ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
God Touching Adam
you have been touched in a very special way.
God Touching Adam
The Word of God
Acceptable Flavors
of Christianity
Acceptable Holidays
God's Immortal Friends
God's Mortal Friends

A word describing the many ways one can accept Jesus as their savior, though some pagans like to use the term for nominating their satanist cults. Sometimes, 'religion' is also referred to as "church", such as in church & state. Some theologists define religion as a belief held by a certain group of people. Some of them argue that it is the only way for a society to keep from collapsing. It's proven that the society won't colapse as long as the society follows the Christian religion. Pagan countries such as North Korea, Iran, and Syria live in dystopia because they aren't Christians and are going to Hell. In general, it is encouraged that people follow whatever religion or faith they choose; there are infinite paths to Accepting Jesus Christ as Your Personal Lord and Savior.


Map showing who's going to heaven and who's going to Hell!

Recently, theologists have defined that there are only four religions in the world: Christians (the only true and real religion), Mormons, Pagans, and Atheists. These religions can be divided in two groups: "going to heaven" (Christians) and "going to Hell!" (pagans and atheists). Mormons have the right to go to haven, but they can take only one wife with them.

Acceptable Paths To Accept Jesus Christ As Your Personal Lord And SaviorEdit

So-Called "Religions"Edit

Membership in the following will certainly Condemn You to Hell:

Team Jesus Vs Team Mohammed (Vs Team Gaylord)Edit

Team Jesus:Edit

  • America has the biggest Jesus Fan Base: +1
  • Jesus has the largest merchandise deal since George Lucas: +1
  • Jesus recognizes all Christian denominations (yes, even Jehovah's Witnesses): -1 (sorry, no religion that accepts Jehovah Witnesses deserves a point)
  • Witch-hunts, inquisitions, the reformation: -1 (on their defense they were still a young and naive religion, with lingering cultish attachments, and a hostility toward anything pagan)

Team Mohammed:Edit

  • Islam is a very young religion ready to take over the world (and scare the sh#t out of white America): +1
  • Muhammed failed to get a merchandise deal so no likeness of him can be printed, just because Mohammed didn't want to be worshiped as a God: -1 (what a pussy)

(Team Gaylord):Edit

  • Religious Harmony: -1000 (gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

External TubesEdit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.