Cal Naughton Jr.
wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence!
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Baby Jesus.jpg
Cal Naughton Jr.
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
Cal Naughton Jr.
is an American Man of God!!!

Cal Naughton, Jr. (a.k.a. Mike Honcho) is a NASCAR driver. He is the best friend of Ricky Bobby. He is the "Shake", while Ricky is the "Bake". Cal wishes that Ricky would let him win sometimes, but you can't have two number ones; that makes eleven! Cal likes to think of Jesus as wearin' a tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too". Cal likes to party, so he likes his Jesus to party. Cal is nicknamed "The Magic Man". Now you see you don't! He was featured in a documentary about NASCAR along with Ricky Bobby.


  • Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!
  • I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
  • Now, I've got a message for all the other drivers out there. If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it's not your tailpipe. It's just a little of Shake...and Bake!
  • Shake n' Bake!
  • Hold on a second, Mr. Fancy-Pants Foreigner. You just broke my bro's arm. Now you're gonna get tasered. Say hello to Dr. Watts!
  • We missed you at the wedding. It was really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain. Check it, it was a nacho fountain.
  • Abracadabra, homes.
  • [to Ricky, in the hospital] There's somethin' I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread, man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. It was weird, I... I mean, you probably didn't hear about it 'cause I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow, that I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.
  • Damn you, Wavecrest!

From outtakes

  • I like to think of Jesus like a mischievous badger.
  • I like to think of Jesus like a shapeshifter, or a changeling, like that guy--you ever hear of that TV show Manimal?
  • I like to think of Jesus like a figure skater, who wears, like, a white outfit, and he does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
  • I like to think of Jesus like a muscular trapeze artist.
  • I like to think of Jesus like a dirty old bum. He's comin' up to me, and I'm 'bout to sock him, cause, you know, he's a dirty old bum, but then I say, "Wait a minute, there's something... I don't know, special about this guy."

From deleted scenes

  • We go together like Easter mornin' and Lyme Disease.
  • We go together like suits of armor and electrical storms.
  • I'm just sayin' we click, you know? We're like skateboardin' and freeway ramps.
  • We go together like pigs and swimmin'.
  • We go together like tuna fish and cigarettes.
  • We go together like campin' trips and head lice.
  • We go together like square dancin' and handguns. Right?
  • Don't make me bring the darkness. [pulls out taser]

From trailer

  • We go together like Chinese food and chocolate pudding.