John W. McCain
is important enough for FOX to call "news".
Fox Screams, You Obey.

John W. McCain
is an important part of FOX's Election 2008 Coverage.
Flag quote open clear2
We need to go back to have a conversation about what to do: rebuild it, tear it down, you know, whatever it is. (On what to do about New Orleans' 9th Ward)
Flag quote close clear2
~ John McCain
McCain, Bush Katrina B-Day

The Greatest President-EVER! presents his successor with a birthday cake, August 29, 2005.
There's nothing incompetent about remembering your friend's birthday!



Mr. McCain has released his plans for health care in America!
Please review his plan here
Help pay for his amazing run for the Presidency at the Maverick Marketplace!
Flag quote open clear2
Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran...
Flag quote close clear2
~ John McCain
Charleston, SC

Wearing onions on the belt was the style at the time

John W. McCain (Born August 23, 5000 B.C. at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center) is an American Republican Senator From Arizona.

He is known world-wide as The Greatest Maverick Ever!


One of McCain’s decadent monument to excess seven houses

Run for President Edit

Republican Race-Baiter Ashley Todd Goes To Jail

Republican Race-Baiter Ashley Todd Goes To Jail

McCain Girl

The Greatest Maverick Ever delivering his acceptance speech with the lawn of Walter Reed on the screen in the background.


Official poster for the ticket! On sale now at the Maverick Marketplace!

McCain only lied about being tortured to be President, and still lost!

McCain is still addicted to oxycontin.. His wife Cindy just covered for him.

John McCain was going to be the next president of the United States of America and would have officially change his name to George W. Bush the 2nd. His executive assistant would have been maverickess, Sarah Palin. He lost got robbed graciously turned down the presidency and conceded the election to أسوأ رئيس and Joe Biden. Now that's being a Maverick!

Our Glorious Stephen predicts that he will be the next President... of Fox News.

John W. McCain
is a KEWL type of person, keeping it KEWL! And you gay losers are just jealous!

His AgeEdit

Flag quote open clear2
Crimean War veteran John McCain
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert

It is believed that John McCain is 7009 years old making him the oldest person in history, in fact over a 1000 years older then the universe itself. Historians believe that he may be the oldest living person ever deduced from early cave paintings that depicted McCain as the "god of longevity" or "god of yellow teeth". Even in those cave paintings, McCain was an old, old, old man.

Known EnemiesEdit

Dr. Colbert No Longer Hates Mr. McCainEdit


The hate is real and pure. McCain must have done something to deserve it...


The hate is over.

At first, Dr. Colbert hated John McCain.

He was never really sure why, but he did. And he hated him with gusto.

Then, something changed and now Stephen doesn't hate John McCain so much any more.Episode #364

"Fearing Liberals" is there nothing you can't do?

McCain and George Allen BFFEdit

McCain's Introduction at CPAC by George Allen

McCain's Introduction at CPAC by George Allen

John McCain Thanks George Allen

John McCain Thanks George Allen

George Allen at CPAC.
Allen and McCain sitting in a Tree.

McCain's VirilityEdit


The Greatest Maverick Ever can handle a whole couch-load of ladies!


No one there to welcome the returning hero home from five and a half years of unspeakable horror!

Senator McCain may be a very old man, but he still has what it takes to charm the ladies!

Naturally, no legitimate news outfit is running the story, but the liberal media, lead by The New York Times, has speculated that the relationship is non-sexual, claiming that Mr. McCain is not as uncorrupted as he says he is on his Straight Talk Express.

Come on, liberals! He said it aboard the Straight Talk Express!!! Why don't you just believe him?

In addition, McCain hired a wingman as Chief of Staff, Mark Buse. Mr. Buse's heterosexuality is without question!

McCain's Heroism Against His Gook Captors In Communist KoreaEdit

Colbert eagle sequence
John W. McCain
is a red-blooded American Hero!

See full article: Feats of Heroism

When John McCain returned from Vietnam after 5 1/2 years without health care, he returned alone.

His wife was so vain and power hungry that she was busily having an affair with some young buck, heir of a brewer that he was forced to divorce her.

His shame about his first marriage haunts him to this day, that he does not discuss it with reporters, even off the record.

Arianna Huffington said Iraq is McCain's Viagra. Stephen said the warning on the bottle would be: If your erection lasts for more than 100 years, pull out.Episode #394

McCain's FriendsEdit

McCain Abramoff Documents

This is so small, don't even bother clicking on it to see it better


Imitation is the sincerest...


...form of something or other

You know how John always uses the term

"my friends" in his speeches? That's because he has so many of them!

Conrad Burns

John McCain and his Vegetable Friends

John McCain and his Vegetable Friends

McCain and his veggie friends

Some Of His Best Friends Are Gooks!Edit


John McCain after his debate with that one black guy!


This is the former commander of the Hanoi Hilton surrendering to the Greatest Maverick Ever!


Here is one of those weird tiny Asian men who claims he saved The Greatest Maverick Ever after his plane crashed in Vietnam! Who's ever heard of such fantastic tales?

McCain's Leadership!Edit


Our next President.


McCain looks on as hawks kill a Jew

McCain Policy ProposalsEdit

McCain's Environmental LovingEdit


Nothing illustrates McCain's environmental policy better than another picture of him delivering a speech about his environmental policy!

John McCain is the biggest environmentalist of the GOP candidates. This is mainly because he bought into the liberal propaganda that ANWR is a pristine wilderness, rather than the barren wasteland everyone knows it to be. He was against offshore oil drilling. Luckily he is slowly getting rid of Liberal propaganda, mainly by supporting offshore drilling, because he was proving a point that he is immune to permanent brainwash. This however pissed off the liberals, so their idol Barack Obama was sent to attack him along with the America-hating NBC. McCain however laughed at them and kept slowly going away from being an environmentalist. But since he still doesn't support drilling for oil in ANWR he is still one of the biggest environmentalist of the GOP.

