Football

Football is many games. It is called different things depending on where you are. People who follow Soccer insist they have the "original football." GET A LIFE PEOPLE IT IS SOCCER! It was designed when a group of drunk people decided they felt like bacon on their hamburger. They ended up chasing a pig around, trying to get it out through the other end of the paddock. They were interupted by a vegetarian hippie who told them that pigs have feelings and should be left alone. Hence when they finished their hamburgers, they wrapped up the hippie in the pigskin and started throwing him around. It was considered a special position to kick the hippie and thus the kicker is now the player who most often wins games.

This Americanized version of football is pretty much the epitome of manliness

Origins of Football
There are some who would like you to believe that football began spontaneously, and slowly evolved into its current form. Perhaps when French explorers came to America, and explored the Pennsylvania area. Perhaps they began seeing male lions without male traits, such as the lack of manes. This might have surprised them and maybe they named them nittany lions, nittany being a French adjective for lady like. Years later a female prison, Penitentiary State prison for women, was founded, and they got bored and started hitting people who held their only ball for recreation. This tradition became known as football because of women’s use of feet to hurt opponents. The Penitentiary State prison for women was shortened to Penn State, and later became a co-ed facility for education. This idea could have branched out, and changed ever so slightly, year after year until now, that every fall, footbal teams around the world play this primitive game.

But Real Americans don't believe their lies. Football is Real, people, a Man's game. Football was created 6000 years ago by God Himself. The first game played was at the Garden Bowl, it was Adam vs. Eve, and man did she get pwned. Maybe that's why it's a man's game.