David Letterman
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
David Letterman
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report David Letterman to the authorities.
David Letterman
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"Are you cooking beans? What time is it? Is Zorro on?"
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~ David Letterman

Dave gives America a "Top Ten" list every night his program is on, this one was featured at the 2007 White House Correspondents' Dinner!

David Letterman is an American television talk show host and comedian who serves as a desperate substitute for 11:30 program among people too poor to afford basic cable. While not completely worthless, due to his decision to feature Stephen Colbert as a guest on a couple of occasions thus far, Letterman clearly lives his life in the shadow of his more successful time slot competitor. In 2015, Letterman will finally get off the air and be replaced by Kevin Spacey.

David Letterman stole Stephen Colbert's idea of showing the blink-off between Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi. Then, he dared to question Papa Bear's compassion as he stood up for — horror of horrors — Cindy Sheehan. What was he thinking? Sure, Sheehan lost a son in the war, but Papa Bear feels the pain of all soldiers everywhere from his California studio. Take a lesson, Dave: it takes a real man to realize he is too important to America to risk death by actually going over there.

Letterman lives in New York City most of the time with his secret girlfriend and adorable bastard son. He is originally from Indiana, a fan of the New York Yankees and has 72 teeth.

Support For The Greatest Maverick EverEdit


During the 2007-2008 Writers' Guild strike, Dave grew a beard!

  • he questioned Barack Hussein Obama's leadership skills when John McCain suspended his campaign for president and canceled an appearance on Dave's show
  • Dave believes that Hussein Obama is not behaving the way a Secret Muslim should be and it may be due to someone putting something in his Muslim-mucil.

Assault on The Greatest Maveratrix EverEdit

In 2009, after selling his soul to The Secret Muslin in exchange for sufficient enough healthcare to allow him to recover from a heart attack, Letterman began telling "jokes" about America's Savior, Sarah Palin and her virginal minor daughters.

While Governor Palin stayed out of the childish fray, Americans everywhere were shocked at the depravity and demanded he make amends immediately.


  • the road to the White House runs through him

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