Barack Hussein Obama

Barack Obama is the United States' first black man &mdash; or should I say, black Secret Republican &mdash; to serve as president and is the U.S.'s 44th president.



باراك أوباما (or Bearack Mohammed Hussein Nixon Lincoln Bush Grant Obama) is the 44th President of the United States of America (but Prof. McDoc still doesn't acknowledge him as president of anything) and an Amazing bear-hunting black Republican. Barack Hussein Obama's agenda, as a secret GOP double agent, has four steps that he's outlined in secret:
 * 1) pose as a Democratic politician for 12 years
 * 2) take over America's political establishment as the Decider
 * 3) add a secret tax on 50 percent of all Baby-killing Liberals
 * 4) enslave the Baby-killing Liberal race

People say his mother is an atheist, but she is actually a Republican posing as an atheist. In short, Barack is half-black, but all Republican Liberal-hater. His Dad is supposedly from Africa (as if the place even existed), and Obama hasn't lived the typical experiences of an African-American. Fine, so he's half-African-Republican-American. Or so they tell us. We don't see race.



Faking Being Muslim
Mr. Hussein Obama has denied being muslim (as far we know), yet his America-hating pastor claims to follow a proper religion.

Dr. Stephen Colbert has once and for all cleared up the misunderstanding regarding Mr. Hussein Obama's muslimness on the March 13, 2008 episode of his award-winning newsprogram, The Colbert Report by revealing that Mr. Hussein Obama is actually a secret muslim. Later, Dr. Colbert revealed that Hussein Obama is actually a Secret Time-traveling Nazi Muslim. Just before that however, Dr. Colbert revealed that Hussein Obama may in fact be a Quaker.

In an attempt to distance himself from the nefarious hijinks of Reverend Jeremiah "God Damn America!" Wright and the Trinity United Church of Christ, has left the church &mdash; his spiritual home of 20 years &mdash; and has reportedly moved his church membership to Flip Wilson's Church of What's Happening Now!



Forged Birth Certificate
His Secret Muslimism may come from his secretive birth. A great American internets tube has discovered that the doctor who created a birth certificate for a "" born in the kingdom of Hawaii was named Dr. X Coincidence? I think not.

Faking Being The Anti-Christ
Renowned America-loving, God-fearing man Pastor Shepard welcomes the anti-Christ, but not for reasons that you might expect!

He's looking forward to the rapture and getting to meet Jesus! (See God's Divine Plan for more details)

Other Secret Muslim Societies He Belongs To

 * Black Panthers
 * Black Eagles (they gave him the name "Malcolm Awe Kooda bilaxpak Kuuxshish")
 * Black Bears
 * Black Community Organizers
 * African Chamber of Commerce
 * Nation of Islam
 * Release Convicted Felons division of ACLU
 * The Biological Weapons Terrorists, Subatomic Division
 * The Society of Secret Muslims

The Hype


When the liberal media got tired after a day or two of talking about the 2006 midterm elections, they turned their attention to the 2008 Presidential race and decided that would be a good candidate. They tried to call him Barack "Tiger" Obama. They ditched that6 idea after discovering that he sucks as golf.

But regardless, the guy has a devilish lure to many Americans. Jimi Hendrix even arose from his grave in Renton, Washington to shoot a campaign commercial for Obama.

Fox News tried to keep talking about Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, but was forced to do a few chats about Obama even though they hoped, indeed knew, that he would be running against and be destroyed by our greatest President ever, George W. Bush, as he moved on to his glorious third term as president.

The Name
holds the all-time record for "Worst Possible Name for an American Politician." Not only does his first name sound like Iraq, and his surname sounds a hell of a lot like "Osama," his freakin' middle name is HUSSEIN! Thus Republican claims of his status as the Antichrist are proven.

According to a special exposé on John Stewart's The Daily Show, Mr. Hussein Obama's real name is "Hitler von Jewserbaggen".

Just in case none of the naming stuff works, the actress who asked Tennessee Senate candidate Harold Ford to "Call me," is still on retainer for the RNC.

Who is this guy?


We don't know. He won't say anything. But if one does a little bit of research it will not take long to realize that he is a baby killing machine.

Enough about what he is, who is he?

The son of a single mother, he attended a Wahhabist Madrassa under the tutelage of Osama Bin Laden. He grew up in Chicago's south side; he has never said that, while there, he didn't sell crack to blond school girls and force them in prostitution.

