Sheriff Joe Arpaio
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
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Despite what you may have heard
Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Is totally not racist!

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (aka Sledge Hammer)

Joe Arpaio, Americas toughest Sheriff, is the sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona.

April 20, 2009 NailingEdit

  • known as America's toughest sheriff, but can he teach Opie to be a man?
  • Dr. Colbert has respect for any man who wears a .45 caliber tie clip
    • might be loaded
  • famous for not taking any guff from his prisoners
    • instituted chain gangs for both male and female prisoners
    • makes them wear pink underwear (so they don't steal them and resell them)
    • banned smoking, coffee, movies, pornography, unrestricted TV
    • feed the inmates twice a day with meals costing no more than 15 and 20 cents
    • has a posse of 3,000
  • knowing all of this, Dr. Colbert asks why there are people outside picketing The Eagle's Nest?
    • people were chanting things about Joe The Sheriff
      • many things rhyme with Arpaio
  • he has been accused of abusing his power
  • focuses to much on illegal immigration
    • to the detriment of other law enforcement
  • Joe the Sheriff says they're liars and their accusations are a cop out
    • and that he locks up everybody who commits a crime
      • which is why Dr. Colbert has him on the show tonight (he doesn't trust some in his Mob)
  • he doesn't profile
    • he can discern people are Hispanicness without using his eyeballs
  • he won't show his ID to Stephen
    • his parents came to America illegally from Italy
  • has 160 deputies
    • received 5 weeks of trained by federal government agencies (ICE, Immigration and Customs)
    • any person committing a crime they come across they pursue immigration status as well (according to their "training")
  • Dr. Colbert asks Joe The Sheriff what behavior he would have to exhibit in order to be suspected of being an illegal immigrant
    • Joe The Sheriff lists a few:
      • speeding
      • cracked window
      • DUI
    • doesn't ask suspects for ID unless they're already committed a crime
  • he doesn't just throw people in jail without also asking for ID
    • he took an oath to enforce all laws and abide by the Constitution
    • he follows all the laws including Habeas Corpus
  • Joe The Sheriff favors a border wall
    • Stephen wants one with a flaming pit of alligators as well
    • Mexico may have ladder technology
  • was regional director of Mexico
  • still won't show his I.D.
    • is carrying a weapon--which might be loaded--giving Sheriff Stephen probable cause to take him in
  • Dr. Colbert suggests the wall be made out of jails
    • when they try to jump over, they fall right in, and you lock the door

Joe Arpaio Glorious AchivementsEdit

Maricopa County Sheriff's employee takes documents from defense attorney

Maricopa County Sheriff's employee takes documents from defense attorney

Joe Arpaio’s office rescues a document
from an evil lawyer

External TubesEdit

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