is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!
Foods or Beverages

The gayest lettuce in the garden

Arugula (more popularly known as "gay lettuce") is a vegetable grown as part of a liberal plot to make American dinners fancier and, thus, help the terrorists win. The plan is simple. While all Real Americans are flinching in disgust at this foppish plant, the terrorists will sneak in and kill them.

Originally developed by the immoral minority as a part of their overarching agenda of global limpwristedification, the Arugula lettuce can grow to amazing size and has often been mistaken for the mythical tree mentioned by Jesus in the Bible. Recently a study conducted by minions of Ted Stevens showed that exceptionally large varieties of this plant are in fact used by terrorists and bears to hide their true motives from the American people — most notably those in the Moral Majority.

The same technology used to detect the African Elephant was used in this study to detect the bears hiding among the lettuce plants and this has lead to widespread worry about what else might be hiding in the huge gay groves of this plant. Most often found in Blue States, the groves of this plant can achieve unbelievable size, on occasion covering the entire region in the gayest of gay.

Once believed to be unstoppable, Arugula infestation has been being treated recently with large amounts of crude oil spread on the lawns of homeowners worried about their children or neighbors becoming gay or gayer than they already are.

"It's the only way to stop it," said one source in Ohio while liberally applying crude oil to his yard and that of his next-door neighbor. "Thank God we have all this cheap oil from the Middle East that the Republicans have managed to secure for us. Otherwise this entire country would be awash in the gay."