Breaking News

EMERGENCY NEWS: NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES MISSILE!!
GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!!!!

The United States of America '''The Glorious States of The New North Korean Empire. April 5, 2009''' - [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/04/wind-may-have-forced-nort_n_183114.html NATION, WE ARE DONE FOR!!! THERE IS NO HOPE, NO SALVATION. IS OVER, WE ARE DOOMED! THERE IS NOTHING WE CANT DO!! AND I THINK I JUST SH@T MY PANTS!!!!]

[http://www.newsweek.com/id/192583 OH MY GOD!!! THERE IS NO GOD!!!!]

Comrades, welcome to The Communist States of America! As you know our Glorious Leader Ever of North Korea has launched his missile against the objection of those capitalist pigs!! All hail and Glory to our Glorious and Wise Leader!!! Citizen Comrade, we must now destroy The Capitalist Pig Leader who is undermining the socialist movement of the people! The Capitalist Pig President continues to defy socialism by rewarding the bourgeois class! The Proletariat must control the means of production, therefore we must produce pitchforks and torches!!!

Citizen Comrade, democracy has failed to America. But thanks to the New Wise Leadership of The Glorious Leader Ever of the New North Korean Empire, socialism and communist shall rule the world!!! Join us, and let us destroy the lies of capitalism and democracy! The Capitalist President has failed to safeguard the world, join us before is too late for you!

Fear not, for being ruled by the new Overlord Glorious Leader will grant Glorious benefits to the citizenry!! I promise there will be no consequences with changes. What could go wrong?


 * UPDATE: Comrades, we have evidence that the Capitalist Pig Japanese will sent their "Mechas" and Giant Robots to fight off The Glorious Military Might of North Korea!... wait... what??? Sine when North Korea has a mighty army??? Nation, I welcome our New Japanese Overlords!!

Mooslim Tyrant Demands Tribute
Bears want fish, honey, and free money

'''The Mooslim Kingdom of Earth. April 4, 2009''' - Nation, the mooslim leader is at it again, this time he is demanding an autonomous foreign nation to implement liberal policies or suffer his wrath!

Nation, I have no problem demanding some foreign power to adapt to our policies asking a sovereign state nicely to change their laws. After all The Greatest Ex-Presient Ever asked nicely to his allies to implement some of his ideas or we would nuke them. But Obama’s™ approach is down right tyrannical, demanding this sovereign state to implement his liberal policies or to suffer the consequences is down right being a bully! Nation, I don’t know about you, but that’s the behavior of a tyrant!

Worst, according with sources, the foreign nation’s law is a thousand years old, who are we to mess with their tradition? Plus, we are told the law comes from God! If it comes from God it must be good! Nation, we are told that these laws that the sovereign nation established is to protect their own “undesirables”… now I am not sure what kind of undesirables they have, but our translators believe they call their undesirables “cattles-that-must-stay-home-and-do-what-we-say-because-we-are-men-and-superior”… or so our translators tells us… so we think the laws are meant to protect their cows or something…

Nation, I am sick and tired of liberals pushing their liberal agenda on others and forcing people to live under their demands. Who the hell they think they are? We all know that their socialist and welfare policies are morally bankrupting our nation and our pockets. The mooslim leader seems to be more preoccupied with establishing his liberal policies around the world rather than focus on the real issues of here at home… like the protection of the innocent that may or may not exist one day but they still deserve our protection because God says so. And the abolishment of liberal policies and laws that is costing money to the tax payers.

I am sick and tired of creating special laws that protects minorities and undesirables. These “liberals laws” are a waste of time and of tax payer money so we should abolish them… whats the worst that could happen?…

But I digress… if these foreigners want to pass laws to protect “their cows”, who are we to be offended let alone criticize them?… so long as they worship the same God than us… ''what? They don’t? Then why am I defending them???'' Nation, forget about them, they are foreigners and don’t deserve our attention… however, I am certain that IF McCain had been our president I am sure he would easy deal with foreign dignitaries better than this mooslim tyrant…

Oh, yeah, we also learned that “A computer worm” may or may not have infected the series of tubes… so beware… we named this worm “confikobamamania”

Sarah Palin For 2012 2009!! Obama™ goes Bonkers!!!
GOP Want Special Elections Now!

'''The United States of America. April 3, 2009''' - Nation, I have some great news!!! The GOP is going to hold a “Special Election” to help Ted Stephens to regain his seat!!! Ted Stephens is going to be the NEW Governor of Alaska!!!

Now I know some of you are asking, “But what about Sarah Palin?”… Nation, Palin is going to be the NEW President of America!! The GOP informed Wikiality that they will hold new presidential elections she will be busy fighting off the Polar Bears… what a woman…

Meanwhile we received some news that The Mooslim Leader is inciting violence and aggression against Entrepreneurial Americans. We were told that Obama™ rounded up bankers, CEOs, and other financial geniuses in a room and threatened them with death unless they gave up all of their wealth… We were only able to get a fragment of their discussion:

AIG-Banker: All the Wall Street's Masters of the Universe requires is this: a simple offering of Bail Outs and Bonuses. A token of the socialist's submission to the will of the Free Market.

Obama: Submission. Well, that's a bit of a problem. See, rumor has it that The Gays have already turned you down. And if those brainiacs and … boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve …

Biden: [interrupting] We must be diplomatic.

Obama: And of course socialists [cutting Biden off] … have their reputation to consider.

AIG-Banker: Choose your next words carefully, Obama. They may be your last as President of the United States. ''[Obama turns and ponders the offer. He looks to various people around him, the last of which is Michelle]''

Obama: Bail Outs and Bonuses...? ''[He draws his sword and points it towards the AIG-Banker, whose back is to a large, deep well. The “Godless Killing Machines” draw their swords and point them to the other bankers and CEOs]''

AIG-Banker: Madman... You're a madman!

Obama: Bail Outs and Bonuses... You'll find plenty of both down there [indicates the oubliette with his sword].

AIG-Banker: No man, Mooslim or Gay, no man threatens a Capitalist!

