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Godzilla as portrayed in his biographical film by a man in a rubber suit

Godzilla, despite the word "God" in his name, is basically a pre-historic fire-breathing bear that was awakened by hydrogen bomb tests in the Pacific and who periodically destroys Tokyo and rampages through the Japanese countryside. He must be the ancestor of the polar bear because he can swim. Occasionally he battles other gigantic monsters, Ultraman and the Power Rangers, Rodan (the monster, not the sculptor), Mothra, and any other monster that can be made out of soup cans, discarded hubcaps and $12 (187,000,000 yen) worth of remnants from Hiroko's House of Fabric.

Godzilla is the mascot for the Veterans' Day holiday celebrated in America.Episode #500

The Name

The name "Godzilla" is the conjunction of two words, "God" and "zilla" which, in American, translates to "God" and "zealot" or "God zealot" which is just another way of saying "terrorist" or in Godzilla's case, "bearrorist".

The Myth

During Japan's attempts in World War II to conquer America, they bred Bears and Lizards together, creating Godzilla. After a series of failed attempts to control him, Godzilla was put in the one thing bears can't get out of, water. When the Japanese were nuked to oblivion by h-bombs, the explosions caused Godzilla to gain Polar Bear like swimming powers. aw yeah

From The Gut

Godzilla was created, not by American bomb testing, but by the French and their bomb testing. The Blame America Firsters were quick to point fingers at America, but Stephen Colbert knows the truth. He knows it in his gut. And nucular weapons are probably the only thing that will actually kill Godzilla, so we need to build more, just in case. If we have any left over after Godzilla is dead, we can use them on all the other bears that are terrorizing the world.

Godzilla is currently concentrating on Japan but time will tell if Godzilla will decide to destroy the west coast of America (not that America hasn't been expecting him since Jurassic Park III). It would be good if he started in California since they love bears, but after he's through there, America will kick his ass. Try crushing tanks made out of AMERICAN steel (made in china), big guy, and you might find out we don't cave so easily.

Monstrous Trivia

  • PETA hates Godzilla.
  • Godzilla is expected to join the Colbear during the Bear uprising of 2012, bringing with him Rodan, Mothra and King Ghidorah.
  • Godzilla calls dibs on Pearl Harbor.
  • Godzilla has no balls.
  • Stephen has balls the size of Godzilla's balls, if Godzilla had balls.
  • Godzilla got his ass kicked by American icon, King Kong.
  • Stephen once speculated who would win in a fight, Godzilla or Jesus, we all know who won.
  • Godzilla just hates the Japanese