Simon Schama
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process

Art is Dr. Colbert

July 23, 2007 NailingEdit


Caravaggio's self-portrait

has a speech impediment

his show is named after himself

most artists are assholes

dangerous individuals

who needs art?

the market will say what is beautiful

they appraise the Stephen's Portrait

Caravaggio--so much black and unused space

Thomas Kincaide

his show is not art, it is craft (not crap)

June 22, 2009 NailingEdit


  • Stephen will skip ahead to the chapter where he is crowned pope!
  • extremely provocative title
  • in the future we will write histories ahead of time
  • Stephen knows who the Romans are
  • why look to the past?
    • the past is full of mistakes, best to leave it there
  • Thomas Jefferson
  • one thing Stephen likes about the past
    • transfer evil of Hitler to Saddam
  • he won't admit if he likes Hitler
    • he is British and Jewish
  • admits America has:
    • a great history
    • the greatest history?
  • Stephen sings America's anthem everyday
  • studied many revolutions
    • what's going in Iran is a revolution
    • predicts it will be more like the French Revolution
      • it will be ugly, bloody and heads will roll
  • men should have the freedom to worship the Jesus of his choice
  • we are running out of stuff
    • like water
    • golf will end
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