When his ho empire was large enough, Osama Obama bought himself a couple of college degrees and blackmailed Richard Daley into getting him appointed State Senator, an office he assumed by being sworn in on a Bible. ''' AKWARD!!! '''

He palled around with domestic terrorists, yadda, yadda, yadda, and now democrats have made him president.

In 2004 at the DNC he used his black magic to convince Democrats that he would make a good Presidential candidate.

Previous to his purchase of the Democratic Presidential Nomination, Hussein Obama was engaged in the following;

Let's take a look at the last 50 years of his life shall we?
Up until August 4, 1961, Barack Hussein Obama's past is shrouded in mystery. Where was he? What was he doing? No one seems to know. The NSA and the CIA have both hinted that they have some sketchy information about this period in his life, but nothing concrete has been released to the public. Although he's been asked to clarify this part of his history multiple times, Barack Hussein has been uncharacteristically close-mouthed about what "exactly" he was up to.



The first recorded event we have on file for Barack Hussein however, on 8-4-61, involves some sort of direct contact with, and possible molestation of, a much older white woman. While the Ku Klux Klan has been lobbying for Hussein's head on a stick ever since, he has remained shielded from their righteous anger by the liberal media, which seeks to deify him. For several years after '61, Hussein was a real pal to such leftist and counter-culture individuals as John Lennon, Liberace, and of course Teddy Roosevelt. His long time love affair with Marlyn Monroe and JFK is, of course, a matter of public record, but what's not commonly known is that he was the "catcher" in that particular twisted relationship.

Moving into the late 60's and early 70's, Barack Hussein spent a lot of time smoking weed, being cool and feeling groovy. He probably marched in a protest too, but who can say for certain. What is known is that he received terrorist training, specifically to become a suicide bomber. In 1968 he was activated with the express purpose of stopping us from putting a man on the moon. Fortunately, the bomb he was carrying was a dud.



Upon returning to the U.S. from Cape Canaveral, Hussein Obama was contacted by radical leftist and well known terrorist sympathizer George Lucas to play a starring role in his hippie propaganda piece American Graffiti. Obama took to the role with gusto under the pseudonym "Harrison Ford". This started a long long career of depravity in the employ of Lucas and his terrorist organization, Al Queda (California Division). Obama went on to make some of the most horrid movies of all time, proving his only desire was to destroy the country. (Temple of Doom anyone?)

Eventually, stardom took it's toll, and while sitting in the Chevy Chase wing of the Betty Ford Rehab center, Hussein Obama decided that the answer to his burning quest for the destruction of America lay in the foreign country of Hawaii. Traveling there on the wings of Darkness, he enrolled in Clown College.

From his book "How and Why I want to Destroy America"


"Clown College was the best answer to my driving need to see America fall. May Allah burn them for 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 years in lakes of tar when the godless pig-dogs of the west finally face my juggling skills!"

Of course, we all know that Obama was a washout in Clown College, partially because of his penchant for beheading other students when he discovered that they were Americans. Fleeing several CIA hit teams he decided to hide out at LA-X with terrorists Hunter S. Thompson and Bette Midler. Becoming a baggage handler there, he has been linked by the FBI to some, if not all of the following;


 * Dropping bags.
 * Packing bags so tightly together that the jaws of life were needed to seperate them.
 * Opening luggage to try on women's underwear.
 * Lighting hampsters on fire.
 * Being a minority.
 * Smoking more reefer than Kieth Richards.
 * Selling Kool Aid to Jim Jones.
 * Petting Mr. Jones' monkey.
 * Liking it while he petted said monkey.
 * Making snuff films.
 * Starring in A Very Brady Christmas
 * Fathering two black children!

Then of course, there was the "incident" on 8-22-03. Which of course brings us to the here and now with the DCC decided to make him a Senator while he attempts to bring about the apocalypse.

Brought To You By The Letter "B"
See main article: B

As talk of Obama 08 heated up, several GOP talking heads experimented with various truthy ways of pronouncing the Senator's name. All involved emphasizing that middle name, but some of the more creative alternatives also shifted his first name to "BEAR-ack" or "BAR-ock."

Extra points are given to Fox News guests if the "B" in Obama is replaced accidentally by an "S": "Osama... I mean "Oh-BOMB-uh..."

CNN: Where's Obama
Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer asks the question "Where's Obama" as they cover a story on the hunt for Al Qaeda's leadership.

