Garden of Eden

The Garden of Eden is God's own garden, where Adam and Eve lived before they started stealing stuff and pissed God off. It's like Disneyland, but without all the crowds, vomit, and Disney stuff.

Where Is It?
Naturally, the Garden of Eden is located in what is today Texas. Some people say it's really in the Middle East. But why would God put it there? Sure, the land's cheap, but there's way too much sand and bombs, and not enough America!



What's In It?

 * Jesus (but only on weekends)
 * An apple tree
 * Rainbows (but not the gay kind)
 * Keebler eves busy making cookies
 * Lots of churches

What's Not In It?

 * Bears
 * Liberals
 * Snakes
 * Adam and Eve