Obama: [angrily] You bring the Subprime Mortgage Crisis and the deeds of foreclosed houses to my White House's steps! You insult my First Lady. You threaten my people with bankruptcy and debt! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Capitalist Pig. Perhaps you should have done the same.

AIG-Banker: This is blasphemy! This is madness! [Obama looks toward Michelle, who nods]

Obama: [facing the AIG-Banker] Madness? THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SOCIALISM! [kicks the AIG banker into the well]

Nation, I never knew AIG-Banker, but he shall be missed...

International Scandal unfolds in G-20
That One is destroying America’s image

'''The Liberal Bear-loving Hippie Gay liberal Army of France. April 3, 2009''' - Nation, as you know the situation in G-20 has become unstable ever since That One gave his anti-American speech and insulted many Heads of States recently; worst his pervy wife couldn’t keep her hands off some poor old lady and is causing an uproar. But if you think that was the end of it, you were wrong… for you see we received news that a Cat Fight broke out during the conference, and it has damage America’s image FOREVER!!! Wikiality learned that, some French whore, and a gay guy got into a Cat Fight about who was the hottest in the room… oh, boy… it was horrible…

Nation, this is one of the reasons women shouldn’t meddle with affairs of the state, let alone with politics. Women are such emotional creatures that are useless for a governing body, which is why we need laws to tell them what to think, what to do, and how to feel we need laws to protect women to survive in a Man’s world… and man’s world is thought… fight club thought… If it wasn’t for us guys passing protective laws, we would have a bunch of psychotic sex-craze wymen having lots of sex and abortions… Ladies you are welcome…

GOP Awesome Plan Will Restore Economy and Elect John McCain Sarah Palin as New President!!!
GOP demands a do over new elections

'''The Patriotic States of America! April 3, 2009''' - Nation, the outlook still looks grim for America. But do not fear! The GOP has unveiled their new plan to save America forever! They want a do-over! to impeach Obama™ and hold a New “Special Elections” and anoint Sarah Palin as the true President of America! It is time to hold fair and legitimate elections!! And bring back decency to the political office.

As you know THE MOOSLIM LEADER continues to bring embarrassment to our country. If you remember “someone” (I wont name names, but you know who you are) caused a controversial scandal in the palace *coughmichellecoughdeviantcoughpervertcoughmolesterofqueeniescough* and OMG, yeah because they are a bunch of pervies, the other Nations decided to keep their distance… what a bunch of loooosers!!! O-M-G is wearing such tacky clothes…

Nation, ever since the mooslim leader took office, America’s economy has crashed because of excessive liberalism and socialist policies that he passed the day he took the oath of office… our poor free market is too sensitive to socialist change… shame on you That One!! Now the insidious socialist wont stop with just destroying the free market, but he is also pushing his socialist doctrine to all Americans by giving away free money tax payer money to CEOs, bankers, and other conglomerates poor welfare queens!! Do not be fooled, we know this is a conspiracy to steal our money!! We have evidence that the economy is not crashing!!!… wait… yeah. Obama is to blame for our destroyed economy AND for fabricating a conspiracy to make our economy look bad to steal from us… he is guilty of both crimes!!!

Nation, we must act quickly! Everyday That One stays in power, more gays are getting gay married! And their numbers are increasing!!! Worst, as we predicted Animals are attacking our morals! And is not helping that the liberal media is being bias when it comes with what is wrong with America…

Nation… is time for Real Americans to save America.

Bankers and CEOs Unveil New Plan to Save Global Economy!!
GOP likes the idea

'''The Corporate Capitalist States of Earth. April 2, 2009''' - Nation, I just learned a great way to make money!! The plan is very popular among bankers and CEOs, and no, this time is not a ponzi scheme, a bail out, or a mortgage loan!! The Plan is called “The G20 Protest Game: Arrest, Death, and Injuries for Bonus Points” “Operation G20: Sequestration, Being-Termination, and Grievance Game”! The more sequestration, being-termination, and grievances are implemented on the protesters, the more money you get!! Is such a fun game, and no one gets hurt… at least no one important, that is…

While the GOP, bankers, and CEOs come up with a plan to save the world’s economy, we have evidence that the godless hippie bear-loving liberals were busy doing “other things” rather than save America’s economy…

Wikiality even learned that Obama™ insulted some foreign dignitaries and is causing an uproar of some kind…



GOP: Let Us Pray for Victory!
Liberal Atheists will loose because they pray to no one

'''The Christian States of Christendom. April 2, 2009''' Nation, the GOP gave a call for prayer! As you know we need God more than ever to claim victory against the heathens and the liberals and of course those godless bears! As you know these are desperate times and the only one who can save us is God! We even received urgent cries of help from South Carolina, according with sources the GOP Governor Mark Sanford is burning South Carolina to the ground as a sacrifice to please God, and maybe get anointed as the new President Liberals and bears are eviscerating the population!!!!

Nation, we have no choice… we must pray… we must pray to God to wipe out our enemies forever!!! After all is the right thing to do…

Stephen Colbert: The Hottest Thing in the Blogosphere!!
Nation cant get enough of Colbert

'''The Colbertican States of Colbert. April 2, 2009''' - Nation, as you know the blogosphere or Big Round Series of Tubes, is buzzing like a bunch of mad bees! Ever since Colbert pledge to help Glenn Beck to get America closer, all hell broke loose!!

America has heard the message, and Stephen Colbert (and Real Americans) weeps with Glenn Beck!

Our Beloved Stephen Colbert was so moved with tears, that he had decided to launch his own project to help All Real Americans to save America!

So don’t forget to follow the link for the 10.31 project!!