CNN makes the Ahmadinejad connection
Meanwhile, GOP linguists continued to experiment with attempts to make the name sound more like "Ahmadinejad".

Congratulations are in order for CNN's Jeff Greenfield who figured out the proper link between Iran's President and. It's all about his fashion choices on the "book tour" trail and his decision to wear a suit without a tie. Greenfield made the connection on the Dec. 11, 2006 Wolf Blitzer show: "But, in the case of Obama, he may be walking around with a sartorial time bomb. Ask yourself, is there any other major public figure who dresses the way he does? Why, yes. It is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who, unlike most of his predecessors, seems to have skipped through enough copies of GQ to find the jacket-and-no-tie look agreeable."

It was so obvious. How could everyone else have missed it?

Connection to Obama Osama bin Laden
Aside from the similarities in their names, and bin Laden also share the characteristic of being autotrophic lifeforms. If Obama truly wanted to distance himself from the terrorist leader, he would have chosen to be a chemotrophic lifeform, such as the ocean-dwelling tube worms that live on volcanic vents off the coast of Chile.

They may also have a "special relationship".

On October 31, 2007, accidentally called him Barack Osama Bin Laden Obama. He immediately apologized.

Family & Friends
is the son of the renowned African-Muslim goat-herder, Malcolm X, from Kenya who met Barack's mother, a Hawaiian-Atheist princess, while he was studying as a foreign-exchange student at the University of Hawaii. His parents divorced when Barack, Jr. was only two. As a result, Barack was raised by a pack of African bears who taught him the Kenyan art of herding. Since there weren't many goats in Hawaii at the time, Obama Sr used cats. Young Barack's cat-herding experience would later allow him to advance quickly in Democratic Party politics which has often been compared to cat-herding.

When not herding cats, went to a Militant Islamic elementary school.

Young 's precocious foreign-policy experience continued when his mother remarried, again to a foreign exchange student. Hubby #2 was from Indonesia. Young attended school there for a few years before returning to Hawaii.

Growing up he was tall and skinny (like his cousin Osama Bin Laden), everyone called him "beanpole" and he never ate grits.

Recently, a few of 's aquaintances have caused many to take notice and question his friendships: Reverend Jeremiah Wright, 's "crazy uncle"/mentor, has blurted some really offensive statements about honkies; and Antoin Rezko, a former business associate of, has just been found guilty on 16 of 24 counts of fraud. When asked to remark on Mr. Rezko's apparent criminal behavior, responded: " This is not the same Tony Rezko that I knew." This statement just goes to show that doesn't know anyone that he knows!

Connection to Kenyan Terrorism
Raila Amolo Odinga, cousin of Jr., is waging Jihad on Kenya's government. Barack Obama Sr. founded the Militant Islamic movement and later passed onto his nephew Odinga. If Obama Jr.'s mother didn't divorce Obama Sr., Obama Jr. would have become the leader of the movement.

Connections to Evil Alien Empire
Recently, it has bean revealed that Obama is actually a member of the Skrull empire attempting to infiltrate the US government.

Connections To Chicago Mobsters And Domestic Terrorists
Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (the name he used all his life ) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan. During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip? When he came back, he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap! Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans? Maybe. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000. a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York.

By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo, Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko, was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association'. About two years later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans? After Law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar', Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwoood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With all those Student Loans - Where did he get the money for the property? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire, loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.

Obama, The Anti-Christ


Several reputable news sources have boldly claimed that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. At first, one may quickly dismiss this possibility, but as one takes a closer look, it becomes very apparent that he is indeed the Anti-Christ.

The Evidence
1. Jesus was white, so common sense would suggest that the Anti-Christ would be a black man.

2. He smokes cigarettes.

3. According to The Book of Revelations the Anti-Christ is:

"a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent (named Barack Obama), who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal.... the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything."

4. If Obama isn't the Anti-Christ, why wouldn't he just come out and say so?

5. He created his own flag for when he enslaves America!

6. He has enslaved hundreds of students to worship him in song!

Politics
claims to be a Christian even though he has refused to change his name to something more pleasing to The Baby Jesus.

