is a Traitor
And will soon feel the wrath of a vengeful Baby Jesus.
is a friend an acquaintance of "The Colbert Report"
The Report has no friends...
of Black Friends

Once Stephen's dearest — and only — black friend, Anti-War Alan is now a mere acquaintance.

Whenever Stephen Colbert discusses racial issues, he often asks that a picture of him and his African-American co-worker Alan be shown on screen. Colbert sometimes refers to Alan as "my black friend, Alan". He first appeared on the October 25, 2005 segment of The Wørd in a photo Stephen displayed while talking about the death of Rosa Parks.

He also appeared on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day when Colbert was complaining about having to work on that holiday, assuming that Alan was angry about it as well. It turns out that he wasn't.

Alan, the betrayer, at the protest rally.

On May 3, 2006, "Alan" was reduced in status from "black friend" to "black acquaintance", after he was spotted at a protest rally.

Stephen banished Alan to Alan-Town, where he sends all of his banned Alans.

Since then, Stephen Colbert has led a search to find a "new black friend". Thus far unsuccessful, Stephen Colbert expressed deep sorrow on an episode upon spotting Alan in the audience with a "new white friend".

Imposter Alert

There is an imposter, who goes by the name of Jordan Carlos, who has been impersonating Alan. The imposter isn't even black, but Stephen Colbert doesn't see color, so he never noticed. The imposter, hired by the liberal media, has unfortunately been successful in trying to break up the pair. It wasn't Alan who was at the protest rally; it was Jordan Carlos. However, that was Alan with his "new white friend" in the studio. Alan was so jealous after Colbert announced he was trying to find a "new black friend" that he immediately got a "new white friend" and flaunted him in front of Colbert.



It turns out that that Alan's new white friend is none other than everyone's favorite president George W. Bush. Upon hearing this news, Dr.Colbert's mighty chin quivered a little as he remembered the good times.

See Also

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