is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!
If you work hard, you'll get ahead as an

An actor (actress for the ladies) is a person who does what he's told, reads words written by others and basically just lies about everything. All actors, save a few (such as Ronald Reagan), pledge allegiance to their cult, Liberal Intelligence Elite. They love money, which only Republicans are allowed to do.

Who Can Become An Actor?Edit people chose their actors

What Education Does An Actor Need?Edit

Any one (or more) of the following:

  • Lots of sleeping with lecherous high school and college directors.
  • A successful career as a model.
  • A failed music career.
  • A relative already in the business to act as a "mentor".

Where Does An Actor Work?Edit

Actors work?! Has someone told them?!

Well, if they must work, this can cause some difficulties, because actors only have what are known as "soft skills" (sort of like how the Brits only have "soft power"). Because of their "soft skills," actors must find work in the service industry that can either a) train them for life if they fail at acting; or b) give them a half-hearted sob story to recall from their Malibu mansion if th im gay!

Approved non-acting actor jobs include

  • working in a diner or fast-food restaurant
  • working in an upscale restaurant
  • temp work
  • giving market research surveys at the mall
  • multi-level marketing (but only if they never actually sell anything)
  • janitorial work
  • "teaching" acting classes to wannabe actors
  • buying useless crap in the hopes of "making money on eBay"
  • selling plasma

Jobs no self-respecting actor will ever do

  • working in a family restaurant
  • office work on a non-temp basis
  • anything that requires rising before noon

How Much Money Does An Actor Make?Edit

Too much! But obviously not as much as athletes. The "biggest" actors (plus Tiny Tom) can drain upwards of $30 million per movie from Hollywood's soiled and blood-stained underwear.

What Is The Average Work Day Like For An Actor?Edit

  • 11:00 AM: Wake up at next to another (random) actor or actress
  • 11:03 AM: Snort a "pick-me-up" line of cocaine
  • 11:30 AM: Feast on a typical liberal breakfast of smugness and aborted fetuses.
  • 12:15 PM: stroll down to the set, shoot a few scenes for the blockbuster, and be fawned over by delusional fans and grunts.
  • 2:15 PM: Go out for a late lunch with one's agent and discuss the industry.
  • 3:45 PM: Go back to the set, throw a tantrum, and storm off.
  • 4:15 PM: Act outraged over how The Greatest President Ever is treating "the peasants" and make crass off-the-cuff remarks about soiled underwear.
  • 4:20 PM: Smoke marijuana and laugh... at one's own lawlessness.
  • 4:30 PM: Snort another line of cocaine
  • 5:30 PM: Attend a "fund raiser" for some charity one doesn't give a damn about.
  • 6:45 PM: Hook up with some random celebrity (gender is irrelevant) to kill the boredom and the nagging self-loathing.
  • 12:27 AM: Take latest romantic interest back home for a late-night orgy of cocaine, sex, and discussions about adopting thousands of African orphans.
  • 12:36 AM: Get an abortion JUST FOR FUN!!
has too many red links, unless you want it
to die a miserable death, you better
edit it.

Known TraitorsEdit

America's Darlings (NOT ACTORS)Edit

See AlsoEdit

Al Franken
Actor has earned
is an Official "Lover of Immoral Bears" (LiB) Site™