is too drunk to drive himself home...
he must be Irish.
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
Not quite girlie, not quite man,
is all Girlieman.


Bono is the world's largest crap and an Irish singer, from Ireland. He likes to talk about Africa, fueling widespread speculation as to his sexuality. It has been suggested that Africa is his gay lover. Africa may or may not actually exist, and no one except for Bono really cares anyway.

He is the frontman of the band U2, which is named after an American spyplane that was never shot down. Ever.

Bono Trivia

  • doesn't have the White House on speed dial
  • He can kick bears in the ass.
  • He was the first male singer in the 1980s to make Boy George look manly in comparison
  • Bono always wears sunglasses because he thinks he's a space traveler from the future. Unfortunately for him, Sun Ra beat him to it.
  • Because Bono is Irish, he is - by default - also a leprechaun. It is definitely advisable to set traps for Bono. Just say that's where Africa is. He'll come running.
  • Heads the Bonoschtapo, a cult of musicians, whose mission is a secret.
  • Because he is Irish, he gets drunk and beats up random people.
  • According to legend he is most commonly found under the Ragwort (Senecio jacobaea). Ragwort is a very common wild flower in the family Asteraceae that is found throughout Africa. Look for him there. Once you find him shake his Irish ass in the air until he relents, and tells you where he has hidden 'is pot 'o gold.
  • The Irish Spring soap commercials are based around his rough upbringing.
  • Although he is a leprechaun, he is very powerful and not to be crossed, witness his bandmate Larry, who could have had a sweetass nickname, but crossed him and asked about gold.
  • Bono, a million year old leprechaun, has probably found some "Gold"(gay beer) in "Africa", which is why he is so concerned with "Africa".

External Tubes

Is totally FUBAR (F##cked Up Beyond All Recognition)
and is shunned by Stephen Colbert and The Baby Jesus