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Bob Allen
is a great employee of John McCain
and a Friend of Ken!

Despite what you may have heard
Bob Allen
Is totally not gay!

Bob Allen, freed from Satan's grasp.

Bob Allen (R-Merritt Island) is a Florida state representative and the co-chairman of Senator John McCain’s Florida campaign.

A Family Values Republican, Allen was the proud recipient of a “worst of the worst” rating from the Rainbow Democratic Club for his anti-gay, pro-family voting record. Way to go, Bob!

The Battle With SatanEdit

On July 11, 2007, at a local park, Allen was placed under arrest after the Devil forced him to offer to perform a sex act on an undercover officer in exchange for $20, police said.

Titusville police were at Veteran’s Memorial Park on East Broad Street on a burglary detail when they noticed an unshaven man acting suspicious, going in and out of the restroom three times, said Lt. Todd Hutchinson.

An undercover officer decided to go into one of the bathroom stalls, Hutchinson said. Moments later, Allen knocked on the stall door and offered to perform oral sex on the officer for $20, according to the police spokesman.

As officer Kavanaugh explains in the arrest report "Allen engaged me in a conversation in which it was agreed that he would pay me $20.00 in order to perform a 'blow job' on me."

Kavanaugh continued, "He even went into explicit detail on exchange rates and how much it would cost in Canadian dollars, yen and pesos."

The ExplanationEdit

Allen told a television reporter that what happened was a "misunderstanding." But Hutchinson said the representative did not dispute the undercover officer's version of what happened in the park.

What happened was that Allen really needed to pee, and offered the officer the twenty dollars to 'finish up the job and blow out of there for me,' a statement the officer completely misheard.

His other excusesEdit

  • I had a really bad headache and I saw an advil on his penis
  • I tripped and fell mouth first
  • I have a rare lip condition that can only be healed by copious amounts of protein

Pray For HimEdit

Should the above explanation prove to be untrue, once Mr. Allen completes his Heterosexual Rebirth, he will again resume his glorious crusade against the forces aligned against marriage and traditional Republican American Judeo-Christian values.


An activist jury found Mr. Allen guilty of soliciting liberalism in a public bathroom and has sentenced him to several hours of a trial and a camera in the court room.

Mr. Allen's complete sentence will be announced November 15, 2007 after all the jurors are done smoking their illegal drugs.

See AlsoEdit

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