Ayn Rand
is a Great American and deserves your adoration!
America loves you, Ayn Rand
Ayn Rand
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!
Darwin ape.jpeg
Ayn Rand,
is associated with atheism,
beware of potential liberal lies and grumpy atheists!


Ayn Rand
composed at least one non-audiobook book.

Is that a copy of Atlas Shrugged in your pocket, or are you just genetically, economically, and culturally able to be happy to see me?

"I believe Ayn Rand's first love poem went: Roses are red/violets are blue/finish this poem yourself/you dependent parasite" -- Stephen Colbert

Ayn Rand (born Alisa Zinovevna Rosenbaum) was a illegal alien[1] and the author of the book Atlas Shrugged. The novel is over 6000 pages long and has never been finished by anyone except Alan Greenspan, although Ann Coulter claims to have been inspired by her writing.


Ayn Rand was born in a dictatorial hell hole where she was forced into hard labour and everything was bad. Initially, she believed that this was as things should be, (except for the blessing of the spelling of her first name, Ayn, which was the most exceptionally cool spelling of one of the most seriously common names in the universe) . However, one day, in a lucent flash of enlightenment, she discovered two profound philosophical truths: "A is A", "2 + 2 = 4", and I am "Ann". This epiphany gave her the power to break the chains of oppression and escape to America where any common idea can gain some merit.. There, after finding 2 pennies which she rubbed together, she began working on her philosophy of Objectivism. Developed from first principles, she did not just crib from Nietzsche.[1]


The revised edition for 2009.

Rand spent 50 years and tens of thousands of pages of writing, developing and explaining her philosophy of Objectivism. The principles of Objectivism are as follows:

  • Everyone should act like greedy, selfish assholes.[2][2]

That's it, I just saved you a lot of time.

Atlas Shrugged

Atlas Shrugged is about a bunch of rich business owners who, like all rich people, started out poor and earned every penny they had. This proves that all poor people are just too lazy to get rich. The business owners got tired of paying their workers, so they all ran away from society and hid in Galt's Gulch, a special enclave for the wealthy, brilliant titans who once carried society on their shoulders. The book ends with them starving to death because they didn't have any laborers to produce food.

Original title of "Atlas Shrugged" before parasitic publishing leeches tampered with her natural industriousness.

The Fountainhead

The Fountainhead AKA the Bible for far right wing losers is Ayn Rand's lesser-known "other novel" very similar to your gay brother whom you don't talk about. It chronicles the adventures of Rand's Objectivist hero: Howard Roark. His escapades include blowing up housing for the poor, raping a woman, and escaping justice by talking the jury to death. According to Rand, this makes him an anti-social psychopath the ideal man! The moral of the story is that capitalism is about making what you want to make, not what there is a demand for.

NFL: Randyan Edition

The NFL owners have embraced the teaching of Ayn Rand and have decided to eliminate parasites like Union Referees, these moochers contribute nothing to the spirit of the game.

See Also


  1. At least, we hope she really wasn't trying to crib from Nietzsche. Because if she thought she was a Nietzschean, this would offer conclusive proof of her inability to read. While the illiteracy of readers might help to explain Rand's writing style, there is no excuse for forcing them to pay attention to a 95 page speech.
  2. Ayn Rand lived her life as a true American by adhering to the believes that the Free Market will fix everything and save her from the evils of socialism. That's why she took that welfare money, so no Real American will have to take it for her, that's sacrifice! You hear that America, it is time for you to move your lazy ass and stop stealing from the American Tax Payer, stop being lazy Welfare Queens!

External Tubes

This article is not a stub. It is a perfect and complete source of Truthiness that cannot be improved upon. If it ain't broke don't f#@k with it. You will get a Wag of the Finger* from Stephen if you attempt to change it.
*Wag of the Finger not guaranteed.

Ayn Rand
brings Wealth and Prosperity to Americans and
The Free Market
America thanks you, Ayn Rand