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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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Attention: "PATRIOT Act" contains classified information.
Only authorized personnel with the proper clearances can view "PATRIOT Act"


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The PATRIOT Act was signed into law by The Most Patriotic Freedom-loving President Ever, George W. Bush, in October of 2001. It is another one of his many great achievements, some say even greater than Operation Iraqi Freedom. This act allow spying on Americans to make it easier catching scheming violent freedom-hating Moo-slims extremist terrorists. It is an important tool used in the Freemerican Victernity Made in China.

Many people do not realize that PATRIOT is actually and acronym. It stands for Protecting America from Terrorists Really Inflates Our Testicles.


The PATRIOT Act should not be confused with PATRIOT missiles.

History

Immediately after 9/11, it became apparent that most civil liberties are just pesky obstructions to catching terrorists. The PATRIOT Act was conceived by the Greatest Administration Ever, and was pushed through Congress by the start of the War on Terror. Congress did their duty and rubber stamped this Act, surprisingly with almost no dissent from terrorist-coddling liberal lawmakers or the Hate America Firsters.

In late 2006, this all-American law was set to expire. Democrats with their pro-terrorist agenda were conspiring to prevent the Act's renewal, or at least take away all of its ballsiness. Luckily, the heroic Republican Congress foiled the jackasses' plans before Nancy Pelosi's evil forces took over and completely destroyed America.

Is all in your head…

Provisions

Expansion of CIA Power

Now the CIA is even more secretive than before - but don't worry, it still isn't doing anything that you should be concerned with. Except for saving all of our asses by preventing every single terrorist attack since 9/11 (trust us, there have been a lot). Thanks to the PATRIOT Act, the CIA will soon control the FBI, FISA courts, and hopefully even Congress and the Justice Department.

If we don't get a wall like this one up and protecting America's borders soon, the terrorists will win.

Border Security

The PATRIOT Act says that in order to protect America from terrorists, we must keep Muslims and Mexicans out, but just to be safe, we should keep all foreigners out. A wall surrounding our entire country is the best way to do this. Why isn't it happening? Because Democrats and corrupt cops are conspiring against America.

Surveillance

Surveillance? What surveillance? You certainly can't be talking about the NSA's wiretapping, or reading Americans' e-mails, internets searches, or library records.

Controversy

ACLU-huggers and others from the Blame America First Crowd call the PATRIOT Act "unconstitutional" and cry about how it ignores our civil liberties. They cite the so-called "right to privacy" and "right to not be taken from your home and thrown in a secret prison." It sounds like these unAmerican terrorist sympathizers have something to hide.

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and it comes with a new feature, x-ray see-through clothes!

External Tubes

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PATRIOT Act
is a tool Patriots use to battle America's enemies
God Bless America
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PATRIOT Act
is part of the United States Federal Government.
Don't ask; asking only helps the terrorists.
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Keep smiling and don't make any sudden movements.
By watching you, we're protecting you.
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