happily perform(s) any menial task
where ever and whenever Dr. Colbert says, without question.

Bobby is was still is Stephen Colbert's stage manager. He has no last name.

Bobby's duties include turning on the microwave, playing guitar when Willie Nelson sings, and explaining when Stephen is wrong. Because Stephen does not make mistakes, this is a very easy job.

Bobby was also sent on a commando mission with Ric Ocasek and Killer, to free Stephen Jr. from his cage with only one large hole in it. The mission was a complete failure as Stephen Jr. was sent from one cage to another: upon Bobby's return, he informed a heart-broken Stephen that his son had been captured by Canadians and is now lost in Canada. To save his son, Stephen suggested that everyone who lives in Washington state should go to the border between Canada's Mexico and California's Canada and wave succulent fish in the air (specifically, salmon) to help Stephen Jr. find his way home. However, he is either lost in a veritable sea of soft lumber or is unable to find the fish due to the large number of fishy Canadians all around him.

On the October 19, 2005 edition of The Report, Stephen put Bobby On Notice because he said he likes candy apples, which are a threat to America's children.

Bobby tendered his resignation April 21, 2008.Episode #383

Bobby continues to work for The Report thanks to a Time Paradox, there is no truth that Bobby was eaten by Our Beloved Colbert since it never happend thanks to our time machine.

Bobby FactoidsEdit


Bobby getting jiggy

  • Bobby is a Unitarian, which means he has chosen not to decide and has therefore made a choice...or has he!? Only Geddy Lee may know the answer.
  • The reason why Bobby is always wearing a headset is because he's trying to look like Jesus.
  • Bobby lost his corneas when Stephen put bleach in his coffee as a practical joke. Don't worry, Bobby, they grow back!
  • Bobby covers his eyes during "Better Know a District" because he can't handle it. He also takes off his glasses.
  • Bobby is so white it makes Stephen sick. He refuses to lay down mad beats for Stephen to rap over.
  • Bobby can play the trombone, but has no sense of timing since he played it even though Dr. Colbert wasn't placed on the ballot in South CarolinaEpisode #331


Stephen once swapped out Bobby for a heat lamp in order to protest efforts to counteract global warming.


Sometimes Bobby appears in costume. It is speculated that this is some strange Unitarian thing, possibly stolen from the Mormons.

Outfits he has worn include:

  • A leprechaun costume
  • A mime outfit
  • A zip-up jacket and khakis. I mean, come on, he couldn't wear a tie?
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