Bizzaro World Shocking News: Dancing Pope and Alien Visitors Bring World Peace
New Golden Age for Humanity Begins

'''The Golden Age of Humanity. April 2, 2009''' - Dude and Dudettes, I bring you some wonderful news. The Alien Overlords are not Overlords at all but peaceful visitors bringing a new age for humanity, far out! I was told they will tell us the cure for all diseases, help us to establish a new financial and economic system that will not only surpass capitalism but make socialism looks like charity work… a new egalitarian golden age for peace will start today… and it is all thanks to Pope John Paul II!! Awesome!... As you remember the Radical Cool Pope came back to life two years ago and kicked Joseph Alois Ratzinger'ss @$$ (Aka ex-Pope Benedict XVI)… we learned his "Alleged Death" was a diabolical plan from the Vatican all along… ever since then Catholicism has radically changed and became one of the most coolest and greatest religion on Earth ever!…

…but dude I am missing the point, the Alien visitors told us the secrets of the universe and it will blow up your minds! The secret has already brought world peace, eliminated hunger, and brought enlightenment to the people... And I was given the honor to tell you the message!!! Far out and Radical, man!!! Here it is: The secre…

TRANSMISION LOST

PLEASE STAND BY

RECONECTING TRANSMISION

…which is why Nation we must do our best to fight off the Polar Bears.

But I have some great news! The True Religion has called on arms to fight off the mooslim leader and I was asked to join the crusade!! Nation, victory is close!!

Nation, we are at war and the mooslim socialist leader wont stop his socialist policies!!! We have shocking evidence that Obama™ is destroying the American way of life, like Nascar, to be replaced with his socialist boring doctrine!!!! Shame on you Obama™!!! Nascar is very important for Real American! It is a very important way of life!!!

Worst, we also have evidence that [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/02/krugman-wants-anyone-maki_n_182196.html That One created a concentration camp… for The Ultra Rich! Entrepreneurial Americans] who wont accept socialism. We even have evidence that the mooslims socialist plan is nothing but a big pile of Organic-waste-from-a-bovine-of-an-Agricultural-establishment.

Nation, this persecution must be stopped. We have evidence that the bear-loving liberals wont stop with The Ultra Rich Real Americans, they also want to jail The Greatest Ex-President Ever as well for making too much money for The Ultra Rich Real Americans!!! So the GOP is launching a rescue plan to not only save our economy but also the Ultra Rich Real Americans from prosecution! Is time for these hippie pinko commies to stop persecuting our CEOs, after all we need them to make America great, so leave the CEOs alone! They have done nothing wrong!!

Luckily The Glorious Chairman of The Republican Party was able to escape the mooslim’s storm troopers…

Nation it is time for Real Americans to rise up, and stop the Tyrant from destroying America. Only Real Americans know what America needs!!

As you know many Real Americans will hold massive protests around The Nation to stop the government from taxing rich people Real Americans, and our support is growing everyday! It is all thanks to the leadership and the great instigator of this massive protest, Rick Santelli, and I am sure he will lead this massive anti-tax protest and anti-free-money anti-bail out movement against That One.

Also some additional good news, we got shocking pictures of Michelle Obama™ getting it on with some Drag Queen!! SHOCKING!!

Bizzaro World News: Parallel Universe Overwrites Articles
Bizzaro Wikiality Loves hippies and bears!

'''The Free Loving States of All Nations. April 1, 2009''' - Dudes and dudettes, is a free love morning with your free loving and positive karma informant. Now the big dudes tell me that we were experiencing technical difficulties of some kind, something about fluctuating temporal energies and something about the space time continuum… far out… anyway I just found some interesting information about the world…

First Republican Black President Barry O’Bama, and The First Female Vice President, liberal activist, feminist Harvard graduate, Sarah Palin (and their sidekick, Super Toddler) have promised us that they will fight off "the alien invasion force" AND complete their quest for the Treasure of Stimuli. We are told O’Bama’s adventure will have lots of bloodshed and naked women… figures, we elected this black Republican, and his first idea to fix America is going to war with Alien visitors... that we know nothing and MAY possibly be peace loving and the only hope for humanity!... and plundering legendary relics from an ethnic groups of peace loving, diverse, and venerable wise people that settled in this country long before The White Man… not cool dude!! I will never understand what Mss Palin sees in him, or why she accepted the Vice Presidential nomination with such a douche… and she was such a smart woman…

Democratic Presidential candidate John McCain should have won... wouldnt it be cool to have a 15 year old as our youngest president? I still remember his promise of cool video games, mandatory downloadable free internet music, and mandatory teaching of x-treme sports in school...

Hasn’t anyone taught O’Bama the need for diplomacy?… as for the Treasure of Stimuli, leave it alone! Those treasures are relics from those poor Natives, whose ancestors collected it for centuries so they can gather dust and be venerated by generations with their adoring gaze… not to be displayed in museums or to be pawn…

Rumor has it that the reason that Barry is neglecting our economy is because is not fun… Oh, yeah and his idea to start up a chain of fast food restaurants to capitalize on his popularity is a bad idea, dude you are the most unpopular president ever!! Plus how is a chain of restaurants going to save our economy?… I will never understand what does Michelle sees in him… and she was such a sexy smart woman… but you got to admit she has a great badonkadonk

Now dudes, I know I am going to sound racist, but the only reason he got elected president was because he is a black man… and he killed Darth Cheney on the final battle back in 2008… but sources tells me O’Bama kept Cheney’s Storm Troopers as his personal guards… The new boss is the same as the old boss…

But this Republikkkan won’t stop there. It is well known that O’Bama is an advocate of child abuse. He even sent threat letters to anyone who opposed his plan on spanking children with financial burdens to save the economy… and his diabolical plan to turn all women into his sex slaves… mmm… maybe that’s why he is so popular with the women…

Now dude and dudettes, you all know I don’t like the Republikkkans, but I heard some rumors that they want to play nice. Just yesterday they promised us they have a new budget plan. So this better be not another April fools joke… that would burn, yo… Meanwhile the Chairman of the GOP, Michael Steele, another rich whiteman, has promised they will save Amerikkka…

But not everything is bad news in Bizzaro America!

As you know Glenn Beck, liberal tv show host and humanitarian nominee of the year, gave a heartfelt speech about the need to bring more socialist reforms to save America. The speech was so moving that Hippie liberal college educated Steven Colbert gave an emotional speech to congratulate Beck… Even Ultra Conservative Morning Joe Nazi was speechless about it… Even Fox News agrees! A well known Fake News Program, which reminds me I cannot wait for the new "The Daily Show with Billy O'Reilly"...

