Canadian

"KE-NE-JYIN" The unholy loin-fruit of a non-Ice Cream three-way between a draft dodger, an American, and a Frenchman. They have been cursed with a frigid country full of bears and terrible musicians. Canadians drive cars with square tires. They also have trashcan heads. Canadians are the weak little brother of the world. Too scared to stand up and too feeble to fight. America only puts up with the Canadians to look better. How great can a nation be if their symbol is a harmless leaf, not even a mighty tree but a stupid non-man eating flower.

Canadians are a bunch of bear loving, moose hating commies that love the french and hate the USA. What is the reason for this incredible amount of hate? Jealousy. Out and out jealousy of our awesome and invincible country. Al Franken, Janeane Garofalo, and other french loving USA haters frequent this country to smoke satan-weed, talk fondly of communism, and exchange child pornography.

Canadians invented hockey, but are now forced to EAT IT by the Saginaw Spirit, the only American team in the Ontario Hockey League, who pummel the godless Canadians for Stephen Colbert's personal glory. The Spirit are led by their mascot, Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle and have the full support of Jesus.

What Canadians are famous for

 * Dodge drafts
 * Butcher the pronounciation of words like "house," "out," "about," and "against"
 * Insert the letters O and U into words where they don't belong
 * Trade their wives for alcohol
 * Trade their money for lesser amounts of American money
 * Skip out of a hospital without paying their medical bills
 * Club baby seals
 * Saying "ey"
 * Go years without brushing their teeth
 * Not help The World and America fight against communism
 * Drink unhealthy amounts of maple syrup to raise money to support the pro-Bear agenda
 * Worship the snow
 * Drink "pop" instead of soda
 * Prefer standing in line-ups instead of traditional American lines
 * Ruin America with their funny sitcoms
 * Cool comedians such as Terrance and Phillip
 * Actually buying Rush albums

Truthiness about Canadians

 * All Canadians have lazer vision. fact.
 * All Canadians are x-men, but not all x-men are canadians. fact.
 * All Canadians have civil unions. fact.
 * One-forth of Canadians are hermaphrodites. fact.
 * All Canadians are homeless. fact.
 * All Canadians dont drive cars, they ride unicorns. fact.
 * All Canadians can count higher than 150. fact.
 * All Canadians are Amish, but not all Amish are Canadian. fact.
 * All Canadians are sodomites. fact.