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Gandalf in his famous battle with the Balrog on the bridge of Khazad-dûm.[1]

Gandalf is a character from the famous book/movie series The Lord of the Rings. Gandalf was a Wizard,[2] which in Middle Earth meant he was one of the Istari, a type of Maiar who traveled around disguised as old men so they could help the Elves, Men, Hobbits, Dwarves, and other assembled weirdos who were trying to fight off Sauron and his evil orc minions. In the films, Gandalf also battles the Uruk-Hai, which are not an original race in Tolkein's work for you purists out there.

Gandalf's Names

Because Gandalf traveled around so much, and hung out with so many different kinds of people, he went by a lot of different names.[3] Some of Gandalf's more famous monikers included

  • Gandalf the Grey (most commonly)
  • Gandalf the White (after he "returned" from the "dead")[4]
  • Gandalf Greyhame (among the descendents of Númenor)[5]
  • Mithrandir (to the elves)
  • Olórin (in the Eastern Isles, before coming to Middle Earth)
  • Tharkûn (his name amongst the Dwarves)[6]
  • Gandalf Stormcrow (but only amongst those under Saruman's corrupting influence)

Gandalf's Special Talents

He has the power to turn you gay and ignorant

  • Fireworks
  • Smoking "Pipeweed"
  • Blowing Complicated Smoke-Rings
  • Jocularity
  • Elvish speaking
  • Truthyisms
  • Funny Curse Words
  • Stephen Colbert-like Wisdom
  • Balrog Not-Letting-Pass[7]
  • Hobbit Befriending
  • Orc Befuddlement
  • Making Light in Darkness


  1. "Did I spell it wrong, brainiac?" Yes, you did. That's why we fixed it.
  2. Did you know that Stephen Colbert has a Wizard Thing?
  3. Kind of like my Daddy. Please come home.
  4. The scare quotes indicate my obvious intellectual superiority. Of course I realize that Gandalf was an immortal being, and that it was only his outward, mortal form that died. But it's not like you don't know what I mean.
  5. I could be wrong about this. I'll admit it. But I don't feel that I'm wrong.
  6. This addition is proof of one user's obvious intellectual superiority over the original author of this article.
  7. See note above, re: proof of intellectual superiority.

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