Democratic Senator Ted Stephen and advocate of Net Neutrality and the Internet, you know the guy who gave that awesome speech about the need to safeguard the Internet… you know the speech he gave that was eloquent, technical, demonstrating his advance understand of technology… yeah, dude that dude… well as you remember he was accused of corruption charges… and he won the case! He proved that the whole thing was a government conspiracy to undermine democracy… and guess who authorized his incarceration? None other than O’Bama… damn Republikkkan… is good to know that Senator Stephen will be back to work advocating equal rights and free Internets!

The Westboro Church, known to be supporters of equal gay rights, supporters of gay marriage, and an anti-war movement are at it again. The group protested in front of the White House for denying gays equal rights, “Is a shame that we elected a black president, just to find out he is no different than his white counter part…” declared Pastor Fred Phelps and Nobel Peace Prize winner, he then held a sign that reads “God Hates Homophobes”. Good luck to you dudes!

Rush Lezlie Limbaugh has this to say, “As a transgender lesbian, I am shocked that this president doesn’t seem to understand that our love is not deviant, but a normal one!” As you know ten years ago Rush Limbaugh had a sex operation and married her lesbian lover but their marriage was not recognized by the state. Ever since then Lezlie Limbaugh had been hosting a far left radio show and waging war against conservatives… even liberals think she may be too far on the left… Far out girl, and more powa to ya...

The United Democratic States of Afghanistan passed a women’s suffrage bill, giving equal rights and protection to women. President Osama Bin Laden, a world renown humanitarian and peace activist has this to say, “I always knew this day will come. Our years of struggle against violence, terrorism, and the demand for equal rights are paying off!... DEATH TO ISLAMOFACISM!!!”

Now dudes and dudettes I just learned that Dayana Mendoza, Miss Universe 2008 visited Guantanamo Bay… for the opening of the Gitmo Hotel and Casino!! As you know the Hotel is located in the territories of the Liberal Capitalist States of Cuba (a well-known capitalist corrupt country and Tax Heaven for white rich people, where fat CEOs off shore their wealth while they gamble in their casinos) and those capitalist pigs have decided to open a new Hotel and Casino to milk the poor and dumb tourists… but Miss Universe agrees that the Hotel was awesome… dude maybe I should visit the place someday… to protest... we need to embargo Cuba until we can finally bring socialism to their shores!

Peace out man...

Courageous Congresswoman To Ban Sexually Explicit Symbols
Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann works to erase atheistic symbols from American typography

ANOKA COUNTY, MINNESOTA, April 1, 2009-- After fending off a close election against a known socialist, the Honorable Michele Bachmann was finally able to get back to doing God's Work in America's Congress.

"'The news media should do a penetrating exposé and take a look--I wish they would--I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people of Congress; are they pro-America or anti-America. I think people would love to see an exposé like that.''"

Since being freed from her beautiful, beautiful mind, her sentiments have resonated with Americans, floating ever so delicately in the cold Minnesota air, awaiting the perfect moment to rain Christian love down upon American glyphs and rid us of the Satanic socialist symbols that have plagued us, lo these many years.

However, this time--in place of the socialist scourge hiding in Congress--Mrs. Bachmann's set her sights on an older and much more pervasive target: the number six (6).

"The kids will like the new number. It has an simple name that they will remember," the mother informed reporters during the news conference she called to introduce the number she suggests to replace the 6, "And it's easy to draw!"

Mrs. Bachmann provided a kit with all the information about her new number to the media. The Bachmann number shall be called "fish" and will be drawn thusly:.

Mrs. Bachmann believed that the old number was hurting America's children. She asked that reporters stop saying the name, so as not to upset them any further. After forming a task force to study how often students are subjected to subliminal sexual messages from their alphabet, numbers and colors, it was decided that the number after 5 would be replaced.

"That old number was one letter away from s-e-x," Bachmann said breathlessly, her eyes glazed over in excitement, "and as everyone knows, once you've got kids thinking about s-e-x, they'll be asking about homosexuality and next thing you know everyone will be pregnant and spreading herpes."

Citizens in her district are looking forward to Bachmann's innovation. An unnamed parent told Wikiality.com's reporter, "The public schools have been pushing their way of counting for far too long. We need to orient our children's precious minds away from secular counting and teach them a non-sexual way to count."

An unnamed Anoka-Hennepin school board member already searching online for Texas school books that use the new system agrees, "My hope is that one day every American child will be able to say how old the Earth is without automatically thinking about getting sweaty and naked and fornicating during lunch hour."

Congresswoman Bachmann plans to introduce a bill that outlaws all sexually-suggestive symbols in public schools when Congress returns from Easter break.

###

E! W! Animal Kingdom Edition: Celebrity Animal, Kwitonda The Silverback Gorilla, Caught Drunk and Violating Probation
Celebrity Rehab Clinic has no comment

'''The Animal Kingdom. March 31, 2009 - Today the newly established W!''' brings you the shocking scandals of liberal Hollywood celebrities that the liberal media is just too afraid to comment.

Today story is the shocking scandal of celebrity gorilla, superstar, and human activist Mr. Kwitonda.

Kwitonda The Silverback Gorilla was caught drunk with minors, and violating his probation a few days ago. One of our paparazzos took shocking pictures of Kwitonda binge drinking with minors, hanging around barely legal female gorillas (and we believe one tranny), and shouting obscene anti-Semitic language, one including the possibility that joos are responsible for all the world's wars.

“I was shocked and surprised… I mean my kids adore Mr. Kwitonda, he is their hero and their role model… I am so disappointed” replied our photographer, Andy Rouse. “I can’t believe this is the same gorilla that used to hang out with Dian Fossey.”

Mr. Kwitonda became a Hollywood celebrity after he got his break in the box office film “King Kong” (contrary to popular belief, Hollywood does not use a guy in a gorilla suit, instead they use Mr. Kwitonda in all of their gorilla films and shots.)

