Ohio

History
Ohio is derived from the Indian word that means "Those who are just better". The land got this name by pwning Michigan in '04. (Note: the years between 1988-2000 do not exist as Ohioians cannot remember that they were once far inferior. Although 1994 and 1998 may exist).

Achieving Statehood
Originally part of the Northwest Territory, Ohio was to remain so until an angel in the form of Wayne Woodrow Hayes appeared to General Arthur St. Clair, and declared that Ohio should become a state so that it might become the "promised land" for the new revealed religion of Buckeyeology. Members of this religion must wear "O" logos on all of their clothing, even upon the swaddling clothes and caps of their infants. St. Clair, wanting to beat Michigan to the punch, convinced Congress that granting Ohio statehood would generate revenues at bowl games, and the state was admitted on March 1, 1803.

Facts Of The last line of defense
Ohio is in the Great Lakes Region North of the United States. The capital and largest city is Ohio State University. OSU is the nation's 15th largest city, and one of the fastest growing. The kingdom of Ohio houses 6 of the nation's largest cities, and is allowed its kingdom status only because of the self-defeating elitism of Ohioans, and only in regard to subservience to the greater empire of America. It is surrounded by pussies to the North, America's dirtiest city to the east, and hillbillies to the south. The hillbillies are far better drivers, but this does not take much doing since Ohio's drivers are among the nation's worst. Some hillbillies have infiltrated into the kingdom of Ohio, but have been largely ineffective, for they cannot read or write and their life expectancy is 12. Ohio's population is growing so that its status as a kick ass nation will continue.

Threats to Heterosexuality
Sharing a border with Michigan, Ohio is on the front line of the non-threat posed by this gay nation. Having amassed 90% of its population within 100 miles of the border, the people of Akron are constantly on the lookout for covert Michigan operatives so they can kick their asses.

Ohio Recently
The Ass Kicking in Ohio has been steadily increasing lately. Experts say this is due to having beaten MU and having the #1 Football and Basketball teams in the whole ^%$!ing nation. The Buckeyes are longtime rivals of Michigan's Wolverines, who are well-known allies of bears.

Experts are baffled by the American Hero Lebron James. It is believed by some that he is not actually an American Hero, but a Universal Hero who fights crime with his friend and fellow Universal Hero, Troy Smith. They both survived the extreme poverty of growing up in a town where the sports team's are being recruited as farm teams. Troy Smith grew up and became a *$#@ing awesome QB that MU just can't seem to stop sucking against. He also went on to win the Heisman, an award that has eluded such MU QB's as Tom Brady and Brian Griese. He mainly won the award because the rest of the candidates, like Michael Hart, made the sport of football look like a &%#$ing waste of time to America's youth due to their status as extreme douches.

Famous North Ohioans

 * Troy Smith
 * Greg Oden
 * Jim Tressel

A Typical Day in Ohio

 * Beating Michigan in football
 * Pwning MSU in B-ball
 * Choking on America's Wang: Florida


 * Learning how to be a non-driving fool

Also See
Columbus, Ohio