The Rick Santorum is a gay sexual act that has multiple definitions that we are not allowed to print according with Standards and Practices and our legal department (I imagine it has a lot to do with butt stuff). If you want to know more, just Google it.
Religous Views[edit | edit source]
Rick, being the faithful Christian that he is, morally opposes homosexuality and any kind of sexuality at all. On his wedding day instead of kissing the bride he gave her a nice firm handshake like all good Christian men do.
The Politician[edit | edit source]
Rick Santorum (named after a sexual gay act) was a Senator from Pennsylvania, but he actually lived in Virginia. To be fair, he did own a house in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania, but it was devoid of furniture or curtains. 
Senator Santorum, his wife, and their six children could have lived in the 2 bedroom house in Pennsylvania. It's possible. They just had another house in Virginia for convenience.
Pennsylvania taxpayers loved him so much, they paid for the education of his children,  even though he didn't live there. When he showed up every six years to campaign, Pennsylvanians gave him a standing ovation wherever he went,
except when they booed him and chanted "BOO more years!" Boo is Pennsylvanian Dutch for "six". 
He protected dogs and children from gay men. He also protected Americans from Liberal Privacy rights. You should have voted for Santorum in 2006, even if you didn't live in Pennsylvania. He didn't live in Pennsylvania and he voted for himself; so why didn't you? You let him down. Shame on you. For that you should be sent to Hell, which in Pennsylvania is that one really, REALLY crappy neighborhood in Pittsburgh. You know the one I'm talking about; the one that THEY won't even drive through.
Santorum Quotes[edit | edit source]
- "As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It's being drawn to Iraq. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the eye to come back to the United States." - Rick Santorum, October 17, 2006
- "My colleague Senator John Ensign of Nevada told me a story that epitomizes the selfishness of our culture: 'When I was a teenager, I had a sticker in my car with a picture of a bear scratching himself on the tree, and under it was the saying, "If it feels good, do it!"' That was the motto of the '60s and the '70s, and certainly it is the motto today. The image of the bear scratching himself highlights a view of human beings as animals, and that people should do what pleases them at the moment without a thought to the broader long-term consequences of their actions." –Rick Santorum, Heritage Foundation Lecture #804
- "[The] right to privacy...doesn't exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution." –Rick Santorum on the right to privacy
- "The notion that college education is a cost-effective way to help poor, low-skill unmarried mothers with high school diplomas or GED's move up the economic ladder is just wrong."
- "The idea is that the state doesn't have rights to limit individuals' wants and passions. I disagree with that. I think we absolutely have rights because there are consequences to letting people live out whatever wants or passions they desire."
- "Priests, like all of us, are affected by culture. When the culture is sick, every element in it becomes infected. While it is no excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm."
- "If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything.
- "It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife."
- "In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
- "The definition of liberty as our founders understood it, was freedom with responsibility and we've sort of lost that edge. We have a whole society - you've heard the "me" generation - if it feels good do it - just do it, it's an entire culture that's focused on immediate gratification and the pursuit of happiness and personal pleasure and it's harming America."
2006 Election[edit | edit source]
With 98% of the vote, Rick Santorum was suddenly Raptured up into Heaven. Unfortunately, his Democratic challenger won by default. Sources close to the new Senator of Heaven say that he is very happy in his new position administrating Heaven, and report that he finds it to look very similar to the American South up there.
2011 Election[edit | edit source]
Pledge to Bring Back Slavery, Baby![edit | edit source]
Everyone knows that black people haz it hard and their lives are aimless and hopeless, back in the day when America had slavery, black people had it made for them: Free housing, free meals, free edjukashun...
free labor etc. Which is why Rick Santorum will not rest until we bring back slavery to save the black people's families and sell their black babies to Real Americans who will save them from liberal brainwashing.
See Also[edit | edit source]
External Tubes[edit | edit source]
- Rick Santorum provides evidence that Obama will bow to his mooslim masters once he destroys America
- Rick Santorum: How Bush made us all rich
- Rick Santorum declares he is the real voice of the Tea Bagging
- Santorum to defend Marriage for the Rich
- The New Enhanced Interrogation Technique: The Santorum
- Rick Sanctorum saves another fetus
- Rick Santorum discovers that Welfare Queens wasting good money on cell phones.
- Rick Santorum wants Americans to have the freedumb to be dumb
- Supporters Shower Santorum with C.U.M.
- Rick Santorum tired that sick people need more money to buy their "drugs". Get a job sick people!