According with sources Mr. Kwitonda became a human activist when he met Mss Fossey in 1967. He once claimed that humans were an endangered species on the path of self-destruction. However, there have been rumors over the years that Mr. Kwitonda and Dian Fossey used to be lovers; the only reason he became a human activist was an excuse to get closer to female zoologists and other scholars. After Mss Fossey death, it is rumored he started to date Dame Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall has denied she ever “loved” simians that way… Of course, these are rumors, but it doesn’t explain why Dame Jane Goodall was caught with Mr. Kwitonda in a hot tub back in 1969 or if there ever was truth to the rumors that Mr. Kwitonda had a threesome with Fossey and Goodall…

“This is why simians don’t make good role models” replied dog celebrity, Benji. “Instead they should emulate us dogs… we are better role models.”

Un-American News: Global Edition
Polar Bears leave Colorado

'''The World. March 31, 2009''' - Nation, while I was cannibalizing my neighbors fighting the Polar Bear army on my backyard, the world has descended into socialism and other liberal policies without my saying so. So I am trying fabricate, lie, and deceive the public as fast as I can to catch up on the news…


 * Israel: God has declared Israel the winner on The War on Terror. Their Victory on Gaza has pleased God. Palestine, is time for you to apologize for your anti-Semitism and give up your houses. You see, the Gazan people gamble their houses that they would win the war… losers! Never bet against the joos GOD!


 * Socialism: We have news that socialism is destroying America’s banking industry! The banking industry is asking for more free money and bonuses bailout money to fight off socialism! Nation, Obama™ is destroying eight years of Bush’s financial genius; The Greatest Ex-President Ever lead us to a path of economic prosperity, and now the mooslim leader is destroying his legacy, someone please stop him!!! Nation, I think is time to send Cheney’s Assassination Squad to give a visit to That One


 * Gay Terrorism: Joo terrorist incites hate speech. Enough said…


 * Religion: The Pope was right? The Pope IS right!!!! Nation, as you remember liberals and sexual deviants accused the Pope of being wrong about condoms not preventing sexual diseases… but we have evidence that condoms fail a 100% and can give you AIDS and stain your soul so you will never go to heaven… which has proven to be correct!! He is the friking Pope!!! Liberals, apologize!!!


 * Afghanistan: Nation, I don’t like the terrorist-land of the Afghans, but I do agree they make some nice afghans. However, I learned that hard liners and religious extremists are demanding that raep be legalized! religious leaders want to legalize sexual liberation!… Nation, I know we conservatives don’t see eye to eye when it comes to sex, but as you know the religious group is just asking a fair chance to get laid… and what man doesn’t sympathize on that? We do…


 * War on Liberals: Nation, we are at war and the liberals are trying to undermine democracy, but luckily we have real Americans leading our troops to restore democracy!! Texas Sen. John Cornyn promises he will use the full force of our armed forces to restore democracy!

Un-American NASA Declares WAR!!
Colbert declared new Space Overlord

'''The Un-American States of Un-America. March 31, 2009''' - Nation, as you know NASA will name the new Weaponized Satellite “Colbert” SERENITY???? WTF???? WHO THE HELL THEY THINK THEY ARE???

Nation, these Labcoat Larrys are a bunch of cheaters! We had a deal NASA!!

Nation, I am sick and tired of this BS, first The Emmys banned Colbert from ever winning the Host category, and now this!!! What is this??? Since when democracy rewards second place??? If NASA thinks they can get away with this, then maybe we should declare McCain the winner and our new president… since he got second place!!! Hell, maybe we should change election laws, so only the loser can be president from now on!!!! Maybe we should become an un-democratic Nation and reward everyone that gets second place to be declared the winner in all sports and competition... and forget the whole effort thing! Because now you are a winner and you dont have to try hard!

Nation, dont despair. Luckily we have allies, and they are forcing NASA to recognize “Colbert” as the winner!! This is a democracy and in a democracy the winner has absolute saying!! Just because the one you voted didn’t win is no excuse to derail their efforts to improve the lives… in outer space… so NASA stop acting like babies and give us the damn Ion Cannon so we can start blasting those damn aliens!!!


 * UPDATE: Nation, some good news!! I heard NASA is caving in!!! Soon we will reach a compromise!!!

The War on Terra: Mother Nature Invades Colorado!
Now it's personal

'''The Iceland Queendom of the Gay Bear Army of Colorado. March 27, 2009''' [http://www.kait8.com/Global/story.asp?S=10080930&nav=0jsh HELP!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!] Nation, I have some terrible news… the State of Colorado has fallen under the control of the Polar Bears… I can see polar bears from my house!! OMG THAT’S A POLAR BEAR, SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE But this brave Citizen will not be intimidated by the Evil Forces of Nature…

As you know, Mother Nature unleashed a terrible blizzard on my State, covering the land with nothing but snow trapping a lot of Real Americans in their homes, while the Polar Bears are playing in the streets, taking over our State Senate or seducing our wymin… F#@K THIS GET ME OUT OF HERE, QUICKLY!!! SEND THE ARMY!!!

But don’t worry about me, I will bravely face this snow storm… after all it is my journalistic integrity to sta… forget it! OH MY GOD, PLEASE SEND THE NATIONAL GUARD!!! stay… yes… stay… for the integrity of Wikiality…

Don’t worry, I have one day worth of supplies I have plenty of food… mmm… I just noticed some of my neighbors are a little in the overweight size… maybe I should give them a visit…

Mooslim Leader Promises New Age of Social Tyranny
GOP promises full assault on un-american leader

'''The Liberal States of Un-America. March 27, 2009''' - Nation, as the mooslim leader continues his weird Superstar lifestyle, he has decided that the world of television has become too small to contain him, so he decided to unleash his socialist and mooslim message into the “series of tubes”.

Nation, I am concerned that the mooslim leader seems to be undermining conservative and traditional media. Now, liberals would say that that is a lie… well is not, and I have proof because… The mooslim leader IS undermining the Real American media!! That’s proof enough!!

Obama™ is keeping good reporters out of the loop!!! This is an infringement into our rights to criticize him and eviscerate his message by bypassing traditional media! He is taking away our freedom of speech!! And now the mooslim leader is spreading his socialist message to the far reaches of the tubes!

