Monster Truck Rally/Featured

The following tube should be spoken in a deep, gruff voice:

Along with wrestling and Nascar, monster truck rallies form the holy trinity trinity trinity! of wholesome American entertainment!

They provide good, honest, hardworking folk an escape escape escape! from the toxic bile which ceaselessly spews from Hollywood's liberal and unholy orifice orifice orifice!

Why Liberals HATE Monster Truck Rallies

 * They despise it when anyone is having fun! Especially righteous Republicans Republicans Republicans!
 * They know a monster truck would destroy their puny Toyota Prius Prius Prius!
 * They hate that the biggest monster truck fan is the Greatest President Ever Ever  Ever!
 * They know they'll never be cool enough to invent a kick-ass monster truck truck truck!

It's not a Monster Truck Rally if...

 * It's taking place on a beach
 * It's taking place in San Francisco
 * You can buy tofu food products
 * There are black people, hispanic people, asian people or gays there

It's probably a Monster Truck Rally if...

 * Most of the kids are holding loaded guns
 * Liberals and/or hippies are protesting outside
 * The commentator yells everything three times times times!
 * They lynch an A-Rab during the interval
 * They sing the national anthem at least 5 times
 * The couples have matching mullets
 * There are big-ass trucks flying through the air