He later went to Columbia, where he got a degree in "International Drug Trafficking" and "Hoes and Bitches Studies". After graduating from Columbia, he moved to Chicago to work on "social issues" with a church group. Although he was working for a supposed "faith-based charity", the group he chose to work with focused on liberal issues like "economic disparity" and "justice" rather than the approved Republican red-meat issues like gay marriage and abortion. This makes Obama's work even more dangerous than stuff done by Non Faith Based Charities because it tries to confuse people into thinking that God and the baby Jesus care about things that are not part of the Greatest President Ever's agenda.

is a proud and active member of a so-called "church" that recognizes gay pastors and supports gay marriage. The United Church of Christ includes among its congregations a huge Dallas mega-church, the Cathedral of Hope. Most of the thousands of members of that congregation are gay, proven by their choice of festive attire and claims of "feeling" The Spirit.

Hussein Obama also steals candy from babies, defaces public property, and has his own gang.

Despite that questionable religious background, often talks about his supposed "faith" in speeches. He was elected to the Illinois legislature after a failed attempt to snag a seat in the US Congress. His cat-herding skills served him well there, as he became a widely known and remarked politician there.

It didn't hurt that Oprah taped her show in Chicago since got himself invited on to share the same couch jumped on by Tom Cruise. That made him just famous enough that he was invited to give the keynote address at the John Kerry coronation during the 2004 Democratic Convention.

All three-dozen people who watched that silly exercise were impressed with 's speech.

In 2004, during the second Bush Landslide, was elected to the US Senate easily because the residents of Chicagoland don't know any better after years of brain-washing by the Daley family. It also helped that Obama's Republican opponent, Jack Ryan, was forced to drop out when it was revealed he had sex with his wife Jeri Ryan. Star Trek nerds were offended that he had befouled 7-of-9, and forced Ryan's ouster from the race.

Alliance With Bears & Other Terrorists


Being a Muslim, Mr. Hussein Obama was born into a clan of bears. But, it wasn't until July 2008, during a visit to Germany that Mr. Hussein Obama discovered his true potential, and killed the evil bears.

Berlin's Mayor, Klaus Wowereit, presented Mr. Hussein Obama with the gift of a porcelain bear figurine. Allegedly, the bear is the symbol of Berlin.

There is no question that Mr. Hussein Obama chose Berlin as the location for his speech because of its mascot.

Perceptive reporters were able to recognize the meaning of this exchange. Inquiring reporters now want investigations into the number of bears Mr. Hussein Obama owns, real, stuffed and figurine.

Speech Thief
Barack Obama may or may not be honest, but no one disputes his blatant plagiarism. Mr. Hussein Obama has stolen from every great American and claimed it was all his own ideas.

People He Has Stolen From

 * Ronald Reagan's Mourning In America speech
 * Martin Luther King, Jr.'s I Have A Dream speech

Obama Girl
Obama Girl is Obama's mistress. Why does Barack hate marriage? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKsoXHYICqU

The Council of Doom
The Council of Doom has made it their #3 priority to make sure that Barack Obama does what is right for the people of America. By getting polls every hour, the Council can force Barack Obama to go with the polls. He is hard on the outside, but very soft on the inside, like a barnacle. Once the Council gets control, they will continue to assure that the country is run correctly by brainwashing him, then programming a clone of him to do what the voters want. It will be the greatest dynasty the great America has ever seen. This short paragraph brought to you by the Council of Doom: We Got Your Back.

The Liberal Elite
Barack Obama is a Latte Liberal. Proof of this is not needed, but will be provided:
 * 1) went to college
 * 2) went to France
 * 3) reads
 * 4) appears to be thinking before he speaks
 * 5) believes terrorists have rights

Hard Core 150% True, Not-Rumored Internet Facts About Obama (Come and get 'em Fox)

