Ketchup

Many experts wonder if there is anything American that liberal, troop hating, John Kerry hasn't done his best to ruin. Sadly, ketchup is yet another casualty of the liberal machine.

Once upon a time, ketchup was a great American condiment but that was prior to John Kerry tainting the good Heinz name. That greedy hippie took the yummy right out of that beautiful red bottle and replaced it with Evil. This leaves the question of, "what can Christian Americans put on their hamburgs without fearing damnation."

Mayo is out since it is the devil's choice. For those doubting liberals out there: "HellMan's" "Cain's," sure the brands may spell it differently but anyone can see that mayo is the devil's white stuff, and now thanks to Kerry, Ketchup belongs to the red man too.