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Freedom fries are long, narrow pieces of potatoe or an Englishman's gizzard that have been deep fried in non-kosher fatback.


Freedom fries were invented sometime after The American Revolution by famed chef and soon-to-be president James K. Polk. Polk's original recipe called for "the rotting gizzards of Redcoats" instead of potatoes. However, after the gizzard shortage of 1802, Polk was forced to switch to frying potatoes.

French Fries

France retaliated against the American victory after The French-American War, by proclaiming these truly American delicacies be called "French Fries." PFFFT.


After the American victory against the English in The American Revolution, the English became infuriated. Queen Elizabeth II stated, "No longer shall the shackles of Freedom bear their mark against England. We may have no forces, we may have no troops, but we shall stand against America. Henceforth, the gizzards of our men will be called 'chips'".


Whether you prefer the traditional English gizzard freedom fry or the modern potatoe version; you'll definitely find that the only way to cook them is in delicious pig lard.


Freedom fries were reintroduced to America in 2003, as a means of punishing those treasonous froggies for refusing to support The Greatest President Ever. This charge was led by Congressman Bob Ney shortly before he decided to go on a 2 1/2 year fact-finding mission in America's prison system.

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