Nation, we have no choice… we need a new army to lead us into battle… we must destroy The Enemy!! But luckily we have Real Americans to help us… like Joe the Plumbers! And according with sources he is leading a large army of plumbers to clean the series of tubes of the filth known as liberalism!!!

Nation, we are living in a very dangerous age, in which deviants are terrorizing our children in the series of tubes already. We don’t need to add any more filth that is destroying and corrupting the minds of our children... we must protect their precious pure little minds… at all cost!!!

Worst, his socialist agenda is also warping our institutional education to indoctrinate them into the liberal army!! But don’t worry, we will fight to preserve our schools from being polluted by the disease known as liberalism… why change our Real American schools when they are doing just fine?… But luckily we are doing our best to purge these schools of the liberal ideology… mmm… smells like napalm… And Nation, if you are interested in participating in the book burning the seize and destruction of liberal toxic material, you should participate in the rally! We must destroy all books that pollutes and warps the minds of our precious children!!!

Yet, there is no safe place for our children anywhere in America, to the best of our efforts… As you know the socialist leader is destroying our children’s future… first we have evidence that he is going to slave our children to serve his socialist agenda!! We believe that the liberals will prostitute our children… they are pimping them so they can use the proceeds to pay off our Nation’s debt!!

Nation, I am tired of the liberals destroying America. But mostly I am tired of undermining THE LAW! Yes, the mooslim leader is setting a bad example by breaking the law… by being a mooslim and a foreigner!! What kind of example is that to our children? We received information that many un-americans are following his example and breaking the law without remorse!! Just recently some douche ran over a red light, putting a lot of Real American in danger!! What a jerk…

Nation, [http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/27/us/27judges.html?_r=2&hp liberals are soft in crime! Because they are in charge now, many un-americans and Welfare Queens are taking advantage of the situation…] They are creating a Nation of criminals and sexual deviants!! Nation, we need tougher laws to punish criminals!!!

Now, I know things seem hopeless and looks like God has abandoned us… but don’t be fooled, God is testing our faith!! After all, only the righteous will win at the end! How can God be wrong? So stop questioning his wisdom and start praying that the mooslim one will fail soon…

Besides, the GOP had a secret meeting a few days ago, and I heard they have an excellent plan to defeat That One AND to Save America FOREVER!! I also suggested my own plan to save Ameirca... I am still waiting for their response… I am sure it is a good plan!!

The Joo Is At It Again!!!!
Now We are At War!

'''The Colbertican States of Colberica. March 25, 2009''' - Nation I have some good news and some terrible news… The Good news is that our Beloved Colbert is more popular than EVER!!!! Now the terrible horrible news… the Joo one is popular too and he surpassed Colbert by 1%!!!!!! WTF!!!!!

Why does John Stewart hates America and Colbert?…

Mooslim Leader Too Busy Being a TV Personality to Run Country
GOP demands their own reality Tv show

'''The Mooslim States of America. March 25, 2009''' - Nation, yesterday the mooslim leader when to the TV and gave his usual speech, I didn’t listen because I was busy last night. I was at the Britney Spears concert I was participating in a secret meeting to rescue America, so don’t tell anyone… this is a secret plan that we have been working for years…

Nation, I am concerned at the state of our country. Just recently I learned that liberals have taken over my home state! I am concerned with the future of America, specially the young generation that are falling under the sweet lies of liberalism…

First of all youngsters these days have fallen under the spell of the mooslim leader, who knows what devious liberal schemes are planning to use against Real Americans… But luckily I meet a couple of young entrepreneurial who remind me not every young man is a hippie bear-loving liberal, these young men are free market believers and would do anything for money… good for them! We need to indoctrinate our children the value of money, is the only way to protect them against the evils of socialism… seriously… those liberals are animals (no, really they are!) And we must make certain that our children do not fall under the spell of Gay liberalism…

The good news is that at least we have Real American Heroes who are fighting the good fight against the deviance of liberalism, who are not afraid of criticizing the communist/mooslim administration, and that at least we have the only Real Voice of America speaking for Real Americans. Fox is the only beacon of conservatism in this sea of Liberalistic Media who seems to be willing to give a free pass to the mooslim administration…

Emergency News: Dark Times Are Coming…
Apocalypse is NOW

'''The Unholy Alliance of Satan and The Gays. March 25, 2009''' - Nation, I have some shocking news!! We have reliable evidence that The Dark Times have finally arrived!!

Now liberals would say that this just crazy talk, that the evidence is murky at best.... hold it, I have a pile of more evidence of reliable sources that will back up our exaggerated claim. We have trusted politicians who can see the future… and Nation… the future is bleak… so we should ask him to see what stock options to pick so we can buy a solution to our troubles… (and maybe send him to jail for not warning us about American electing a mooslim president…)

But is not just Americans who can see troubles ahead… even the liberal filthy Eurotrash agree that maybe the mooslim one is not such a great leader after all… [http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,510445,00.html “The Dark One will destroy your lands by burning them with the fires of welfare, bringing the fires of hell into your wallets and shattering the prosperity of the world. He is the Dark Lord leading an army of Hell and poverty into the world’s free market!!! That One must be stopped!!! The man doesn’t know nothing about Economics!!!!…”] replied Czech Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek who is known to be a financial genious…

Nation, the future is bleak for America... just recently Real American like Ed Henry confronted the mooslim leader about the crazy massive spending… rather than answer a sensible question, the mooslim leader used his Murdering Stare of Death… ...Nation, is true… the mooslim leader has Supwerpowers!!! We have no word of Mr. Ed Henry, but we assumed he is in a better place now… you shall never be forgotten…

Nation, we Real Americans must not be afraid of asking the hard questions. After all someone has to do the hard work to uncover the filth that this mooslim leader is hiding…

Superstar mooslim good for TV Ratings
Fox wants a new Reality TV Show: Obama’s House

'''The Hollywood Land of the Liberal States of Obamamerica. March 24, 2009''' - Nation, I don’t know about you but lately I noticed that the president… isn’t very presidential… I mean, instead of doing the job of running the country, he had being doing nothing but going into our tvs and trying to sell us something, like some sort of infomercial… When is he going to start acting like a president and go isolate himself back into the White House and do his job?… I am sick and tired of seeing Obama™ all the time!!! The man has serious issues… really… maybe he thinks he is the start of some sort of reality tv show… Worst, instead of signing important bills, the mooslim leader spend his time writing to his pen pals…

