Librarians work in libraries with books all day long, seven days a week, 365 days a year. It's no wonder they're so paranoid.
What Do Librarians Do?[edit | edit source]
They hide things.
"Librarians are hiding something.™"
What is that something, you ask? Probably Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Why are they hiding that particular book? because they don't want religious nutjobs taking them out and burning them, because Harry Potter frigging rules.
And they (librarians) rule the world. Really. I mean it.
They are the enemy of John Ashcroft. John Ashcroft is not IRTFW. Librarians are.
Who Can Become A Librarian?[edit | edit source]
Dorks, geeks, dweebs and the occasional milf.
What Education Does A Librarian Need?[edit | edit source]
MLS: Masters of Little Significance. Or maybe a Masters of Library Science. Don't forget the PhD in 19th century French history and JD (never passed the bar), and the MFA in creative writing. The MLS came after the realization hits that you are qualified for nothing but knowing obscure facts. And running the world.
What Special Equipment Do Librarians Need?[edit | edit source]
- The same stuff as James Bond, only ten times cooler
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, because they need to hide SOMETHING.
Where Do Librarians Work?[edit | edit source]
- The CIA
How Much Money Do Librarians Make?[edit | edit source]
Just enough to put them above the poverty line--and pay off the five advanced degrees earned prior to the MLS.
Life as a Librarian[edit | edit source]
See Also[edit | edit source]
External Links[edit | edit source]
- "Librarians Are Hiding Something" animated P.S.A.
- Kommunist Librarians surrenders
- Real Americans demand the burning of immoral books
© 2007 Stephen Colbert, All Rights Reserved. This catchphrase was coined on the March 26, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report.
Used with permission. The information contained in this Official Honorable Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A trademarked catch phrase may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in any form without the prior written authority of Viacom.