Talk:Bearism

bah, you guys beat me to it, here's what I had. Feel free to work some of it in if the mood strikes. perhaps a section on modern bearism?

The fastest growing cult in world, Bearism is perhaps America's greatest threat. Originating in the same area as most other great threats, central and western Canada, Bearism is quickly spreading east and south amongst small smatterings of misplaced Liberal Elitists.

Central Doctrine
Bearists believe that Bears are America's Planet's supreme species, and that God Himself was, in fact, a bear. Citing famous bear leaders, Yogi, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington and so on, Bearists contend that the four-legged terrors are our greatest thinkers.

Rites and Customs
Bearists have many rites, which they need to compensate for the lack of rights that any sort of sane goverment would allow them. Among these strange rituals is the Ceremonial Sacrifice of the Picanic Basket. In national parks all across this great country, most noteably Yellowstone (which many Bearists incorrectly call Jellystone, and defend until death), Liberal Elite Bearists flock to feed the save beasts, despite large and clearly marked signs instructing the contrary. This not only fuels bears in their quest to devour all of us, but also teaches the Godless Killing Machines to act more human, allowing them to infiltrate the human race more easily, earning the trust of the duller humans before brutally dismembering them in a blood orgy.