Arnold Schwarzenegger is an alien creature sent to Earth to prepare it for invasion by his species, the Cylons. At the command of his masters on the planet of Caprica, the Earth copy of the Schwarzenegger machine first infiltrated the world of light porn made for Gay Bears. That's how he gained their allegiance in his masters' plan to take over the Soviet state of California. Prof. McDoc is studying this strange race.
Career in Entertainment[edit | edit source]
The Cylons cleverly created a movie persona for their puppet, where he destroys armies of cyborgs led by Hillary Clinton. That persona was deviously designed to hide his true identity as a cyborg. At the behest of his Cylon masters, Schwarzenegger portrayed a kick ass action star, crime fighter, and all around manly man. To maintain his appeal to Gay Bears, he also played winking girly man roles like one where didn't even try to hide the fact that he was pregnant during filming with evil alien spawn.
|Terminator 2: Judgement Day (Japanese Edition)|
His Career in Japan[edit | edit source]
Political Career[edit | edit source]
Currently he is the illegal governor of California, since he is not a true-born American, which os course means he can't be a real Republican.
As part of his campaign for governor, Schwarzenegger authorized a documentary about his time as a cop at a kindergarten in California, where you need cops in every public place because — thanks to a lack of moral fiber and Family Values Mdash; all their children are crazed gang bangers.
The documentary almost derailed his campaign, however, when it was revealed that he only showed up at the school when the cameras were rolling. Even then, he'd offer his young charges cigars to smoke during filming breaks.
In his role as "governor" (or as Californians call him, "Governator") Schwarzenegger sometimes tries to look like he wants to bring a conservative, God-fearing aspect to California's liberal hellholes. Of course, that's all just another ruse by his Cylon masters and the Gay Bears that they control.
Schwarzenegger became a Republican once he arrived in the United States, inspired by the great national hero and second best American president, Richard Nixon. The first words he learned in English were "I am not a crook." A few years later he learned the words "I did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky", though that proved to be useless. The truth is he still doesn't speak English.
His leadership is of such an unquestionable nature that nature herself bends to his will!
The Penguin Uprising[edit | edit source]
In 2005, Schwarzenegger was almost killed by an army of mutant penguins. (Take that global warming supporters: penguins live in the cold, so its only getting colder.) The attack was instigated because the penguins and their leader, Danny DeVito, are actually aliens from the ice planet of Prommnite. Although they were once allied with Schwarzenegger and the Cylons, the Prommnitians formed a rival faction after Schwarzenegger mocked them in one of his movies. The empire struck back, however, when high ranking Promnitian Mel Brooks returned the mockery with the insulting "May the Schwartz be with you!". Unfortunately, Californians thought he was being serious.
Quotable Quotes[edit | edit source]
Breaking News![edit | edit source]
While promoting the state he represents as governor, Ahnult broke his leg skiing. He is currently recuperating in a hospital in Idaho, far from the ski slopes where he broke his leg representing the fine skiing areas in the state where he is governor. The hospital was chosen for its fine hospital-ness, because the state he represents as governor and where he broke his leg skiing does not have one world-class hospital still open in the entire state.
External Tubes[edit | edit source]
- The Guvernator promises to terminate State's expenses
- Guvernator Terminates Child Welfare and AIDS!! Guvernator to Receive Medal of Freedom!
- Guvernator unleashes Hollywood's secret weapons!
- Guvernator found beaten to death. Police suspects foul play
- Guvernator finds solution to budget problem!
- Guvernator sets Kalyfornia on FIRE!!!
- How Tax Cuts on the rich can save Kalyfornia
- Guvernator to police series of tubes
- Guvernator to Lawmakers: "Faek Yu"
- Guvernator to fight Sarah Palin!
- The Guvernator to slash wages, slave revolt soon to follow
- The Guvernator takes a pic nic
- The Guvernator invades Alaska