Ontario Hockey League

The Ontario Hockey League, or OHL, is a hockey league based in the Canadian province of Ontario, which is the one next to Michigan where Toronto is. And let's face it, Toronto is pretty much the only city in Canada anyway. There is one team in the league that is American.

History of the Ontario Hockey League
The league contains at least fourteen minor league hockey teams (perhaps more, see below). After the sport was invented in 1952, and after the NHL was created soon after, the sport of hockey took off in popularity, especially after the CBC began TV broadcasting in 1957. As a result, more people wanted to play hockey than there were roster spots in the NHL. Therefore, a minor league was created, and was called the Ontario Hockey League. It is the only hockey league which exists other than the NHL. Despite this, those communists over at the New York Times can't see fit to print the OHL standings in its so-called Sports section. Luckily for us, Stephen Colbert gives the OHL coverage in his weekly Sports Update.



Teams in the Ontario Hockey League

 * Saginaw Spirit - The only American team in the league, and Stephen Colbert's favorite hockey team. Also, the only team worth seeing play the sport of hockey.
 * Owen Sound Attack - Stephen may not have anything bad to say about the city of Owen Sound, but their mascot is a bear. Yes, it is.  A godless killing machine.  This makes the Attack the # 1 archenemy of the Spirit.  They must be stopped at all costs.
 * Brampton Battalion - Brampton, if that is the city's real name, can't even stop people from vandalizing a golf course!
 * Kingston Frontenacs - The Saginaw Spirit destroyed them 8-1, so Frontenac must be French for bend over and take it, bitch!
 * Kitchener Rangers - A worthless band of Canadians who are pathetically trying to ride the coattails of Chuck Norris, aka Walker, Texas Ranger.
 * London Knights - A team which hails from jolly England. Their travel costs must be insane!
 * Ottawa 67s - The Saginaw Spirit blew them out, but still, watch out for Jamie McGinn, he is on a tear!
 * Petersborough Petes - What the #$@$%! is a pete?
 * Plymouth Whalers - The slow, blubberous whales were unable to keep up with the speed of the Spirit eagles in full flight.
 * Sarnia Sting - Sarnia sucks, and so does Sting.
 * Sault Sainte Marie Greyhounds - They "sainte" gonna beat the Saginaw Spirit! Their town is named after a saint whose miracles were apparently dubious at best.
 * Sudbury Wolves - They got OWNED by the Saginaw Spirit and Jesus
 * Toronto Saint Michael's Majors - Not sure what a Saint Michael Major is, but some research on their web site tells us that it is a coat rack.
 * Windsor Spitfires - No Match for Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle

There may or may not be other teams in this league. But we aren't sure, because Stephen Colbert hasn't mentioned them yet.