This Article Doesn't Contain Enough Truthiness
This article needs to be more elaborate and truthy.

Please edit out any facts.
Welcome to Mr. Zoolander!
It looks like you have a ways to go before you graduate from the

"Derek Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want To Do Other Stuff Better"

ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Baby Jesus
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

Flag quote open clear2
Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner
Flag quote close clear2
~ James Bovard[1]
August 29, 1992



Our victorious forces.

On July 4, 1776, the American Colonies founded a new form of government which would become the preferred government all the righteous nations in our world. When the Americans won a decisive victory in World War 0, this new form of government, called a "democracy", was established

The Founding FathersEdit

There are many men throughout the 1700's that could be defined as real American heroes. But the greatest of these men sat down in a congressional hall in downtown Washington D.C. (not Philadelphia) on the date of July 4, 1776 to discuss the future of the then Colonies. These men decided that all peoples of America shall be free under the jurisdiction of God. They wrote the greatest document of all time (next to the Ten Commandments, of course): "The Declaration of Independence."

The men that wrote and signed this sacred document were the greatest of all time. It was rumored that Dr. Colbert was one of these men in a previous life. Early experts believed that Colbert was John Hancock for his boldness and large handwriting. Other experts believe that he was Benjamin Franklin in how inventive he was, and how he always attracted the ladies. Black people believe that he was Thomas Jefferson; a man that was intelligent enough to actually write the document, plus he liked his women like he liked his coffee, ground up and in the freezer. But the majority of historians believe that he was George Washington (yes, he did sign the declaration, look at the small print) for his ability to lead with such the gigantic cojones.

The Fight for FreedomEdit

We kicked Britain's ass, enough said. Those lying French bastards said that they helped, that is not true. They surrendered to the Brits first chance they got.

The False RumorsEdit

There are rumors (widely reprinted as fact in textbooks) that the ancient Greek city-states were the first to use a democratic system to pass laws. The truthiness is that they tried to be a democracy, but failed. They had no president, no Constitution, and no lobbyists. Without these staples of a real democracy, it is clear that what the Greeks had wasn't a real democracy.

It is possible that the pitiful Greek attempt to a democratic government may have helped to inspire the Founding Fathers when they wrote the Constitution of the United States, but it is more likely that American democracy came directly from Jesus himself.

How it all BeganEdit

Republican jesus

Our True King.

After the war had been won on August 13, 1776 George Washington went to Washington D.C. British spies tried to convince him to become king, but replied to them and said that the only true king was Jesus. He made the decision that the peoples of America should lead themselves. He created a three branch system to balance on another: Legislative, Judicial and Executive. The Legislative Branch would be comprised of the Senate and House of Representatives (godless followers of Nancy Pelosi), a group of debaters directly representing the San Francisco values. Then there would be the Judicial comprised of nine judges. And finally the Executive branch for the leader of our country. In this most fair system the people of America would have a choice.

External TubesEdit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.