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Hey, where the hell is
Heaven???
I don't care all that matters is that it's AMERICAN...hey nice ass, lady!
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CONGRATULATIONS! By visiting
"Heaven"
you have been touched in a very special way.


Heaven is a place in outer space where The Baby Jesus lives and Christians go to after death to play with Him. If they were bad, they go to hell.

Heaven Residents, Current

Heaven Residents, Future

Heaven Residents, Possibly?

  • Some Jews
  • Europeans
  • A handful of Canadians
  • McDonald's 1980s commercials (these commercials are classic, doesn't classic seem Christian-ish?)
  • Fanny Packs (Don't ask why , just assume)
  • Monica Lewinsky's Dress (Maybe?)
  • Dorothy From The Wizard of Oz (she was good, but the Gays like her an awful lot)

Definitely Not Heaven Residents

All You Need To Know About Heaven

If you are planning a trip to heaven, don't make the beginner's mistake: don't just pack your soul; things are expensive up there!

On the bright side: they do have recording devices, so you won't need to pack that!

And dont worry, all your needs will be met in heaven...[1]


In Heaven: the cooks are French,

the policemen are English,

the mechanics are German,

the lovers are Italian

and the bankers are Swiss.


And fear not, if you meet Europeans in heaven, keep in mind they are true believers, not like the heathen commie liberal eurotrash.

Kingdom of Heaven

Stephen as Guy de Truthignan

Orlando Bloom as Ballsian!

Operation Jerusalem Freedom!

The only redeeming documentary in girlieman Orlando Bloom's filmography. This movie follows a brave young crusader who wanted to fight the Bearjoominaty, the Mudslimes, and that guy in the goofy metal mask to make Jerusalem a place of the Lord like it is supposed to be!

How to get to Heaven