United States of Ponzi

The United States of Ponzi has been the primary driving force of the American Economy from 1988-2008. Their output is measured in several ways, the most common of which are Stockos and Debt-Miles. USP was previously a clandestine operation, but since the Credit Crunch it has been legitimized into a standard capitalist operating system. The following are the defining principles of the United States of Ponzi.

Some Definitions
In order to properly undestand the philosophy of the USP, you need a few definitions.

Ponzi
Proper Noun

From the Middle American, Ponzi is ze practise of taking ze money of ze pawns.

Fonzi
Proper Noun

From the Happy Days, there was the Fonzi, who could fix or correct anything simply by looking at it or by rapping it with his knuckles. Ponzi is the antonym of Fonzi, and its mere mention can destroy any and everything, be it animal, vegetable, mineral, or figment of the imagination (or combinations thereof).

NINJA
Acronym

A NINJA isn't a small, quiet, black-clad Japanese man. It's a loan given to someone with No Income, No Job, and no Assets - basically, the typification of the Ponzi philosophy as implemented by a bank.

Conzi
Conzi is the process by which Ponzi is implemented, that is, the great American Capitalist System. God Bless America! Conzi is an American social addiction that was introduced by the Bears in the 1980's, which functions based on self-deception, mass social deception, government obfuscation, and other forms of delusion that resulted from the implementation of Politically Correct language. Basically, once the Bears were secure that language didn't mean anything anymore, they were able to sell the warm air that fills bubbles without actually selling the bubbles themselves, reducing their costs dramatically.

Although they are similar in philosophy, appearance, and application, a Conzi should not be confused with a Condi.

Conzi Players
Citizens of the United States of Ponzi are without exception Conzi Players, who are normally NINJAs practising the capitalist system of Ponzi. There are various and assorted types of NINJAs, from the lowly consumer and taxpayer, to banks, deficit corporations, and finally, the American Governments, who enable the spread of the Conzi addiction on an international level, eventually bankrupting the global financial system. A somewhat accurate measure of the world's Conzi addiction can be had by looking at what is left of the Stock Markets, which are in themselves another Bear Conspiracy. In this respect, the primary unit of measurement of Ponzi is the Stocko, which is an abstract measure of Ponzi performance.

The secondary practise of Conzi involves debt-swapping, Subprime Mortgages, Leveraged Buyouts and Stimulus Programs. Everybody plays Conzi, from Joe Taxpayer through large corporations, all the way up to the government.

Ponzi in the context of Conzi
Stand For D' Made Of(f) American Ingenuity. We're Number One!

The American Heretic
For more details, please see Bernie Madoff.

The American Heretic, who closely escaped public burning at the stake, and received life imprisonment instead, is Bernard Madoff. Bernie Madoff's unforgivable sin was to publicly announce that Ponzi was a great big lie, had always been a lie, and would always be a lie. This inflamation of public outrage had to be punished, for reasons of political benefit and in order to defend the American Way of Life. God Bless America!

In order to refute Madoff's heretical claims about Ponzi and Conzi, the US Government openly adopted the practises by trying to sell US Treacheries and Bonds based on American Debt ($350,000 per NINJA American Taxpayer.) In this way, it simulntaneously enrolled every one of its citizens in the Debt-Miles Rewards Program. This gives us the second of unit of measure for the Ponzi, namely, Debt-Miles, which are a more concrete way to measure the dollar value of a Ponzi.

Self-Ponzi
Unfortunately, nobody was interested in buying these treacheries. As a consequence, the American Government, with its left hand, is selling unredeemable promisary notes of debt that the NINJAs cannot pay, and simulntaneously buying it back with their right hand. This is an excellent example of Self-Ponzi, the circular practice of Conzi.

The Bottom Line
It's the Bears' fault. Only the Fonzi can fix this. Or perhaps a clone army of Fonzis.

Do Not Also See

 * Dick Cheney
 * The Greatest President
 * Your assets