U R Here
New Jersey
is a Recognized State of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

See Also:

Italy map
New Jersey

Is'a Italian'a, and'a it'a can'a bake'a you'a into'a pizza pie'a! So'a try'a to'a find'a more'a American'a stuff'a.

One of America's Top 50 States, New Jersey is a state in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern regions of the United States. It is the fourth smallest, tenth most populous and the most densely populated. New Jersey is the only state that is also a peninsula, a word the state's inhabitants would appreciate as a single misplaced letter away from being a sexual innuendo if only they were literate. New Jersey is named after the island of Jersey in the English Channel, and has since surpassed the former in renown and odor. It is bordered by New York, The City, The Shore, Pennsylvania, and Philly. The area was originally settled by the Swedes (who called the area Newfoundland's Belgium) and the Dutch (who called the area Belgium's Sweden). The Indians then conquered them, but not before getting annihilated by the Yankees in the bottom of the ninth. Parts of New Jersey lie within the well-known metropolitan areas of New York, Philadelphia, and the Delaware Valley. New Jersey's official nickname "The Garden State" is meant ironically, as the whole of the state is comprised of either petrochemical processing plants, garbage landfill or rubble. New Jersey is also known as the "Crossroads of the Revolution", as many battles were fought there during the American Revolution. The main reason for this is the British sought to prevent the future supremacy of American culture by murdering the great grandfather of Bruce Springsteen, a native of the land that would someday comprise New Jersey's Fightin' Fourth congressional district. New Jersey is on New York's side against California.

New Jersey TodayEdit

Bears have been invading northern areas of New Jersey in an attempt to create a pocket of Canada in America. However they are unlikely to succeed as every weekend Colbert takes several trips down I-80 in between the Lincoln Tunnel and the Delaware River and continuously sprays machine-gun fire out the side windows. Anyone who gets in the way should've known better. New Jersey's crowning achievement is a yearly bear hunt in which 75 bears are killed.

Some contend that New Jersey is more than just New York City's back yard, or Philadelphia's unruly neighbor across the street (the one with the broken down 20-year-old car on the front lawn, and the strange people coming and going at all hours. You know the ones I mean). Some might say New Jersey more to see than shopping malls and oceans. Those people would be wrong.

New Jersey is rapidly becoming famous for it's export of inexpensive orange Snooki vagina and sixpack back fat.

New Jersey LandmarksEdit

ACIT - That school has so many people who learned how to count on dinosaur toes!

A lot of beaches - Some are good, others are decorated with medical waste and skank vomit.

Atlantic City - They got that sub place there, the one where they put the vinegar and oil on your sandwich.

Wildwood - Only a half a mile walk, and you're at the water. Now turn around and go home.

Paramus Park Mall - The world's first indoor Chic-fil-A. Also a statue of an Indian riding a turkey. Seriously.

Newark - Inspiration for the television series "Land of the Lost" and site of the 1886 Olympics.

Hoboken - Home of The Clam Broth House (restaurant and lesbian bath house), birthplace of Playboy Penguin

Camden - Home of Campbell's Soup, abandoned building capital of Southern NJ

Emerson - Famous for the "World's Largest Pancreas" statue atop the Emerson Hotel

Vinnies - NJ has more Vinnies per square mile than any place on Earth.

Famous New Joisians, who have not been on The SopranosEdit

A Typical Day In New JerseyEdit

The Great State of NEW JERSEY
Capitol: Trenton
State Flower: Liberty Flower
Official Language: New Joisian
State Bird: The middle finger
State Motto: "Don't worry, the water is supposed to be green."
Nicknames: The Neglected Garden State
Governor: God-fearing Republican fat-ass Chris Christie
State Anthem: Goodfellas soundtrack & Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 in D minor, Op. 125 "Choral"
Population: 8,724,560
Standard MPH: Whatever you want, pending the absence of a cop in your rear-view mirror
Principal imports: Stupid Bennys from New York
Principal exports: Odor
Principal industries: Waste management (not crime rings)
Fun Fact # 1: You'll never find Jimmy Hoffa!
Fun Fact # 2: The statue of liberty is in New Jersey, not New York.
Colonial New Jersey

Colonial New Jersey

New Jersey Shore...
hasnt changed in the last 200 years
  • 7am- Wake up.
  • 7:30am- Eat a bagel for breakfast, possibly with a pork roll egg and cheese.
  • 8am- Have a guy at the gas station pump your gas for you.
  • 9am- Spend the day down the shore.
  • 11am- Soaking in cancer rays on beach.
  • 2:30pm- Get into a fight with shoobies, FUCK 'EM UP!!
  • 4pm- Still on beach.
  • 7pm- Have a guy at the gas station pump your gas for you, again.
  • 8pm- Drive home.
  • 9pm- Watch the Sopranos.
  • 10pm- Yell at your neighbors very loudly.
  • 11:30pm- piss all over your house.

What The Locals Won't Tell You About New JerseyEdit

Parts of the state are not nuclear/toxic but rather rural. These zones are being encroached and absorbed by the cities of doom and destruction. There is no such thing as the Mafia.

External LinksEdit

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