Keith Ellison

Keith Ellison is the first Muslim ever elected to Congress. He is, of course, a Democrat.

His win in the 2006 midterm elections is more proof that the cut-and-run party is really just a front for Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein's coming invasion of America.

Furthermore, he chose to attend a rally of the communist AFL-CIO over a private White House reception with President George W. Bush. "It wasn't even a close call," Ellison said. "Maybe one day I'll get to meet the president. He's the president, and I respect him in his role as the president, but I have exceedingly sharp differences with him on a policy level."

After careful translation by CIA crypologists, we can now see his actual words:

"'All was in readiness. Unfortunately I was unable to execute the president. My Al Qaeda-CIO contacts wanted to delay our plan, but I have an exceedingly sharp knife to slice his throat with at a later date.'"