Minnesota

Minnesota (or Wisconsin's Libya) is the United States' 32nd state, and filled with evil Norwegians and overweight blonde women. All outsiders who enter this land forgotten by God who happen to have dark hair or swarthy characteristics are constantly watched with fierce disapproval. Known for venerating political failures like Walter Mondale and naming buildings at universities after them. Part of the American Mordor known as the Upper Midwest. It has voted for the godless sodomite Democratic candidate in every presidential election since 1972, when it voted for beacon of truthiness, Richard M. Nixon. Its one redeemable quality is Senator Norm Coleman (R-America), who is DEFINITELY not gay. I mean, he's never had sex with another man. Okay, maybe once or twice. Alright fine, he can't keep his fucking hands outside of gay sex, are you happy now?

Geography
Basically, the whole bottom half the state is farmland, and the top half is a combination of lakes, forests, hills, and mosquitoes that could eat your cat. Minnesota shares a border with Canada, and therefore provides access for communist, French, and bear infiltration into the United-States. The city of Fargo lies in the northern part of the state, and in the middle of the state is the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area, which is like the 13th or so biggest in the country, and easily the most full of gays other than San Francisco. Literally. The Metro Area sprawls for fifty or so miles in every direction, one of the best examples in the country of urban sprawl, and how to keep the demand for gas high.

Politics
Minnesota has voted for a Godless Democrat for president every four years since 1976, even voting for Mondale for some reason in 1984 instead of St. Reagan. But, the state is relatively moderate because the outstate yokels cancel out the people in the metro area. So there is currently a Republican Governor, Tim Pawlenty. And he abides by the essential principle that it's a great idea to not raise taxes no matter what, even when the state really needs more money.

Mall of America
The Mall of America, the largest indoor retail center in the country, lies in the Minneapolis suburb of Bloomington. It is an abomination to God. It is rumored that occasionally when outstaters come to visit the mall, their heads explode out of shock at the sheer size and scope of the thing. Concrete proof hasn't been offered to backup these rumors, but there is a red residue along the ceiling in the main entrance to the mall.

The mall's recent expansion also includes the Water Park of America, which is supposedly the world's biggest indoor water park. It really doesn't look that big. But whatever.

Lake Calhoun
Named for a Southern, pro-slavery, Civil War-era US Senator, Lake Calhoun is the recreational heart of urban, liberal Minneapolis. Typically on weekends, its running trails are crowded with Godless sodomites who insist on being referred to as human beings, while degrading the moral atmosphere of the lake. Luckily, the area isn't big on history, and doesn't see the massive irony in this.

Mayo Clinic
Another thing that Minnesota is known for is the Mayo Clinic. Once upon a time, somebody spilled a bunch of Mayonaise on the floor and another person slipped on it and broke their leg. That is how the Mayo Clinic started.

Hockey
Minnesota is the self-proclaimed "state of hockey," and is played by 91.5% of those who live in the state. The state's professional team, the Minnesota Wild, dresses in green and red uniforms at home, making their players look like ice-skating Christmas trees. This is symbolic of the culture war in Minnesota between Democrats and Republicans.

Ice Fishing
Ice fishing is a year round activity enjoyed by men and women of all ages. Occasionally amid the heavily liquored parties thrown in ice houses across the state someone manages to catch a fish.

Famous Minnesotens

 * Charlie Brown