Ann Coulter
is a Proud Republican Goddess
God Bless America
Ann Coulter
is a Truthiness Crusader!
Ann Coulter
looks good in anything,
but looks hot in drag, baby!!

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~ Ann Coulter

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We just want Jews to be perfected
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~ American Ann

Ann Coulter

Ann -- The next best thing to a Barbie Doll.

Birthplace Adam's Appleville
Religion Ultra-Republican
Occupation The physical embodiment of the American Spirit
Spouse Jesus
Super Powers Speaking the absolute truth, Super Moral Superiority, Liberal-dar, Deli Thin Meat Slices, and Nuking liberals
Alternate Forms Deli Slicer, Winged Behemoth
Fun Fact Ann Coulter taught Tom Cruise how to bitch slap.


The daughter[1] of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Ann Coulter (sometimes known as "The Colt" for her shapely buttocks, also known as "Cutler" mostly for the sharp angles on her face, which can carve razor thin slices of meat) is a perfected Jew and God's vessel on earth. Not to be confused with a giraffe, Coulter is a Real American babe, with a sensuality so blistering that it has been estimated she and Michelle Malkin populate 90 percent of all male fantasies. After all, what do real men find sexier than a 40-ish, rail thin, bony, botoxed, Adam-apple'd blond who with each passing day looks more and more like a queen impersonation of herself? She is only surpassed in sexiness by Soledad O'Brien and Nancy Reagan.

Ann delivered the classiest eulogy for her Father that brought no tears to the eyes of any of the stalwart Republicans in attendance. As Ann herself would say, "Father wouldn't approve."

Youth[edit | edit source]

The Real Ann Coulter according with some stoners

Ann was not born December 8, 1961 1962 1965 1969 1492 but was delivered to us on a satin pillow by a golden UPS van. In New York City. Quickly realizing they were surrounded by Hairy Liberal Atheist Community Organizers, the family moved to Connecticut the edge of the universe. Dozens of dogs howled nuns fainted Chicago Nazi Gangstas rapped aimlessly on the eve of her birth arrival.

As a young boy ??? androgynous transgendered he-she girl, Ann learned from her father that poor people were evil mostly able to work but liked to suck on the teets of the middle class , she was white pure as a driven snow, and whites were hatedmisunderstood by macacaso many. She had many hobbies, including painting, horseback riding, and vomiting giving up all her meals because she was fat and ugly giving and her mommy said nobody would ever love her unless she was thinuniversal.

Pictures from a notable investigative report of hers during the time of Obama's birth has shown, however, that Miss Coulter Obama lived for more than a century was not born in the US. Because of that, her his current date of birth is under investigation.

Ann was supposedly a die-hard liberal before being ravaged by the Clintons when she was a tween.

Children[edit | edit source]

a young Ann Coulter

Ann readying to bite into a liberal.

Anatomy[edit | edit source]

At a very early age, Ann learned to wear a lot of turtle necks to hide that annoying Adams-apple. Additional protection was worn around her crotch area, as her penis vagina vaginal-penis turned into a fire-breathing dragon when near liberals.

Her hair is actually horse hair from a horse that was born aborted on the ground in Red Square in the Soviet Union after being blessed by Hitler.

She continuously walks around in stilts so she can look over everybody and see their obvious, liberalistic faults.

Her pecks boobs man-tits develop venom for paralyzing Democrats when in striking distance and go by the name of "Rasins in the Sun".

She also has the ability to go through metamorphosis, by which she can change her shape and form.

The Woman: A Bright, Shining Example of Contemporary Thought[edit | edit source]

By Decree & Power of Ballsiness
Ann Coulter!
Shall Receive Lady Balls!

unwed and single mothers cause terrorism

Ann moved to the belly of the beast, where the largest percentage of liberals reside, to indulge her hunger for flesh. It was here in Hollywood that Ann was discovered by the cable news networks who were looking for somebody with "interesting" beliefs to garner television ratings.

Beliefs[edit | edit source]

Ann has a rock-solid belief system, anchored by the knowledge that 9-11 widows are greedy profiteers, most conservatives are smarter than your average toaster[1], terrorists should destroy the New York Times, and liberals are stupid, gay, or not the genetically pure stock of inbred whites who should be summarily executed.

With such a gut-minded approach to public affairs, it is no coincidence that Coulter has come into the zenith of her power under the reign of King presidency of George W. Bush, The Decider.

