is science-related, sending it straight to hell.

Astronomy is the study of celestial bodies and how they control our lives. It is also known as Gallileoism.

Astronomy is divided into "signs". The Signs were discovered by early Astrono-$cientologists, who used these Signs to describe the different human personalities.

The Major Astronomical Signs are:

  • Aries
  • Taurus
  • Gemini
  • Cancer
  • Leo
  • Virgo
  • Libra
  • Scorpio
  • Sagitarrius
  • Capricorn
  • Aquarius
  • Pisces
  • Slippery When Wet
  • No Parking

And the one "Sign" that rules them all:

Information for Each SignEdit

Astronomical Signs
Sign Mascot Ruled By This
Celestial Body
Aries Danny DeVito the planet Mars
  • nosey
  • smelly
Taurus the bull the planet Venus
  • bossy
  • stubborn
Gemini the bipolar the planet Mercury
  • happy
  • sad
  • psychotic
Cancer the polyp America's Moon
  • irritating
  • deadly
Leo the mirror America's Sun
  • hair, glorious hair
Virgo the burqa the newly discovered planet Xena
  • criticizing
  • analytical
Libra the justice scales the planet Venus
  • active
  • judgemental
Scorpio the mosquito no longer a planet Pluto
  • itchy
  • scratchy
Sagittarius the centaur the planet Jupiter
  • perverted
Capricorn a crucifiction the planet Saturn
  • Holy
  • Righteous
Aquarius Hippie the planet Uranus
  • groovy
  • always high
Pisces Fish the planet Neptune
  • zaftig
  • reubenesque
Slippery When Wet the highway cone a Starbucks
  • evasive
  • flip flopper
No Parking a tire boot a Full Moon
  • spiteful
  • pety
The Clenis The Clenis The Clenis
  • viril
  • destructive
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