Soccer



What is commonly referred to as football around the world is rightfully labeled soccer in America. Just because you use your foot to kick the ball doesn't mean that the sport(?) should be called football. That is irrational. That is as irrational as the design of the soccer ball. Perfectly round? What kind of fun is that? It goes right where you kick it. The American football is shaped the way a ball should be. Oval. Like a testical. (really, give it a good feel..........go ahead. the text won't disappear. it's oval.........now rub a little more slowly......quicker....don't forget the other side.....)

No, a sport with a round ball kicked by your foot should be called soccer. Football is America's game with America's name. The name of 'football' will not be stolen by irrational Europeans. Europeans play soccer and we all know what Europeans do all day. Yep, that's right, incest.

Simply watching a game of soccer shows the irrationality of those who enjoy the game. The goalie has no pads at all (except his Maxi), and the players are not allowed to use their God given hands. Furthermore, the game is 3 hours long and rarely does anyone score. Sounds like a typical European's Friday night (unless his sister is around).

But I digress........

History


Soccer was invented by homosexuals as a way for men to wear short shorts and hug other men. All patriotic Americans have no interest in soccer, and those who do are godless hippie jihadists.

The 2006 World Cup Finals pitted Italy, home of Mussolini, against France, home of the French. After an intense match, Italy won, but only because the Pope threatened God, saying he would convince all righteous Christians to eat babies and join the cult of $cientology.

Also notable during the match, were French player Zidane's actions in headbutting an Italian opponent. However, Zidane headbutted him in the chest, proving that the French (and to a lesser extent, soccer players) would always fail at any attempts at manliness.

The Satanic Bears
The Satanic Bears is a soccer team owned by Satan and coached by a group of bears. Its team members include (among others):
 * 1) Osama Bin Laden
 * 2) Saddam Hussein
 * 3) Several members of Greenpeace
 * 4) Smokey the Bear
 * 5) Michael Moore
 * 6) George Clooney
 * 7) Bono

The Satanic Bears were disqualified from the 2006 World Cup after thier jihadist fans rioted at all three of the first games.

Support for Soccer
Soccer became the favorite game of communist jihadists when Vladimir Lenin, declared it the official sport of the U.S.S.R. in 1995.

Soccer is also a favorite of the Dixie Chicks.

Gay
Soccer is a gay sport, where gay men go after each others balls.