Penguins: God’s gift to Humanity

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Delicious like turkey!
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~ Stephen Colbert
on penguins

The Glorious Leader of the Penguin Army, "The One"

A penguin is a waddling flip-flopper. Penguins are technically birds, but they refuse to fly. They are as loyal as dogs and swim as though they were fish, and are natural born assassins.

Stephen Colbert has alerted penguins that if they choose not pick what animal they are he will pick for them.

Fake Penguins

While penguins lead the fight against bears, the bears are trying to brain wash America's children into killing penguins. It is a known fact that penguins explode when exposed to warm weather. There is a movie that was recently in theatres about a surfing penguin. Inside sources say that bears are hoping penguins will be sold as pets and brought into warm weather to meet their deaths.

Gay Penguins

Laugh, damn you!

Gay penguins have very delicate sensibilities, are therefore the most easily offended of all penguins. They especially dislike the second best show on TV, The 1/2 Hour News Hour.

If FOX cannot straighten gay penguins up, a smokin' widow can!

Some penguins are into a lot more than gay sex[1]

The Penguin Army

An Army of One

Penguins were created by God to kill bears. Penguins are NOT a type of bird, and therefore should not be eaten. They are our friends. Do not eat, shoot, or feed the penguins. Worship them as if they served the Baby Jesus, because they do. Penguins are considered the second coolest species on the planet(first place firmly held by Dr. Colbert himself).

Legend has it that "The One" (a penguin) will fight against the forces of evil (the godless killing machines) during Armageddon. The Baby Jesus cannot succeed without his penguin army. Which is why The Greatest President Ever established secret military bases all over the world's zoos (they are actually training grounds for the penguin army).

A Penguin General inspecting the troops

Penguin's Habitat

Penguins live in the giant ice block we know as Antarctica in Mesopatamic like societies which they carved from the ice using their beaks at first. They then used ice picks made of stone which they found on the southern tip of Chile. The typical penguin home consist of an eating area and a sleeping area. they also have an area outside of there living complex that is used for recreation.

See Also

External Tubes

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Penguin is in Wikiality's Animal Perdition

This horrid beast will spend eternity wandering the vitriolous wastelands of Utah.