Cole Trickle
wakes up in the morning and pisses Mello Yello!

Cole Trickle in 1990.

Cole Trickle is a NASCAR driver. This is because he started out driving "open wheel" cars, cars whose wheels stick out. He also bears a strong resemblance to fellow $cientologist Tom Cruise.

Early Career

He was hired to drive the #46 Chevrolet, owned by Tim Daland and sponsored by a Chevrolet dealership called City Chevrolet. He sucked after he first started driving in NASCAR, because he didn't understand how to drive cars. Pretty stupid guy, huh? Eventually, he confessed to his team, led by crew chief Harry Hogge, that he couldn't drive. This, of course, was after he tore up lots of cars. He has had and continues to have an oversized penis management problem. Female friends of his have claimed, "Cole has a tool the size of a tennis ball can" on more than one occasion.


Eventually, the team improved. Cole won his first race. After this, Superflo decided that maybe this kid didn't suck after all, and began sponsoring his cars.


Soon later, however, Cole and rival driver Rowdy Burns were involved in a massive wreck. Both drivers needed brain surgery. Burns, sadly, was unable to race ever again. For the immediate future, Cole was replaced by another hotshot young rookie, Russ Wheeler, in Daland's cars, which were renumbered #18 and sponsored by Hardee's. Cole recovered, eventually, and began racing alongside Wheeler. However, one race, Wheeler spun Cole out and won. Cole got pissed off and wrecked Wheeler's car after the finish. Then Cole's entire team was fired.


Since their accident, Cole and Rowdy Burns became friends. Burns needed sponsor money for his family, but they refused to pay him unless he had a car in the Daytona 500. So Cole volunteered to drive, and Mello Yello sponsored the car. However, the car had a bad engine. The team had to borrow an engine from Daland, but it was stuck in high gear. So Daland made his crew push the car to start it. Eventually, when back on track, Cole passed everyone, and wrecked Wheeler to win.

Since the Daytona 500

The $cientology racecar driven by Cole Trickle in the NASCAR Busch Series.

Cole Trickle retired from NASCAR racing after his big win. He married his brain surgeon but divorced her a few years ago. He pays lots of money to the church of $cientology. Recently, he has made a comeback, driving the #27 $cientology Racing Ford in the NASCAR Busch Series, in a limited schedule.


Cole Trickle bears a strong resemblance to Tom Cruise.

Cole Trickle has the STD "Dick Trickle" named after him.


  • Joe Garrison Racing [1]
  • Mello Yello [2]
  • Exxon Superflo [3]
  • $cientology [4]