Michael Chertoff is the Greatest Homeland Security Secretary Ever. He makes sure Americans are secure and the Homeland is safe from Communists, terrorists, Nazis, Islamofacists and hurricanes. Michael is praised by Greatest President Ever, George W. Bush often as being the greatest Homeland Security Secretary Ever. He loves America and Americans and proves it by being the best person in charge when it comes to natural disasters such as hurricanes (see:Hurricane Katrina). He is a member of God's own party.
What Stephen Thinks of Chertoff
Initially, Stephen Colbert was not sure Chertoff was the best choice for the position, as he had done nothing to control the bear population. However, after receiving a thoughtful note and his own personal bear deterrent on April 29, 2006, Stephen now feels confident with Chertoff in charge.
Text of the note enclosed with Stephen's personal bear deterrent.
Because we want
all Americans to
- Here is your
Chertoff redicts terrorist acts in America with his gut: the Gut-O-Meter. This new tool has made the color coded Terror Threat Level obsolete.
On July 11, 2007, Chertoff announced his "gut feeling" that America faces a terrorist attack some time this summer; and we all know that gut feelings are the truthiest kind of feelings.
- Believes Louisiana is a city
- Michael Chertoff is actually a Mountain Lion.
- The deterrent is a small bell which can be worn while hiking, to make a bear think it is Christmas, which they hate because they are Godless Killing Machines.