User:Da riv

Profile
Doug is a notorious haberdasher and practicer of the Ian effect. He has read fewer books than George Bush and can't even spell "OO" if given box of cheerios thus making him totally qualified for the position of bank teller or Queen of England. He is descended from naked mole rats and as such can run as fast backwards as he can forwards which is an interesting trick and has won him many bets and gotten him out of quite a few bar fights.

Origins
Doug got his start in life in a cave on prehistoric Europa and as such is directly related to long time friend Ian. His mission was to escape the hell of his birth planet and travel the galaxy so he built one out of icicles, a toothbrush, four muffins, and some gum he found on his shoe(I don't recomend trying it). Forced to eke out a living Doug became a pan-dimensional bounty hunter under the slogan "no price is too low for my services" and was often mistaken for an escort...so he moonlighted as one to get his foot in the door.

Lovelife
DOA

Hobbies and intersts
Doug has a great love of movies of all kinds. His favorites are: Master of Disguise, White Chicks, and Decoys. He has a great respect for all of Uwe Boll's "art" and cannot wait to see Postal. He currently works as a projectionist in Vancouver's upstanding Paramount theatre and can be seen at nights telling people how to rip tickets in a more sophisticated and efficient manner.

Conquests
Doug served as a Spanish Conquistador with Stephano Colberto during the Mexican invasions. He was personally responsible for the wiping out of the Aztecs like the little girly men that they are. Doug had no respect for them because they were a bunch of sacrificial girly men. Seriously he really didn't like them. Bunch of girly men.