ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

A Caesarean Section (commonly known as a C-Section; Sometimes dubbed a McCainian Section) is a type of child birth invented by Doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. It was invented in 5000 B.C. and was first performed that year for the birth of John McCain. It is a painless type of child birth where the baby does not come out of the vagina. It is the preferred birthing method of celebrities. It is also performed if the baby is in some way at risk of a liberal attack or if the baby's life is in danger.

Steps of a C-SectionEdit

1.) Shoot the mother's abdominal up with an anaesthetic that is similar to novacaine. It numbs her abdominal area so she does not feel any pain when the doctor cuts her abdominal open to get the Baby out.

2.) Cutting open the abdominal with either a knife (metal or Plastic), chainsaw or a blade

3.) Removing the baby and placentia

4.) Sewing Up the cut

Recovering From a C-SectionEdit

1.) Stay in bed for 15 hours breastfeeding your baby. If you have Breast implants or Silicone Breast Implants then check with your Doctor.

2. After 15 hours start walking around the Hospital.

3.) After three days you will be discharged from the Hospital to go home with your baby or babies

When You Get HomeEdit

Make sure you have some help around the house. A C-Section requires that the mother gets enough rest and to make sure she stands up every once and a while. Listen to your own body which is in many cases listening to what your gut says.


If you are not a member of Premium Citizens, Colbert Platinum or the Hollywood Pregnancy Association then it is recommended that you do not have an elective C-Section.

Celebrities who have had C-SectionsEdit

People who have been born via C-SectionEdit

See AlsoEdit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.