Ann has filled a niche in American politics with her 'Shoot First, then Shoot Again Later' approach to political discourse. This strategy has made Ann a multi-millionaire and her life, a modern retelling of The American Dream. A dream where anyone born into a rich, white, politically connected family can rise to be the millionaire author of a series of semi-literate partisan screeds bestsellers. God bless America (and no one else).

But Ms. Coulter doesn't do it for the money, she does it for God, country and a shitload of money. Ann wants an America that knows how to take it to the terrorists, when she created her doctrine in 2001:

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We should invade their countries,
kill their leaders
and convert them to Christianity
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~ American Ann

Heaven On Earth[edit | edit source]

Ann likes to dream about Heaven on Earth and quote her favorite New Testament passage: "Heaven is like New York City during the Republican National Convention. You know New York, New York, but less Jew-ey."

Famous Ann Coulter Quotes[edit | edit source]

Ann Coulter, during her college days, was overheard saying, "If I were a Jap in Hiroshima or Nagasaki, when they dropped the bomb, I would survive, unscathed."

Ann Coulter's famous crypt-keeperish youthful looks and success formula: "Just make a pact and sell your soul to the devil, and trick him into delaying your death."

"Where was I before I got famous? I was fucking Republicans, duh!"

"I like turtles."

"Lie to God once, and you'll discover that lying to people actually becomes a breeze."

"Baby back ribs are best made with real babies"

"Canada is America's first enemy, Obama is second" - Discusing Osama bin Ladin and Heath Care - April 7, 2009 - The Shawn Hanity Show, Fox News,

Family[edit | edit source]

Ann in the morning. Note the impressive shoulder muscles.

Ann is part of the only known living family that can trace their history back to the neanderthals. This proves she is 100 percent white, with no crossbreeding from Africa or the Middle East. This also explains her impressive adam's apple, which is prominant in neanderthals and clearly shows she bears no relation to tainted womanhood (who are descended from the weaker afro-asian species scientifically known as eve-of-the-evil-rib)

Children[edit | edit source]

We know she's pro-life, christian, subscribes to family values and traditional values, and hates abortion clinics, abortionists, and gay marriage. She should have a family of at least 10-15, like Stephen Colbert's mother. It's even more confusing than why George and Laura Bush only pumped out two kids (twins) or Dick and Lynne Cheney only pumped out one lesbian.

Women Succubi like Ann and Condi need to spread their superior stem cells from sea to shining sea. Some say limitations in transgender surgery prevent Ann from having babies. She has adopted several hundred children from around the world in an effort to save them from "Branjolina", a powerful Hollywood elite liberals. She uses her adopted children to start a republican only family style restaurant in D.C.

However, as the greatest living American woman, she has made an oath of remaining without gestating a child until America vanquishes all its foes and the first seal is broken signifying the coming of the Anti-Christ, who is said to be born "of whore bathed in red". Bearing before the comming of the Anti-Christ would take too much time away from her efforts to help America Satan reign supreme. As more women live their lives by Ann's example, they will bear future patriots like Sean Hannity and, by transubstantiation, those children will be the children of Ann Coulter, proliferating her holy demonic spirit for eternity.

Things That Make Ann Hard Hot[edit | edit source]

X-Republican?[edit | edit source]

Papa Bear may have kicked Coulter to the curb. [2]

Books [2][edit | edit source]

  • How to Cook Liberals
  • Eating Less and Feeling Full, The Untold Benefits of Pedo-Cannibalism
  • Tuesdays with Morrie
  • Tissues! Sanitation or a 4 course meal
  • Lezbionics: How to Keep "It" Hidden!
  • Reincarnation: How to Avoid Being Reborn Black, Mexican or Jewish
  • Are you there God, it's me Hitler's descendant #1 Fan!
  • The right to bear Word Bullets though originally released under the title, Can I have a second amendment chased by the first, I'm not full of crap yet
  • I Don't Know What Drugs I'm On, But They're Good!
  • "Rush Limbaugh and Me" or (UK Title) "One of us has a working penis so its ok!"

See Also[edit | edit source]

External Tubes[edit | edit source]

Notes[edit | edit source]

  2. We normally do not endorse books, but in Ann's case, we'll make an exception.

Ann Coulter
is Very Manly™.
Despite what you may have heard
Ann Coulter
Is totally not racist!
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