Word Icon
Decider was a Featured Word on 4/28/07.
Word Icon
Baby Jesus
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Republican jesus

The original decider, set to return any day now. Watch out liberals!

A Decider is a true hero who has the vision, determination, and truthiness to combat terrorists, liberals, communists, bears, and other national threats. They are almost always American,[1] or at least pursue good American ideals. Deciders are what prevents America descending into anarchy, or worse still surrenderation!

Where Deciders Come FromEdit

Deciders usually come from America. Specifically, from vivid red states, like Texas. They almost never come from wussy, liberal-infested states like Massachusetts or California. Although those places are sometimes taken over by foreign deciders or half-deciders while their residents are busy cavorting naked with immorality.

How To Spot A DeciderEdit

Deciders can be identified by their strong chiseled jaws, steely masculine eyes, and coursing testosterone. They deciderate, and pay no attention to the repercussions. Deciders are almost always male. Once in a while a female decider will emerge, although it's likely that if you were to check "under the hood" you'd find some man bits.

Flag quote open clear2
I'm the decider!
Flag quote close clear2
~ George W. Bush

Famous DecidersEdit

True DecidersEdit

Honorary DecidersEdit

Natural Decider EnemiesEdit

Flip Waffler

This is the kind WMD which hurts America by distracting her deciders from "deciderating".

Unfortunately, some parts of America are rife with those who ache to rid her of deciders. Decider-haters tend to prefer milder, wetter climates, and so congregate along the west coast and the the north eastern coast. This offers then a quick escape should they push our deciders too far.

Many of these enemies of America live in rancid hell-holes and hippy communes. But even America's capital has seen an infestation of decider enemies recently. They're probably stockpiling Waffles of Mass Destruction as we speak!

Prominent among the ranks of decider-haters are:

  • Nancy Pelosi - a woman who fights deciders through compulsive blinking
  • John Kerry - the inventor of the Waffle of Mass Destruction
  • Hillary Clinton - the she-devil "New Yorker" obsessed with villages
  • Sean Penn - famous decider hater and pretender to the metaphor throne
  • Winnie the Pooh - the ultimate anti-decider: a procrastinating bear
  • French people - perpetually drunk, liberal communists.


  1. The only Non-American decider was Jesus Christ.

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.