Foreign Relations CredEdit

He even spoke their language!

Now, all the other Spanish-language papers want a piece of him, too! Someone in McCain's staff have leaked the possibility that Esteban Colberto will be hired to help the campaign with all the calls!

McCain's Inspirational Speech at the RNCEdit

The RNC Greatest Night Ever!!!

McCain's Inspirational LeadershipEdit

McCain Wives Edit


Mrs. McCain, hey! She's not come they had a black kid on the TV?

McCain 1st wife pic 1

John McCain's first wife became crippled, fat and of course he dumped her when Cindy got her clutches on him

John McCain has only one wife (he's not some freak) although he was married once before to someone that became crippled, fat and ugly all good Republicans he cheated on her with a skinny rich blond hussy that trapped him into divorcing his first wife so he could take her all the way to the White House.....on a public tour.

Cindy does not go out in public looking like a trollop.

She supports her husband, in strict adherence to America's Bible, laws and customs.

Despite this, has given Mrs. McCain her own tube.

Cindy is the most honest woman on earth. She would never tell a lie....except about her age to John when they first met, to better trap the man she was hunting.

McCain: Master Of The Internets!Edit

"John W. McCain"
is one of's game-like activities
Questions on how to play | Newest stuff | All games

John has an ad on The YouTube!

The next presumptive American President is so technically literate (how literate is he!?) he surfs the internets!

Please check out these tubes that Mr. McCain has saved on his internets brows-o-scanner:

McCain Straight FactoidsEdit

He Said It First

He Said It First

  • John is very superstitious, please click here to see a list of things he is superstitious about.
  • doesn't plaster his makeup on like a trollop[6]
  • his white grandmother may be EveEpisode #392
  • McCain is a political bisexual who goes both ways in DC.
  • McCain invented the Blackberry.
  • McCain's mother is somehow alive and suffers from both Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease. She is the oldest person known to live.
  • McCain is born in the Panama Canal Zone, which is in America's hemisphere making it America's property.
  • McCain's middle name is retirement home.
  • John McCain is the only Scotch and or Irish Senator from Arizona.
  • McCain invented the Strawberry around 5000 B.C.
  • He is a Veteran and Ex-POW of the Vietnam War.
  • McCain has recently announced on Late Night Television that he will run for President in 2008.

    John McCain is so maverick, when he addressed the NRA, they didn't have guns!

  • McCain has recently seen the light and reversed his long held policy on Women's rights.
  • Previously supported The GWOT, but now feels that the soldiers lives are being wasted. However, he still supports the war.
  • John McCain supports the troop surge.
  • More importantly, he supports The Greatest President Ever.
  • Has an evil former Secretary of State, Lawrence Eagleburger, endorsing him for President.
  • Stephen feels McCain's wife is a hottie.
  • McCain supports The Baby Jesus!
  • According to his campaign website, John McCain won the first Republican Candidates Debate.
  • he has been seen in the wild raping baby turtles and harvesting their bodies to feed the bears.
  • He has an illegitimate black baby.
  • His nomination will prompt the The Suicide Pact of 08‎.
  • There are rumors that Democrats are making fun of his being old as dirt in code.[7]
  • Nothing says winner like tying yourself to a guy that your party nicknamed loserman [8]
  • McCain has shaken the hand of Jesus
  • All that he touches turns gold
Hacking McCain

The Great Liberal High Crime Against McCain Edit

In March 2007, the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy used their Satanic powers to inflict damage on McCain's MySpace profile.[1] Although the liberals claimed that no laws were broken in the process, but as any Real American knows, the liberals have broken the highest law of all — the law against treason.

Allegations Of Public Temper LossesEdit

McCain has always been a cool customer. He has never lost his temper, not even when he spent five years at the hands of his gook captors. Hell, he's so calm and colected, he's even forgiven them!

But, naturally, the liberals create a reality of their own to dispute the facts that McCain has to repeatedly remind them of on a daily basis.

The liberals have accused Mr. McCain of losing his temper in reaction to:

  • bright lights
  • women pointing out that he has a combover
  • clouds
  • kids on his lawn
  • his black child
  • his black child on his lawn
  • liberals with lawns

Acting CareerEdit


Bring it on bears!

In addition to being a born-again Republican and a "good friend" of the Greatest President Ever, McCain is also celebrated actor. Watch out Fred Thompson, that Oscar belongs to Johnny-boy!

Mace palps duel

John McCain and Barack Hussein Obama locked in an epic duel.


Famous Quotes by McCainEdit

  • "...job loss, failing schools, prohibitively expensive health care, pensions at risk, entitlement programs approaching bankruptcy, rising gas and food prices, to name a few. But your government often acts as if it is completely unaware of the changes and hardships in your lives. And when government does take notice, often it only makes matters worse."

"....get out of my house! That isn't even my mirror, you obese pill-lady! Let's have a nine sock from the horse stables, one two three!!!"

References Edit

  1. Healy, Kieran. (2007). McCain Space. Crooked Timber.

See AlsoEdit

Military Awards
Bronze Star: Crimean War
Year of Service: 1812
Conflict: Battle of New Orleans
Silver Star: World War II
Year of Service: 1944
Conflict: Normandy Invasion
Distinguished Flying Cross: Vietnam War
Year of Service: 1967
Conflict: Burning of Hanoi

External TubesEdit


Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
John W. McCain
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.