- Heterosexual is the opposite to gay, and is the natural, best, most American of all the sexualities. God, the Baby Jesus, the entire angelic host, and 99.99% of Saints prefer heterosexuals to all other human beings.
- Ex-gay is the antithesis to gay, since ex-gay can only exist in contradistinction to, and emerging from, gay. Ex-gay is the self-overcoming of gay in order to to transcend its sinful, godless liberalism to become more American, Godly, and Republican.
- Ex-ex-gay is the exact equivalent to gay, even though ex-gay is not exactly equivalent to heterosexual. This proves the Catholic Church's correctness in asserting that gay is a transitory property.
- Ex-ex-gay makes the Baby Jesus especially sad by exposing the existence of the Homosexual Agenda's Hegelian-dialectic-based pyramid schema. Ex-ex-gay just doesn't want to accept the precious gift of forced conversion to religious or sexual practices that denies its existence as "real" in order to remain heterosexual by never having become gay in the first place. Either that, or ex-ex-gay simply isn't working hard enough to remain ex-gay, and so must secretly want the terrorists to win.
- ↑ We're still trying to figure out what to do about St. Sebastian and St. Hildegard of Bingen. St. Francis is a toss-up.
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