The Great Lakes



The Great Lakes are America's largest source of fresh water, and should be preserved and hoarded. For a time will come when rest of the world consumes all of their water, we will then be even more the envy of other nations (is this possible? It would be like trying to add 5 to infinity). At that time we will be able to trade one gallon of water for 1 barrel of oil. Energy Crisis solved.

Huron
Lake Huron is the second largest Great Lake and is the size of West Virginia, which makes it the second largest lake on Earth. It was discovered by the French who named it after some stupid Indian tribe. Lots of fish live (and have sex) in Lake Huron.

Superior
Lake Superior is aptly named, it is by far, greater and therefore more American than any other lake. It is not only the largest of the Great Lakes, but also the largest lake on America's Planet. One of the great things about Lake Superior is that it is another method in which God displays his wrath. Some of His most creative works involve shipwrecks and missing ships, and missing bodies.

Shipwrecks such as the Cyprus made the lake notable, it was SS Ella Fitzgerald who made the lake truely famous. The Ella Fitzgerald disappeared during a winter storm in 1997. The ship and its crew have never been recovered. Lake superior is also known for never returning her dead. Perhaps the lake has a taste for human flesh.

Erie
Lake Erie is the 4th largest Great Lake (which makes it also the 4th largest lake in the world). Something isn't quite right about Lake Erie...perhaps it is the close proximity to Cleveland that makes Erie so unsettling.

One positive feature of Lake Erie is Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls has lured both daredevils and barrel enthusiasts alike for thousands of years.

Michigan
AKA the Penis lake.

Ontario
Technically considered one of America's great lakes, but Canada (look at its name!) can have it...after all, this "Great" Lake is the runt of family.

Gold
Like the Nazis, The Great Lakes have hidden their gold deposits very carefully. Unlike Nazi Gold which are molded into convenient kilogram 2.20462262 pound bars, Great Lake Gold can be commonly found in flake, or at most, nugget form. United States Geologists know that 1,100 tons of gold are still undescovered in the Great Lakes region. This means that 99% of the World's undiscovered gold lays in America.

Fish
talking fish

Great Lakes Under Seige
It is bad enough that are lakes have sea monsters, invasive species

bears in lake pic