Canada is the country above the United States of America, and has ten provinces and three territories. the capital of Canada is Ottawa which is in Ontario. the official languages of Canada are English and French. Canada is the second largest country in the world and covers a land area of 9.98 million square Kilometers. 1 Kilometer is the same as 1.6 Miles. the national anthem of Canada is "O Canada". and the current Prime Minister of Canada is Justin Trudeau.
for more information please visit:
|Official Languages:||English, French|
|National Anthem:||O Canada|
|Principal industries:||Logging, Farming, Fishing|
Geography[edit | edit source]
Canada is also extremely big, having a total area of 19,978,647,125 square miles (or 6,785,920,322,763 hectares). And unlike the U.S.A, Canada is divided into provinces and territories rather than states, Such provinces include Manitoba, Alberta and Nova Scotia
Military[edit | edit source]
Everyone knows that Canada's army sucks... and if Fox News says that Canada's army sucks, then is the truthiness!
Canada has no army... moving on...
Canada's Economy[edit | edit source]
Besides selling drugs and pills to our
senior citizens welfare queens, Canada has hardly contributed to the World's and America's economy... softwood lumber? Who wants that??
Conspiracy Theories[edit | edit source]
- Canada does not actually exist.
- It was made up by communists who brainwashed the world into thinking that there was a country called Canada with weapons they aquired illigaly during WWII without the consent of America while Jesusland was saving the Jeus and all other not normal people from the ultra-liberal and or communist Hitler.
- Anyone who says they have been to Canada needs to seek medical attention. The communists at the boarders of northern states have developed specialized weapons to make peopel think that there is something more than the actual foggy nothingness that resides about America. Some rumors have also been contributed to explain the communist squirrels that have slowly been infiltrating America helped by those communists who created the idea of Canada.
- Super secret hidden penguin assassin base is hidden somewhere in Canada producing penguin films and shilling animal rights.
- The Newfoundland Liberation Army is preparing to invade Alaska to create a new independent homeland for the displaced Newfinese tribes of western Canada.
The Vancouver Uprising of 2011[edit | edit source]
Just like the Arab Spring of 2011, Canada experienced something that can be called a form of uprising.
Local customs has it that the citizens of Vancouver hold a peculiar custom. The tradition starts with the Canucks losing the
Stanley Cup "The Holy Silver Chalice of Untold Blessings" to any American Hockey Team (no matter how sucky they are). Legend has it that the Holy Chalice has the power to ward off evil spirits for a whole year until the next game, if the Canucks cannot secure the blessings of their Holy Artifact then they must participate in a cleansing ritual of blood to protect their city from evil spirits and secure the protection of their local pagan god to ward off misfortune and bankruptcy.
The end of the losing game triggers a mass exodus into the streets, the next step of the ritual demands that fires be brought into the city to illuminate and chase away the darkness, so the Canucks set ablaze their cars to illuminate the streets to allow their god "An-hark-ee" to find his way into the city. Once the Canucks have created a path for their mischievous god they set their sights into breaking glasses and other properties, this is necessary according with their customs. The destructive noises scares away evil spirits and ghosts that would try to impede the coming of "An-hark-ee". These evil spirits are believed to adorn themselves with dark garments with magical runes that read "pol-ice" (perhaps dark spirits of the midwinter season), carrying big sticks to beat the followers into submission. Once the preparations are done with the rituals, it is followed with a mass sacrifice of the Canucks so their blood will bless the ground as his feet cannot touch anything impure. When the streets are turned red, then it must be followed with a group orgy to please the coming god, this act of brutal violence and sex is required to welcome the coming pagan god into the city that has failed to secure the blessed silver chalice (an act that is shameful and dishonorable for Real Canadians). To seek forgiveness from the gods and secure their blessings this brutal act of ritualistic violence is essential to salvage the Canadian spirit and image. Imagine the untold shame and humiliation of losing a hockey game in the eyes of the world! Once the god approves of their bloody ritual he blesses their unworthy city until the next season of Hockey.
Fureigners and Americans are warned to be cautious when visiting Vancouver during their losing game, you may be accidentally be dragged into their blood ritual.
See Also[edit | edit source]
- Montreal Canadiens
- Quebecois language
- The World According to Palin
- Canada's History
Do Not Also See[edit | edit source]
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
External Tubes[edit | edit source]
- Canadian Sleeper Cells in America
- Drugs are Canada's main export
- Commie Canadians Wish they had our Health Care System
- Canada's Emergency Plan Against Zombies
CanadianTerrorist finally expelled
- Canada's Evil Plan to form a Zombie Army
- Canadian Doctors going bankrupt
- Real Capitalist Americans to liberate Canadians from their oppressive Socialist Medicine Regime!!
- Canadian Terrorist Attacks Canadian Government
- Foreigners invade Canada
- Canada deports terrorist feminazi lady
- Canada to set free dangerous killer!
- Canada welcomes Indian overlords
- Canada emancipates children from Homework. There is still hope!
- Canada The New Evil Empire
- Canadian Prime Minister assassinated!
- Canadian suffers mental meltdown
- Canada Wins Polluter Award of the Year
- Canada haz Mafia?
- Canada takes libural sex to a new level!
- Rich Man proves That Canada's Health Care is broken
- Canada signs Preemptive Surrender before America's Preemptive Strike
- Canadians stealing American jubs!
- Canada betrays the Queen!!!
- Canada Betrays The Queen.... AGAIN!!!
- Why Canada hatez the Queen?
- Radio Canada: God Save The Queen
- Canada invaded by fish army
- Canadian politics are crazy
- Canada's frenemy
- Fureign whores continue to threat Canada
- Canadian Terror Eggs stopped at the border
- Canada's clever plan to destroy the Internet
- Canada ready to invade American
- Illegal Mexicans trying to infiltrate Canada