Blessed Virgin Mary
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!
Baby Jesus
Blessed Virgin Mary
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
Mary power of Christ laser beams2

The only woman more essential to America's freedom than Soledad O'Brien or Barbara Bush.


Mary is a Republican, but she prefers to leave politics to men, since things like economics and foreign relations are beyond her. Mary is against abortion, stem cell research, gay marriage and women in the workplace. Though Mary is a Republican, she did endorse Joe Lieberman because "he's such a good boy, what a mensch!"

Burning books

Even though Mary is a woman, she is able to take care God's lighter work, such as ridding the world of non-biblical texts.


  • Mary was a stay at home mom and breast fed Jesus (Liberal mothers do not breast feed, they use a bottle and then leave their kids in day care while they go off to their jobs, all of which helps destroy Americas family values)
  • Mary was married to Joseph, a carpenter who drank mead and watched chariot races, both of which were precursors to Budweiser and Nascar
  • Mary was a virgin all her life, she never had sex with Joseph, The Blue Balled Carpenter.
  • Mary, being a Jewish Mother, was always getting on Jesus's case about how he should be a doctor or lawyer
  • Mary would often have brunch with her sister, the mother of John the Baptist, and after a few glasses of wine each, trade backhanded insults over about who was going to be more successful
  • Mary wanted to name Jesus a strong Jewish name like Abraham or Ezekiel, but God said no as he didn't want people to be confused when they read the soon to be released "New Testament" as they were character names used in his previous works
  • Mary is the only woman to have been born without sin (Eve doesn't count, she wasn't born but made from a man's rib and do you ever hear women thanking men for their existence? Nope. All we get from them is the introduction of sin and our consequent expulsion from the Garden of Eden)

Places Mary has been seen cryingEdit


Images of the Blessed Virgin Mary Edit

See AlsoEdit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.