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The Bill of Rights are the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution. They guarantee Americans the right to act like Americans.

As an American your rights are:

1. The right to agree with the President, especially George W. Bush.

2. The right to bear arms. ( i.e. Anyone can own a pair of bear arms.)

3. The right to kick ass. Just like John Wayne, General George S. Patton and Steven Seagal.

4. The right to take names. Ask Joseph McCarthy.

5. The right to drink, smoke, hunt and drive a hummer.

6. The right to an opinion.

7. The right to shout down and call un-American anyone with whom you disagree.

8. The right to buy property and build large condos on it.

9. The right to go to church, but only Christian churches. Other religions don't count.

10. The right to watch the Colbert Report.


Thanks to a heckuva job by the Greatest President, Greatest Vice President, and the Greatest Attorney General, Americans have also gained these rights:

  1. The right to call "french fries" freedom fries.
  2. The right to be spied on.
  3. The right to be experimentally interrogated on a beach.
  4. The right ignore Congress's subpoenas if Dubya says you can.
  5. The right to be communed for being a domestic enemy.