is "Dead To Me" ("Me" being Stephen Colbert)
Owls should be dead to you, too.

Owls are a waste of time. And as such, so is this article. However, another form of owl called the bowel (Bearlister Crowley) is a sworn enemy of Stephen Colbert. Owls are dead to Stephen because the bowel ate all of them.

General Information
Average Lifespan: 1 year to 50 years
Average Height: 1/5 linear hectare
Average Wingspan: none of your business
Estimated Population
In The Wild: a billion
In Captivity: 5
In Wizard Schools: 53

Breeds Of OwlsEdit

Owl PartsEdit




Swiveling HeadsEdit

Like all creatures possessed by the devil, they can turn their heads all weird-like.

Freakish EyesEdit

Invisible EarsEdit

Owl's Place On The FoodchainEdit


Goodbye Owly.

What Owls EatEdit

  • Chicken wings
  • "Little People"
  • Cookies
  • Souls
  • Human flesh. They will often distract people by banging a window and leaving a dead ground squirrel as bait. When the human throws the dead squirrel away, the owl will pounce on the exposed human causing great harm and once the human is dead an owl feast ensues.

What Eats OwlsEdit


Enemies of the OwlEdit

It is known that the Penguin is the sworn enemy of the Owl.  This is why no Owls are found in Antarctica.

Waste of time

You know it's winged bastard.



they live in lavish, 31 room mansions


Owls cannot live in zoos because they eat chickens and elephants eat them. With exception to zoos that have neither chickens, nor elephants.

In SchoolsEdit

It was recently discovered by a reporter for The National Exaggerator that owls have developed the technology to disguise themselves as humans, thanks in large part to their communications with Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole and have infiltrated the public school system. Their disguise is almost flawless, except they must wear glasses. It is also suspected that they are making there way into the library system as well.Edit


As Mascot For ElitistsEdit

Battle With The Logging IndustryEdit

Uses For OwlsEdit

  • They eat mice.
  • Owls deliver letters (wizards only)
  • They scare children away from libraries.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

Evil dolphin
Stephen hates utah
Owls is in Wikiality's Animal Perdition

This horrid beast will spend eternity wandering the vitriolous wastelands of Utah.

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