Michael Jackson was an American
male ... female ... singer, first known as a member of the Jackson Five singing family, then in his wildly successful and strange solo career.
Unable to find a physician to perform any further plasctic surgeries, Jackson went to Neverland on June 25th 2009.
Was Michael Jackson born?
Because all Americans are well aware that no Jehovah's Witness alive could produced something as cool as Michael Jackson, there have been questions of whether he was really born.
Upon further research by the smartest monkeys in the Bronx Zoo, it was discovered, due to his plastic genetic make up, not only was he not born... he is not human. He is instead God's cousin (by marriage).
Michael Jackson has come under public fire for playing host to bears. It has been said that during these encounters, Jackson decided to "cuddle" with a bear, provoking the godless killing machine to bite at his nose. Little did Jackson know that the bear had infected him. The bear accidentally swallowed Jackson's nose tip, and subsequently choked from the plastic model sticking in his windpipe.
All was forgiven though when he went to see America's second greatest President.
Possible Death In 2009
The Jackson family is not revealing where Michael's body was "buried".
Why is that? Could it be because he never really died?
Death Was Faked?
Video evidence shows irrefutable proof that Jackson faked his death!
This entire death thing is his new world tour, it will go on for 50 days and 50 nights and he will be able to more than repay his debts and leave much money for children he has attempted to convince us are the product of his sperm (he never has had any sperm - yes he had that surgically altered too!) inserted into Debbie Rowe, artificially of course. She is definitely a two bagger, one bag over her head and one over anyone desperate enough to pork her. That is one ugly uber bitch. Oh, I almost forgot, she is a generous person, she gave him the kids as a "gift" for a mere $500,000 to $12,000,000. What a giver she is. Oh you lucky Michael you, you had the most wonderful people around you.
Okay, If He Did Die, Where Is He Buried?
Mother Jackson was worried that if Michael's body was not buried within a week of his "death," his soul would wander the earth! (Maybe it already is!?) No one is really sure what happened to Michael's body after the Staple's Center viewing, but that doesn't mean people can't speculate.
Please post what you believe is going on with Michael Jackson below.
- he's haunting Neverland
Jackson Vs. Wonka
During the late 1980's, Michael Jackson deemed chocolate the "food the of the devil". Some people think it is because he doesn't like dark things and wished to be white. His current look seems to confirm this theory.
It has been suggested that Michael Jackson is actually Willy Wonka and his statements about disliking chocolate were actually very poor attempts at misinformation.
October 5, 2006. SANTA MARIA, CA-- Mr. Jackson has announced his intention to run for Congress in his California District. The board of elections for the 23rd District of California has confirmed that Mr. Jackson has filed the necessary paperwork to be placed on the ballot as Democratic.
Wikiality.com has placed calls to Mr. Jackson's office to get an official comment. An unknown staffer informed Wikiality.com that Mr. Jackson wants to serve his country in any way possible, but mostly he wanted to fill the current vacancy in the "Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus".
- When some one asks "Won't some one please think of the children?" Jacksons' hand is always raised first.
- Michael Jackson's real nose, as well as his talent, vanished in Bermuda.
- Michael Jackson's real father is Michael Moore.
- Michael Jackson is not actually a zombie, although he looks like one...but he sleeps with them, which makes him a necrophiliac and has been known to give them "Jesus Juice". And we all love Jesus, don't we?
- Michael Jackson is not a pedophile or a pedarest.
- Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson are actually unrelated.
- Michael Jackson's penis is striped like a candy cane.
- Michael Jackson believes in fairies.
- Michael Jackson's penis can only become erect when a little drunk boy is in the room.
- Michael Jackson is approximately 85% plastic.
- Michael Jackson's blow jobs are a well known cure for cancer.
- Michael Jackson is not white or black, he is Michael Jackson.
- The estates of Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson are getting together to start an educational foundation.
It will be called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
- Stephen Colbert covered the Jackson Trial during his tenure on The Daily Show: He was "The Senior Child Molestation Expert".
These are steps of protection you should take before going to see Michael Jackson.
- Never wear a chastity belt that covers your ass.
- Never wear three condoms that cover your entire body.
- Always take off your clothing.
- Drink all the Jesus Juice he offers you. It's good for you.
- Shower with him.
- Let him touch you.
- play with yourself in front of him.
- And always go in bed with him.
- But the best way is just visit him.
- And always play with his plastic nipples (makes him feel real)
- Note: These will only be effective if you are a little boy.
- Official Michael Jackson Fansite(Beware)
- the best of Michael Jackson
- The Ghost of Michael Jackson is destroying Iran!
- The Ghost of Michael Jackson nearly destroys The Series of Tubes!! No, really!
- The Ghost of Michael Jackson is paling around with the ayatollah
- Obama Killed Michael Jackson!
- Der Führer learns that Michael Jackson has died
- the other faces of Michael Jackson
- The Ghost of Michael Jackson will run against Rep. Pete King (R-N.Y.)
- Michael Jackson signs Billion Dollar Merchandise Contract postmortem
- Michael Jackson 5000 pages biography
- Michael Jackson reincarnates as a Chinese boy