, but realized the error of his ways when he found out he was working for one. He now criticizes the government, class action lawyers, and dumbass school children.

He is constantly asking to be given a break, and seems always frustrated at the stupidity of those who he is asking for a break from. This is probably due to the fact that despite his constant asking, they steadfastly refuse to break him off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar.

Stephen Colbert has interviewed him and cited an article he wrote that supported the freedom of incest. So remember kids, when you're at a family reunion and get "that special feeling" towards your cousin, John Stossel says that it's OK. Stossel has effectively validated the feelings that Stephen feels towards Charlene. It is probable that he was one of the members of Stephen and the Colberts.