are true believers of the dogma of
Sean Hannity

These are Hannitites at a Robert Cornhole freedom concert. Notice how cornholists often disguise themselves as women to impress Hannity.

Hannitites are men, manly men, who have become aware of their gutteral intuition. Most of the Hannitites were schooled in the annals of cornholism, but because they haven't accepted Stephen Colbert as the final cornholer in the tradition of cornholistry, they are no longer permitted to train at The Center for Advanced Cornhole Studies in Atlanta, Georgia.

Origin and Need for the Title: Hannitite[edit | edit source]

The word Hannitite is derived from the name Sean Hannity. Don't take cornholism the wrong way, I mean, all cornholists know that Hannity is a praiseworthy cornholist. For instance, he is man enough to admit that America is great and that there is nothing you can do about it. But we cornholists live in the last days of the ante-cornholistry age and our leaders in cornholism need to thunder-forth their gutteral positions on the freedom and greatness of certain issues (beyond the obvious ones which we already know the answers to, like gay marriage, abortion, immigration, gun control, the Mosaic constitution of America and black presidents). So, because Hannity has yet to offer a public statement concerning the issues which penetrate to the gut of cornholism, the followers of Hannity's Cornholism are a lost tribe of cornholists, or Hannitites.

Issues Which Penetrate All the Way to the Gut of Robert Cornhole[edit | edit source]

While the blessed and worshipful Stephen Colbert already knows the answer to these questions, fellow cornholists need to prove to the final cornholer (namely, Stephen Colbert) that they also, by the power of the collective gut, know the answers to the questions which penetrate the gut and activate its truth-erection. So, the gut-probers at The Center for Advanced Cornhole Studies in Atlanta, Georgia have called on all Hannitites to say what they feel about these questions: First, "what does it mean to call oneself a cornholist?" Second, "is Rush Limbaugh still a cornholist?" (see "cornhole controversy" under cornholism) And at last, third: "Is not Stephen Colbert, may His name be praised, the final cornholer?" Until these questions are answered, or rather, until you show how deeply you've internalized the late Robert Cornhole, you will not be worthy of the name cornholist.

As Robert Cornhole told Joseph Smith: "To be a cornholist, you need to feel your cornholer." I'm feeling Stephen Colbert right about now, how about you?

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