|People Who Are in Cults|
1337 (pronounced "Leet") is an evil, international, anti-Christian cult, whose sole purpose is to launch terrorist attacks on America's internets and usher in the reign of Antichrist. It is controlled by computer nerds, but most of the members are brainwashed teenagers, who are brought into the fold with promises of illegal music downloads, pornography and occult power.
The term leet is short for "elitist," and the number is borrowed from the Greek gematria of Caesar Nero (the Hebrew being 666).
Becoming a member of this elite endows kids with the ability to channel Satan and rule the online world. This is just one small way 1337 harms our youth. Another is that it actually gives them illegal music downloads and pornography.
n073: 1f y0u c4n r34d th15, 7h3n y0u 4r3 qu173 teh n00b.
1337's Terroristic Goals
Just as Al Qaeda wants Islam to be the only religion in the world, 1337 wants to be the only thing on the internets. To that end, it tries to destroy all of the internets tubes that do not conform to its evil cultist beliefs. 1337ists routinely try to dump things onto the internets, as though it were some kind of big truck. Fortunately, a crack team of "Cyber Commandoes" led by Senator Ted Stevens is fighting to defeat the 1337ists and unclog the tubes.
The 1337ists' activities do not stop at tube clogging. They also try to flush their propaganda through the tubes, so that nobody else can use them. For example, 1337ists are known to be responsible for littering the internets with
Chuck Norris "jokes," gay porn, and wikipedophilia. Some of the cultist leaders also damage the internets with computer viruses, and try to "hack" their way into tubes they don't like.
However, the biggest 1337 terrorist activity is writing things on the internets in code. It is believed that they hide their information this way so that the NSA can't find them.
How To Talk To A 1337ist (If You Must)
1337 replaces letters with numbers that look similar to them.
- 0 = O
- 1 = I (capital i) or l (lowercase L)
- 2 = Z
- 3 = E
- 4 = A
- 5 = S
- 6 = G
- 7 = T
- 8 = B
- 9 = g
- teh = the
- ot = to
- pron = porn
1337 also uses some completely made-up words, such as:
- n00b: an unskilled 1337ist
- uber: very; best
- hax0r: a hacker; a highly trained 1337ist (or somebody who thinks he is)
- uber hax: a cyber-terrorist attack
- teh: the most
- pr0n: pornography
- w00t: yay; a word used for a mini-celebration
- pl0x: Please
- nubcak: "n00b", then cake, without an "e". Usually used to refer to very inferior, usually homosexual sounding individuals. A great insult among their people.
- p33p5: People
Note that "z0rz" (ex. w00tz0rz) may be added to the end of 1337 language. Do not worry, this is by no means a sign of advance in their intelligence or control. It's just something that looks cool.
- pwn: Pronounced "pown" or "own," this means "utterly defeat." Wikiality.com administrators frequently pwn the terrorists and liberals who frequently attempt to damage the truthiness of Wikiality.
- Interweb: Once a secret word, referring to the internets. This word was completely unknown until the fine men and women at Gitmo persuaded the prisoners to reveal it. Now, Stephen Colbert uses the word on air, to show the 1337ists that they will never pwn America.
- Is Your Son A Computer Hacker? (Must-read document for protecting your children from 1337)