DramaticQuestionMark.png Did you know...

that this four-cornered surface we call Earth is but a mere 6,000 years of age?

America's Planet

Copy (35) of usa.gif

The Earth is America's starter planet, and nobody else's. It was created by God for this sole purpose. People born on Earth are known as Earthicans. Earth is the best planet in the alleged solar system, but there is no direct evidence of the solar system actually existing. The solar system is just another liberal conspiracy propagated by the Arts and Crafts Industry to make more children buy styrofoam balls to make into planets. It is also "harmless mostly harmless"


Made in 3986 BC (this is updated yearly as the earth is EXACTLY 6000 years old).

Despite the frantic raving of liberals, modern ſcientific conſenſus maintains that the earth is not, in fact, round. The inexplicable behavior of theſe decidedly backward people is attributed to a ſurplus of yellow bile related to their exceſſively choleric temperament, thus ſayeth ſeveral top alchemiſts.


The proposed "eastern hemisphere." Note the inclusion of the mythological continent of Africa.

The truth of this conspiracy is that propaganda suggesting a "spherical" Earth gives our children the impression that Hell exists in the planet's center. We all know that Hell is just the other side of the Earth! (Not to be confused with the modern day representation of the Earth, which suggests that China is on the other side of the Earth. No one would want to bash China, since China is so kind to The Greatest President Ever.)


The Earth is a physical body composed of four elements -- air/wind, fire/light, water/ice, and soil/metal. Current theory explains that when in balance, the four elements transcend physical limitation become gut/truthiness and allows for the metaphysical essence like faith, soul, idea, algorithms, and software. Researchers are still exploring this possibility. However, the existence of gut seems sufficient, and the majority of people agree that it is. Yet scientist wants to discount the existence of any of these elements to undermine our faith. Thereby researching the existence of soil is pointless.

Place In The Universe

It is also important to note that the Earth is the center of the universe. God, being the center of heaven, created man in his image to be at the center of the universe, and man rules the Earth, nixo-facto, Earth is the center of the universe. This is contrary to "scientific" heliocentric beliefs, which are heretical, and should be strongly discouraged.

Addressing "current" cosmological theory, it is obvious that the Earth is not more than several thousand years old. Having been created October 23, 4004 B.C.. Any fool who reads the Bible should realize this.

Soon to be renamed Tek of Jansonia 3.

See also