Barack Hussein Obama

Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.
Barack Obama (born Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.) is the junior United States Senator from Illinois. Republicans seek to destroy him because of the manliness that he has despite his limp wrists. He is the only man known to scare Hilary Clinton and may be running against her and a brain dead monkey for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008. Everyone knows that the brain dead monkey will be running against and be destroyed by our greatest President ever, George W. Bush, as he moves on to his glorious third term as president.

Name
He holds the all-time record for "Worst Possible Name for an American Politician." Not only does his first name sound a hell of a lot like "Osama," his freakin' middle name is HUSSEIN!

As talk of Obama '08 heated up, several GOP talking heads experimented with various truthy ways of pronouncing the Senator's name. All involved emphasizing that middle name, but some of the more creative alternatives also shifted his first name to "Bare-ACK." Extra points were given if the "B" in Obama was replaced accidentally by an "S": "Osam..., I mean Oh-BOMB-uh...".

Meanwhile, GOP linguists continued to experiment with attempts to make the name sound more like "Ahmadinejad". And just in case none of that worked, the actress who asked Tennessee Senate candidate Harold Ford to "Call me," was still on retainer for the RNC.

Family
Obama is the son of an African goat-herder from Kenya who met Barack's mother, a Hawaiian princess, while he was studying as a foreign-exchange student at the University of Hawaii. His parents divorced with Barack, Jr. was only two, the young boy was taught by his father the Kenyan art of herding. Since there weren't many goats in Hawaii at the time, Obama Sr used cats. Young Barack's cat-herding experience would later allow him to advance quickly in Democratic Party politics which has often been compared to cat-herding.

Young Barack's precocious foreign-policy experience continued when his mother remarried, again to a foreign exchange student. Hubby #2 was from Indonesia. Young Barack attended school there for a few years before returning to Hawaii.

Politics
Despite his name, Obama is a Christian. After graduating from Columbia, he moved to Chicago to work on "social issues" with a church group. Although he was working for a supposed "faith-based charity", the group he chose to work with focused on liberal issues like "economic disparity" and "justice" rather than the approved Republican red-meat issues like gay marriage and abortion. This makes Obama's work even more dangerous than stuff done by Non Faith Based Charities because it tries to confuse people into thinking that God and the baby Jesus care about things that are not part of the agenda of the Greatest President Ever.

Obama is a proud and active member of a so-called that recognizes gay pastors and supports gay marriage. The United Church of Christ includes among its congregations a huge Dallas mega-church, the Cathedral of Hope. Most of the thousands of members of that congregation are gay. And this is what Obama calls his church!

Despite that questionable religious background, Obama often talks about his supposed "faith" in speeches.

He was elected to the Illinois legislature after a failed attempt to snag a seat in the US Congress. His cat-herding skills served him well there as he became a widely known and remarked politician there.

It didn't hurt that Oprah tapes her show in Chicago since Obama got himself invited on to share the same couch jumped on by Tom Cruise. That made him just famous enough that he was invited to give the keynote address at the John-Kerry coronation during the 2004 Democratic Convention.

All three-dozen people who watched that silly exercise were impressed with Obama's speech.

In 2004, during the great Second Bush Landslide, Obama was elected to the US Senate easily because the residents of Chicagoland don't know any better after years of brain-washing by the Daley family. It also helped that Obama's Republican opponent, Jack Ryan, was forced to drop out when it was revealed he had sex with his wife Jeri Ryan. Star Trek nerds where offended that he had befouled 7-of-9, and forced Ryan's ouster from the race.