Michael Moore/Fat Facts

Truths About How Fat Michael Moore Is

 * He's getting busted for making shitty movies in Cuba.
 * He makes shitty movies in Hollywood.
 * He has never made any good movies. Except for maybe Canadian Bacon. That was a half decent documentary, and he didn't have to upset Charlton Heston to do it. And you know how likes to fight with old men.
 * He hates America and makes The Baby Jesus cry.
 * He visits his good friend Lawrence Eagleburger to eat Eagleburgers. The bastard.
 * He likes to harvest American children and sell them to Manitoba where they are brainwashed and slowly transformed into Communists.
 * He is living proof that a spiritual power exists, one that allows mountains to move, and earthquakes to happen whenever he takes a step.
 * He is the only American who is beloved in France. Well, him, Jerry Lewis, and Kermit the Frog.
 * He is the Communist Ambassador to the UN, also known as NAMBLA
 * He is president of the Democratic party, also known as NAMBLA
 * He is a wanna-be member of the Film Actors Guild, also known as FAG, also known as NAMBLA
 * Michael Moore loves bears and Democrats, also known as NAMBLA
 * He is the head of SPECTRE (NAMBLA acronym with French words), and is the nemesis of James Bond.
 * He has a motherf@#$ing demon in one of his motherf$%^ing stomachs.
 * He is the president of NAMBLA, also known as UNICEF
 * He weighs more than you do. Guaranteed. Don't argue with me, just believe it.
 * He can only be weighed on Truck Stops.
 * Had to change his pants and get his heart re-replaced after being asked by Stephen to go on his show. He was that stunned.
 * He has his own personal "heart attack stopper" kit. He carries it with him every day, and has to use it at least twice an hour.
 * Stuffs his bra (not that he needs to-see below)
 * Has man-boobs...huge ones.
 * Leni Riefenstahl + fatness = Michael Moore.
 * He is secretly stalking Stephen in order to make a biased documentary about him.
 * Is the inspiration for many end boss battles including that fat baby at the end of Halflife 1