Robert Novak agrees with Rush,
One people, one empire, one leader!
Robert Novak
is a Beautiful Republican
God Bless America
Robert Novak
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!


According to The Daily Show's Jon Stewart, Robert "Douchebag" Novak.

Robert Novak is a moderate columist.

Jon Stewart referred to Novak as a Douchebag of Liberty. This is a bit extreme and Stewart really should apologize to him the way he did to Geraldo.

Novak also needs to apologize, but not to Stewart. He has yet to apologize to Dr. Stephen Colbert for calling his show a waste of television space. Dr. Colbert was deeply hurt by his opinion and doesn't understand why Mr. Novak would say such a thing.

The visage of Novak is so scary and horrifying it has become the template for many gargoyles that sit atop Halliburton buildings, and it got him an acting role in 300. While some have claimed he is the first male gorgon, others have speculated a darker story to his genesis involving a black mass, velveeta, and Ann Coulter's jockstrap.

Besides sucking the blood out of freshly killed young puppies, Novak enjoys leaking information that tweaks liberals noses. Sometimes that information outs CIA agents to advance freedom, democracy, and the liberation of countries favored by the Bush Administration. Other times, it just gets the liberals in a slap fight.

Death ThreatsEdit

In July of 2008, while minding his own business and driving down K Street in America's capitol, Mr. Novak was accosted by a liberal.

In what witnesses can only describe as "harrowing" Mr. Novak was able to escape unharmed.

Fun FactsEdit


He cannot be jailed when he is in his "bat" form.

A Legend Passes AwayEdit

On August 18, 2009 Robert Novak was spirited away to Hell Heaven. Before he departed he uttered these few words to be etched in the pages of history, "To Hell with you and To Hell with Joe Wilson's Wife!!"


The Hippie Libural Series of Tubes celebrates

Robert Novak
Was an Enemy of Satan and a Pinnacle of Freedom here on earth.
Sadly, Robert Novak has moved to The Baby Jesus's Secret Island Home
in Heaven to continue the fight by his side. Be scared Satan!

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.