Body Parts Series

The most famous ear on America's Planet

Ears are a part of the body that God gave people to hear truthiness. Apparently 99 percent of Democrats don't have completely functioning sets.

Although not one of the most erogenous areas of the human anatomy, it's considered God-like in pure heterosexual sexiness to have one's ears positioned so that the right sticks out without the left doing the same. Considered 954 times more panty-droppingly effective than six-pack abs according to the New England Journal of Medicine and the Maxim Magazine June 2005 issue.

Ears should never be confused with Bears, except for when talking about the ears that bears have, which are small, unattractive, and just as evil as the bears themselves, very Democrat-like in their inability to hear reason. Fake bear-ears that little kids or sexy women might wear on Halloween are somewhat more acceptable, but still basically the accoutrements of a careless, bad American.