I am Mark Foley and my lawyer swears I'm not a
U R Here.jpg
Stephen from Knox.jpg
Mark Foley
has been interviewed for The Colbert Report's
Despite what you may have heard
Mark Foley
Is totally not gay!

Mark Foley giving a tour of his cock pit to a page.

Mark Foley was a Democrat (hey, if Fox News Channel says he's a Democrat, you know it's true). He served as Representative of Florida's 16th District. He likes young page boys in Congress and he likes to be in Congress, ergo, he likes to be in young page boys while in Congress. Foley once had a skill for talking out of his ass, which has been neutralized by a penis lodged in the orifice. It is rude to talk with a full mouth, thus Foley's skill at talking out of his ass could not save him from himself. This is just another example of the moral decay which rots the soul of all Democrats.

The Liberal Media's Coverage of Poor Mr. Foley's Private E-Mails

The A.P. hates America

The A.P. hates America, just like all other liberal media. For proof, just look at this screenshot of a Google search of Mark Foley, just after his private e-mails were released to the public (see left).

The liberal media's plan to take the government from the duly appointed hands of God's Appointed Political Party starts with lying about which party they belong to.

The Liberal Media Controls EVERYTHING! They forced the Honorable Gentleman from Florida to become a Democrat!

The liberals are taking House seats from poor, defenseless Republicans by changing the letter that designates their party and follows their name in news stories!

This is an outrage!

I wonder what Bill O'Reilly is doing to combat these devious machinations (see right)...

NOOO! they got to Bill too!

Why It's Not Mark's Fault

  • Was Arrested for smoking Marijuana
  • He's a drunk
  • He may have been abused as a child
  • Liberals did it, too
  • Hollywood made him do it
  • He never uses bookmarks, he just bends the pages over
  • October surprises don't count
  • Those pages knew what they were getting into
  • The pages manipulated Mr. Foley
  • Gays lowered the age of consent laws
  • Young, hairless boys look like women...kinda...
  • Bill Clinton
  • On the Internets, no one knows you're a perv.
  • "There's more than one definition for sodomy....", Stephen Colbert, January 17, 2006, The Colbert Report
  • He was probably molested by a priest
  • Science says it's natural

See Also: GOP Excuse Menu

Why He's Not Been Charged

  • He's suffered enough!

People Who Knew Absolutely Nothing About Foley's abuses

Mark's Instant Messaging Abbreviation Guide

Mark Foley

As reviewed and approved by Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert 11 to 60 months ago:

  • LOL = Laughing Out Loud
  • STUD = Strong Teen Using Democracy
  • HORNY = Happy On Reaching New Year's
  • MEASURE IT = not an acronym, get it out and jack it


  • Stephen Colbert removed Foley from his buddy list on 10/3/2006 10/3/2005 10/3/2000.
  • His IM chat name is Maf54.
  • Foley's Florida district was featured on The Colbert Report's 10/5/2006 "Better Know A District". Unfortunately, Foley could not be there in person and was only able to answer one question via text message. "How big is it?"

Mark's Future

Please see:

See Also

External Tubes

Mark Foley,
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!

Mark Foley
is a Member of the
NAMBLA Family of Associations
Since 1999
Mark Foley
was a United States Representative
for the state of Florida, but has since "retired".