Cornhole Literalist

Cornhole Literalist
While the title Cornhole Literalist has, among prominent cornholists, been used only with reference to Glenn Beck, most cornholists are Cornhole Literalists even though they don't know it. Or rather, they do know it but they only know it as the wise know, namely in their gut. Cornhole Literalists are engaged in the literal interpretation of a Scripture which doesn't un-Great Americans can't see and therefore believe doesn't exist. But the actual Scripture, once alluded to by Joseph Smith but still invisible to the un-Great, is interpreted by all wise cornholists or cornholists who know what they are talking about even if they can't see what to what they refer or from what they interpret. Moreover, it is known to men who've acquired much learning in cornholism that Robert Cornhole wrote the Scripture and that Joseph Smith revealed it to himself by using seer stones. Glenn Beck, a prominent cornholist, has called upon the blessed and worshipful Stephen Colbert, perhaps the most prominent cornholist and arguably the only man on earth who can be said to be cornholy or cornholed, to reveal the Scripture. The cornholists await prophet Colbert's revelations and there is good reason to believe that, having already revealed that Robert Cornhole was an American founder, Colbert will reveal the laws of the Cornholistry. That hour will be, cornholists know, most climactic.