ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
- This article is about American, the language. For Americans as a people, see: American
American is the official language of the United States of America, Stephen Colbert, Wikiality and most of the known Universe. It is derived from 4 words: "A" "me" "ri" "Can". The original schematics for this nomenclature is housed in the Antarctic National Archives along with a model representing a people of merry (mari)cylindrical (Can) proportions who are also believed to have been the ancient race of Atlantians. Often, treasonous "intellectuals" claim that we must pay homage to the far superior island people of Great Britain. But any real American would know that Tony Blair can no longer be trusted, since he is a flip-flopper and not related in any way to Atlantis as all Americans are.
Contents[edit | edit source]
[show]==Foreign Jealousies== American is the only language Americans need to know, because deep down, the rest of the world wants to be like us, which is why our initials are U.S. Anyone claiming to be a bi-lingual American is a liar, and obviously an Un-American.
Not English[edit | edit source]
American IS NOT English! It might have some English words that sound like English and mean the same thing, kind of how some English words are the same as Spanish words, like "taco", "enchilada", "burrito", and "tobacco". But American isn't English. Do people in England speak American? No, they don't. And they aren't speaking American if they're in Africa, Australia, China, Japan, or Canada. And New Zealand. If you're not in America, you couldn't possibly be speaking American, unless you are Donald Trump.
American got its start back in World War 0 also known as the Revolutionary War (If you just asked your computer which revolutionary war or are thinking about Frenchies, leave now) with one of the first Super Americans, Daniel Webster. Daniel saw the need to separate from the English and their European-loving, anti-orthodontia ways. Daniel then took English pseudo-words like "honour" and "colour" and rightly struck out the "u", thereby giving future generations the kick-ass language that is American.
Dialects[edit | edit source]
|Hey You||Fight Me|
Sir, may we please duel in our honr.
I'ma wreck you.
|Jive||Jack, what gives, seems'a fighting match is beein the only option, not bad, boy, not to feisty either.|
Hey You, Yeah You, bet I can shoot streighter than you.
Types of American[edit | edit source]
- 19th Century Prospector
- 1930s mobster
- Midwestern - From the Heartland; you will hear Stephen converse in this manner.
- Injun Talk
- Southern - Stephen's Birth Language.
- Redneck - A variation of Midwestern and Southern. Pick a side, people! We're at war!
- Orange County - Flaky Tofu Eating Bastards.
- Ebonics - Various Centuries
- New England Puritan - Goodie Proctor is a WITCH!
- Broken - Every one has to learn.
- Liberal - Also known as Terrorist; you will never hear Stephen converse in this manner
- New Joisy Talk
List of Notable American Words[edit | edit source]
- Crumbelievable y.
- Filliam H. Muffman
- Freedom Fries
- The Internet