 * is a Skrull.
 * is a major nerd.
 * had not one but two black daughters in wedlock.
 * doesn't wear a flag pin in the shower.
 * supports changing America's name to "Ameristan."
 * is married to Oprah Winfrey.
 * called John McCain "Sweetie."
 * is a self-proclaimed Bears fan.
 * will refer to his Cabinet as "My Posse."
 * is a Democrat.
 * is a liberal.
 * may choose Ron Karenga as his Vice President.
 * 's wife, Michelle Obama, looks like "Aunt Esther" from Sanford & Son.
 * wants to close Israel.
 * is not black, or white. Therefore he's imaginary since the world exists in black and white with nothing in between.
 * will wear a keffiyeh when he is sworn into office.
 * is not in love with The Greatest President Ever.
 * wants to convert The Washington Monument into a minaret.
 * already has Secret Service guards, so he will probably just get assassinated anyway.
 * would unwittingly usher in the end of the world. Just watch all those disaster movies and notice how the President is always either black or Bill Pulman to see what we mean.
 * wants to enslave white people
 * is Saddam Hussein's Cousin
 * went to elementary school with Osama Bin Laden
 * will deliver his State of the Union Addresses via Rap and Beatboxing.
 * is a liar.
 * 's grandmother was in the Klan.
 * , if elected, will serve Ripple at his inaugural ball.
 * is communist in a blackish whitish body.
 * wants to hold unconditional talks with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, Muqtada al-Sadr, Osama bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, & Susan Sarandon.
 * supports the liberal arts.
 * will appoint leftist Supreme Court justices who will try to overturn Packers v. Patriots, 1996.
 * also supports the gays.
 * plans to create another Executive/Cabinet department, the Department of Ministry, and he will appoint the Reverend Jeremiah Wright as its Secretary.
 * eats stem cells.
 * eats unborn babies.
 * prays to a black Jesus.
 * finds black beans, black coffee, black pudding, and colored pencils racially offensive.
 * possesses an uncanny resemblance to "The Brown Hornet," from Bill Cosby's Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids.
 * kills cute bunnies.
 * does NOT have Moxie.
 * deals drugs. This explains why Hillary is mad at him: he's taking her money! and is really taking over her drug trade.
 * smokes weed at NAACP conventions.
 * didn't find Blazing Saddles particularly funny.
 * hates the Greatest Country On Gods Green Earth.
 * loves expensive suits.
 * 's great-uncle helped to liberate the concentration camp at Buchenwald during World War II, which makes Obama half-Jewish.
 * was a congressman.
 * hates Bush.
 * hates Barney.
 * is not a Republican.
 * has been to 57 of America's 50 States.
 * ends his campaign slogans with prepositions: "Change We Can Believe IN." WTF?!
 * smokes crack and was a crack baby.
 * observes Ramadan.
 * loves Nancy Pelosi.
 * is related to O.J. Simpson (by blood).
 * doesn't have enough experience.
 * receives support from Giuliani's daughter, which proves he's having sex with teen white women.
 * is too snore-y and stinky.
 * doesn't have a wide stance.
 * is elitist, despite not being born into wealth, connections, and guaranteed Yale degrees like the people Jesus likes.
 * 's campaign manager advised bin Laden.
 * uses the word "change" all the time, but doesn't know how he is going to change anything.
 * lives in Chicago, IL which has the zip code 60606. Take out the zeros and what do ya got?
 * is all-to-good of a storyteller.
 * is one of those reptile people from the mini-series "V".
 * has a gay crush on Osama Bin Laden. That one's dangerous, rugged, and hairy. Rawr.

Issues He's Flip-Flopped On

 * Genocide

Effect on the Bear Uprising of 2012
Obama May Be An Elitist, But Obama has actually saved us from the Bear Uprising of 2012. You see, Obama chose to keep Bush's Secretary of defense, Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense. By doing this, eventually Gates will be Shot in the face by Dick Cheney. After this, Obama will choose Stephen Colbert as Secretary of Defense. Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear To a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all. The ultimate climax of the final battle of the bear uprising. The ultimate climax of the final battle of the bear uprising. Being an American Hero, Colbert will Easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business,he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after.

Stealing the election


On November 4, 2008, Obama hypnotized a record number of voters into filling their ballots with lies and, in what history will surely recognize as a coup (and not the good, military kind), Obama became the 44th President of the United States, as well as the first What We're Told Is Black President. Not satisfied with stealing John McCain's birthright, he then bullied Congress into letting his Democrat buddies steal a large number of seats. (Gordon Smith is notoriously vulnerable to wedgies and wet willies during an election). Real Americans will simply have to hide for the next four years and await freedom's return, presumably brought on by a rag-tag band of plucky Texas oilmen.

Obama-mentum

 * Barack Obama at Campaigns Wikia
 * Obama '08
 * Yes We Carve!, Halloween Propaganda!
 * The ho-bama library

Tube Sources

 * Pronunciation lesson on Hardball (YouTube)
 * Obama '08 Hendrix commercial (YouTube)
 * mysterious new web-based anti-Obama attack ad (Asecular.com)

The Osama Obama Conection

 * The Osama Obama Conspiracy
 * Proof of the Obama Conspiracy
 * Super-duper John Ashcroft recognizes the Osama - ummm - Obama connection
 * Secret Muslim Primary Numbers
 * Calculator that tells you how much of your hard-earned American dollars go to Al Qaeda.