…clearly we are dealing with an incompetent president that cannot be bothered with running the country properly. Because of his laziness many liberals policies are being implemented while he is busy making new friends and ignoring America’s crisis… if this continues I fear the America that I remember will disappear forever… our land will be gone, traditional family values will be erased, liberal ideology will be taught in school, and socialism will be the law of the land… Nation, we need to go back to good traditional values… why change it?…

Nation… America has spoken… we need to boot him out of office and find someone who will actually do the business of running this country rather than waste their time going to overrated late night shows…

But I still hold hope… why? because our numbers are growing, and the liberals are starting to shrink their numbers! We must demonstrate to the rest of the world that only Real Americans can save America and all of their citizens… and even though I have my doubts with these hippie bear-loving liberals… we must convince them to do our bidding or else… to join us… we feel your pain… stupid liberals...

But I also have some good news! Bobby Jindal Whiteman will hold a new press conference!!!! Yay!!! That guy is so good on tv… I wish we could see him everyday!!… I bet he will speak out again about that wasteful program known as “Volcano Monitoring”… seriously when is Congress going to outlaw such pork program?…

Nation, write to your Congressman and tell them to outlaw “Volcano Monitoring” is a waste of taxpayer money…

Shocking News: UN Is Anti-semitic and Racist!!
'''The Glorious Holyland of God’s Summer Home. March 24, 2009.''' - Nation… I am shocked… shocked at the racism… shocked at the prejudice… shocked at the hatred and the irrational behavior… of the UN’s criticism of Israel!! Don’t they know they are our allies against The War on Terror? We need them because our number of allies are still shrinking Israel has the right to defend itself from bears, terrorists and liberal hippies! Just recently their forces fought a bloody battle against terrorist hippies… those joos Israelites are such brave people…

Nation, it is well known that the UN has an anti-semitic agenda, we think they are trying to extort Israel of their joo gold they hate the joos chosen people.

First of all, the brave soldiers of the IDF are in harms ways constantly, the threat of death haunts them everyday… and they must fight against dangerous terrorist entities that threaten democracy and the free world! That is not easy, and yet the UN seems to sympathize with the terrorists…

Now I know some of you will say, as Real Americans “why should we care about the joos?” “How can we help them so we can further our agenda to spread the word of God and destroy terrorism once and for all?” Simple… tell the UN to back off…

And it doesn’t help that we have a mooslim in the White House who is friendly with the enemy… diplomacy is overrated…

Canada Demands Apology for Insult Canada Loves Fox!
''Canada threatens to invade America. Oh yeah, with what army?''

'''The Patriotic States of America. March 23, 2009''' Nation, as you probably heard, a couple of days ago the lazy Canadian army was asking for time off, because they cant stand the heat of the desert and they missed playing ice hockey… lazy bastards…

Anyway, we The Big Superpowerful USA told them to take the day off. I mean we don’t need them… seriously Canada's army sucks… who needs them?… Is not like they can threaten us or anything…

Death Start to Be Renamed “Colbert”, in Honor of the Greatest American Hero!
WE DID IT!!!!

'''The Colbertican States of Colberica!! March 23, 2009''' - [http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090323/ap_on_re_us/sci_space_station_colbert WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

I heard that the Pentagon will install an Ion Cannon on the "Colbert" so it can blast the hippies and liberals!!! I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!



America’s Financial Future is Saved!!
GOP claims victory!!

'''The Patriotic States of America! March 23, 2009''' - Nation, we did it!! The greedy joos has returned most of the money they took!! Not only that but they promised us that they will reform their corporate behavior and fix the problem…!! they will change their name, so it will fix everything!!! From now on it will be I.O.U. AIU!! That way, anything bad that happened we blame it to the old AIG!! Don’t worry Nation! AIU has promised us that they will hunt down AIG and make them pay for stealing the money! AIU wont rest until the real killers are brought to justice AIG pays back what they stole… if only they could find them…

Nation… now that we fixed the problem we should focus on the Real Problem that is destroying America’s economy… Socialism!!

As you know the hippie bear-loving liberals don’t seem to understand capitalism and the free market! We reward good people for a good job, and we reward incompetent people for an awful job securing America’s economy! The hippie bear-loving liberals, the poor, and the Welfare Queens are abusing the law and imposing oppressive taxes to destroy America!! Nation, these are scary times!!

Which is why we must arm our citizens to stop the hippie bear mooslim army once and for all!!! Nation, we are tired of the mooslim leader enacting socialists policies that no one has ever heard of!!! Or worst… Volcano Monitoring… such a useless program…

Nation… the mooslim leader is destroying America… and only Real Americans can safeguard it! Worst… I heard they unionized the help, so now no one is keeping the White House clean! Seriously, the First Family doesn’t have good values… not like us… Real Americans.

Nation, we are the voice of America!! And we are not afraid of speaking out the truth truthiness! After all we are Americans… and we are afraid of no one!

So lets get our guns and weapons and stop this socialist movement once and for all!!!! Viva La Revolusion!! Viva La Oligarchia!! Viva La Truthiness!!!

More Un-American News: Freedom of Speech Abolished The Great United Kingdom of Britain Keeps Children Safe from Naughty Blokes and Wankers!
Someone please think of the cartoonish children!

'''The Great British Empire. March 23, 2009''' - Loyal subjects of the Crown! As you know some pedophiles and wankers have been browsing the series of tubes for their share of materials of a pornographic nature. As English subjects of the Crown we must stop the spread of this “disease” or as the wankers in the American colonies call it “liberalism”… But thanks to the wisdom of our Glorious Parliament a law shall soon pass the banning of producing, selling, and observation of such filth…

We have a list of the criminals that are promoting the filth of sex and pornography… criminals like graphic artist Alan Moore, comic book artist and writer Bryan Talbot, writer John Reppion and that horrible and naughty Neil Gaiman…

''…I am sorry, I dreadfully cannot do this… I mean… I love comic books and graphic novels! You cannot be serious… this is censorship to the worst level… hey… get your hands off me!!!''

