Despite what you may have heard
Roy Cohn
Is totally not gay!
Roy Cohn
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!
Dead bear.jpg
Roy Cohn
is a member of the Bear Hunters of America.
Be Scared, Bears.

Mr. Cohen faces to address the adoring press.

Roy Cohn was a lawyer and true American hero who persecuted suspected communists, bear sympathisers, and gays, often working straight from the gut instead of relying on pesky facts from laborious research and investigation. He was so revered by Billy Joel that he name-drops him in the 1980s song "We Didn't Start the Fire".

He and Joseph McCarthy destroyed America's enemies with the House Committee on UnAmerican Activities, a Congressional subset of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. Cohn had many friends in Washington, but none closer than G. David Schine, a young, handsome, single man with whom Cohn often went camping.

He was no friend to the liberal media, however, and they eventually ruined him. They stuck their cameras into one of his off-the-record hearings, not content to simply take his word that he wasn't abusing his power to get Schine exempted from the Draft.

Cohn later went on to represent such patriots as Donald Trump and the Chicago Mob.

The life-long bachelor supposedly died of AIDS at age 59 in 1986, but he preferred to rely on his gut feeling that it was really liver cancer.


Bears a striking resemblance to James Woods and Al Pacino.

Roy Cohn
Was an Enemy of Satan and a Pinnacle of Freedom here on earth.
Sadly, Roy Cohn has moved to The Baby Jesus's Secret Island Home
in Heaven to continue the fight by his side. Be scared Satan!
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