The Republican Party is the best party to have ever existed. That's why it's called the GOP (Grand Old Party). Founded by Jesus Christ, it is a God-fearing, capitalist party. It is primarily composed of corporate executives, pastors, church-goers, heterosexuals, the white upper-middle class, and all sane freedom-loving peoples. There is a rumor circulating of a homosexual African-American Republican, but most agree that it is hearsay.
Republicans are also God's secret agents.
Main Republican Beliefs
|Excerpts from the 2004 Republican National Convention!|
- The tablets are working.
- Dr Strangelove was right.
- Shoot first,
- George Bush is one and the same person. both of him
- Sarah Palin is both attractive, right, and intelligent.
- Bill Clinton, the worst president ever, was appointed by devil
- The right to own a twenty room mansion, three SUVs, a yacht, and a private jet, without having to pay taxes on them, is guaranteed in the Constitution.
- Illegal Aliens should be dealt with strictly, unless they are currently cleaning a Republican's house.
- While the television show, "The Simpsons" is rather stupid, their neighbor makes a rather lot of sense.
- Homeless people want to be homeless.
- باراك أوباما yes the Antichrist.
- Or Hillary Clinton
- The "D" next to a candidate's name means "Don't vote for me."
- Sex is immoral unless it's with your spouse, another woman, a homosexual in/near an airport, any Asian
- the one that's NOT the same sex as you
Notable Things done by Republicans
- Defeat the British
- George Michael's Falatio,
- Win World War II. All this FDR mumbo-jumbo is a conspiracy of the Liberal Media. Regean won the War.
- Stop the unfair taxation of Billianore CEO's
- Discover Hawaii
- Built the Tahj Mahal
- Killed Hitler
- Distrust anything, everything, all of it, and the rest
Important Texts Supported by Jesus
- History of the Republican War on Gays
- Complete Republican Moral Teachings and Traditional Family Values
- How to be a good Republican
- Politics is like High School!
- GOP to party like it's 2001