Godless Killing Machines
A Balrog is a fallen Maiar, who followed Morgoth, a Valar. They have control over fire and shadow. Balrogs are evil and known to kill gay wizards. They are dark. As a matter of fact they are the most likely things to destroy Middle Earth now that Sauron has been destroyed for many a year. The only thing as bad as a Balrog is a bear. Bears are currently the ranking non-immortal Middle-Earth-destroying Eruless-killing-machines threat to the Hobbitses.
What a Balrog is NOT
When the idiots at CNN showed a picture of a Balrog while talking about Demons on 6/6/2006, Stephen Colbert realized that it was once again up to him to correct the liberal bias of the mainstream media. As a public service to viewers of The Colbert Report, Dr. Colbert took the time to clarify the difference between Balrogs and Demons, because they are so obviously not the same thing.
Maiar umm... Things who followed Melkor Liberals to Utumno Obamagrad, because he wouldn't serve Eru Stephen.
Angels Bears who followed Satan Obama into Hell Californiagrad because he wouldn't serve God The Greatest President Ever.
- When he initially took the time to make this announcement on the Report, Stephen accidentally mis-spoke and said that the Balrogs followed Melkor to Thangorodrim. He later corrected this on The Late Show with Conan O'Brien, stating that he meant to say that of course Melkor first built Utumno. Only later did he construct the fortress of Angband that was guarded by the three mountains of Thangorodrim. Stephen apologized profusely for this slip of the tongue.