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A typical glass of milk.

Milk is supposed to be a cold, refreshing beverage, but when consumed a gallon at a time, it is a disgusting, icky stuff, and nearly killed Stephen Colbert on his way to work August 2nd. The poor man nearly drowned to death in his own phlegm trying to take Dr. Sanjay Gupta's advice to stay hydrated. How can one think and act from his gut if his gut is yelling, "For the love of Pete, I'm going to spew milk all over your limousine!"? However, Stephen Colbert declined to put it on the On Notice board, citing the involved process that goes into getting something up on the board.

Terrorist Connection?

There is some evidence that the drinking of milk is part of a greater Terrorist plot put forth by Kurdish Muslims. We're not sure what it is, but just to be safe, only drink pasteurized milk, with all the Kurd removed.