If you were looking for the article about people who are black, but are not your friend, click here.

Even thought Black People have their flaws… they are still American, dammit!

WARNING: Barack Obama is trying to become America's black friend! Do not allow him to come to your BBQ![1]

of Black Friends

A black friend (not to be confused with token) is a very special thing everyone should have. Alan is Stephen's former black friend. Steals pies. Stephen is currently looking for a new black friend. He is a more suitable candidate than anyone else. If you think you would be a suitable candidate for this highly-respected position, and you are black, you should apply at The Colbert Nation Website. Be sure to include a recent photo of yourself and an essay describing why Stephen should select you as his new Black Friend. A possible spin off tv show "Colbert's New BBF" will be broadcast after several thousand applications are received. Recently writer/comedian Jamil Ellis launched a campaign on Comedy Central's blog to enlist America to help him become Stephen Colbert's new black friend.


P.K. Winsome is believed to be Stephen's new black friend, no one else, no matter what you've heard, even that GQ article that claims Jay-Z is Stephen's new black friend.

How To Get Black Friends

One of the most disappointing things in life is to find out that you live in an area depraved of black people or it contains the "wrong" kind of minorities; or maybe those black friends are already taken by other white people. Sure you may have Asian friends, Latino friends, Indian friends (Native and 7-11 kind), maybe even an Ukrainian friend, but nothing beats a Black Friend. And sometimes your black friend and you are not compatible (maybe he/she is not black enought, too black, maybe you want a "black panther" veteran or gangsta, etc.), which leads to a long and agonizing process of finding another new black friend but never the "perfect" black friend. But thanks to the power of the series of tubes and the free market, "Black Friend Finder" or BFF was established to facilitate white people's need "To find that Black Friend you ever wanted to have, but you were never able to find!"

To Pranksters

Sorry, but this cool black friend
is already reserved for Mr. Colbert

During the interview process, you will be required to bring in a family tree going back at least to the colonization of America, proving that you indeed have African origins. Please do not take advantage of Stephen's race-blindness, he has alternative methods of finding out if you actually are black.

See Also


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