Birth Control is condemned by the Catholic Church. "Be fruitful and multiply," as the saying goes. But does it go too far enough? What about when someone merely thinks of having sex purely for procreation but never does? Who speaks up for the injustices on the behalf of the MILLIONs of sperm that never even get the chance for that great Uterus in the Sky? Real Americans know Masturbation is a horrible strain on industries that rely on uneducated masses for cheap labor.

However, in some instances, it is acceptable for a man to use birth control, for example, when a politician accepts sexual favors from a prostitute sent to his hotel room by lobbyists.

Stephen's Recommended Birth Control Method (MEN ONLY)

  • Sit on a box of Klondike Bars
  • Wear clothes that are tight and constricting in the crotch
  • When the moment of orgasm approaches, think of your grandmother

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