'''People of Wikiality. We apologize for the inconvenience. Wikiality is suffering from technical difficulties. We just lost our tea-sucking British correspondent… last we heard he was in the gallows… don’t know what that is…'''

I better hide my stash of graphic novels, comics books, and my Japanese tentacle pr0n of school girls and naughty nuns… better safe than sorry… but thank God I live in America…

UN-American News: Israel Fights Terrorists and Hippies!
God is in our side…

'''The Blessed Holyland of Israel Jesusland Israel. March 23, 2009''' - Nation, I have some good news, the joos the citizens of Israel are winning the war on Terror!! As you know, for a while I had written articles on how the joos the Israelites are helping us to spread the word of our Christian God! Israel is fighting to protect democracy and the free world! I am sure that the people of Israel must be proud of their troops, [http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1073243.html you Israel soldiers are true heroes! Keep the good fight and kill those damn Palestinians terrorists!]

And is not just terrorists they are hunting down! Israel is also keeping hippies and liberals away from their land… Israel is fighting the hippie-terrorist army!! Damn hippies…

Nation, we must help the joos Israelites in the battle to liberate the Holyland, that way the Baby Jesus will return sooner and start the Apocalypse!! we can safeguard democracy in the Middle-East.

Israel, do not worry, our American Joos the American people support your battle for liberation!!

Nation, I am so happy of seeing joos The Children of God from the Land of Israel and The Real Chosen People Christians working hand in hand in helping bringing the Apocalypse the word of God, Freedom, Democracy, and Apple Pies into the Middle-East… But most of all LIBERTY!

Soon the Middle-East will have to adopt America’s way of life and stop persecuting the joos the Nation of Israel… You dirty arabs stop being racists!!

After all, this is a new age, since Racism is over! And since Racism is over, those damn Arabs better get use to the idea that the Holyland is ours!! That’s Jesus home, dammit! Since Racism is over, we must make the Palestinian people understand that Israel has the right to exist and they don’t…

We the people of Wikiality know all about the end of Racism… even our beloved Stephen is Non-racist!! Were do we learn our non-racist way? Only one place… Dartmouth College!! One of the most non-racists institutions in America!

[http://www.livesteez.com/news/news_detail/1761 Hell, I even learned that lynching is not for white people anymore; it seems to be very popular with black people this day! We truly live in a non-racist era!!…]

Ultra Rich Revolution Is Close at Hand!! GOP Will Save The Free Market!!
Wall Street dances with joy

'''The Free Market States of Corporate America™. March 22, 2009''' - Nation! We did it!! I had been told that the Ultra Rich’s plan to take over the government is almost complete!! we are close of saving America’s economy!! Now I know I had been giving mixed signals over the days I had been leading the fight to restore the power of the Free Market with a devious master plan so complex that some of you would never understand, but trust me, I know what I am we are doing…

First of all, America should congratulate the GOP for turning down the mooslim’s bribery for salvaging additional cash to be dole out among friends our cash strapped Real Americans who need financial help…

…and second… what do you mean I am not getting any of the bailout money?

…never mind… back to the torches and pitchforks…

Real Americans Fear For Their Lives Greedy Joos Stealing Our Money!!!
GOP: “AIG is not a Real American Company”

'''The Ultra Rich States of America. March 21, 2009''' - Nation! These are fearsome times, as you know Real Americans are being taxed to death… literally! As you know a bunch of populists are demanding the head of capitalist financiers and economic genius to be served on a silver platter! This populist and socialist movement will destroy the lives of many Real Ame… What?… memo… what memo?…

Nation!! We must join our Angry Mob Army to stop these greedy bastards!! As you know our beloved Stephen Colbert has called for the fires of righteous indignation!! They took our jobs and our money!! AIG is not a Real American Company!! Real Americans wouldn’t steal from Real Americans!!

Not only that but we think AIG is run by greedy joos!! They even gave huge bonuses to their employees, their security guards, their janitors, their chuffers, their nannies, their mistresses, and even their pets!! Did you know that an AIG janitor has three mistresses, two chuffers (one for day shift and another for night shift) and three mansions?? THE SHOCK!!!

Nation, let us get our torches and pitchforks!! And find those f#@kers before is too late!

In the words of our beloved Stephen:

SHOCKING NEWS: OBAMA™ IS A RACIST!!!
White People are shocked!

'''The Racist States of Obamamerica. March 21, 2009''' - Nation, I have some shocking news!!! Not only is Obama™ a secret mooslim, but a racist too!!! We have finally found evidence that our president doesn’t like black people white people!!

I am ashamed of the liberal bear-loving hippies… but I guess we can finally see the real face of Obama™… and is a black face mooslim racist face…

Free T-shirts for God’s Army
Everyone loves free t-shirts!

'''The Faithful States of America. March 21, 2009''' - Nation, as you know America is at risk of loosing God forever… which is why we as soldiers of God must continue our fight to spread Christianity the word of God and his love to the rest of the world… While we do this I received some inspiration on how to help our troops on these dark and difficult times, and to spread our message of God's wrathful indignation against the nonbelievers God's love and forgiveness… as you know morale in Afghanistan and Iraq is at all times low, probably because they are now serving under a mooslim president… but thanks to their love for God we can save their morale and their soul at the same time!!

Free t-shirts!!! That’s right, I was inspirited to print t-shirts for our troops… and not just our troops but anyone that enlists in God’s army and do God’s work can also get one! Once the enemy see our troops wearing these t-shirts, they will realize our love for God... then they will have no choice but to surrender to get their own free t-shirts!!

BRILLIANT!!!

Sometimes, I scare even myself… strangely enough, I haven’t been able to find anyone to print my t-shirts… I bet the shops are run by atheists and liberals… but don’t worry as soon as I find one shop to print these lovely t-shirts with God’s wrathful hopeful message, I will be giving these ones away… seriously… why isn’t anyone taking them??? ###

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