Hamster



Hamsters are tiny, cute and cuddly bears designed to condition American children to accept the insidious Bear Agenda. Young hamster owners, charmed by the hamster's tickling whiskers and amusing Habitrail antics, will be more easily induced to work the running wheels in the honey factories of the coming Bear World Order.

Rodent or Cryptoursine?
Rodents, such as rats and mice, can be found in abundance in the fields, alleyways and pizza parlors of America. However, there is not a single instance of hamster infestation in the history of the United States of America. No predatory animal species in America utilizes a hamster-centric diet. In fact, the hamster's only known natural enemies are sofa cushions, vacuum cleaners and cruel siblings. The logical conclusion is inescapable. Hamsters are very tiny apex predators, genetically bred by there their larger bear cousins to infiltrate and subvert your family.